Kite Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 My boyfriend of 2.5 years broke-up with me about a month ago. He lost his feelings for me because I fought with him too much. We've spoken a few times since (always initiated by me). I'm really struggling to not have contact with him. I spoke to him again today because I still carry the hope in my heart that he will realize what he has lost, even though I know I shouldn't want him back. He said that he really did lose his feelings for me, but that there is a chance that we can start over in the future. He can't say that we definitely can or can't or when it will be. I told him that I want to move on and stop pestering him and to forget about him and that if he doesn't want me at all that he should say so. He said it would be best to move on and then we can see what happens. He is very unaffectionate and rather selfish and that is what caused 99% of our fights. I feel that my need to get him back is irrational and stems from feelings of rejection. I'm driving myself insane. I want to know whether I should just accept what he is saying as a direct no or whether I should keep a bit of hope. What are the odds of him coming back? Also, has my occasional questions about the relationship driven him away for good.
villageman Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 This is a tough situation, but it's probably best to stop hoping that he's going to come back. I know that's probably not what you want to hear, but he was probably being honest with you when he said that he didn't have feelings for you any more. Trying to get back into contact with him isn't likely to change his mind either, it'll probably actually make him more likely to stay away. You just broke up a month ago, so this is all still very raw I'm sure, but give it some time and look towards the future. Eventually, you'll recover from this, and then you'll be able to find someone else good for you.
MyHeartTakesOver Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 Very similar set up to my own. My advice: walk away. Like any addicition (that's what this is - you know yourself it's irrational): Go cold turkey. Don't contact him. If he contacts you then think things over a while before replying. Remember that things with this man weren't great and you deserve better treatment than what he gave you. It gets eaiser because your feelings catch up with what you know in your heart to be true.
Author Kite Posted August 19, 2012 Author Posted August 19, 2012 Thank you guys. I think my problem is that I'm just not accepting it as the reality. That is why I keep calling him and asking whether his feelings have changed. I know that I shouldn't want to be with someone who doesn't have feelings for me anymore. But I keep getting stuck on him saying we can try again later. If he says that then surely all his feelings can't be gone. I'm so angry and disappointed in myself for the begging. Why can't I just be stronger?
Vikki_26 Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 Hi Kite, I could have wrote word for word your post, as same situation as I am in. Make him miss you, dont contact him, remove him from fb etc. Go cold turkey, try to move on. If he loves you and wants you back he will be in contact, if he doesnt then you would have moved on and feel better. Remember its him not wanting you, not you not wanting him. Why should we beg them back even more than we have? Let them miss us, and prove in time how wrong they were to give us up so easily. Its what my plan is now anyway. Then in time I hope to find my Mr Wright who will love me no matter what.
Bigbopper Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 Hi Kite, I could have wrote word for word your post, as same situation as I am in. Make him miss you, dont contact him, remove him from fb etc. Go cold turkey, try to move on. If he loves you and wants you back he will be in contact, if he doesnt then you would have moved on and feel better. Remember its him not wanting you, not you not wanting him. Why should we beg them back even more than we have? Let them miss us, and prove in time how wrong they were to give us up so easily. Its what my plan is now anyway. Then in time I hope to find my Mr Wright who will love me no matter what. Vikki, ive read a few of your posts, and it seems you are going through the same as me. However, I was in the wrong for 99% of this, and when my GF asked for space, I didnt see the signs, and carried on pushing (cancelling my nights out to be with her, even though she insisted I didnt) I was just terrified that she may think I didnt care. Anyway, in the end we had a row, she asked me to leave, and I refused, so she left, then I spoke to her 2 days later (again, I pushed) and she said she needed space. That was 6 days ago and I have been NC since. She has told me so many times how she loves me etc and I hope we can reconcile, but how do I go about this? I want to contact her so bad, even if just a text saying hi.... Utterly miserable right now.
Author Kite Posted August 21, 2012 Author Posted August 21, 2012 I had a good day yesterday wrt trying to move on, but now today again I want him back. From the experience and personal opinion of you guys, do you think that someone can come back or redevelop feelings for someone once they are lost?
MyHeartTakesOver Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 Good that you had a good day yesterday. That means that, slowly, you are coming around. If he was in love then he'll never lose those feelings. Whether they are ever reawakened to the extent that he can't live without you, I don't know. Your best bet is to move past him and see what happens once your current wounds are fully healed. To be honest, re-reading your original post, you can do better than a guy who gets angry becuase you want to talk about your relationship. Stay No Contact.
KansasChica Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 Hope is a very dangerous thing in the world of breakups. My breakup was so sudden and unexpected. When things were at their best, he ended it and couldn't really give me a reason why. Even though he told me loved me and would always love me, he couldn't be in a relationship with me anymore. So I gave him space- lots of space. I knew that the next time he saw me, the feelings that I presumed he lost would come back. For months and months I hoped that he would come to his senses. Months wasted... six months after the breakup, I met with him alone for the first time and asked him where we stood. He said that he still wanted to date others. I could have been in so much of a better place if I had accepted that it was over at the beginning. Instead of hoping that you two get back together, hope that you will find someone who appreciates what they have when they have it- and who can accept you for you. Hang in there!
soccerrprp Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 I had a good day yesterday wrt trying to move on, but now today again I want him back. From the experience and personal opinion of you guys, do you think that someone can come back or redevelop feelings for someone once they are lost? Age old question! With obvious answer: yes, of course "someone CAN" come back and has many times, but it's a crap-shoot. No formula that will make it happen.
Author Kite Posted August 21, 2012 Author Posted August 21, 2012 The best of all is that I know you are all right. And I appreciate the honest opinions. Seems like the more I hear the truth (even though I don't want to) the more it sinks in. Thank you for the moral support! T-shirt:"I Feel Much Better Since I Gave Up Hope." Going to keep saying that to myself. And sorry if I'm back tomorrow feeling like I want him back. P.s. sorry for what has happened to you (us) Kansaschica.
youngnlove89 Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 He said that he really did lose his feelings for me He can't say that we definitely can or can't or when it will be. . He said it would be best to move on and then we can see what happens. ----He is trying to make you see without hurting you. He cares for you but doesn't want anything more. He is acting this way because he is trying to let you down easy. He is very unaffectionate and rather selfish and that is what caused 99% of our fights. ----Is this what YOU want? someone who is selfish and unaffectionate. Golly, I hope not. That would be hard to cope with. I want to know whether I should just accept what he is saying as a direct no or whether I should keep a bit of hope. ---Let go. I clung onto hope and it did nothing for me. It's hard to see them not coming back right now because we were familiar and comfortable with them. But it's over. and it takes time to get out of that routine you had with him. What are the odds of him coming back? Also, has my occasional questions about the relationship driven him away for good. --- Slim to none. When someone doesn't have those feelings for you, they never will. Can you think back to someone who really liked you, but you couldn't like them that way even though they were a good person? That's how he feels about you. He knows you are a good person, he knows someone else will be lucky to have you, but those feelings aren't there. You can't force them. And your occasional questions to him did not drive him away. You knew what you wanted, you went after it. That's part of dating. Finding your soulmate. If he can't give that to you then HE is not your soulmate.
youngnlove89 Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 Hi Kite, I could have wrote word for word your post, as same situation as I am in. Make him miss you, dont contact him, remove him from fb etc. Go cold turkey, try to move on. If he loves you and wants you back he will be in contact, if he doesnt then you would have moved on and feel better. Remember its him not wanting you, not you not wanting him. Why should we beg them back even more than we have? Let them miss us, and prove in time how wrong they were to give us up so easily. Its what my plan is now anyway. Then in time I hope to find my Mr Wright who will love me no matter what. Take it from us. Girls who have been left because we weren't the one. It's hard to accept but you keep your dignity intact when you don't contact them. Even if he contacts you, remain NC. Make him move mountains if he wants another chance with you. He has to earn it now. See: He's Just Not That Into You (great movie) They will wonder, trust me. They will. Because they think that we are at home mourning the relationship and wearing black. Because they left US. Show him otherwise. Show him you are out having fun, betting yourself, eating healthy, working out and not thinking about him most of all!! Show him you are a confident young woman with ambition and self worth! He will realize what he lost and if he doesn't you will realize he wasn't worth it! Anyways, how are you doing Vikki? Hanging in there?
Author Kite Posted August 24, 2012 Author Posted August 24, 2012 Today I'm burning to text him. I keep thinking this was a mistake and he will come to his senses. I also worry that there might be a girl involved, co-worker. I know they were texting each other shortly before the break-up. I know I shouldn't want him back, but I do so much.
Recommended Posts