Occu3.14'd Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 I figure I'll ask her to meet up for coffee. I don't know what I'll get out of this, but I still feel like complete **** a month after we broke up. I know she'll respond, and I know she'll meet me. I really want to check up on how she's doing. She didn't leave me for GIGS, or some other guy, or any of the other reasons like that. She left me because she's emotionally distressed right now. I think I want to ask her what she's been thinking for the past 5 weeks. If some was starting to move on, wouldn't that be enough time for her to realize that? I guess I just want to find out if there truly is no chance of things ever working out. I haven't begged, pleaded, or manipulated, or anything like that. I still have my dignity, and I know I'll be able to keep it together. I just feel like at this point, it wouldn't make any difference if this put me back at square one, since it feels like I've never moved from there anyway. I won't text her until tomorrow to ask to meet up. If I have a moment of clarity before then, maybe I won't follow through with contacting her. But at this point, my mind is already made up. Am I a moron?
Brokendude Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 Dude, this is a HUGE mistake. If she wanted more she wouldve reached out already, when both my exes came back to me, they initiated it coz i went nc. But it just never felt the same so the relationships faltered. If u think ur hurting now man, picture urself when she acts so nice to u and looks so good and u cant touch her the same way, hold her the same way and have her act just "friendly" u will be sooo devastated. Im not discouraging u man but please think it through, ive been thru a lot when it comes to these and im experienced enough to kno what im talkin about. If dumpers wanted to reach out, they easily will, i feel for u coz i kno how u feel, but pls dude think of how awful this will feel, closure comes from within, never from other people 3
paras1te Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 Hey I'm just a believer here. And I think you could do it but really go slow. Don't really show interest just make her interested in you again. Good Luck
mike588 Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 I figure I'll ask her to meet up for coffee. I don't know what I'll get out of this, but I still feel like complete **** a month after we broke up. I know she'll respond, and I know she'll meet me. I really want to check up on how she's doing. She didn't leave me for GIGS, or some other guy, or any of the other reasons like that. She left me because she's emotionally distressed right now. I think I want to ask her what she's been thinking for the past 5 weeks. If some was starting to move on, wouldn't that be enough time for her to realize that? I guess I just want to find out if there truly is no chance of things ever working out. I haven't begged, pleaded, or manipulated, or anything like that. I still have my dignity, and I know I'll be able to keep it together. I just feel like at this point, it wouldn't make any difference if this put me back at square one, since it feels like I've never moved from there anyway. I won't text her until tomorrow to ask to meet up. If I have a moment of clarity before then, maybe I won't follow through with contacting her. But at this point, my mind is already made up. Am I a moron? No your not a moron....yet. Don't contact her.... Let her reach out to you. If she wants to talk or contact you she will just as much as if she wants to get back together with you she'll let you know! Meeting up with her is a mistake.
Author Occu3.14'd Posted August 19, 2012 Author Posted August 19, 2012 Really though, What do I have to lose? If she tells me she's moving on, at least I can get rid of hope.
Brokendude Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 (edited) Occu, u have everythig to lose!!! Self respect, dignity, and the healing uve already started by not chasing after her. Tomorrows plan is the 100 percent proof way on how to push an ex even farther, thats the truth. If things dont go well ull be even more hurt, have much less power and even feel more helpless because uve finally given her all ur power and self respect. I have nothing to gain from this but im adamant because ive seen many many times how these last ditch effort end. Even if she takes u back, u will constantly feel insecure with her because u dont kno if she got back w u out of love or pity and dread her leaving at anytime. If she comes back to u, THEN YOU KNOW FOR SURE!!! Edited August 19, 2012 by Brokendude
mike588 Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 Really though, What do I have to lose? If she tells me she's moving on, at least I can get rid of hope. Your holding on to hope...it's ok..we've all been there! How would you really react if she said it's over for good or......there is someone else?? Again..if she want's to be with you she WILL let you know!! You need to try to move on and assume it's over. I'm sure she knows how you feel so just leave her alone and disappear. I know it's hard but it really is the best thing you can do for yourself.
whatdoesntkillyou Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 Don't do it man, don't do it. My boyfriend and I broke up under similar circumstances - he was emotionally distressed. He's not dating, we loved each other when we broke up, and HE reached out to me after 4 weeks of LC. This is what happened. What do you think the possibilities are: She misses you and wants you back. But wouldn't she TRY to reach out to you first?She doesn't miss you and doesn't want you back. So why would you throw your dignity in just to confirm that?She is confused and still distressed - you meeting her up might add to that confusion and push her away further. Look what happened to me! I went in to clarify things and left even more confused. Give her a bit more time, and give yourself a bit more time. I can completely empathise with how you feel right now but trust me - I have been there. You are NOT ready to see her without being hurt. And in all likelihood, nor is she. Hang in there!!
Author Occu3.14'd Posted August 19, 2012 Author Posted August 19, 2012 I'm just afraid that the longer she doesn't hear from me, the easier it will be for her to forget me.
SoConfusedAndInShock Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 What do you think the possibilities are: She misses you and wants you back. But wouldn't she TRY to reach out to you first?She doesn't miss you and doesn't want you back. So why would you throw your dignity in just to confirm that?She is confused and still distressed - you meeting her up might add to that confusion and push her away further. Look what happened to me! I went in to clarify things and left even more confused. oh my my i had one of those moments today...i was so close to breaking NC after 2 DAMN MONTHS!!! but then i got grilled by the whole fam and my friends. im glad i didnt now. Everything whatdoesntkillyou said is how i feel every day about him.... hey think of it this way, they DUMPED US! if they realllyyyy wanted anything to do with us they would have contacted us by now...ok so ur talking about a month of NC haha try 2 months. we dated 2 yrs and he ended it because of a stupid argument. 1 damn argument mind you! i got a txt from a mutual friend telling me how my ex is "living the life" (so i went 2 months w/o hearing anything about him or from him) and here i was today contemplating on texting him when someone texted me saying "wow hes living the life while ur still sad" yes it killed me to hear that but in a way that made it clear for me.... why make it seem like you cant live for yourself without the dumper when clearly they didnt take a sec out of their life to "think" about you or make contact if you actually meant something to them?? i know my ex is so damn stubborn and very prideful but no matter how bad i want him i just want to see what i mean to him. clearly at this point im dead to him. unless you really wanna be her friend or give her more reasons to think that ur cool with the BU, then DONT DO IT! just my though but at the end of the day ur gonna do what you think is right.
esteem-jam Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 (edited) I know she'll respond, and I know she'll meet me. You could be very wrong about this. I really want to check up on how she's doing. Translates as: I really want to be together with her. There is a word used in these forums- patronizing, I think you sound like that, especially here: She didn't leave me for GIGS, or some other guy, or any of the other reasons like that. She left me because she's emotionally distressed right now. Its like you are in control of her feelings and know her every move and reason. Even if so, people dont like that. People dont like be told what they are feeling and what they should do. I remember my crush told me this: "Its like you are keeping the rights on MY decisions." It left me baffled, she was kind of right. Edited August 19, 2012 by esteem-jam No, you are not a moron ;p
Author Occu3.14'd Posted August 19, 2012 Author Posted August 19, 2012 I still haven't called her. I can't seem to bring myself to do it. But I feel like complete f*cking ***** today. When is this going to end...
Dblock10 Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 i say do what you want. but know this, if you break nc now and get rejected again, sure it will sting, but it may help you move on or for good put it aside, it would also mean you would be left feeling even worse, even more weak... plus as time then goes on again, you would start to think, hmm maybe i shouldnt have done that, and if i hadnt maybe she would have contacted me by now. but seriously when you wait for contact, when they do contact its only going to be chit chat. if an ex hasnt begged for you back within a couple days, i highly doubt after a long time they would suddenly start
mike588 Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 I still haven't called her. I can't seem to bring myself to do it. But I feel like complete f*cking ***** today. When is this going to end... Good job...don't call her. It will end in time...there is no set amount of time when you'll be feeling better or over her. Hanging on...calling..texting etc. will only delay you getting over it. You need to assume it's OVER and move on. Like I and others have said if she wants to contact you SHE WILL!!!!! My ex. dumped me for her ex. 1 year ago and after several texts and emails (about 2 days of contact) I went strict No Contact believing I'd NEVER ever hear from her again. I sooooo wanted to contact her....to let her know I was thinking about her...reminding her that I was still here for her and hoping she wouldn't forget about me. THANK GOD I listened to people here and didn't!!!!!!!!!! Looking back on it now I would have looked so lame and pathetic!!!! Oh...6 months later she contacted me several times. Hang in there..it does get better...it really does!
jmjacobs31 Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 I still haven't called her. I can't seem to bring myself to do it. But I feel like complete f*cking ***** today. When is this going to end... This sounds like me. I want to call him all the time. It sucks. I dont call/email/text because whats the point. So can I feel more like ****? He knows how I feel, I know how he feels so there is no need to go through more pain then necessary. Proud of you for restraining! good job!
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