billabeth Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 Been seeing my mm for 2 years lived together for 3 months but he has wife who is applying for british citizenship. she threatened to take child back to her country if he did not go back. we still see each other and love each other dearly. shes vscious and a horrible woman. but he stays to keep her happy. they both admit that they hate each other and would not be together if it wasnt for their child. so why will he just not leave. and call her bluff. she only wants her visa so shes not going to go anywhere. i know hes worried he will lose his son. should i just give up. i love him so much hes like an obbsession. any advise would be helpful:(
anne1707 Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 Assuming the MM is a British citizen, being married to him will be a huge plus in her application for citizenship. If they separate, that will weaken her case significantly and increase the chances of her having to leave the country, taking their child with her. Even if they can't stand each other, that will give them more than enough motivation to stay together for now.
road Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 (edited) The only truth in your case is your OM/WH is willing to lie and cheat. This is why it is said they will cheat with you they will cheat on you. Edited August 19, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Civility and respect 1
Author billabeth Posted August 19, 2012 Author Posted August 19, 2012 I THINK YOU ARE BOTH RIGHT.im either going to have to wait and ride it out until the visa is here or let him go. thank you
Fitz Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 Been seeing my mm for 2 years lived together for 3 months but he has wife who is applying for british citizenship. she threatened to take child back to her country if he did not go back. we still see each other and love each other dearly. shes vscious and a horrible woman. but he stays to keep her happy. they both admit that they hate each other and would not be together if it wasnt for their child. so why will he just not leave. and call her bluff. Correction: he stays to keep himself happy. "So why will he just not leave?" The answer is simple: Because he doesn't want to leave. The reason you can't make logical sense of it all, is because you are in denial. Consequently, you won't be able to make sense of his actions until you are able to truly understand your own. 1
veryhappy Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 How old are you? How old is he and how long have they been married? How long would it take for her visa to be finalized and him to be divorced?
seren Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 Billabeth, getting citizenship is not just about applying, the rules are lengthy and designed to prevent people using marriage just to stay. Have a look on the Immigration pages, I am sure there are rules about people who become divorced or separated after gaining citizenship. I would want to know where I stood and what plans they had in place for after citizenship has been awarded. Maybe she is afraid it will not look like a proper marriage if he isn't in the family home. I would ask, if she knows about you, it is in her interests to sit down with you all and talk about the future. Either way, be informed, then make your choices. I think it might be a longer process than they might think, unless you are prepared for the long haul, I would imagine it being difficult for you.
MourningLosses Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 I think it's in her interests to be in denial and blackmail him with the child. How would it ever be in her interests to acknowledge you in her plans for the future?
woinlove Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 Been seeing my mm for 2 years lived together for 3 months but he has wife who is applying for british citizenship. she threatened to take child back to her country if he did not go back. we still see each other and love each other dearly. shes vscious and a horrible woman. but he stays to keep her happy. they both admit that they hate each other and would not be together if it wasnt for their child. so why will he just not leave. and call her bluff. she only wants her visa so shes not going to go anywhere. i know hes worried he will lose his son. should i just give up. i love him so much hes like an obbsession. any advise would be helpful:( If she only wants a visa, that would leave a lot of room for him to negotiate a separate life in most respects, but where they satisfy the requirements for the visa. This could be done openly with you involved. I wonder if there isn't more than simply the visa. Not that the visa alone can't be complicated and lengthy as others have mentioned. But just a visa driving his W, and MM responding just to that desire, should still allow him a lot of freedom. Are you sure this is all there is to their current marriage - a visa? If, for example, they both are determined to raise their child in a home shared by both parents, that would not leave much room for you two to have a shared life.
MourningLosses Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 Woinlive aren't there 2 separate questions here? What's his agenda and what's his wife's agenda? He may be staying with her only for the visa (so he doesn't lose his child) but that doesn't mean that's all she's staying for. She could be using that pull to try to get more from him. Either painting it as necessary or the citizenship to look right or just plain ole threatening if he doesn't she will scrap the claim and leave with the child. Either way- why on EARTH would his wife sit down and talk things through with the other woman? She has no driver to do so. Even I had every intention of throwing him out the minute I had citizenship no way would I give any power to another woman... And knowledge is power. I think the other woman has to decide what she can live with and how much she trusts HIS agenda. She cannot assume she knows his wife's agenda.
woinlove Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 Woinlive aren't there 2 separate questions here? What's his agenda and what's his wife's agenda? He may be staying with her only for the visa (so he doesn't lose his child) but that doesn't mean that's all she's staying for. She could be using that pull to try to get more from him. Either painting it as necessary or the citizenship to look right or just plain ole threatening if he doesn't she will scrap the claim and leave with the child. Either way- why on EARTH would his wife sit down and talk things through with the other woman? She has no driver to do so. Even I had every intention of throwing him out the minute I had citizenship no way would I give any power to another woman... And knowledge is power. I think the other woman has to decide what she can live with and how much she trusts HIS agenda. She cannot assume she knows his wife's agenda. I'm just focussing on the questions that the OP asked of us which are "why will he just not leave?" and "should i just give up?" as well as the specific information she gave "they both admit that they hate each other" and "she only wants her visa". The answer to both of these questions lies with MM and what decisions he has made and will make. The specific information gives the wife's agenda. I've asked for clarification on the wife's agenda, but I am not going to jump to a conclusion which contradicts the information the OP has given, without further information from her. I don't know the wife or the MM. Citizenship is a big deal to many people, some people even fake a marriage to secure it. So it's possible the wife may chose to stay married to secure it. Why would his wife sit down and talk to the OW and H? Because, if as stated, all she wants is the visa, it could help ensure she gets the visa. 2
TigerCub Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 Not sure why your MM thinks that waiting for her to get her citizenship is some kind of solution. Lets assume that this wife is as awful and terrible as he's saying and she's willing to play the 'I'll take your kid away from you and go back home' card. What's to stop her from doing that when she gets her citizenship? Nothing is really getting solved and you're just waiting for something to happen when in fact that something really doesn't affect his choice in being with her. Not trying to sound harsh, but please think about that...
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