BenH1000 Posted August 18, 2012 Posted August 18, 2012 I recently moved to a new city and have joined OKCupid so I could begin dating girls in the area. I am a bit concerned however that I may have gotten myself in over my head a bit. I am not sure if it's just that I wrote a good profile for myself or if it was the pictures that I put up, but I have been getting, on average, 1-2 messages per day from girls. Over half of these are from girls I'm a) attracted to and b) interested in meeting and getting to know better. I almost never message girls on OKCupid first, I usually let them come to me. All sounds great, right? Why would I be complaining? My concern is that I literally am going to get myself in over my head by having so many different dates. Specifically if I begin having second, third, fourth, etc dates with several of these girls. How do I manage this? I want to have fun, and I don't want to avoid meeting a girl for a drink just because I've got other dates lined up. Anyone have any advice??
mario_C Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 This is what is known as a good problem. You're doing insanely well, so enjoy it as much as you can. Just be prepared to make some tough decisions and be selective for second dates.
madjac74 Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 This is the whole concept behind dating. It is sampling and getting to know different people to see who is best for you. I'm sure they are doing it too. Unless you have made a commitment to one of them then you are living the dream...or nightmare in some dating cases
musemaj11 Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 If you can afford the cost of dating multiple women at once, I see no reason why you should choose only one unless you prefer that.
RedRobin Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 You should know that not all women doing OLD are multidating. Despite what some of the guys here say. If your style is to multidate you need to be honest about it. Smart women know when they are being lied to or not getting the whole story and will dump you. Also I believe the matching algorithm in KC stops putting you in front of the best ladies if you get blocked. Something to consider as you go into your adventures. 1
2.50 a gallon Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 Do not bring these girls around your mom. She will pick a favorite and then go about cutting the rest out of the herd. While you are still out and having fun she is searching for the mother of her grand babies. So while Nancy the Nurse might be the first you'd cut, and you just got to know Big Boobs Barb the Beautician, if your mom doesn't like her, Barb will be telling you to get lost, and you will still be dating the nurse. Also, if you are smart you will begin cut back starting in early November. I once had to eat 4 Thanksgiving dinners in one day, I never made to the fourth one. 1
Pompom Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 As long as your dating profile is active, you are officially single and don't pretend to be in love with any of those girls, dating one after another shouldn't be a problem. Going back and forth between them, might be. That is only okay when it's clear to everyone that it's all just for fun. However as soon as you raise expectations for more, you have to either own up if you meant it, or break it off if she overrated your affections. Also, it should be pretty easy to handle, since you're unlikely to feel the same amount of attraction or affection for each one. Just keep the one who affects you most. I also got a pretty successful profile and I meet quite a few, but while I don't teall each one who I've met the other week, they know that as long as I am on that site, I am considering myself single and not owing anyone my loyalty. I allow them the same freedom to date me once or twice, and then move on if it doesn't work out. If I'm number 10 that month, doesn't bother me, as long as I'm not made to believe that I'm special to the guy.
Charlie Harper Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 If you can afford it and having fun WHY NOT? 2 words of advise: Be yourself and let the chips fall where they should.. Do go to the same places to avoid unlucky encounters. 1
rocketman122 Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 Im a bit traditional in that I believe you should date one girl at a time. go for a date , see how it goes. if yes, keep going, if not then move on. I believe multidating is disrespectful and while I have options for non stop dates I just dont do it. I dont think youre able to focus on that person and let a relationship blossom if youre mind is on every other piece of puwssy you have waiting to ride you. in fact, If I close a date with a woman to meet and I get messages from other woman, I just dont read the messages. I had a date when the woman was a multidater. her phone kept ringing and it was from other prospectors. she wanted another date. I never called again. the least you should do is put your phone on silent.
Author BenH1000 Posted August 19, 2012 Author Posted August 19, 2012 You should know that not all women doing OLD are multidating. Despite what some of the guys here say. If your style is to multidate you need to be honest about it. Smart women know when they are being lied to or not getting the whole story and will dump you. Also I believe the matching algorithm in KC stops putting you in front of the best ladies if you get blocked. Something to consider as you go into your adventures. Sorry, you mind explaining this to me? Not sure I follow.
Author BenH1000 Posted August 19, 2012 Author Posted August 19, 2012 Im a bit traditional in that I believe you should date one girl at a time. go for a date , see how it goes. if yes, keep going, if not then move on. I believe multidating is disrespectful and while I have options for non stop dates I just dont do it. I dont think youre able to focus on that person and let a relationship blossom if youre mind is on every other piece of puwssy you have waiting to ride you. in fact, If I close a date with a woman to meet and I get messages from other woman, I just dont read the messages. I had a date when the woman was a multidater. her phone kept ringing and it was from other prospectors. she wanted another date. I never called again. the least you should do is put your phone on silent. Yeah, that's totally inconsiderate. I would never do that, even on an awful date (well, maybe if the date was like the worst ever). And I see what you're saying, but I also want to "experience" dating lots of different girls to see what type of girl I'd match up best with. I'm not just out to get the p****. And it seems like a lot of the girls on OKC have the same mindset as me: casual, casual, casual. So I figure there's really no problem other than making time and figuring out what kind of girl I really want. 1
joystickd Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 I say keep doing it and be honest about it. If you want eventually figure out harem management and teach other guys. 1
joystickd Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 Sorry, you mind explaining this to me? Not sure I follow. Best thing is instead of doing online meet women offline. There are a lot of single women that don't really touch OLD. They are not as desperate as their online counterparts.
Buck Turgidson Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 Im a bit traditional in that I believe you should date one girl at a time. No you're not. Well, I mean, I'm sure that you believe people should date one girl at a time, but don't fool yourself into thinking that that is a "traditional" attitude. That is, in fact, a rather radical departure from traditional attitudes towards dating as it has actually been practiced since about 1920. The traditional attitude would in fact be to date around until you found someone to "go steady" with.
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Feelin Frisky Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 Tisk tisk, my heart bleeds for you, Ben. You'll just have to call it as you see it--what can you afford, how many lies can you juggle? Good luck.
joystickd Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 No you're not. Well, I mean, I'm sure that you believe people should date one girl at a time, but don't fool yourself into thinking that that is a "traditional" attitude. That is, in fact, a rather radical departure from traditional attitudes towards dating as it has actually been practiced since about 1920. The traditional attitude would in fact be to date around until you found someone to "go steady" with. I agree but now most people got egos and they want to be the sole focus 1
mysteryscape Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 people "dated around" -- nobody would have called it "multidating," it was sometimes called "playing the field" -- but it was also a world in which people, especially the women, were much more sexually innocent -- I doubt that you can have the playing the field and the vastly increased sexual license without having much trouble -- which is what we typically have now.
FitChick Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 Nothing wrong with having a short meet and greet (in fact, I'd call it that to them). You won't want to have a real date with all of them and neither will most of them want to date you. That's just the way it is. If you are lucky you will find someone with whom there is more or less equal interest. I'd find out sooner rather than later what they are looking for -- short term or long term or dating someone they'd consider marriage material. That would eliminate a lot of them. Better to be up front than string anyone along. If they lie and pretend they want the same thing and they don't, that is their problem if they get their heart broken.
oldshirt Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 let's slow down a bit here Cowboy. Have you actually MET any of these women in real life yet?????? I don't want to be a buzzkill and hate to pop your balloon but women on dating websites are notoriously flakey. Many of them just get their kicks and entertainment by having guys write to them and tell them how cute and smart and funny they are and women get flattered by having a variety of guys asking them out and hitting on them but when push comes to shove they don't actually materialize into a face-to-face meeting in the real world. I'm not saying that none of these girls will actually show up and meet you in the real physical world but I would bet the farm that the pretty vast majority of them will always have an excuse on why they can't make it on any particular occasion (and some of the real reasons are that their boyfriend/husband had other plans for that evening) Here's another reality check, a good number of these "women" on dating sites are 'bots' and believe it or not a suprising number of them are also weirdo guys that live in their moms basement and are playing psycho internet tricks on people while sitting around in their underwear eating cheetos and spanking it with the other hand. So while at the moment it may seem like you will soon be swim'n in women, the reality is you will actually be meeting and actually going on dates with a small fractions of the ones that are telling you that you are cute and that you seem really nice etc etc.
oldshirt Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 Now to answer the actual question that you asked, yes I believe people SHOULD date casually and NOT be tied down to one person untill they reach a point in their relationship that they know that they only want to be with this one person and both people expressly agree to only date each other exclusively. At it's core, dating is an interview and try-out process to get to know each other in order to determine if this is the person that you want to enter into a legally binding contract (ie "marriage" ) and produce offspring together with. Untill the time comes in the relationship that both people expressly agree to exclusivity both people are perfectly free to come and go and date and spend time with whoever they want. It is not only OK to date people that interest you casually and without expectation, it is a healthy and appropriate thing to do. The big caveat of course is that you do not deceive or mislead people into believing that you are in love with them and are committed to them when in fact you are not. It's OK to be compassionate and not be an @$$hole about and flaunt it in their face that they are just one of many but it is important that you be open and honest about it.
Radu Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 I recently moved to a new city and have joined OKCupid so I could begin dating girls in the area. I am a bit concerned however that I may have gotten myself in over my head a bit. I am not sure if it's just that I wrote a good profile for myself or if it was the pictures that I put up, but I have been getting, on average, 1-2 messages per day from girls. Over half of these are from girls I'm a) attracted to and b) interested in meeting and getting to know better. I almost never message girls on OKCupid first, I usually let them come to me. All sounds great, right? Why would I be complaining? My concern is that I literally am going to get myself in over my head by having so many different dates. Specifically if I begin having second, third, fourth, etc dates with several of these girls. How do I manage this? I want to have fun, and I don't want to avoid meeting a girl for a drink just because I've got other dates lined up. Anyone have any advice?? Keep a chart on hand.
RedRobin Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 OP, Most dating sites (OKCupid included) have rather sophisticated 'matching' criteria and algorithms designed to optimize their business model... which is to make the most money out of you. If Mr/Ms online dater is getting blocked by their dates (happens when you piss people off, lie, or are rude), your 'rating' will diminish and you won't be popping up as an option to the ones who are more popular... So don't lie in your dating pursuits. It has unexpected consequences... even in the 'anonymous' world of OLD... not to mention what I always say... Not everything is covered by condoms and insurance...
Author BenH1000 Posted August 20, 2012 Author Posted August 20, 2012 (edited) let's slow down a bit here Cowboy. Have you actually MET any of these women in real life yet?????? I don't want to be a buzzkill and hate to pop your balloon but women on dating websites are notoriously flakey. Many of them just get their kicks and entertainment by having guys write to them and tell them how cute and smart and funny they are and women get flattered by having a variety of guys asking them out and hitting on them but when push comes to shove they don't actually materialize into a face-to-face meeting in the real world. I'm not saying that none of these girls will actually show up and meet you in the real physical world but I would bet the farm that the pretty vast majority of them will always have an excuse on why they can't make it on any particular occasion (and some of the real reasons are that their boyfriend/husband had other plans for that evening) Here's another reality check, a good number of these "women" on dating sites are 'bots' and believe it or not a suprising number of them are also weirdo guys that live in their moms basement and are playing psycho internet tricks on people while sitting around in their underwear eating cheetos and spanking it with the other hand. So while at the moment it may seem like you will soon be swim'n in women, the reality is you will actually be meeting and actually going on dates with a small fractions of the ones that are telling you that you are cute and that you seem really nice etc etc. Well, buck, hate to break it to you, but yeah, it is real life and I am in fact meeting these women. Met the first one last week (haven't met others yet because I've been really busy with this summer class that ends this week), and 2nd date we hit 3rd base when I crashed at her place. I don't say this to stroke my ego, I say it to deflate yours. I have another date lined up for next Friday with a different chick and then like 2 or 3 with other women the following week. I can send you personal updates on how each of them goes if you want. One poster suggested to keep a chart. PM me your address and I'll send you a copy. They ain't bots, dude. These are real women, and they're attractive, and they're reaching out to ME, wanting to meet. So I hate to be the bearer of bad news but yeah, this **** is happening and I'd appreciate some constructive recommendations instead of you trying to make this all seem like some sort of fake, overblown scenario. I've gotten six intro messages this weekend alone from girls (two weren't great, other four are pretty hot). Edited August 20, 2012 by BenH1000
Author BenH1000 Posted August 20, 2012 Author Posted August 20, 2012 Now to answer the actual question that you asked, yes I believe people SHOULD date casually and NOT be tied down to one person untill they reach a point in their relationship that they know that they only want to be with this one person and both people expressly agree to only date each other exclusively. At it's core, dating is an interview and try-out process to get to know each other in order to determine if this is the person that you want to enter into a legally binding contract (ie "marriage" ) and produce offspring together with. Untill the time comes in the relationship that both people expressly agree to exclusivity both people are perfectly free to come and go and date and spend time with whoever they want. It is not only OK to date people that interest you casually and without expectation, it is a healthy and appropriate thing to do. The big caveat of course is that you do not deceive or mislead people into believing that you are in love with them and are committed to them when in fact you are not. It's OK to be compassionate and not be an @$$hole about and flaunt it in their face that they are just one of many but it is important that you be open and honest about it. Sorry, just seeing this now. Good advice, I appreciate this, but the previous post was kind of a lot of BS dude, no offense.
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