Am313 Posted August 18, 2012 Posted August 18, 2012 (edited) Hello everyone, and that you in advance for your help. Long story short my girlfriend of 10 months broke things off about a month ago. When we started dating she was divorced for a year, had two kids and moved back home with parents. She's 27, I'm 25. I didn't want a relationship, she did, then vice-versa. After ups and downs and some emotional moments, we started out relationship. We had amazing chemistry, couldn't keep our hands off each other the whole time. We were best friends. It was a very emotional relationship, we loved each other dearly. We also had big fights a lot, usually when drinking. I pushed her away with the fighting, and for a couple weeks things weren't good: She was distant, I would ignore her and she'd break up with me while drunk. Finally, she broke up with stating as her reason that she didn't want anymore kids. I said goodbye and walked away. For 3 weeks she texted, called, and emailed (usually while drinking). She was on vacation for 4 days and contacted me everyday. I pretty much ignored her. I sent back maybe 2 or 3 texts, saying only I can't help her feel better about breaking up with me, or telling her to just leave me alone.* Last week I finally gave in and she came over and we talked. We wanted to work things out. I told her that I'm afraid that shes just making me her doormat and she just wants me around to feel better about things. She swore she wasn't, that she doesn't do that, she promised me I could trust her and told me she was scared, too. She said not having children again wasn't set in stone, and that she constantly questioned herself. She's very insecure, somewhat needy, and emotionally all over the place. I could deal with that, just couldn't deal with her pushing me away when things in her life stressed her out. I'll admit, I was needy as well but I also told her I was and worked on it. I wasn't smothering and wasn't clingy, gave her space and throughout our relationship I just waited on her to make plans, partly because of her kids and things in her life, partly because I didn't want to be around her all the time. With the exception of dates and a weekend night, she usually called to hang out. She did most of the texting, calling, etc. We had a good couple days, then we got into a small argument. We talked things out the next day (well she did), and that was that. The next two days she was distant again, but instead of ignoring her I called and texted. The last day she totally ignored me. The next night she texted me saying she misses me, she's sorry her phone wasn't working, and to stop arguing and fighting. The next day I told her I don't buy her story, but I don't care and I'm dropping it, let's just move on (as a couple). That was two days ago, she's been silent since. Last night she called up to the bar I was at to ask if I was there, and after getting confirmation from the bartender, she went to another bar. I should mention that while were broke up this last time, she did the same thing each weekend. This morning I dumped her via text (I know, but it was easiest for me. Seeing her hurts). I said I'm sick of her games, I'm done and take care.* I am sick of her games, I feel like I'm being used to help her feel better. She's blowing hot and cold and that's too much. I admit, I played games too. Not to hurt her and not to mislead her, but because I wanted her to genuinely miss me so we could work things out. She responded 20 minutes later "honestly I thought you were done, it's whatever I'm sick of the back and forth, it's not good for us, and I'm not mad".* That's that. My question is.....any insight into why she was acting this way? Have you ever done this? If so, why? Edited August 18, 2012 by Am313
Jennifer2012 Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 She just sounds VERY emotional and unstable. You're 25!!! Do you really want to date someone who has been divorced, has 2 kids and is totally inconsiderate of your needs in the relationship?
Author Am313 Posted August 19, 2012 Author Posted August 19, 2012 Good point.....I started lots of fights (drunk) because my needs weren't being met. Divorced, kids, etc....I didn't want to date her in the beginning partly because of that, but it didn't take long for me to not care about that anymore.
Jennifer2012 Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 Fights don't happen when two people are content in their relationship. You're probably drawn to this woman for some reason, but ultimately it sounds like this is a relationship that will not work out. Remember, things usually get worse, not better.
Author Am313 Posted August 19, 2012 Author Posted August 19, 2012 (edited) Unfortunately, last night we stayed together (no sex). She "popped in" where I was at and saw me having a genuinely good time with friends and flirting with another woman who she knows I have a history with. There was touching, there was flirting, and I'm sure some jealousy. HOWEVER, the one time I'm certain she saw all of that, I didn't notice it until right after it happened, and I felt bad because I DID NOT WANT TO RUB HER FACE IN IT.....Man I felt stupid. A little bit later I left and didn't say goodbye to anyone, I just went home and listened to music until the other woman called.....wanting sex.....but I declined. Then the ex texts me and she admitted that she played a song in the bar for me (before she saw the flirting, etc) and that she was on her way to my house and to please come outside. She cannot, for the life of her, be vulnerable around anyone. She rarely let's anyone close enough to hurt her. She's opened up to me only twice before, and last night I told her she has to speak freely and open up, I waited patiently and she finally let it all out. I know when she's just speaking her mind, I know when shes talking out of her ass, and I know when she's opening up and making herself vulnerable. She said she knows damn well that her heart and her head want me, but everyone else questions what she's doing with me (my friends ask me the same question). Her family likes me a lot, but they're un sure. The truth is, which I explained to her and we both agreed upon, is that not one of our friends our family members ever took the time to get to know me or her. They make judgments, opinions, and statements based on their own feelings, without ever actually getting to know me or her. She admitted I'm one of only 3 people who really know her, not even her friends or family who make these judgements about us understand her. I know she was being honest, but what I don't know if she can get over her insecurities. That sucks, because we are drawn to each other like no one else we've been with before. Edited August 19, 2012 by Am313
changchewsoon Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 Finally, she broke up with stating as her reason that she didn't want anymore kids. I was dating a widow with a child, and in the begining of the relationship she tried to convince me that she doesn't want anymore kids even after we're married. Fast forward 4.5 years later, we are no longer together. Our very last conversation was about me wanting to have children with her, and I wasn't able to get her commitment that she will love the child I am going to have with her the same way with her current child from the late husband.
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