morichu Posted August 18, 2012 Posted August 18, 2012 Just a fun thread to lighten up those who are still recovering from it and to let you know we're all in the same boat. If you date enough people your trust will eventually be screwed over by somebody. Share your stories. As for me, I can't say for sure I've been cheated on, but I had a girl who was a pathological liar. I would say it was 50/50 that she actually cheated but she did string me along pretty well. Needless to say I ended it and this was a few years ago
AlexCross Posted August 18, 2012 Posted August 18, 2012 <-- has been cheated on/betrayed what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. 1
Titanwolf Posted August 18, 2012 Posted August 18, 2012 Fortunately, I haven't become corrupted yet. I hope I never do. To all those who have, I can only imagine the kind of pain you have to endure. It takes a strong person to recover from something like that and to those who do/have, you have my utmost respect (if that means anything). I'd become evil if that happened to me :/ 2
soccerrprp Posted August 18, 2012 Posted August 18, 2012 (edited) No. And i pray that i never will be the target of betrayal or become the perpetrator. As sad as it may sound, the many who have experienced the unfortunate events of their past help us, me become wiser, more aware of our own foibles. Thank you. . .and i am sorry for the pain you have endured and grateful for the strength you share. Edited August 18, 2012 by soccerrprp 1
The_Face Posted August 18, 2012 Posted August 18, 2012 I definitely feel I was betrayed by my previous ex. The question on whether or not it counted as "cheating" is up in the air, and may always be. She admitted, finally, to sleeping with another guy immediately after we broke up. I feel betrayed by this, because during this time she was also sleeping with me, giving me little signs of hope throughout that time that there was a chance of us mending our issues and getting back together. As for being cheated on, again, it's a tough call. It's hard to believe there wasn't something already going on with this guy before my ex and I broke up. It just seems fishy that the guy she slept with was a long-time "friend" of hers, and they conveniently developed romantic feelings for eachother, immediately after our breakup. So with that being said, it's pretty safe to say I was cheated on, at least emotionally. To go off on a bit of a rant, I personally hate it when people sleep around and try to make themselves feel less crappy about it by pulling out the whole "we were broken up, so it wasn't cheating" card. There's emotional cheating too, in my opinion. So whether or not my ex-girlfriend physically cheated on me while we were dating, I find it hard to belive she wasn't at least playing the field with this guy emotionally during that time. Because, in my opinion, nobody just turns to a friend after a break up and sleeps with them, then sends them back and forth "I love you, baby" text messages, complete with a photo of them passionately kissing eachother, in the blink of an eye. All those things are clearly things that were in the works for some time. She tells me those texts didn't mean what I think they meant, but I find that hard to believe. It feels more like she's been omitting things. Taking the heat for only part of what really happened, either to spare me the pain or to spare herself of the guilt. So yes, I was betrayed, and more than likely, cheated on. Will I ever know the whole story? No. And I'm starting to feel good about the fact that I may never know it all. Cheaters are just cowards, in my book. You were given a voice for a reason, so use it. You aren't happy in the relationship? Attracted to someone else? Let it out. Sure, it'll hurt your partner to hear those things, but in the long run, it'll spare them more pain and grief than finding out later that you've been lying, on top of all that.
jadedguy Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 I was in 2 relationships the last 11 years and have been cheated on both times. The last one, I finally see, turned out to be a 3yr FWB relationship instead of the committed, long term one I thought I was in. What can I say? I was blind, was hurt immensely, and realize from other posts that it can't even be called cheating when you're in a FWB. Feeling pretty jaded right now. Glad there are those lucky enough to not be corrupted.
Author morichu Posted August 19, 2012 Author Posted August 19, 2012 (edited) Fortunately, I haven't become corrupted yet. I hope I never do. To all those who have, I can only imagine the kind of pain you have to endure. It takes a strong person to recover from something like that and to those who do/have, you have my utmost respect (if that means anything). I'd become evil if that happened to me :/ Yeah unfortunately betraying someone can affect the way they date in the future for the rest of their life. A little more about my story, the girl I was dating only had three boyfriends before me and all 3 completely stomped all over her heart. One of them was was cheating on her the whole time, the other just treated her like dirt, and the third guy cheated on her and then dumped her for the girl he cheated on. So I think she had enough and I was the next in line. I KNEW that she was talking to some guy who had feeling for her behind my back. After lying about it, I just thought whatever and I ended up cheating on her twice without her knowing (yeah I'm a d0uche) and eventually things became a mess and just ended. I never ever thought I would end up stooping to that level but getting betrayed can cause you to do some silly things. Edited August 19, 2012 by morichu
CarrieT Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 My last Ex had set up a prostitute in a foreign country and was planning on moving there to be with her. Yea, I've been hurt and betrayed.
venusianx13 Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 (edited) I've been betrayed many times, but my last relationship was the worst... We were together 5 years (with a couple of breakups in between). We were "together" when he went away for a 3 month internship in China. He stopped communicating with me a couple of weeks in, and had met a Chinese girl whom he carried on a relationship with for a month. Begged me back, told me he was through with her, yet continued to sleep with her (unbeknownst to me). His lies were the most painful. He came back to the US "to be with me" when the internship was over (he had considered extending his VISA to stay on). Well, I found out about the lies and betrayal (via this girl in China) and he begged and pleaded with me to stay with him. I gave him another chance. Well, a few months later, he was out with friends and ended up spending the night with a girl on the couch, and "cuddling". Maybe to some this wouldn't be a deal-breaker, but due to what we were trying to recover from, it hurt immensely. I was a fool and let him beg his way back into my life yet again. Quite honestly, I think he cheated on me several times. I believe his friends encouraged it (they were really unsavory characters.) This is why I now understand how important it is to pay close attention to what kind of company your partner keeps. No matter what they say, they ARE influenced by their friends' behaviors and habits. Edited August 19, 2012 by venusianx13 2
soccerrprp Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 I've been betrayed many times, but my last relationship was the worst... We were together 5 years (with a couple of breakups in between). We were "together" when he went away for a 3 month internship in China. He stopped communicating with me a couple of weeks in, and had met a Chinese girl whom he carried on a relationship with for a month. Begged me back, told me he was through with her, yet continued to sleep with her (unbeknownst to me). His lies were the most painful. He came back to the US "to be with me" when the internship was over (he had considered extending his VISA to stay on). Well, I found out about the lies and betrayal (via this girl in China) and he begged and pleaded with me to stay with him. I gave him another chance. Well, a few months later, he was out with friends and ended up spending the night with a girl on the couch, and "cuddling". Maybe to some this wouldn't be a deal-breaker, but due to what we were trying to recover from, it hurt immensely. I was a fool and let him beg his way back into my life yet again. Quite honestly, I think he cheated on me several times. I believe his friends encouraged it (they were really unsavory characters.) This is why I now understand how important it is to pay close attention to what kind of company your partner keeps. No matter what they say, they ARE influenced by their friends' behaviors and habits. Sorry about your experiences. And, absolutely! One MUST be aware of the so-called friends, people your SO hangs around with. The people around the person you are dating tell you a lot about him/her. 5
EasyHeart Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 Back in college, I dated the same girl for pretty much all four years and I was contemplating asking her to marry me. In April of our senior year, I came home one day and she said, "We need to talk." Being young and stupid, I had no idea how dangerous those words are! She told me that she was pregnant -- and that I wasn't the father. It turned out that she has been screwing a law student for the past year behind my back. She was shocked that I was angry and said she was surprised that I thought our relationship was serious, because she would never consider marrying someone like me who didn't have any "prospects" for being successful in the future. It took me a long time to get over that one!!!
Titanwolf Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 She told me that she was pregnant -- and that I wasn't the father. It turned out that she has been screwing a law student for the past year behind my back. She was shocked that I was angry and said she was surprised that I thought our relationship was serious, because she would never consider marrying someone like me who didn't have any "prospects" for being successful in the future. Ouch! I felt that one man. I hope you're somewhat past it now though?, some people are so unsuspecting too. They let their guard down to allow someone else in, not realizing that they've just given a burglar the key to their house :/ 2
CarrieT Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 And you overcame it and became happy and smitten. Yep! It took a while. I was also betrayed by my husband, whom I found having sex with another man. Somehow the prostitute was harder to get over; a full two years before I was healed enough (from a 2 1/2 year relationship) to be able to move on and have another relationship.
JohnP82 Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 I have. I got the whole "Me and this other guy are just friends" from my most recent ex. 1
Author morichu Posted August 19, 2012 Author Posted August 19, 2012 she was surprised that I thought our relationship was serious ? Did you guys not officially have the exclusive talk?
mustangsb27 Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 Yeah, I'm a victim of the, "we weren't together anymore so it wasn't cheating" excuse as well. My gf, or as she called herself, my companion (I know. Bulls**t label so she could tell other dudes that she wasn't dating anyone.) She was maintaining contact with a dude she used to f**k and my having an issue (the ONLY issue I might add) with that drove us apart according to her. He was in the past, she said. Well, we broke up and two weeks later he comes into town and guess what!? F**ks her! Wonderful. Not cheating though, 'cause we were broken up. Plus, she started hooking up with her neighbor across the street and f**king him. I found this out about two weeks after we broke up as well. I know, not cheating b/c we weren't together anymore although I KNOW something was going on behind my back while we WERE together. No matter how I spin it, it's pretty sh*tty behavior after everything I put into the relationship. I put my whole soul in basically. Lesson learned? I don't know, but the whole experience I feel really changed me, and not for the better. Everyone says be glad that you're away from that toxic chick, and they're right. But it still hurts. 1
soulm8 Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 The last one, I finally see, turned out to be a 3yr FWB relationship instead of the committed, long term one I thought I was in. Ouch. I thought my 1 yr on/off again "relationship" with a liar was bad. Still healing from it. Still believe in love... just very guarded now and tend to friendzone myself.
Nikki Sahagin Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 Thankfully I've never been cheated on (that I know of). I think something like that can really devastate a persons ability to trust, particularly if you get caught up with a serial cheater or someone having a long term affair. I've seen so many people totally consumed by bitterness and victim hood after being cheated on. 1
soccerrprp Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 Ouch. I thought my 1 yr on/off again "relationship" with a liar was bad. Still healing from it. Still believe in love... just very guarded now and tend to friendzone myself. Sorry to hear that. How do you friendzone yourself, may I ask?
soulm8 Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 Sorry to hear that. How do you friendzone yourself, may I ask? I just feel dating itself can be emotionally taxing. So much baggage from others to deal with, uncertainty, reintroducing yourself, starting over, not knowing what people really want, etc. I friendzone myself because dating isn't a priority. It's hard to keep dusting yourself off and hoping to click with a new stranger. It's lazy of me, I admit, but I just don't put much effort into the game any more. Instead, I'm focused on making my life as secure as possible so that if the right one comes along... he'll be the icing on my cake. 2
EasyHeart Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 Ouch! I felt that one man. I hope you're somewhat past it now though?, some people are so unsuspecting too. They let their guard down to allow someone else in, not realizing that they've just given a burglar the key to their house :/That was a long time ago; I never think about it any more. In fact, when I first saw this thread I had to think a minute to remember!! Still, I'd rather be a little gullible than too cynical. I still tend to be an optimist and I like it that way. 1
soccerrprp Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 I friendzone myself because dating isn't a priority. It's hard to keep dusting yourself off and hoping to click with a new stranger. It's lazy of me, I admit, but I just don't put much effort into the game any more. Instead, I'm focused on making my life as secure as possible so that if the right one comes along... he'll be the icing on my cake. Ah, yes. I'm certainly feeling all of that!
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