robaday Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 I just met up with an ex gf from four years ago, four years! we went three without talking. She had broken it off, and I was devastated for over a year. I probably never really let her go properly. Ive moved on since, had several relationships, but Ive never really felt the same about anyone. It wasnt a date, a mutual friend was with us, it follows maybe six months of talking again for the first time. But I was shaking as I walked up to see her. And so was she. The day passed fine, we joked around, and it seemed liked no time had past. We parted ways, and she hugged me and kissed me. Not sure why Im writing this. Even after four years, I realised I still love her. I dont so much want to be with her, but my god Ive missed her. My world changed today, even if we never get back together, im so glad shes back in my life, and I felt young again. After a few toxic relationships in the interim, I was reminded of what true love felt like, and how thats what I want for a partner in the future, that rushing, crazy feeling where you cant get enough of that person......heres to better days.
oracle Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 You always love them, nothing changes that. That said.. you are idealizing it abit, especially since she ended it with you. Remember, the hottest one is always the one that is waving good-bye. Possession and desire are mutually exclusive. That rule can be applied to pretty much everything
Author robaday Posted August 19, 2012 Author Posted August 19, 2012 Haha, oracle, you are bang on the money with that comment. My god it hurt at the time! But ya know, the breakup was the best thing for me, and while it hurt, I have changed so much since back then, and I dont regret us breaking up at all. BUT, how is it that you can still have such strong feelings for someone? how is that possible after all this time? I thought I was completely over it, but I went straight back to when I first met her today, seriously, im 32, and i was shaking!!! Is love that powerful?
oracle Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 Its attachment As a species we are programmed to become attached to things.. If we didnt have this attachment response we wouldnt raise our young and our species wouldn't make it very far. The possession / desire condundrum is even stronger over distance and time. You don't really start to break free of that until you meet someone you like just a little bit more 2
ihateslowjams Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 Just wondering Rob, what was the reason for your BU and how long were you guys together? Did you go NC right after the BU, or still kept contact/begged/pleaded/manipulated for a period of time? if you still felt that strongly about her after so many years and noticed her body language, how come you didn't reach out just a bit more? I kinda feel like ill be in your shoes 3 years from now...
Author robaday Posted August 20, 2012 Author Posted August 20, 2012 ihateslowjams - I begged pleaded and harrased for maybe six months after. If there was a way to absolutely kill off any chance of us getting back together I did. The pain was soo profound, i felt i had to push her away for good. Thing was, deep down i knew i wasnt in a fit shape of mind or body anyway. I was severely depressed in my life and taking an awful lot of drugs. She did the right thing by her and me, I needed to sort myself out and could only do it for myself, no-one else. if you still felt that strongly about her after so many years and noticed her body language, how come you didn't reach out just a bit more? Mate, given the way I behaved post breakup, and the fact it took us three years to talk again, the last thing I want to do is freak her out. Ive let her contact me first on all occasions, it was her who suggested we meet up. Ill keep in touch, but am not getting my hopes up on this. Ill keep focusing on dating other people. I have no idea whether there is anything there anymore, we were best friends too so its not surprising she misses the friendship (she was close to my family). Whether theres more, I guess only time will tell. All i know is im glad to have her back in my life. She never cheated, she was never possessive and she never raised her voice. So I dont have any hard feelings toward her, it just wasnt working. 1
ihateslowjams Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 ihateslowjams - I begged pleaded and harrased for maybe six months after. If there was a way to absolutely kill off any chance of us getting back together I did. The pain was soo profound, i felt i had to push her away for good. Thing was, deep down i knew i wasnt in a fit shape of mind or body anyway. I was severely depressed in my life and taking an awful lot of drugs. She did the right thing by her and me, I needed to sort myself out and could only do it for myself, no-one else. if you still felt that strongly about her after so many years and noticed her body language, how come you didn't reach out just a bit more? Mate, given the way I behaved post breakup, and the fact it took us three years to talk again, the last thing I want to do is freak her out. Ive let her contact me first on all occasions, it was her who suggested we meet up. Ill keep in touch, but am not getting my hopes up on this. Ill keep focusing on dating other people. I have no idea whether there is anything there anymore, we were best friends too so its not surprising she misses the friendship (she was close to my family). Whether theres more, I guess only time will tell. All i know is im glad to have her back in my life. She never cheated, she was never possessive and she never raised her voice. So I dont have any hard feelings toward her, it just wasnt working. I see, I went through something similar in my BU (except for the drugs part) and I hope to be in your shoes 3 years from now. I understand my ex's reasons for the BU and I hold no resentment towards her. I wish for a second chance when I have a better grasp on my own life, but Im not holding onto hope. I highly doubt ill ever reach to to her in the future just because of who I am. So we'll see what life brings...
fucpcg Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 Anytime you honestly, truly loved someone, that feeling doesn't go away ever. I've had 3 real loves, and the first was almost 20 years ago, and I still have feelings for her. Love is not caring about your partner when everything is great, it's how you feel about them even when everything is going wrong, or maybe you breakup and don't see/talk to each other any more. Anyone in here who says things like "I loved him/her and we broke up but I went NC and now I'll all better without that loser" didn't really ever love that person. Love means to care about someone, want the best for that someone, regardless of what you get or do not get from that person. It's not about caring for them when everything is great and your relationship is too new to have had any real bumps. The girl from 20 years ago, we were together about 3.5 years, on and off about another 2 years, then didn't talk for about 15 years. When she messaged me on FB, I got a chill. I'll steal a quote: "True love stories never have endings" 3
Author robaday Posted August 21, 2012 Author Posted August 21, 2012 Ya know, I dont care whether people think Im soft or a pushover here, but id forgotten was it felt like truly love someone, to admire them. Even though we broke up years ago, even though she did the breaking up, just seeing her the other day reminded me of what it felt like. Forgive me, im being sentimental;) but seriously it is a magical thing. i dont think well ever get back together but its nice to know someone still cares about you and respects you out there. 1
desertsessions Posted August 24, 2012 Posted August 24, 2012 dude this thread speaks levels to me! I am going through the exact same thing with a few minor differences. I wasn't the best boyfriend, she dumped me...I needed it to make some serious changes. I'm in the midst of making those changes and it feels good. We were on such bad terms cause i nagged her for six months to get back with me...finally she said enough was enough...and cut contact with me. I was utterly heartbroken, and alone. She messaged me a few months later saying she'd like me to send her stuff to her. I denied her request due to anger and she blocked me on facebook after that. a year goes by, and i notice her popping up in my news feed again through mutual friends. I was really confused by it, why would she unblock me? I mustered up the better half of me...messaged her with a brief message saying I had sent her stuff, and sorry for being a jerk. Take care. She responded briefly with a thanks, that wasn't nice of you..take care. I was just happy she responded. Then a couple months after, she saw me randomly at a festival and came up and thanked me in person...i froze up for a second, because she looked amazing...and deep down...i still love her. I made small chat and gave her a hug, and went on my way...this is 2.5 years after our break up. It took that long to make amends..she has a boyfriend now so I know she won't add me back to facebook or anything...but who knows maybe if they break up...she'll one day contact me again. I try not to pin for that, but like you..it would make me so happy. I'd never ever treat her anything less than perfect. I'm curious though...why did she contact you? what was her reason...if you guys ended on such bad terms? 4 years is a long time.
M30USA Posted August 24, 2012 Posted August 24, 2012 Possession and desire are mutually exclusive. Poetic and true.
Author robaday Posted September 27, 2012 Author Posted September 27, 2012 I met up with her again a week ago. We got on even better this time, she called me and wanted to watch a free festival my friend was playing at (a mutual friend). This time she opened up and profusely apologised for the past, shed brought a photo she took of me the first night we met. I cant believe she had it all this time!! she must have carried it around since the break up. We didnt kiss or anything, but got on well. Shes actually moving to my city soon, she sent me an email the other day. I dont know what to make of this. I just got out of a long term relationship, so am completely emotionally unavailable. Which is probably a good time to be talking to this one from wayy way back cause i got no expectations. What do others think? Im trying not to get my hopes up.
desertsessions Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 I met up with her again a week ago. We got on even better this time, she called me and wanted to watch a free festival my friend was playing at (a mutual friend). This time she opened up and profusely apologised for the past, shed brought a photo she took of me the first night we met. I cant believe she had it all this time!! she must have carried it around since the break up. We didnt kiss or anything, but got on well. Shes actually moving to my city soon, she sent me an email the other day. I dont know what to make of this. I just got out of a long term relationship, so am completely emotionally unavailable. Which is probably a good time to be talking to this one from wayy way back cause i got no expectations. What do others think? Im trying not to get my hopes up. I think you've got a good shot at doing things right this time around. If you do get back into another relationship. I think it goes without saying, that she may just want to be friends and missed you being around. Then you have to ask yourself, can you deal with just being friends? Either way it's good to hear stuff like this, coming from a very similar situation as you. I hope everything works out in your favor my friend.
Minka333 Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 Cheers to that giddy feeling. The freshness of the past is like a warm blanket on a cold winter's night.
Author robaday Posted September 27, 2012 Author Posted September 27, 2012 If there's any time I could be just friends it would be right now. Im hurting emotionally after the end of a long term relationship. I have absolutely zero expectations from her. I gotta say though, ive never been "just friends" with an ex, so I wouldnt be able to tell the difference between that and more.....Ive left it to her to initiate every time, really do not want to scare her away. But part of me does wonder..........I was absolutely crazy about this girl, and she was the only one in my whole life I have ever loved unconditionally. Ive struggled to commit fully to every girl since.
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