zanesfan Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 One of my love languages is acts of service. When Im into someone and I mean reeeeeealllly into someone I like to go all out. Candlelight dinners, roses throughout the house, massages, giving pedicures (yeah, I know) etc. Im extremely romantic. I dont always expect it back because not everyone is romantic like me but other gestures are always accepted. But..now after my last casual relationship, Im thinking I did too much without the commitment. Is this something you should wait to do after a title is given? I started doing this things by month 3 with the last guy. Guys particularly, how would you feel if a woman woo'ed you like this with a gf title or without?
soccerrprp Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 Sounds lovely, but I would be a little concerned that you were taking it way too fast and furious. That's me. When we have committed and there is no doubt that we are a couple, then i'm all for it. What a change of roles/expectations that would be!
utterer of lies Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 When Im into someone and I mean reeeeeealllly into someone I like to go all out. Candlelight dinners, roses throughout the house, massages, giving pedicures (yeah, I know) etc. Guys particularly, how would you feel if a woman woo'ed you like this with a gf title or without? The only 'acts of service' that matter are frequent blowjobs.
Pompom Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 Hmmm I'm no guy, but I think I can speak from experience on both sides. Having always been the "rich kid", but not a stingy one, I never had a problem offering food, trips etc. to friends, and I was very generous with a guy I had a wild crush on, yes. But there are 2 situations I remember, one I actually put myself into during my late teens and one I was afraid I might be considered as, that I don't want to reoccur: 1. Friend-buyer. Believing I needed to invest actual goods and services in order to keep people around. When I snapped out of that bullcrap, ever since I've been afraid my now genuine (but somewhat more limited, as in, no more buying houses to shelter friends) generosity may be mistaken for that. I would hate to appear this pathetic ever again. People pleasers make my toe nails curl and I don't want to be one of them. I want to be loved and elicit feelings for who I am, not for what my bank account says. 2. Smothering, debt-creating. Being too generous can create resentment in the recipient because they are given more than they are able or willing or eager to return. It doesn't even always matter if the giver expects anything back. Being put in the position of one-way recipient, makes many people uncomfortable and I myself can only take this from my mom. I don't want to OWE gratitude. Give me something small, funny, from your heart for my birthday, but nothing that makes me think "Oh geez now I owe ya". If someone is into me, I would prefer they show this with physical and emotional affection by interacting with me, lots of sex, doing things together that may be as trivial as watching TV, as long as there is closeness and affection. I don't feel all that good about materialistic gestures. For one, I feel like they're shallow, and if you have that kind of money, invest it in something useful for us, and also I don't really see the difference between keeping a girlfriend around with expensive gestures and keeping a working girl around with money, if you believe that you NEED to invest money in order to keep her, that is. If she loves you, she'll stick around for YOU. I would never want a guy to feel like he has to write checks in order to keep me around.
rocketman122 Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 One of my love languages is acts of service. When Im into someone and I mean reeeeeealllly into someone I like to go all out. Candlelight dinners, roses throughout the house, massages, giving pedicures (yeah, I know) etc. Im extremely romantic. I dont always expect it back because not everyone is romantic like me but other gestures are always accepted. But..now after my last casual relationship, Im thinking I did too much without the commitment. Is this something you should wait to do after a title is given? I started doing this things by month 3 with the last guy. Guys particularly, how would you feel if a woman woo'ed you like this with a gf title or without? I am like you exactly. a romantic freak. my sister says I need to restrain myself and trickle it to the girlies but I dont know any other way. I give it all from the beginning. the problem with a woman wooing me is a bit problematic. Im a giver and do have a problem of receiving back although Im working on it. some kind of childhood scar I guess. I would truly appreciate it and love it but would blush like a tomato and feel awkward. I would say thank you like a thousand times. HAHA you do what feels right for you sweetheart. if thats how you want to show affection then you go ahead and do that. 3 months is just right imo and you need to find the guy that can appreciate that about you. I know I would. woman appreciate that about me and they are always wooed because from the feedback, not many men these woman dated are romantic..at all.
rocketman122 Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 Hmmm I'm no guy, but I think I can speak from experience on both sides. Having always been the "rich kid", but not a stingy one, I never had a problem offering food, trips etc. to friends, and I was very generous with a guy I had a wild crush on, yes. But there are 2 situations I remember, one I actually put myself into during my late teens and one I was afraid I might be considered as, that I don't want to reoccur: 1. Friend-buyer. Believing I needed to invest actual goods and services in order to keep people around. When I snapped out of that bullcrap, ever since I've been afraid my now genuine (but somewhat more limited, as in, no more buying houses to shelter friends) generosity may be mistaken for that. I would hate to appear this pathetic ever again. People pleasers make my toe nails curl and I don't want to be one of them. I want to be loved and elicit feelings for who I am, not for what my bank account says. 2. Smothering, debt-creating. Being too generous can create resentment in the recipient because they are given more than they are able or willing or eager to return. It doesn't even always matter if the giver expects anything back. Being put in the position of one-way recipient, makes many people uncomfortable and I myself can only take this from my mom. I don't want to OWE gratitude. Give me something small, funny, from your heart for my birthday, but nothing that makes me think "Oh geez now I owe ya". If someone is into me, I would prefer they show this with physical and emotional affection by interacting with me, lots of sex, doing things together that may be as trivial as watching TV, as long as there is closeness and affection. I don't feel all that good about materialistic gestures. For one, I feel like they're shallow, and if you have that kind of money, invest it in something useful for us, and also I don't really see the difference between keeping a girlfriend around with expensive gestures and keeping a working girl around with money, if you believe that you NEED to invest money in order to keep her, that is. If she loves you, she'll stick around for YOU. I would never want a guy to feel like he has to write checks in order to keep me around. she's talking about showing affection by doing nice things for the person, not whipping out a checkbok to show how much money she spent..romantic things not buying material things. youre also a hypocrite since you used to be the friend buyer, so cut the nonsense please..
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