It gets better!!

[Bane13]

Fellow loveshackers,

 

I am writing in under a new account as i never want to set foot in my old one for reasons most of the people who've been here a while will understand.

 

But what i wanted to share with you all is, It gets better You don't think it will-believe me I've been there but it does. Time is everything in situations as harsh as these.

 

Nearly four months it's taken me for him not to consume me, but he doesn't. He's with someone else now, and believe me after 7 years together that was hard, but he did me a favour there, he finally made me let go. It was the best thing that has ever happened to me.

 

I'm 21 so he was my first love and every individual on here has a different story. You may think me naive and sheltered after all I was with him since I was 14 but I grew up with him and in the end he broke my heart (somewhere along the lines i broke his too). And that's what this section is all about coping with broken hearts.

 

So i wanted to share with you my experience of the past four months, spread a little advice (although i use this term loosely as i said every single story here is individual so will have different means to coping.)

 

So 4 months on, I'm human again, i eat, i sleep, i work and i socialize. I spend time by myself- and actually enjoy it, but i also surround myself with family and friends, people in the end who love me. I cannot stress enough how important that last part is, it is no good you sitting in front of a computer all day or your phone, get out even if it's just dragging yourself for a walk around the block do it- it'll make you feel better! But it's even better if you have people around you to vent about what you need to when you need to.

 

Tell your story, tell it until you physically get sick of it yourself- and you will. I cannot tell you when i simply became bored of hearing my own damn story, i got really fed up of being half a person, and a shell of the girl i used too be. So i stopped telling it, i started to think what I wanted and who I wanted to be and started working on that. Now don't get me wrong here, he comes up in conversation, things remind me of him and i still have the occasional message off his mother, but it's stopped becoming so world stopping. It's okay to think about him and it's also okay that things remind me of him, but he no longer has the power to change my world.

 

No contact-it works, it's not there to hurt you, it's not there to get that person back either. It's there to alleviate the hurt and get YOU back. It helps you heal, by removing you from sitting by your phone or facebook all day waiting for a message that inevitably is not going to come.By saying to yourself "you know what i'm just going to stop. I'm going to not contact XXXX for myself" you really are helping yourself move on. It's hard and it sucks- big time, and you get frustrated as you want to call or send that one text as maybe that will bring them back (it won't) but in the end you're only hurting yourself. At the end of my relationship, i messaged, i called, i begged and i so regret that behaviour-perfectly human though! If they want to talk to you they will, and there's also no reason unless they;re hassling you to tell them your starting NC.

 

Block them!!! Facebook is your worst enemy here. After all my stuff went down the first thing i did was block him, and the majority of his friends. The temptation was too great i knew i'd end up sitting there for hours fb stalking him and his friends trying to work out if he really was happy without me. It doesn't matter, steer clear it only hurts you in the end. Nothing you see on there is going to make you happy, it's all an illusion you put up for public so your ex is obviously going to look happy possibly with someone new-and that hurts. A lot. So Block them and do yourself the favour of trying to resist the masochism.

 

 

Get out of the house, please. I know there is nothing more appealing than wrapping yourself in a bubble, and to some extent you need to, but you also need to get out in the world and see people who love and care about you. I've gone through massive phases the last 4 months, i did the go out and get drunk, blind drunk- horrific, too soon ended up paralytic was horribly embarrassed and it didn't solve anything- KNOW YOUR LIMITS! Go out have a few drinks, go to a club get dressed up do your hair etc. and dance like an idiot with your friends and enjoy yourself, speak to the opposite sex but don't rush anything you're not ready for. I did the party stage (in some ways i'm still there but i'm a 21 year old student so..) and for me it was exactly the confidence boost I needed. Your self confidence takes a massive dive when you've been dumped and it's nice to know people still find you attractive. I also did the "get over one by getting under another" this too also helped me see that i'm not a forever alone spinster. I'm not recommending it but for me as an individual it helped being desired.

 

These forums were great for me to purge in, but then some user comments left me feeling ****ty for days. So what I'm trying to say here is, i know people come here to get advice, and some amazing advice is given. But people can also be harsh and vindictive and everyone here is going through something, and humans have the need to create competition if you know what i mean. So stay safe, and if you feel like someone is making unjust comments then start getting away. There's a real world full of real people out there too.

 

So embrace the family and friends you have-they're going to be your biggest support, thank the people on here for there experiences, as it shows you're not alone, but mostly go create a new life that's better without the person who left you. I can almost guarantee you are so much better without them, and you will find the person who is going to make you realize just how amazing you are.

 

Good luck, and trust me it really does get better. Life is amazing if you let it be and there is definitely a light at the end of the tunnel.

 

Stay strong <3

[soccerrprp]

Good for you!

[broken77]

That was amazing. Thank you so much for writing all that. I've been in a bubble, holding my phone, refreshing FB. You're an inspiration, much appreciated.

[broken77]

Read it again. trying to use it as inspiration to get out of bed. I actually think I'm so depressed I should be medicated.

[Anastar]

Bane,

Thanks for sharing your post recovery...it's very encouraging.

I am 7 weeks post breakup, though I'm the one that broke up, I feel dumped. I've written my story on the BU forum. I agree about NC, there's nothing better after a BU. I broke NC twice, at 3 weeks, and again on week 6. Though I didn't beg, I just said that I miss him and love him still, and that I can't help the way I feel. He texted back...but never asked to see me. That hurt so much...just knowing that I told him how I felt and his ambivalent reply. Then last week I texted him saying that I got a great new job (I lost my job a couple of days before we broke up). I also told him that I'm moving to a nicer house (the one I'm living in is very nice as well). Then I said that I hope things are going well for him too. At first he sent me a text congratulating me, but soon after he sent me another text asking a couple of questions about my new job. IDK...I still felt crappy, because I started to wonder why is he asking me these particular questions, when he clearly showed that he's moved on dating someone else he found on online dating, maybe several..who knows and who cares? I'm just beginning to feel better. I guess getting over a BU is harder when you're unemployed...theres all this time to think and obsesses over every word. So now I'm back to a week of NC. Today was the first day I felt ok...just ok though. I know that later tonight I will start to miss him again, but not badly enough to break NC. Can you please give a little more details about your recovery from the BU...like when did you finally feel ok...did you slip back and forth into depression? Like maybe a timeline...

Thanks,

Anastar