GypsyTears Posted August 18, 2012 Posted August 18, 2012 You cannot make someone love you. You cannot make someone fight for a relationship. You cannot make someone invest the time, attention, feelings, whatever you feel is lacking. It just plain SUCKS when the "scales of investment" by which you measure your relationship clearly show a ridiculous imbalance. My ex was all for easy and, for a long time, I gave him easy. I paid his bills. I bought his clothes. I pumped up his ego. I gave him my body, heart, and soul. Then he would do something that was completely careless or thoughtless of my feelings. We would fight about it. He would apologize and it would be swept under the rug until the next time he did it again. As time has gone on, I have realized that my ex was "all in" for our relationship when it didn't really COST him anything. Words were easy to hand out, but when I required his actions to be in sync with his words....he failed every time. Sure, he would "comply" with my wishes for a few days....then it was back to whatever behavior put "ex" first. In the end, I laid down rules that were just meant to stop the bleeding in our relationship. He broke those rules so I broke the relationship. Told him that if he left, don't come back. He left and hasn't been back. So why do I second guess myself? Why do I despair over someone who clearly isn't worth it? Though analyzing everything, I know I did exactly what was right. He could not even bring himself to stop the continuing damage to our relationship.... Let alone actually INVESTING himself into repairing it or making it better. I recently read something in a book that talked about the "Law of Consistency." It is a phenomena where people feel they MUST stick with some decision they have made, even if they are faced with proof that said decision was/is bad for them. It's like they can't bring themselves to say "I made a bad choice. Let's fix this mistake." Instead, they continue to cling to that bad choice, knowing its bad, just to feel some consistency in their actions. In my case, I made a LOT of sacrifices for a man who said all the right things. I believed the things he said to me and I believed IN him. In my mind, I took his words and created some mental "future" of what our life would or could be like. I fought for him and for our future together. I was heavily invested - emotionally, physically, and financially. So when his REAL behavior just "didn't add up" to that mental investment, I was torn and hurt and clueless about how to fix it. I would turn to him for answers and....silken tongue and all....he would say exactly what I wanted to hear. Notice I said he would SAY what I wanted to hear.... Not that he would actually DO it. Just the act of hearing him SAY it was enough to pacify my feelings of discontinuity and satisfy the Law of Consistency.....until the next time when his actions just didn't go in sync with his words. So now I have taken that step off the crazy train and said ENOUGH. I have recognized that he will never follow through with who and what I want him to be. While trying to come to terms with that hum-dinger, I've also taken a painfully objective look at where both of us stand. He essentially had a sugar momma for the past year and has moved on with hardly any more thought to me and what I am suffering than a shrug. I, on the other hand, am facing serious debt and the real consequence that I may lose my home too, on top of the emotional devastation. Now, I am not blaming him for my financial situation. The truth is that *I* alone made the choices that I did.... I listened to his reckless influence and accepted it, believed it. I alone am responsible for being so gullible. But it is still a bitter pill to swallow....to be used so carelessly after you've given so much. Never again will I fall for pretty words....
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