Thatguy80 Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 Hey all! This is kinda long, but I hope some people will bare with me so I can get some advice! So I've run into something I'm not used to. I've taken this girl out 3 times now and she seems to be opening up some but is really shy when it comes to anything physical. There are some things I really do like about her and would like to see where it goes but the shy part makes me second-guess myself on everything. Hopefully there's a guy here that's run into the same sort of situation or a girl that's the same type as this girl is that can shed some insight on how I should proceed with this. So the first date, I was actually ready to leave about half-way through because she seemed so nervous and quiet. We ended up going to a different venue and she opened up some and peaked my interest enough to ask her out again - which she accepted. The 2nd date went a lot better, it seems like if we're doing something she's really quiet and reserved, but when we sit down and talk she really starts to open up. When I went to kiss her, she gave me a hug. She then told me that she's really inexperienced with dating and shy. She did kiss me after that. We made plans for the next weekend. The 3rd date we spent the day together. She proceeded to tell me a long story about her dating life (she brought it up). She's basically never really dated, even though she's in her late 20's and attractive. So when I dropped her off, I went for the kiss and got the cheek. I laughed and told her that we probably should not see each other again. I said "I don't want to see anyone that's not really into me because that's not fair to either of us." She said that's not it at all, and that she's just shy and warms up slowly. I teased her by acting like we'll just shake hands instead which she got a little testy about and said "Don't be rediculous." I just ended up grabbing her and kissing her anyways to which she kissed me back. I'm a very straightforward type of guy. I want to believe her, I really do. In my past experiences though, if a girl is hesitant about the physical, then she just does not really feel it. I've learned to always watch a woman's actions, not her words. But I'm not sure if this is 100% correct, just usually. Should I even bother with her anymore? Any ideas for a good venue that might help me open her up more? A few things that I've noticed: She seems to love spending time with me and wants me to lead. She has an issue with prolonged eye-contact. She gets embarrased very easily. She's never initiated any sort of touching. Thanks!
chphan Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 Hmm base on what you said, she seem to be honest and open up front about things. Not sure why you are second guessing her about having lack of experience and stuff. No reason to be since she pretty much clearly state she doesn't date much and stuff. The only problem here is "YOU". You seem to lack the patience to take things slow with this person and to date a shy person. Every girl is different. If you can't adjust to this girl than move on. It's as simple as that. There are shy girl and there are shy guys. It seem pretty clear to me base on this topic that you not able to handle an inexperience girl. Just as some girls don't want to handle an inexperience guy. There's no need to second guess her motives. She's been on 3 dates with you. If a girl wasn't interested than she wouldn't have wasted 3 dates with you. Plain and simple. Just seem like you don't want to do any work here just as the same reason why some girls don't want to date inexperience guys. They don't want to do the work. The problem is "YOU". If you don't want her than give her to me. LOL.
Pompom Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 Reading this, I first thought I knew you, because that girl sounds a lot like me and a guy who also told me he thought I was uncomfortable with him. And my stiffness might have ruined it all. Look, she sounds like a shy but interested person who is possibly despairing at the thought that she seems disinterested for her shyness. Personally I need a straightforward, dominant guy to take the lead, and way more than 2 or 3 dates before I feel comfortable initiating contact, but that doesn't mean I'm not interested. Being shy is like being tied to a chair. You want to move, but something stops you. Make it clear to her that you can appreciate her interest in you even if she has trouble showing it. Knowing you'll be able to see through her shy behavior and being able to "catch" her when she trips over it, will help her loosen up. This is why I can't date shy or "considerate" guys. I need someone to move in aggressively because I don't manage to come out of my shell otherwise. 1
Author Thatguy80 Posted August 19, 2012 Author Posted August 19, 2012 I think both of you are correct. It's not so much that I'm not willing to deal with an inexperienced girl, it's just that I'm not used to it. I'm used to straightforward women. Thinking back, I don't think I've ever dated a shy girl before. I guess it's just a barrier that I'm going to have to work through. I've seen a side of her that I really like and would like to not have the awkward shy parts (which cause long silent moments sometimes).. Just her giving me the cheek when I went to kiss her the last time really bothered me. I just don't see how even shyness could cause that. I've always chalked that up to being "Thanks, but no thanks.." 1
Pompom Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 That cheek thing might be a learned reaction. Maybe she used to do that when she really didn't want a kiss on the mouth, or maybe she has up until now only kissed friends, and only on the cheek. I also shied away the first time a girl wanted to kiss my cheek as I was not used to that sort of interaction. Today I leaned in first, so these things can be learned and unlearned
soulm8 Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 (edited) Just her giving me the cheek when I went to kiss her the last time really bothered me. I just don't see how even shyness could cause that. I've always chalked that up to being "Thanks, but no thanks.." I may be an exception, but if I don't want to be kissed, I don't offer my cheek to be "nice". She's shy and is following stupid rules as a guide because she's figuring out your intentions with her... How did she react to the actual kiss? (good on you for going for it!) She needs you to lead her... if she's like me. She kissed you back - see! She's following your lead. She's warming up to you Edited August 19, 2012 by soulm8
Author Thatguy80 Posted August 19, 2012 Author Posted August 19, 2012 I may be an exception, but if I don't want to be kissed, I don't offer my cheek to be "nice". She's shy and is following stupid rules as a guide because she's figuring out your intentions with her... How did she react to the actual kiss? (good on you for going for it!) She needs you to lead her... if she's like me. She kissed you back - see! She's following your lead. She's warming up to you Haha. Well yeah I'm pretty to the point and go after what I want. I do love leading and feel it is the man's job. Well, the second date, when I kissed her she did not kiss me back and then apologized for being shy. So I kissed her again and she kissed me back that time. The 3rd date, she did kiss me back.. so who knows. She is a people-pleaser personality, so she could just be going with it..
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