Coming up 2 months of NC...still feeling like sh*t.

August 18, 2012

so some of you have probably ready my previous threads....well background: dated 2 yrs. he BU with me 2 months ago and after one week of talking like nothing happened i went full on NC w/o knowing what i was doing. well im glad i did because whats the point of hanging around someone who doesn't want me yet wants to talk? Anyways, 2 months of NC is coming up any sec now and im just so blown he hasn't made one contact.

i still find it very hard to go out and my days are so shi*ty. some days are as if it was day 1. i miss the shi* of out this guy but now im forced to accept whats taken place as it seems like hes NEVER coming back or the chances of us talking are out the window. UGH idc im just so disappointed at myself for thinking "oh geez he'll prob reach out at some point if hes got any heart what so ever" well, BS "thinking" ALL THE WAY! i was just kidding myself. what an idiot i am at times to think that after 2 yrs of good relationship he would miss me, he might contact me, he just might reach out by now?! IM SO STUPID!!! [worst summer ever!]

Anyways my point is, here i am 2 months after BU & strong NC im still not feeling better. everyone around me thinks im starting to move on, but honestly im drowning in my own pain. I want to be ok, but hes on my fuc*ing mind 24/7. i sleep maybe 3-4 hours in the morning. tears are starting to fade (i think?) but my heart still longs and waits for him. i must have been such a bad person for him to not wanna talk to me after all this time. Why did i ever think he might have a change of heart in the future?

HES NEVER COMING BACK after all this time (specially after not talking for 2 damn months straight) lately i started to notice that a lot of people look like him, i see his car every where, i dream about him constantly...this is torture! what am i doing wrong with my life that im not moving on when he's living his life life his life depended on it...im pathetic, my heart is starting to heal (well not really but better than week 1) but my mind is being an a** to my entire well being.

WHAT DO I DO LS FAM?

Who's been on NC for this long (2 months or more and haven't heard a thing from the ex?)

Edited August 18, 2012 by SoConfusedAndInShock

August 18, 2012

First of all, stop putting yourself down. You're not stupid, you're not an idiot, and you're not pathetic. Negative self talk isn't going to help you at all. You are being too hard on yourself.

I have been on NC since the day my ex broke up with me, and that was a little over four months ago. I deleted his number from my phone and asked him to delete mine from his. He said he would, and low and behold, he didn't. 3 weeks after the breakup he began texting me, called me once, and e-mailed me a couple of times. It was all frivolous bulls**t (breadcrumbs)....so I ignored all of it and blocked him. I don't need his sh*t.

I am sorry that I really don't have any advice, but I just wanted you to know that you are not alone. I still think about him and the relationship on a fairly regular basis. I am doing better than I was two months ago, but I still have my days where it hurts really bad and I feel really down (like today). I still dream about him too, and when I wake up, I'm like, really? I can't even stop thinking about him in my sleep??

I feel the opposite of you though, I feel that my brain gets it, but my heart won't let go. If I would have just listened to my brain all along I would have saved myself a lot of heartache.

Just keep up with the NC (you’re doing really well!), we will get to where we need to be eventually, it is just going to take time. In the meantime, work on being happy with yourself and who you are. You don't need anyone else to make you happy. You're awesome and your happiness comes from within you.

Edited August 18, 2012 by SadPanda22

August 18, 2012

I'm sorry you're feeling the pain. I don't know if I've ever read that NC would be easy, but in most cases, it will lead to faster healing and a more stable mindset for yourself. I know it seems borderline cultish, but it really is an effective tool to do one thing- recover. Sometimes, NC reels them back in after they've been deprived. Most times, they've already moved on, so NC protects already damaged feelings and emotions from being hurt further.

Imagine if he had contacted you a month ago. What if he said he missed you and you were way better than his new girlfriend? But then he said he still wanted to be with her. How much lower would you feel? How much more frustrated? How much more on the hook for him would you be? With NC, you avoid that and work on yourself, but it takes strength. With NC, you can at least preserve dignity for yourself, and keep some of that former relationship image intact.

Honestly, from how great you sound, I really don't doubt he'll come knocking at some point, maybe after his little thing with the summer fling is over, maybe right before you marry guy C, but somewhere he will. Remember how guy A did after you were a month and a half out? Guaranteed, guy A has been wanting to contact you since he heard of your break, and was just dying to contact you but waited the customary month before sending that text. You see some people here who go years and then an ex pops back into their life.

For me, moving on isn't some point I hope to attain, it's been a mindset that every day I try to hold up to, and mostly fail. There's so much of me that wants my ex back that it's pretty impossible to do anything but gnaw on my pillow and nothing else for a day. Our summers are gone, eaten away by our breaks. Take back the Fall. You want to be single. You want to meet new people, not to spite him, but to further grow your circle and experiences.

Stay strong SCAIS. Your friends and family think you're moving on? That's fantastic, even if you don't feel like you are, they won't badger you about him, and being surrounded by people not thinking of him will seep into you as well.

August 18, 2012

First of all, stop putting yourself down. You're not stupid, you're not an idiot, and you're not pathetic. Negative self talk isn't going to help you at all. You are being too hard on yourself.

I have been on NC since the day my ex broke up with me, and that was a little over four months ago. I deleted his number from my phone and asked him to delete mine from his. He said he would, and low and behold, he didn't. 3 weeks after the breakup he began texting me, called me once, and e-mailed me a couple of times. It was all frivolous bulls**t (breadcrumbs)....so I ignored all of it and blocked him. I don't need his sh*t.

I am sorry that I really don't have any advice, but I just wanted you to know that you are not alone. I still think about him and the relationship on a fairly regular basis. I am doing better than I was two months ago, but I still have my days where it hurts really bad and I feel really down (like today). I still dream about him too, and when I wake up, I'm like, really? I can't even stop thinking about him in my sleep??

I feel the opposite of you though, I feel that my brain gets it, but my heart won't let go. If I would have just listened to my brain all along I would have saved myself a lot of heartache.

Just keep up with the NC (you’re doing really well!), we will get to where we need to be eventually, it is just going to take time. In the meantime, work on being happy with yourself and who you are. You don't need anyone else to make you happy. You're awesome and your happiness comes from within you.

SadPanda22

THANK YOU for sharing your journey and for also being so honest with what i should hear and not just what i wanna hear. And i will keep NC until the end of the world if that's what it means lol hopefully somewhere down the road we will all come back here and laugh about this as well... thanks again for the reply

August 18, 2012

I'm sorry you're feeling the pain. I don't know if I've ever read that NC would be easy, but in most cases, it will lead to faster healing and a more stable mindset for yourself. I know it seems borderline cultish, but it really is an effective tool to do one thing- recover. Sometimes, NC reels them back in after they've been deprived. Most times, they've already moved on, so NC protects already damaged feelings and emotions from being hurt further.

Imagine if he had contacted you a month ago. What if he said he missed you and you were way better than his new girlfriend? But then he said he still wanted to be with her. How much lower would you feel? How much more frustrated? How much more on the hook for him would you be? With NC, you avoid that and work on yourself, but it takes strength. With NC, you can at least preserve dignity for yourself, and keep some of that former relationship image intact.

Honestly, from how great you sound, I really don't doubt he'll come knocking at some point, maybe after his little thing with the summer fling is over, maybe right before you marry guy C, but somewhere he will. Remember how guy A did after you were a month and a half out? Guaranteed, guy A has been wanting to contact you since he heard of your break, and was just dying to contact you but waited the customary month before sending that text. You see some people here who go years and then an ex pops back into their life.

For me, moving on isn't some point I hope to attain, it's been a mindset that every day I try to hold up to, and mostly fail. There's so much of me that wants my ex back that it's pretty impossible to do anything but gnaw on my pillow and nothing else for a day. Our summers are gone, eaten away by our breaks. Take back the Fall. You want to be single. You want to meet new people, not to spite him, but to further grow your circle and experiences.

Stay strong SCAIS. Your friends and family think you're moving on? That's fantastic, even if you don't feel like you are, they won't badger you about him, and being surrounded by people not thinking of him will seep into you as well.

well well, if it isnt Mr. Floored himself i just love hearing from you and KatZee on my threads. you both smack some sense into me when im a hot mess. I really hope you are right about things in the future. and yes in a way im glad im not getting breadcrumbs because thats just so painful to look but not touch to smell but not taste if you get my point. if its not the full package, i really don't want any of it. why inflict pain on myself if hes not willing. I will not play mind games with anyone because thats just so not ok even if it kills me not to be in contact with him, i have enough self respect than to keep chasing someone who clearly doesnt want me... anyways thanks Floored for the encouraging words once again. btw, your ex is dumb for leaving you you sound like a very wonderful person.

August 20, 2012

well well, if it isnt Mr. Floored himself i just love hearing from you and KatZee on my threads. you both smack some sense into me when im a hot mess. I really hope you are right about things in the future. and yes in a way im glad im not getting breadcrumbs because thats just so painful to look but not touch to smell but not taste if you get my point. if its not the full package, i really don't want any of it. why inflict pain on myself if hes not willing. I will not play mind games with anyone because thats just so not ok even if it kills me not to be in contact with him, i have enough self respect than to keep chasing someone who clearly doesnt want me... anyways thanks Floored for the encouraging words once again. btw, your ex is dumb for leaving you you sound like a very wonderful person.

Keep that talk up, and I'll burst from the ego I'll get. And last I heard, KatZee had a hot dot, right? Maybe she's moved on to the dating sub.

Today go any better for you? Also, I hope you held out; if so, come claim your two month NC badge! And you're 3% of the way to your three month badge! Holy honey smacks, I can't wait for that day.

edit: actual lol, why did my 'date' autocorrect to 'dot'? I'll leave it, seems funny

August 20, 2012

I've been NC for 2 months now as well. I haven't even heard a peep from him. I doubt he's coming back or even thinks of me. I also think about him 24/7. I could be busy all day and then at night, he creeps in. I don't wake up in the mornings thinking of him anymore, but I zone out at work and he's in my thoughts. I wish he would talk to me, email me, anything, at this point. I guess it'll make me feel better.

August 21, 2012

I've been NC for 2 months now as well. I haven't even heard a peep from him. I doubt he's coming back or even thinks of me. I also think about him 24/7. I could be busy all day and then at night, he creeps in. I don't wake up in the mornings thinking of him anymore, but I zone out at work and he's in my thoughts. I wish he would talk to me, email me, anything, at this point. I guess it'll make me feel better.

OMGGG i know exactly what you mean. i actually started going out of the house hanging out with friends and i had caught myself laughing here and there, i go to the gym BUT still he is constantly on my damn mind. There aren't days where i don't think about how dirty he did me wrong and to think that he would care a little to even say hello once in a while. PSHHH lets laugh at that

i just want one text/call, a simple "hey how are you?" from him.

UGH just to fuc*ing make me feel like i did matter a little bit but sadly after 2 years I dont... how sad! clearly i dont even exist in his world right now. im sure hes wiped me and all memories of me the min he walked away.

guess u and i are not the lucky ppl who get that one awaited ex text msg after all...its been 2 months for Christ sake!

August 21, 2012

I know...I think the same way. He's done with me. I don't matter to him. He's having his fun and I'm wondering if he's missing me. I know I shouldn't, but I do kinda want some sort of contact. I just can't believe that I didn't mean anything. Did our love really ever exist for him? Because it sure heck did for me. We were planning a life together and he just walked away from it all like a cancelled appointment. I feel your pain, girl.

August 21, 2012

Hi SoConfused, it's been a couple weeks since I've posted on here (moving on nicely and started dating again, woohoo!). But enough about me...

Why do you even want him to text you a simple "Hey how are you"? There are countless threads out there where someone over-analyzes a zillion possibilities over a small breadcrumb. Sure, you may get transient happiness but it'll drive you insane after that short time. I understand that an ex is like an addiction. Going from routine contact to none at all really is the equivalent of quitting smoking cold turkey. You'll want one small contact....then you'll want even more. And what do you think this will do to your dignity and emotions in the long run? When you look back at this situation, you'll realize that him NOT contacting you is actually a blessing in disguise!

Not sure what you're actively doing to try to get over him - but try to avoid alone time for now. Every weekend, I've had some sort of activity - whether it's going out to a bar/club, hanging out with old friends, meeting new people (platonically), participating in new and old hobbies, started going to church, etc. The more you do, the less you'll think of him, and the better you'll feel. Eventually, you'll realize you're doing these things for FUN rather than simply as a distraction tool. Once you get to that point, you'll be golden! I'm sure that point is much closer than you think too! If you had told me where I'd be now compared to 3 months ago, I would have never believed it!

Edited August 21, 2012 by Pod81

August 22, 2012

Hi SoConfused, it's been a couple weeks since I've posted on here (moving on nicely and started dating again, woohoo!). But enough about me...

Why do you even want him to text you a simple "Hey how are you"? There are countless threads out there where someone over-analyzes a zillion possibilities over a small breadcrumb. Sure, you may get transient happiness but it'll drive you insane after that short time. I understand that an ex is like an addiction. Going from routine contact to none at all really is the equivalent of quitting smoking cold turkey. You'll want one small contact....then you'll want even more. And what do you think this will do to your dignity and emotions in the long run? When you look back at this situation, you'll realize that him NOT contacting you is actually a blessing in disguise!

Not sure what you're actively doing to try to get over him - but try to avoid alone time for now. Every weekend, I've had some sort of activity - whether it's going out to a bar/club, hanging out with old friends, meeting new people (platonically), participating in new and old hobbies, started going to church, etc. The more you do, the less you'll think of him, and the better you'll feel. Eventually, you'll realize you're doing these things for FUN rather than simply as a distraction tool. Once you get to that point, you'll be golden! I'm sure that point is much closer than you think too! If you had told me where I'd be now compared to 3 months ago, I would have never believed it!

Hey Pod, lI totally get what your saying but all I really wanted to know is if I mattered just a little even for a simple and civil hey how are you ....that's all burning do get your point and appreciate everything you just said. I probably might not even reply dependkng on how I feel nd where I am mentally if he ever does say hello but I really thought I meant something nd that we could be civil...this is so childish if u ask me. Hes the longest relationship. Ive had and I for him as well. I'm the first girl he took home nd was crazy about for the whole entire relationship but now all of a sudden I'm nobody? I'm really good friends with all my exs they all came back one way or another and in the end I'm really good friends with all BUT him!!! Ugh I'm losing my faith thanks to him.

Anyways. I'm really happy for how your recovering nd on ur new dating journey hope its nothing like the last one lol keep us posted on the good news. Its better than hearing my sobbing stories.

August 22, 2012

Every few weeks i get the simple "how are you doing?" from my ex.

Trust me - you don't want it!

Five damned years and that's all he has to say. Usually its just for

me to ask how he is too and for him to let me know that he is just fine!

And of course I do over analyze it everytime. "Maybe he isn't doing

as good as he pretends and that he won't admit it until i do..." Crap

on that. I'll never let him know how shi**y i'm doing. But for some reason

he seems to think that i am. Its very irksome.

He has never wanted to talk about things or meet or even speak. Always

texts. Just an occasional "Hey." And i have no idea why.

Going NC.

August 23, 2012

Every few weeks i get the simple "how are you doing?" from my ex.
Trust me - you don't want it!

Five damned years and that's all he has to say. Usually its just for
me to ask how he is too and for him to let me know that he is just fine!

And of course I do over analyze it everytime. "Maybe he isn't doing
as good as he pretends and that he won't admit it until i do..." Crap
on that. I'll never let him know how shi**y i'm doing. But for some reason
he seems to think that i am. Its very irksome.

He has never wanted to talk about things or meet or even speak. Always
texts. Just an occasional "Hey." And i have no idea why.
Going NC.

OUCH when you put it that way yes it does sound harsh. but this silent treatment is making me fee like i didnt matter but i guess you are right. i just wanna freakin be CIVIL!!!! this is so childish even from my side if you must say BUT HEYYYY i got dumped so my a*s is sitting here living for the day, just as it should be. idk maybe 30 years from now i'll have the straight to say hello myself...or not? ugh idk im so confused. thanks for giving me an idea of what its life on your journey

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