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Women, how often do men try to kiss you during or at the end of your first date?

mesmerized

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mesmerized Established Member

mesmerized

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About asking for a kiss, I have read mixed responses, some women say just go in for it and make the first move, and some say ask first. I guess it depends on the type of girl ? I would want her to feel comfortable, so I would ask. Is asking a turn off ? In a very polite tactful way?

 

Not to me. I've had men asking me and I prefer it to just going for it when there is no build up.

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mesmerized Established Member

mesmerized

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Generally, historically, if I'm attracted to a woman, she'll know in three different ways: one, I've asked her on a date. Two, my body language will focus on her and be open and inviting. Three, I will physically embrace her in a polite yet non-'friendly' manner, different from how I embrace a friend, both with content and length of embrace. If this happens on the first date, how would that match up with your perspective offered for discussion?

 

I think that's pretty good. I don't need a man to make out with me to know he is physically interested in me. I can tell just by the way he checks me out. And almost no guy would want a second date if he doesn't find the girl attractive.

snug.bunny Established Member

snug.bunny

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About asking for a kiss, I have read mixed responses, some women say just go in for it and make the first move, and some say ask first. I guess it depends on the type of girl ? I would want her to feel comfortable, so I would ask. Is asking a turn off ? In a very polite tactful way?

 

It was never a turn off to me when asked. I think it's a sweet gesture in itself, but certainly not something required. If/when things progress, you can always take on a bolder approach. Or, just let things happen naturally.

carhill Established Member

carhill

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Almost no guy would want a second date if he doesn't find the girl attractive.

 

I know, right? :D This seems so obvious but I can't tell you the number of incidents where, even though I'm 'traditional' in the dating sense, women wondered about my interest, markedly so in a couple of cases where they directly addressed the issue. Myself, I'm thinking 'I'm asking you out, planning the date and paying for it and you're wondering if I'm interested?' I can laugh about it now. It sure was confusing in the moment though.

 

From your other response, I presume you mean 'physical' as in the sexual sense, as examples grabbing your ass or touching your breasts or similar types of activity which are unmistakably sexual. If other, some clarification might be helpful.

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chphan Established Member

chphan

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I think if you want a kiss you have build up to it. You can't for example sit across the table from her for a couple of hours talking about politics and then expect to make out with her when saying goodbye. Unless she is very drunk, it wouldn't feel natural. It would feel forced and awkward. Too many guys make this mistake.

 

Pretty much this. It all depends on the situation and how it's set up. Sitting across the table and having dinner while talking to get to know each other isn't going to make things feel comfortable. Even a hug would feel awkward afterward.

It would be better if both of you are doing something fun that is laughing and allowing you to be playful with each other to help set up a kiss. You want it so both of you are at ease with each other so that might even be like a 2nd or 3rd date depending on what you are doing.

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snug.bunny Established Member

snug.bunny

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I think it differs from woman to woman.

 

Oh, most definitely. I also think it has to do with the attraction factor between two people. If a woman is already attracted to a man and he asks for a kiss, and that in itself turns her off, I'd question what her attraction to him was based on in the first place...

 

Some women want take charge men, but then again some women want chivalrous men. I can play both parts but it gets confusing. If I am having sex with a woman for the first time, I always ask if she is comfortable, just to make sure she is making the right decision. I have had it before where I have not ask and about 2 minutes into it I get the "I dont think we should be doing this" comment.

 

It's a delicate balance. I prefer a take charge man, moreso within the context of a relationship, being able to make decisions, etc. Between the sheets is nice too :p. But, when you are on a first date, if you come off as "too take charge" it may scare the girl off.

confused_woman1 Member

confused_woman1

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I'm not good with a first date kiss. There are other ways to show that you're into me without making me feel like you're just too physical at the outset. Don't get me wrong, I'm a very physical person and I need a physical element to a relationship, but only after the other stuff has been established first. From my experience, those are the relationships that last.

EasyHeart Established Member

EasyHeart

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I would never kiss a woman on a first date. (I guess the only reason I can think of that I might kiss her is if I was looking for a ONS, which I'm really not interested in at this point in my life.)

 

OTH, I always make sure that she desperately wants me to kiss her after the first date. Gotta give the poor girl something to look forward to. . . .

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mesmerized Established Member

mesmerized

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I would never kiss a woman on a first date. (I guess the only reason I can think of that I might kiss her is if I was looking for a ONS, which I'm really not interested in at this point in my life.)

 

OTH, I always make sure that she desperately wants me to kiss her after the first date. Gotta give the poor girl something to look forward to. . . .

 

Nice. I had the urge to kiss guys on first dates only three times or so. In one of them I initiated it, I could tell he wanted to but wasn't sure if he could do it or not.

 

Gotta love being a woman sometime. You don't have to try too hard reading body language or risk rejection if you really want to kiss a guy and the date is going well. :D

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ThaWholigan Established Member

ThaWholigan

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I would never kiss a woman on a first date. (I guess the only reason I can think of that I might kiss her is if I was looking for a ONS, which I'm really not interested in at this point in my life.)

 

OTH, I always make sure that she desperately wants me to kiss her after the first date. Gotta give the poor girl something to look forward to. . . .

You tease :laugh:

 

Didn't know Aries people did that :D

 

(actually, I did)

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Pompom Established Member

Pompom

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Uuuh the kissing usually starts halfway through, when the clothes come off. If not, it's a kiss on the cheek, which is common.

chphan Established Member

chphan

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It was never a turn off to me when asked. I think it's a sweet gesture in itself, but certainly not something required. If/when things progress, you can always take on a bolder approach. Or, just let things happen naturally.

 

That would be the second approach for me. In a joking manner and ask what she would think about a kiss. Make it in a fun way that she doesn't feel like being place in a spot that she has to say yes or no that is too serious but can answer in a joking way back.

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eleanorhurting Established Member

eleanorhurting

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I don't like kisses on the first date but I know many people do.

 

If it is a "date" as in someone I barely know who I am starting to get to know, then kissing them is weird. For me for a kiss to be good I need a build up. I need to know that I want to kiss this person and to think it through and do it when I feel completely comfortable with it.

 

I kissed my current boyfriend on our second date but we were friends before and we knew each other. We were dying to kiss when it finally happened!

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MrCastle Established Member

MrCastle

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I think just like women have their preferences and do's and dont's of dating, men have the same.

 

I base my decision on body language and that particular moment.

 

I don't think you can just set a standard where everytime, no matter the body language or how the date went, you go in for the kiss.

 

At the same time, though, if a girl rejected my kiss, she's done.

 

I'm not a "take it slow" kind of guy. Not when it comes to something as harmless as kissing. That's just me.

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chphan Established Member

chphan

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Another approach is when driving her home. This set up a possible good bye kiss.

 

You say your good bye in the car which sort of give you the opportunity to kiss her on the cheek or a quick lip kiss and let her get out of the car....

 

Or walk her to the door and try and kiss her there as a good bye. The problem with walking her to the door is that it does gives her the option to give you a hug instead of a kiss. It's too hard to give you a hug while both of you are inside the car so a quick kiss inside the car is the only real option.

 

Of course the problem with this is that you have no idea if the girl wants you to walk her to her door or not since each girl is different. I don't know what their overall preference is.

FitChick Established Member

FitChick

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Men, how would you treat a woman you were not attracted to? You would avoid contact, right? With a woman you are attracted to, you need to escalate contact judging her reaction to each step. During the date, which ideally should involve doing something besides sitting down and eating, touch her arm to emphasize a point, "Wait, listen to what happened next!" Does she pull away or let you leave your hand on her arm? If you are at a museum, for example, you can walk slightly ahead then go back for her, grabbing her hand, "Come look at this one." Continue holding her hand a few seconds longer than necessary, then let go. If she grabs your arm or hand then or a few minutes later, you know there is mutual interest.

 

As for the final goodbye, carhill got it right. A hug of the type you wouldn't give your granny. Holding her for a while longer, talking softly, "You smell so nice/your hair is so soft, etc." Putting your cheek against hers, then pulling back a bit. If she tilts her head up for a kiss or pulls you closer, go for it.

 

It's all a dance, really.

 

I personally would be turned off if a man asked to kiss me. He should know because I've done the things mentioned above to show I would be receptive.

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chphan Established Member

chphan

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Men, how would you treat a woman you were not attracted to? You would avoid contact, right? With a woman you are attracted to, you need to escalate contact judging her reaction to each step. During the date, which ideally should involve doing something besides sitting down and eating, touch her arm to emphasize a point, "Wait, listen to what happened next!" Does she pull away or let you leave your hand on her arm? If you are at a museum, for example, you can walk slightly ahead then go back for her, grabbing her hand, "Come look at this one." Continue holding her hand a few seconds longer than necessary, then let go. If she grabs your arm or hand then or a few minutes later, you know there is mutual interest.

 

As for the final goodbye, carhill got it right. A hug of the type you wouldn't give your granny. Holding her for a while longer, talking softly, "You smell so nice/your hair is so soft, etc." Putting your cheek against hers, then pulling back a bit. If she tilts her head up for a kiss or pulls you closer, go for it.

 

It's all a dance, really.

 

I personally would be turned off if a man asked to kiss me. He should know because I've done the things mentioned above to show I would be receptive.

 

Sure what you describe would fit the girls who are more confident of themselves, more experience in dating, and more flirty.

 

The touchy stuff on first date aren't going to work with ones who are shy, laid back, take it slow approach, and less experience. They take it as you coming on too strong & too quickly and will be turn off or make them feel uncomfortable.

Mind you we are talking about first date or first meeting here as the topic implies. The touchy stuff I wouldn't even try until the 2nd date.

EasyHeart Established Member

EasyHeart

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Men, how would you treat a woman you were not attracted to? You would avoid contact, right? With a woman you are attracted to, you need to escalate contact judging her reaction to each step. During the date, which ideally should involve doing something besides sitting down and eating, touch her arm to emphasize a point, "Wait, listen to what happened next!" Does she pull away or let you leave your hand on her arm? If you are at a museum, for example, you can walk slightly ahead then go back for her, grabbing her hand, "Come look at this one." Continue holding her hand a few seconds longer than necessary, then let go. If she grabs your arm or hand then or a few minutes later, you know there is mutual interest.

 

As for the final goodbye, carhill got it right. A hug of the type you wouldn't give your granny. Holding her for a while longer, talking softly, "You smell so nice/your hair is so soft, etc." Putting your cheek against hers, then pulling back a bit. If she tilts her head up for a kiss or pulls you closer, go for it.

 

It's all a dance, really.

 

I personally would be turned off if a man asked to kiss me. He should know because I've done the things mentioned above to show I would be receptive.

I prefer dinner dates, personally, mostly because I like to talk and I figure if two strangers can't talk for 3-4 hours, then there's no way we'll ever make it as a couple.

 

If all goes well, by the end of the night we'll both be leaning forward in our seats with our faces a few inches apart, slowly sharing a dessert and debating whether we should order more wine.

RedRobin Established Member

RedRobin

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Robin so lets say you get that date with a man who is a stranger, obviously you are anti kissing (not bashing you) would you wait for him to ask you out on a second date or would you call/text him up front and just let him know nicely there is no chemistry.

 

I'm not sure about your scenario... are you talking about a guy who went/asked for a kiss on the first date?

 

Regardless of kiss/no kiss, I tend to provide clear feedback about where I think things are headed or not headed.

 

If I like the guy, I will tell him clearly that I had a good time and hope to see him again soon... so even when I don't kiss him, there is no doubt about my interest. If the mood is appropriate.... a warm hug, big smile... "I had a great time"... then I will leave it up to him to ask for a second date.

 

If I don't like the guy or things were off... I would duck all physical contact and find a way to politely bring the date to a close.

 

If I had just an ok time, but I was on the fence about him, I'd still give him a hug. I'd wait to see what he did in subsequent conversations to see how I felt about him and whether I wanted to go on another date.

 

If any of the the above tries to go in for a kiss on the first date, he's knocked down to the next lower 'tier'... so, a guy I'm super enthusiastic about gets knocked down to 'just ok'. Guy who is just ok, gets knocked out of the running altogether. That's usually how it goes.

 

In no situation does going for the kiss bring a guy up a notch on the first date... for me.

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soulm8 Established Member

soulm8

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(and stares at my breasteses)

 

:lmao: love it!

chphan Established Member

chphan

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Just curious since we are talking about first kisses here are we talking about just a regular lip kiss with no tongue or we talking about some tongue interaction. LOL.

spiderowl Established Member

spiderowl

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It has happened two or three times in my dating life. Mostly I don't want someone to do that unless I find them very attractive. Usually, I'm not sure and just getting to know them. One guy kissed me and I wasn't sure about him, but after the kiss I knew I wanted more dates. We didn't last together but it was fun while it lasted.

 

I have subtly avoided being too close to guys I didn't want to kiss me. If you are on a date and the girls keeps a distance and is generally cool, does not flirt and keeps the subject away from anything other than friend topics, they are good signs that a kiss would be an intrusion.

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runningfar Established Member

runningfar

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And men, how often do you try to kiss a girl or be physical with her on a first date?

 

 

I don't have a lot of experience dating, but is a single kiss at the end of a first date bad???

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mesmerized Established Member

mesmerized

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I don't have a lot of experience dating, but is a single kiss at the end of a first date bad???

 

tbh, it can be. First, I might not want to see the guy again and if he leans for a kiss it would be really awkward to have to deny him. I have kissed guys in the past and never saw them again and it hurt their self esteem. I wish they didn't put me on the spot in the first place. Second, even if I do like the guy, sorry but sometimes I can't feel romantic and touchy feely right away after a few hours of meeting you, specially if I've met them off internet. I'd prefer our first kiss to be at the right time when we both can enjoy it and have built up to it.

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runningfar Established Member

runningfar

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tbh, it can be. First, I might not want to see the guy again and if he leans for a kiss it would be really awkward to have to deny him. I have kissed guys in the past and never saw them again and it hurt their self esteem. I wish they didn't put me on the spot in the first place. Second, even if I do like the guy, sorry but sometimes I can't feel romantic and touchy feely right away after a few hours of meeting you, specially if I've met them off internet. I'd prefer our first kiss to be at the right time when we both can enjoy it and have built up to it.

 

Oh. None of my dates have been with guys I just met. That would be different. Yeah.

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