The Way I Am Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 Whew. I'm so glad for pteromom. I couldn't believe what I was reading until she stepped in and said exactly what I was thinking. red, there's nothing wrong with what you did. I'm of the same mindset as you in that the last few days would be more important than the weekend. It seems much more romantic to me to spend your last days together than the 5th and 6th day before you leave. I just don't see any specialness that goes with the weekend. If he had told you the weekend was important to him and you still went out with your friends, THEN that would be wrong and would show a lack of interest or respect on your part. He had a responsibility to communicate that he felt the weekend was important. He should not have said it was okay if it wasn't. The way he dealt with this leads me to think you're right to break it off, because an LDR will require much better communication than what he's displayed here. 1
Author red.velvet Posted August 21, 2012 Author Posted August 21, 2012 I think there are three key issues here that people seem to be missing: 1. He did not even make any plans for them for the weekend 2. He shrugged it off when she told him her friends had asked her out, and told her he didn't mind when he actually did 3. Even after the fact, instead of straight-up telling her that he actually DID mind, he went the passive-aggressive route and started ignoring her instead I get that he is unhappy that she'd gone off with her friends on the last weekend they had together, but frankly he did absolutely nothing to communicate his needs to her. She is not expected to read minds. Some people would not have minded. He did. He should have told her. I would have been unhappy had I been in his position, but the difference is that I would have acted differently on all three points; I would have told him that I had wanted to spend the weekend with him and it was important to me. Had her bf done so, I doubt things would have turned out the way they did. I agree with TheFinalWord, though - this relationship really doesn't seem like it's made for a LDR. LDRs, like illness and poverty, are trial-by-fire for relationships. Those with weak foundations are mercilessly culled; and even some of the strong fall. Perhaps it is better that you find this out right away, OP, instead of going through a long period of long distance before it falls. Thank you!! The guy never really told me what he wanted. After thinking it through, we are not fit to be in a LDR.
Author red.velvet Posted August 21, 2012 Author Posted August 21, 2012 After talking about it, he told me that he got extremely upset that I didnt spend the weekend with him because apparently, the last two days I had before I left he had planned to go visit his parents, so we wouldnt get the last four days together, but just two. The thing is, he didnt tell me about his plans to go see his parents either. I had no way of knowing. 1
Emilia Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 After talking about it, he told me that he got extremely upset that I didnt spend the weekend with him because apparently, the last two days I had before I left he had planned to go visit his parents, so we wouldnt get the last four days together, but just two. The thing is, he didnt tell me about his plans to go see his parents either. I had no way of knowing. Ok. Maybe it's time to find someone who is less petulant and more mature
Els Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 You are very well spoken. I agree with your post for the most part. It was not cool that he was passive aggressive. But maybe he did have something planned and he didnt follow through with it. I get she shouldnt be a mind reader, but they should be on the same page. The mere fact that she would want to spend time with her friends rather then him on their last weekend is what irks me. This relationship has so much wrong with it. Why, thank you. It would irk me too, but everyone is different. There is no way to get around that without communicating. After talking about it, he told me that he got extremely upset that I didnt spend the weekend with him because apparently, the last two days I had before I left he had planned to go visit his parents, so we wouldnt get the last four days together, but just two. The thing is, he didnt tell me about his plans to go see his parents either. I had no way of knowing. Urgh. Really, really bad communication. Not necessarily a death knell in itself, this, but you both gotta work on this heaps if you want to pull through. If he's willing to work on it and improve, it could be worth a shot, but the effort needs to be from both sides.
pteromom Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 After talking about it, he told me that he got extremely upset that I didnt spend the weekend with him because apparently, the last two days I had before I left he had planned to go visit his parents, so we wouldnt get the last four days together, but just two. The thing is, he didnt tell me about his plans to go see his parents either. I had no way of knowing. I am curious what the posters who were so mad about you not spending the weekend with your boyfriend think about this extra info. So now he has blown off his gf for his parents... does this make you as angry as OP blowing off her bf for her friends? red.velvet - you did nothing wrong here. What I hope you take away from this relationship is that communication is very important. Understanding your partner and where they are coming from is very important. If you learn that lesson for your next relationship, I think this one has served you well and you can walk away guilt-free. 1
Lonely Ronin Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 I am curious what the posters who were so mad about you not spending the weekend with your boyfriend think about this extra info. So now he has blown off his gf for his parents... does this make you as angry as OP blowing off her bf for her friends? To me, it says neither one of them should be dating. He can't communicate properly, and she has no understanding of her feelings (postpone a year long trip one day, ready to break up with him the next).
Author red.velvet Posted August 21, 2012 Author Posted August 21, 2012 To me, it says neither one of them should be dating. He can't communicate properly, and she has no understanding of her feelings (postpone a year long trip one day, ready to break up with him the next). I understand my feelings, I love him and that's why I postponed the trip, I felt really bad that what I did hurt him like it did. I'm ready to breakup with him because I'm leaving and we are seriously not fit for a LDR, it will just be really frustrating for us both. I have no regrets though, just lessons learnt. 1
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