John85 Posted August 18, 2012 Posted August 18, 2012 I don't want to go into too much detail with my back-story because I don't think it is that important to this subject. But basically, my girlfriend of almost 5 years left me about 3.5 months ago. I have been trying to just do my own thing for now. I have a lot to focus on to improve myself. The last year and a half haven't been the best for me. I am no longer used to all the things we used to do. Living together, certain phone call times. All that stuff has pretty much faded. It kind of seems like a different life actually. It's really strange to me. I guess that is what time does. I even have a hard time remembering what its like to hold her. I guess this is good in a way. It also probably helps that she has seemed like a completely different person since she has left me. She died her hair red and even says this is the new her (although I personally think its a phase). So in a way, it seems like the death of someone. That person no longer exists to me. I still miss and love her. I am lonely and have to work on rebuilding my life. But those parts I think I will be ok with. Although, I am still kind of confused about who I love or loved since she seems so different now. The hardest part of the whole thing to me is coming to grips with old memories. In those old memories, we were so happy. We had a life together. I found a lot of old pictures on my phone and it made me think. At the time, I couldn't picture a life without this girl. I thought I'd be with her forever. I can put these memories away in my head and not look at photos, notes, etc. But I just have a hard time grasping how someone can be such a big part of your life at one point in time, and then nothing the next. How you can think you will be with someone forever, and then never again. How she can let go of that as well to finally give up on us, even though she still loves me. I just don't get it. It's something I just don't understand. In time, I probably will. But I feel like I need to get past this part of the breakup to move forward. I feel like a fool to have thought this way at one point in time. She thought the same way too (she kind of proposed to me at one point). How do I get past this? Is all of this normal? How do I know this won't happen again the next time I feel this way about someone? I guess there is no way of knowing. I don't know. It just all seems off and it just messes with my head. Thanks.
jmjacobs31 Posted August 18, 2012 Posted August 18, 2012 I am feeling the same way. I have been split up with my ex for 4 months now. When I see him he is like a different person, like someone I don't recognize. I too thought we would be together. I struggle every day with the WTF happened to my life? I lost everything I have known for the lat 7+ years in a blink of an eye. I don't know how to go from having him in my life for the past 12 years to not having him in my life now. Its hard and it sucks big time. I have to stop myself from texting/emailing him because I know there is no point. it hurts!
Gaprofitt Posted August 18, 2012 Posted August 18, 2012 I am feeling the same way. I have been split up with my ex for 4 months now. When I see him he is like a different person, like someone I don't recognize. I too thought we would be together. I struggle every day with the WTF happened to my life? I lost everything I have known for the lat 7+ years in a blink of an eye. I don't know how to go from having him in my life for the past 12 years to not having him in my life now. Its hard and it sucks big time. I have to stop myself from texting/emailing him because I know there is no point. it hurts! I know how you feel. My wife who left is like a different person, it really sucks bad. I understand being upset but being the way she is I just don't understand at all. We are not communicating but even with our cat on his death bed we can't even seem to communicate about that without insults being thrown by her. I just don't get it. I hope she comes around soon and starts to become easier to deal with. Greg
Tyler. Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 It happens for everyone. We tend to stick to good old memories and only remember them, but disregard the bad. The thing is, yes she did all those good things to you and you pictured a life together with her, but in the end she changed. She changed her mind, she changed her attitude etc.. There is no one to blame here, people change over time ( you've changed too, you might not realise it). 5 years is a long time, and i know that your relationship meant a lot to you but seeing that its over right now, now is the time to see it for what it was. She made up her mind you've made up yours. Every relationship leaves broken promises and shattered dreams behind, its just what it is. Did you ever have a relationship that you thought, well i'll break up after a week, or , i'll leave her after i find someone better ? No, because at that time, it has to feel like 'the one'. In every relationship you will picture yourself being with her forever, and in the end if you break up, you'll realise what wasn't right there. People have to treat every relationship like its the only guy/girl in the world for them , but they're not. That's just how life goes, people grow apart as much as they get closer, so there will be new relationships for them, new beginnings. Every end is a new beginning mate, just try to see it for what it is. She changed, **** happens. Find yourself a girl that wants you and only you, and see where it goes. It may be a week or a lifetime, you'll never know unless you give it a shot. And you can't give it a shot unless you can see your break up as it is, the end of that chapter. It's not the end of the world, and she's not the only girl that can make you happy, believe me. Parting with that part of you is though, i know that. But it's something you just have to do.
Author John85 Posted August 19, 2012 Author Posted August 19, 2012 (edited) I am feeling the same way. I have been split up with my ex for 4 months now. When I see him he is like a different person, like someone I don't recognize. I too thought we would be together. I struggle every day with the WTF happened to my life? I lost everything I have known for the lat 7+ years in a blink of an eye. I don't know how to go from having him in my life for the past 12 years to not having him in my life now. Its hard and it sucks big time. I have to stop myself from texting/emailing him because I know there is no point. it hurts! Sorry to hear about that. It seems even worse than my situation. I've given up on texting/emailing too because there just isn't a point for me. I think it's been easier for me to give up on it because she is in a relationship already and has been for almost 3 months. She would still, under the right excuse, make an effort to see me and do things with me. But I'm done with that. What's the point. Lets go do our normal day date type activities, but then you can go home and be with your new guy. I know we miss each other, but I'm not doing that anymore. I know that I fought for us. I just have to leave it like that or I will go insane. It feels good not to sit here and hang on her every word, trying to somehow get her back. If she wants to come back it will be because of our past and her feelings towards me. I'm not playing her head games anymore. If she wants to talk about making it work, that's one thing. But all these small ehh I want to be with you but don't think I can, and whatever else she can come up with, I'm not falling for it anymore. Lately, I have been trying to cut ties to her. Storage unit, facebook, and things like that. It drives her crazy. I'll get a ton of calls and texts and if I don't answer, they start to be private numbers too. And this will be on my cell and business phone. But I told her how I felt a couple weeks ago. And I'm leaving it like that. I'm done answering these types of things. I'm not going to be here to support her as she is with another guy and has left me. I finally feel like its not my problem anymore. I don't have to make her happy, I don't have to do anything for her. I just can do what's best for me. And that is just not answering and cutting ties. And it's so much easier for me to handle the whole thing. Don't get me wrong, the whole thing still hurts. I still miss her. But, it hurts less not being in contact with her. It was physically draining for me. I couldn't focus on anything else. Now, even though I think about her a lot, I can still get work done. And slowly, I think I will think less and less about her. It happens for everyone. We tend to stick to good old memories and only remember them, but disregard the bad. The thing is, yes she did all those good things to you and you pictured a life together with her, but in the end she changed. She changed her mind, she changed her attitude etc.. There is no one to blame here, people change over time ( you've changed too, you might not realise it). 5 years is a long time, and i know that your relationship meant a lot to you but seeing that its over right now, now is the time to see it for what it was. She made up her mind you've made up yours. Every relationship leaves broken promises and shattered dreams behind, its just what it is. Did you ever have a relationship that you thought, well i'll break up after a week, or , i'll leave her after i find someone better ? No, because at that time, it has to feel like 'the one'. In every relationship you will picture yourself being with her forever, and in the end if you break up, you'll realise what wasn't right there. People have to treat every relationship like its the only guy/girl in the world for them , but they're not. That's just how life goes, people grow apart as much as they get closer, so there will be new relationships for them, new beginnings. Every end is a new beginning mate, just try to see it for what it is. She changed, **** happens. Find yourself a girl that wants you and only you, and see where it goes. It may be a week or a lifetime, you'll never know unless you give it a shot. And you can't give it a shot unless you can see your break up as it is, the end of that chapter. It's not the end of the world, and she's not the only girl that can make you happy, believe me. Parting with that part of you is though, i know that. But it's something you just have to do. Thanks for just being honest with me. I figured it's just the way it is. A lot has changed since we were 19 and 21. It is still hard for me to get, but I just need to accept that it's just the way it is. This wasn't my first relationship, but it was the first long-term relationship where I actually thought we would never be apart. In other relationships, I had never thought that way really. I just knew I was having fun and I liked the girl. This one I actually thought was it. So it's all new to me. Maybe I'm just inexperienced. I know if this wouldn't have happened, I wouldn't have had a clue about such a big part of this world. I really have learned a lot from it as tough as it's been. And I guess this is just another thing to overcome and learn from as well. Edited August 19, 2012 by John85
Pacman Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 I know what you're going through. Although it wasn't 5 years, I felt the same way you did. She left because she told me she wanted to be single, only to be in a relationship a couple of weeks later. Hang in there mate. Just keep improving yourself. I thought my ex was the prettiest, the most amazing woman ever. Then I met another girl who was so much better. Except we didn't pursue it because she is leaving for Spain for a year Point is mate, you'll find someone better. Someone who will appreciate the things you do. And never let a girl be your life, find a girl who will compliment you
kindest Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 Ya, it sucks but I guess that's the way it is. People come and go. It's not like this is the first time I've lost someone. I've had relationships that lasted so much longer than the last one, and now those exes might as well be strangers to me. For now, I am still finding it hard to accept that me and my last boyfriend might never see each or hear from each other again. When I met him I thought we were both in it for the long haul, it felt right, I felt that we were destined to be together, and he felt the same. But I guess we were wrong. What can I do? Keeping my distance hurts a lot but it's better than keeping him in my life but having the feeling that he only sees me as a consolation prize. I miss him, or rather, the him that was with me. That 'him' is long gone and is now replaced by a guy I barely even know. We are strangers to each other now.
brighthotrain Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 I feel the same. my ex is loving his 'new life' making all these big plans, going off with other girls and generally having a great time. Yet still loves me, but he doesnt does he? He is not the same person. I feel like he died, like im grieving and its horrible. But i know when I get out of all these habits, the way we slept, times we ate, the places we hung out etc Ill feel loads better. Ive been keeping a diary online and it has really helped - im not one of those people who do things like that but I felt like I needed to vent and my friends are so over listening to me. Have a read, maybe it'll help you seeing how crazy I am - you sound much more stable! brighthotrain.tumblr.com (password-love) xxxxx 1
Soxfaninfl Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 It's better to be alone. Like the blog said the highs of a relationship are not worth the lows of a break up/divorce. I've been apart from my ex-wife since March of 2010. My divorce was final on September of 2011. I will never let another women get close to my heart again. I can't deal with another break up/divorce again. I'm still struggling with the death of my marriage.
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