Has your ex every seemed overly happy that he broke up with you?

[nightonthesun1234]

My boyfriend and I were together for almost two years. He is 22 and I am 21 and we met in college. He broke up with me almost a month ago, saying that he does not see a future with me and figured we’d break up after we both graduated anyway (which I did not think he was even considering). He is struggling in school and is nowhere near completing his degree at 22 yrs. old and I think he realized he needs to get his life together, and for some reason he needs to do this without me. I understood that we might want different things for the future.

 

However, after giving me that reason he proceeded to tell me all the things I did wrong in the relationship. These included the one month during our relationship where I was going through an extremely difficult time with my family and job and I would vent to him about it. He said I was being so negative during that month that he didn’t even want to be around me. I was confused though, because we had talked about this when it was happening, I understood where he was coming from, and didn’t mention my family problems to him since and made extra effort to show him I’m a positive person. So I thought that issue was done with. I don’t understand why he was brining it up again.

 

He also brought up the fact that one of his female friends had been an issue between us. He used to have a crush on this girl for three years, up until the time he met me, but she had a boyfriend. He said that he’s over it and they are still friends. However, something about their friendship didn’t feel right to me. I was uncomfortable when I’d hang out with them, feeling left out. I feel that she wasn’t very respectful of our relationship and was jealous that the guy who liked her so much found someone else. I didn’t want him to stop being friends with her, but just to be aware of how I felt that I was being treated. When I raised these concerns my boyfriend had a bunch of excuses for her behavior, but said he could see where I was coming from. I’m afraid she was part of the reason he broke it off because I again don’t understand why he’d bring it up during the breakup.

 

I haven’t spoken to him since the break up and he has made no effort to contact me either. However, as I see on Facebook, he almost seems overly happy that I am out of his life. It makes me feel like I was this awful girlfriend who made him miserable. We spend almost every day together for two years. I can think of about 5 times that we actually had an argument in those two years, and every other day was drama-free and he gave no indication that he was unhappy. He actually seemed in love with me. Now it seems like he dropped me and hasn’t given me a second thought since. Not to mention he ran right to the female friend, and they are hanging out a lot more than they did when we were together. It’s almost like kicking you when you’re down. I’m trying to move forward from the fact that he didn’t see a future with me and isn’t in love with me anymore, yet now I have to deal with the fact that he’s all over her again, too. I just can’t believe I made someone who made me so happy feel so unhappy. I’m just trying to understand things and would like some perspective. I feel so used and feel like his actions show I meant nothing to him.

[not-a-drive-by]

I haven’t spoken to him since the break up and he has made no effort to contact me either. However, as I see on Facebook, he almost seems overly happy that I am out of his life. It makes me feel like I was this awful girlfriend who made him miserable. We spend almost every day together for two years. I can think of about 5 times that we actually had an argument in those two years, and every other day was drama-free and he gave no indication that he was unhappy. He actually seemed in love with me. Now it seems like he dropped me and hasn’t given me a second thought since. Not to mention he ran right to the female friend, and they are hanging out a lot more than they did when we were together. It’s almost like kicking you when you’re down. I’m trying to move forward from the fact that he didn’t see a future with me and isn’t in love with me anymore, yet now I have to deal with the fact that he’s all over her again, too. I just can’t believe I made someone who made me so happy feel so unhappy. I’m just trying to understand things and would like some perspective. I feel so used and feel like his actions show I meant nothing to him.

 

Pretty much like my situation (minus another girl in the equation).

 

He seems happy to be single and having life without me. But don't all ex's feel that way when they break up with us? It's a relief to them afterall...

[Vikki_26]

My ex is the same, saying how his had a new haircut and everyone thinks he now looks like David Beckham, and how his planning on going to Russia driving there in 2014, and all these things his been going to. I dunno whether is just an act? If I were you I would remove him from Facebook, cut all ties. Its what ive done, I dont want to hear what his been up to and with whom. I know for a fact he wont get a better girl than he did with me, he will realise one day like yours will, then it will be too late!

[whatdoesntkillyou]

Agreed. The only thing that stops you from (at least apparently) having a better time than your ex is YOU. Breaking up is always such a competition of who's going to get over the other person first.

[changchewsoon]

I am the dumpee, my ex was devastated when she initiated the BU, cried over the phone etc.

 

Decide to start NC on her immediately because I am definitely moving on with my life.

 

But then, I see her posting a photo of herself with a drink on her hand, laughing away happily with her friends in Facebook.

 

Then, found out from mutual friends it was because she saw that I was moving on with life and she had to like show she's also doing the same by purposely making one particular photo public while the rest remains private.

 

And you and I know NC is never about others but ourselves and when someone does this and treats it as a competition, they're actually take steps backward.

 

Moving now into 3rd week of NC, I am feeling happy actually because I am now free to date whoever I want, accepting all the attention I am getting from the interested female friends which I didn't in the past because I was still attached back then.

 

If you sense your ex is being 'overly' happy, it might be that he is just putting up a front wherelese inside him it is the total opposite. Someone who is genuinely happy usually don't come across as being overly.

 

But who cares, you shouldn't let him get to you.

Edited August 19, 2012 by changchewsoon

[nightonthesun1234]

Thanks for the replies, I know that removing him from Facebook is the best thing to do, but I'm having the hardest time doing it. I've already removed all his family members and friends, yet the only things left to do is remove him and his 'female friend.' I guess I'm having a hard time letting go. He's back on campus and I can't believe he hasn't thought of me once since we have so many memories there. As soon as he got back he hung out with her. I am angry at myself for not leaving him when I was having doubts about how he felt about her. I now believe he just settled for me, yet really wanted to be with her, leading me on for two years. I think that this was the real reason for the breakup. I guess at the time I truly believed he was better than that, and if he really loved her he wouldn't have bothered being with me for as long as he did. I think I was lying to myself and it's hard feeling so used. Since coming to this conclusion I feel like I'm trapped in my anger at myself and him. I want to stop these obsessive thoughts and move on, but it's always in the back of my mind. I know what he does or who he's with shouldn't matter anymore, but I just can't stop thinking about it.

[oracle]

Rule 1 - Nothing is as it seems. Nothing

 

Maybe he is happy... maybe its a show.. maybe your emotions are skewing your perception. It never really is what you 'think' it is

 

Bottom line.. it doesn't matter

 

Its not a race to the finish for moving on first.. in the end nobody wins.

 

Its about you.. and doing whatever it is you want to now.

[lovehurts82]

I know how this feels.. and am in a very similar situation.. only after a week of breaking up, my x is engaged to his "friend", they've taken the cross country trip back across the country to move him back to his home state (the one /we/ were supposed to take), took pictures along the way of their stop at Yellowstone.. commented on Facebook about how he was "greeted home by an amazing sunset only slightly less beautiful than his fiance". Talk about making you sick. I agree.. get rid of the Facebook. I HAD to. I had no choice. Seeing that stuff on their only served to hurt me.. keep me wondering why /I/ wasn't good enough.. when he'd already asked /my/ parents permission to marry /me/.. Even with all that happiness.. and his fiance in the moving truck beside him, X broke NC to text and tell me that see the signs through my home state reminded him of me. Two weeks into their engagement and he's texting /me/ again and thinking of me while she's beside him? Good luck to her! She deserves him! I agree.. as happy as they can appear on the outside.. there's a thing called peacocking and people only put the best of the best on their Facebook. Hang in there and stay strong.. but cut all ties! You'll feel MUCH better in the long run!