john 07 Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 Met a girl a few months ago (We are both 27) and asked her out early last month. We have been seeing each other every weekend for the past 5-6weeks. We call, text, hold hands, kiss and also get intimate. I finally asked her to be my GF and she asked me if she can have some time to think about it (I agreed). Says she likes me but bring up that she doesn’t see a future because I will be going back to my home country weather it maybe 3yrs or 10 yrs from now. I told her if she doesn’t feel the same way to be comfortable to say NO. I just thought she would say yes because she showed so much affection towards me. I guess I also feel confused. I always thought when a girl asks for time to think it’s a nice way of saying NO. I could be wrong. What do you guys think?
Author john 07 Posted August 20, 2012 Author Posted August 20, 2012 Seems to be like you have a Friends with Benefits thing going on, with benefits going way past the sexual aspect. Is she seeing other men ? She said shes not seeing anyone. Her friend also told me this as well but who knows....Her friend was the one who somewhat encouraged me to ask her to be my GF...
Greznog Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 When dealing with women anything but a clear yes = no. Anything short of an unambiguous yes is their way of avoiding conflict by being "nice". 2
simpsonic Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 It is possible to be exclusive with someone without wanting the title, which may be the case with this girl.
chphan Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 Met a girl a few months ago (We are both 27) and asked her out early last month. We have been seeing each other every weekend for the past 5-6weeks. We call, text, hold hands, kiss and also get intimate. I finally asked her to be my GF and she asked me if she can have some time to think about it (I agreed). Says she likes me but bring up that she doesn’t see a future because I will be going back to my home country weather it maybe 3yrs or 10 yrs from now. I told her if she doesn’t feel the same way to be comfortable to say NO. I just thought she would say yes because she showed so much affection towards me. I guess I also feel confused. I always thought when a girl asks for time to think it’s a nice way of saying NO. I could be wrong. What do you guys think? Sorry man but the truth is she isn't interested in being your GF regardless of how you feel and want. Doesn't matter if she's multi-dating or now. She's basically holding out for something better. She says she doesn't see a future with you so take that as a polite hint. You basically a FWB until she finds the one she wants as her BF and that guy ain't you. 1
runningfar Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 Met a girl a few months ago (We are both 27) and asked her out early last month. We have been seeing each other every weekend for the past 5-6weeks. We call, text, hold hands, kiss and also get intimate. I finally asked her to be my GF and she asked me if she can have some time to think about it (I agreed). Says she likes me but bring up that she doesn’t see a future because I will be going back to my home country weather it maybe 3yrs or 10 yrs from now. I told her if she doesn’t feel the same way to be comfortable to say NO. I just thought she would say yes because she showed so much affection towards me. I guess I also feel confused. I always thought when a girl asks for time to think it’s a nice way of saying NO. I could be wrong. What do you guys think? It could be a nice way of saying no but it could be she likes you and really needs to think. If she's looking for marriage and forever and knows that you intend on moving out of the country one day -- something she does not want - she might prefer to think now than be invested and "forced" into a decision by emotion.
spiderowl Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 Is she is concerned about you going back to your own country, she will hold herself back anyway. She will be wondering what point there is in committing herself. But it is also possible that she got involved because she knew it wouldn't last forever, so there wasn't as much commitment on her part from the beginning. Sometimes we like someone as a friend and lover but not enough to want to spend the rest of our lives with them.
thatone Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 Met a girl a few months ago (We are both 27) and asked her out early last month. We have been seeing each other every weekend for the past 5-6weeks. We call, text, hold hands, kiss and also get intimate. I finally asked her to be my GF and she asked me if she can have some time to think about it (I agreed). Says she likes me but bring up that she doesn’t see a future because I will be going back to my home country weather it maybe 3yrs or 10 yrs from now. I told her if she doesn’t feel the same way to be comfortable to say NO. I just thought she would say yes because she showed so much affection towards me. I guess I also feel confused. I always thought when a girl asks for time to think it’s a nice way of saying NO. I could be wrong. What do you guys think? you should've never brought it up. don't rock your own boat.
TheFinalWord Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 Met a girl a few months ago (We are both 27) and asked her out early last month. We have been seeing each other every weekend for the past 5-6weeks. We call, text, hold hands, kiss and also get intimate. I finally asked her to be my GF and she asked me if she can have some time to think about it (I agreed). Says she likes me but bring up that she doesn’t see a future because I will be going back to my home country weather it maybe 3yrs or 10 yrs from now. I told her if she doesn’t feel the same way to be comfortable to say NO. I just thought she would say yes because she showed so much affection towards me. I guess I also feel confused. I always thought when a girl asks for time to think it’s a nice way of saying NO. I could be wrong. What do you guys think? I have a had a girl say "Let me think about it"...and said "yes" the next day. So, don't blame her, take leadership...women are not always as straightforward. But this woman made it easy for you... She was looking for you to affirm to her that you will be around in the future. You should have done something about that. Women expect men to lead (not be a dictator, but a comforting leader; often mistakenly labeled as "confidence"). Don't dismiss her fear or play nice guy by putting it back on her: Well I asked and she didn't give a clear answer! Yes you asked, when she raised a concern, you did nothing to address her fear from what I can see. If you were at work and the boss said "Would you like a promotion?" And you replied, "I'm not sure my training fits that job"...should the boss say "Well I asked and he didn't want it"; no the boss, if they want you will say, "Don't worry, we'll get you the training. I think you have what it takes" Leadership. I won't tell you what to do, b/c it's your life and I haven't got a clue about it But here is what you should ask yourself: "Do I want her as my girlfriend?" and if so, she already gave you her main barrier..."How can I address her concerns?" Then lead the way. If you address her concern and she is playing hard to get, then you know. But you can't leave her fears hanging and expect a miracle. You gotta take the lead my friend
Author john 07 Posted August 20, 2012 Author Posted August 20, 2012 I have a had a girl say "Let me think about it"...and said "yes" the next day. So, don't blame her, take leadership...women are not always as straightforward. But this woman made it easy for you... She was looking for you to affirm to her that you will be around in the future. You should have done something about that. Women expect men to lead (not be a dictator, but a comforting leader; often mistakenly labeled as "confidence"). Don't dismiss her fear or play nice guy by putting it back on her: Well I asked and she didn't give a clear answer! Yes you asked, when she raised a concern, you did nothing to address her fear from what I can see. If you were at work and the boss said "Would you like a promotion?" And you replied, "I'm not sure my training fits that job"...should the boss say "Well I asked and he didn't want it"; no the boss, if they want you will say, "Don't worry, we'll get you the training. I think you have what it takes" Leadership. I won't tell you what to do, b/c it's your life and I haven't got a clue about it But here is what you should ask yourself: "Do I want her as my girlfriend?" and if so, she already gave you her main barrier..."How can I address her concerns?" Then lead the way. If you address her concern and she is playing hard to get, then you know. But you can't leave her fears hanging and expect a miracle. You gotta take the lead my friend First I want to say thanks for everyones input! I really do like this girl and havent felt like this for another person in YEARS. I told her i dont see myself going anywhere in the next 3-4 years or even longer if my job is secure. I just feel that all I can do is wait. What is a reasonable time frame to wait for an answer. Also, should I still contact her and go on dates with her as I normaly did for the past couple months or should I not contact her and give her the space and to think things over??
TheFinalWord Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 (edited) First I want to say thanks for everyones input! I really do like this girl and havent felt like this for another person in YEARS. I told her i dont see myself going anywhere in the next 3-4 years or even longer if my job is secure. I just feel that all I can do is wait. What is a reasonable time frame to wait for an answer. Also, should I still contact her and go on dates with her as I normaly did for the past couple months or should I not contact her and give her the space and to think things over?? Hello, Well, maybe try asking what would make her feel secure? You as the man have to create the vision of the relationship then she has to see herself as part of it. It's why a man does the proposing or in this case asking her to be your committed GF..."hey here's where I'm going in life, will you be a part of it?" To do that she has to want that same vision. If you don't have the same vision, you'll be going different directions. I think in your case you have to be more clear in what you want b/c she has this lingering fear you won't be around for the long haul. If after you try your best to give her a vision of your relationship and she acts indecisive then you know. Before a committed relationship that is all a man can offer "here are my plans and here's why I want you to be part of it". You don't have lay out a 5 point plan per say, its more of the leadership you exhibit and her belief in you as a leader. It's also alignment; you can be the ultimate leader but if she just does not want to be part of your vision then you have to let her go; she wasn't the one for you and leave it at that. At some point faith has to come into the picture. No one has 100% certainty about the future, but her intuition will tell her if she can have faith in your assurance of the relationship and the vision you create. If she is not feeling it after the vision you offer I think AlexCross' advice applies. Edited August 20, 2012 by TheFinalWord
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