Meg717 Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 1. Last night I went on a date with a guy that looked a lot like my ex, is it bad that this is a turn off? Would this be a deal breaker for some of you? 2. I know the number 1 rule of dating is to not discuss your ex(es), however, I feel sometimes it's important, like in my case.. I was engaged to my ex, we had planned on having a mini wedding ceremony/lunch for family Sept 1, 2012 (as in 2 weeks lol). I would think a guy would want to know this information. How soon should you tell someone this or is something that can wait?
soccerrprp Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 1. Last night I went on a date with a guy that looked a lot like my ex, is it bad that this is a turn off? Would this be a deal breaker for some of you? 2. I know the number 1 rule of dating is to not discuss your ex(es), however, I feel sometimes it's important, like in my case.. I was engaged to my ex, we had planned on having a mini wedding ceremony/lunch for family Sept 1, 2012 (as in 2 weeks lol). I would think a guy would want to know this information. How soon should you tell someone this or is something that can wait? I know that I would be a little distracted if I went on a date that I was so close to. It wouldn't be a deal breaker, though. When did you break up with your ex? Has there been enough time since for you to get back to dating? Honestly, if I were the guy, I would want to know ASAP. I would like to be able to assess what mental state you are in and decide whether and how I should proceed with someone who has recently been engaged, ended the relationship and if this is not potential for a rebound situation...
snug.bunny Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 1. Last night I went on a date with a guy that looked a lot like my ex, is it bad that this is a turn off? Would this be a deal breaker for some of you? 2. I know the number 1 rule of dating is to not discuss your ex(es), however, I feel sometimes it's important, like in my case.. I was engaged to my ex, we had planned on having a mini wedding ceremony/lunch for family Sept 1, 2012 (as in 2 weeks lol). I would think a guy would want to know this information. How soon should you tell someone this or is something that can wait? Number 1, yes it would be weird. Number 2, had you broken up a year or so ago, doesn't sound like something that needs to be discussed on a first date (unless you want to and/or if you feel there is a need to talk about it). You were to be married this September? That sounds quite recent/fresh...The important question to ask yourself, is, are you still emotionally connected/invested in your ex-fiance? If you are, I think the people you date have a right to know about it. I personally wouldn't be dating if I was still recovering from a serious relationship ending, but I realize everyone is different and handles things differently.
Author Meg717 Posted August 19, 2012 Author Posted August 19, 2012 Hmm Ok... yea the fact that they look so similar really throws me off... We broke up at the end of February... he broke up with me. I've been through the motions of a break up so I feel like I'm in a really good spot emotionally... soccerrprp - I agree that since it's still "fresh", I feel its important to say something.. it's only fair for him to decide what's best for him with the situation.
iris219 Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 1. I thought my ex was gorgeous, so I wouldn’t mind if my date looked like him. In fact, I hope my next date does resemble him! 2. If asked about my last relationship, I would say we had been engaged. There’s no reason to give a specific detail like the wedding date. 1
carhill Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 1. IMO, it's a canary that the previous engagement/betrothal hasn't yet been completely processed to a neutral state. His appearance, while presumably attractive (you were attracted enough to your ex to accept his marriage proposal), turned you off, which sounds contradictory, hence my observation. 2. If you can remember such events with such finite specificity after breaking up six months ago, I'd want to know such information immediately, reflective of my relationship style. Otherwise, generally, sometimes it's healthy for a woman's heart to be a deep ocean of secrets, as long as her behavior in the moment is authentic.
FitChick Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 We all have certain types we are attracted to. While it may be disconcerting initially to be with him because of the resemblance, as you get to know him he will not be like your ex personality wise. So you will be attracted but will like him or not based on his personality and behavior toward you. It seems silly to dismiss someone because of something he can't help -- his similarity to your ex. I wouldn't mention the engagement unless he asks. Then say, "Everything happens for a reason. We obviously were not meant to be together so I can accept that there is someone better for me." 1
Author Meg717 Posted August 19, 2012 Author Posted August 19, 2012 (edited) 1. IMO, it's a canary that the previous engagement/betrothal hasn't yet been completely processed to a neutral state. His appearance, while presumably attractive (you were attracted enough to your ex to accept his marriage proposal), turned you off, which sounds contradictory, hence my observation. 2. If you can remember such events with such finite specificity after breaking up six months ago, I'd want to know such information immediately, reflective of my relationship style. Otherwise, generally, sometimes it's healthy for a woman's heart to be a deep ocean of secrets, as long as her behavior in the moment is authentic. I'm attracted to him, I just feel like by dating a guy that look likes my ex, it appears I'm not over him...Although, his pics online looked NOTHING like my ex but once I met him in person I saw the resemblance.. So for the people who feel I should tell him (or future guys)... what's the best way to bring it up? Fitchick: you're absolutely right... just bc he looks like him means nothing based on personality...I'm going to go out with him again, if he asks... Edited August 19, 2012 by Meg717
carhill Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 As Sept 1 is a Saturday, suppose he asks you out for a nice evening on that day. How will you handle that?
Author Meg717 Posted August 19, 2012 Author Posted August 19, 2012 As Sept 1 is a Saturday, suppose he asks you out for a nice evening on that day. How will you handle that? Well as of right now, I have plans to hang out with some of my friends that day/weekend... I'm not sure how I'm going to be on that day. I'd like to think if for some reason that should change, I'd handle it well. I am not the type of person who cries or seems upset in public so he would never know something was bothering me...
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