boa29 Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 My girlfreind and I have been together for 4 yrs now,the sex has never really been constant but in the last 3 months or so every time I try to get her in the mood she just pushes me away.I have tried talking to her about this and she says that she doesn't know why she doesn't want sex,then today she told me that she is bored with sex,she was also bored with her ex and that's when we met and have been together ever since, she is always telling me lately to go and find sex elsewhere but I don't want anyone else and I know if I did we would breakup. we have lived together from day dot,I work she doesn't. Just wondering if anyone has any advice on what I should do to get her interested again as this problem is tearing us apart. She also used to offer oral sex but hasn't done so in about 4 months. I cant help but keep asking myself has she found someone else and does she still love me,she says she loves me but is she just trying to keep me happy. I am 29 and she is 31
TaraMaiden Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 Move on. this has to end, now because please trust me on this one - it's never going to get better. when a girl says no to sex - she means no. the only one who can change her mind, is her. And when a girl goes off sex with a particular guy, that particular guy - is toast. sex was so-so mediocre - and now it's fizzled out altogether. Imposed and enforced celibacy is the absolute pits - because it's all you can think about. you need to split. go. leave. move on. A good buddy of mine gave it 15 years before he finally threw in the towel with is partner. I spent 12 years in a sexless marriage with my H, and then I finally did the same. you don't float her boat. If sex was vanilla and there was no excitement, no variety, no frisson of excitement ever - then guess what? That's the best it would ever be. Pack your bags and leave, Please. Really, I'm serious.
Radu Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 She drifted from him to you when she stopped caring about sex with him. Did she cheat on him with you ?
CarrieT Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 she is always telling me lately to go and find sex elsewhere Big, big red flag. It means she has already started looking elsewhere. The fact that she cheated WITH you - and the way she is acting - very likely means she will cheat ON you. Like TaraM said; leave now. The relationship is over.
Mithel Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 Like TaraMaiden said... it's over. If she isn't interested in sex then she isn't interested in you. So you either have to become a new person (figure out why you are boring and change it) or move on. There are health reasons she may have a low libido but overall you're painting a grim picture and 99% of the time you might as well just move on.
Author boa29 Posted August 20, 2012 Author Posted August 20, 2012 Yes her health reasons are long term deppression,Dr says to get off tablets but is that guna make her worse,she also suffers from chronic back and leg pains,its guna be hard for me to move on as I still love her more than anything but if she is cheating il have no worries,il probably just fkn shoot them both for betraying my trust.but I must catch her in the act before anything happens
TaraMaiden Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 No, you don't. It's likely that with her medical problems and depression, she's just off sex. Leave. Catching them in the act' will probably never happen. I doubt very much she's being unfaithful to you. She's just not interested. Just - go. Unless, of course, rather than focussing on the sex, you could ask her what you can do to make her life easier, less painful, more comfortable, and be more emotionally supportive. Maybe if you empathise more with her personal situation, she may be more approachable... i don't know.....
Mithel Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 The initial post didn't mention medication for depression. Why doesn't she work? Being active (working) can help with depression. It sounds like you need to decide if you want to take the easy way out (walk away) (which actually can seem really hard) or if you want to take the hard way and fix the situation. It can be tough to help someone through depression but if you really love her then it may very well be worth it. Stop thinking about the sex (or lack of it), if she's really depressed then she probably isn't cheating, you are probably just imagining that as a reason why she isn't boinking you. Start cooking her good food and get her some good nutrition, get her involved in some activities (take her out dancing?) and see if you can breathe some life back into the relationship.
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