Stanza Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 My relationship didn't end badly in terms of fight/threats/violence or anything like that. I was wondering today, if you're dumpee and it ended badly, do you get over it faster? Or do you still end up having a lot of thoughts about the ex? Curious really.... thoughts?
KatZee Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 I think so. When my ex and I first ended, it ended really ambiguously. He still left it open for a reconciliation in the future, he said he still loved me, I was his best friend, all this crap. And I hung on for 5 weeks in NC waiting for ... SOMETHING. Anything. A message from him a change of heart... I really didn't move on at all during this time. Sure, I started working on myself, reconnecting with old friends, trying to have fun... but in the back of my mind I was always thinking about my ex, what he was doing, wishing we were together. At the 6 week mark things did a complete 180. He turned on me out of NOWHERE. (come to find out it was at this point he met a girl and tried dating this girl, and that's why he suddenly became a dick.) Anyway, I completely tore him a new as$h0le. After everything I had put up with for almost 3 years, how much I had given him, compromised of myself, how much I tolerated, and put up with from him... it just exploded. Never in my life time would I ever have thought I would have reamed him out the way I did, finally telling him what I truly felt about it. And it felt GREAT. But it ended terribly, and I started moving on after that almost IMMEDIATELY. There was nothing left to hope for. I saw him for exactly what he was. A coward, a child, an immature, scared, broken, passive aggressive, emotionally abusive, lying, cheating, bastard. It was when I finally realized all of that when I hit the anger stage. There was no sadness, no wallowing, just hate. And that lasted just over one month, and then... it was gone. A 3 year relationship... I was over it in just under 3 months. I even shocked myself for how quickly I moved on from it. I went on my first official date last week, and realized 3 hours into the date that I hadn't thought of my ex once. I didn't compare the new guy to my ex ONCE. I couldn't care any less about my ex right now. So yes, I'd say once things go bad and you can see the truth for what someone is... you're able to move on much faster.
Author Stanza Posted August 19, 2012 Author Posted August 19, 2012 Great that you had a date, guess it went ok if you weren't thinking of the ex! Interesting what you say. I guess if the ex is just awful and there's nothing to go back for...
venusianx13 Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 In my experience, my 5 year relationship (there were a couple of break-ups during that time) ended on such a sour note, and I think that's the only thing that enabled me to get over it so quickly. After only a month, I was over it. I think I'd done so much crying and hurting DURING the relationship, that it was already over, in a sense, so there wasn't much left to lament. It was easy to move on after that, as there wasn't much left to move on from.
Author Stanza Posted August 19, 2012 Author Posted August 19, 2012 That makes sense, if you're processing when still in it, then I guess it goes faster...plus if nothing to hold onto again.
Pogona Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 To be honest, I would say yes, it does help. Having had both experiences (one that ended badly and one where I was simply dumped abruptly) the bad feelings that accompany a bad ending can help you realize that you're better off in the long run.
coltsfan1 Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 My last serious relationship ended horribly, however it didn't help my moving on quicker. It left me with a deeper scar. On the other hand it made me more resolved to never speak to the ex again. No matter how a relationship ends, we have to reshape the hole that the ex left. That way they (the EX) are no longer able to fit the ideal person we have in mind. It took me a year to heal then another year to get myself back to me. Now 2 years out I still care for my EX however I have little to no desire to speak to the EX. We are now just two people from each others past.
Author Stanza Posted August 19, 2012 Author Posted August 19, 2012 coltsfan - That also makes sense, especially if there's no processing prior and there's a big scar left. Sound like a tough experience. Pogona - maybe what we're getting to then is that it helps the process along a little with closure / letting go...
Matt145 Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 Yeah, if your ex was a total bitch and ****ed you over its easier to get over. Because you realise how much better you deserve!
Pogona Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 Yeah, if your ex was a total bitch and ****ed you over its easier to get over. Because you realise how much better you deserve! Pretty much this. It may not apply to all situations, but a bad break up can speed healing, if you can find your way through the pain and see the light.
coltsfan1 Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 For me I was left shocked and reeling from the whole experience. My ex walked and I excepted that as hard as it was for me it may have been the only way the EX knew to handle it. For months I bounce between love and hate till I was able to decide no matter what we were not getting back together. I now believe that the person I fell in love with either never really was was who the EX was or that person doesn't live inside of her anymore. That breaks my heart cause I truly believe the EX is completely capable of wonderful things. All in all I have moved on and hope my EX is happy. If she is or isn't that's really none of my business..
manormachine Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 Definitely. If there was some kind of betrayal/cheating, it hurts a lot at first, but makes it easier in the long run. You go from hating them to indifference. It's easier to let go of someone who hurt you. 1
villageman Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 My last breakup was pretty messy. It hasn't helped me get over it any easier unfortunately... my ex girlfriend wasn't a bad person, although the way she left me was not very nice... and then the contact we've had after the breakup has been pretty terrible as well. I wish it would help me get over this faster, but at least for me, it's been just as bad, or maybe even worse than any other breakup I've gone through before.
Regrets58 Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 Think it is all down to how the Dumper handles ending things. Had a very intense 6 month relationship which ended quite abruptly. Asked her to reconsider.After about 2 days got a text saying"it was over when you walked out.Please don't contact me again,I won't respond". Felt like being kicked by a horse,knew where I was though! Then texted me(a week later) and asked to talk,turns out she just wanted to make sure I was ok. However it set me back,thinking if she cares maybe there is still a chance. Nothing came of it except false hope. Though I am pleased to say we are still in touch(as friends),2 years later. Most recent break up very confusing.Staying friends,mixed messages etc. Resulting in me being here 8 months later,still sorting my head out! Moral of the story-clarity from the dumper can help you move on.
Pompom Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 Oh yes! When he kindly informed me I was a disgusting slut for "letting" a cab driver assault me, it took me 2 weeks to completely wipe any emotional memory of him. When I summon his image in my mind nowadays, I see an empty shell with legs, arms and a face. When the last memory was a good one on the other hand, oh how I want it all back...
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