BetrayedH Posted August 18, 2012 Posted August 18, 2012 I have mediation on 9/13 that I expect to fail and go to court. I could be wrong but I doubt it. Specific question to divorcees in Florida - How long was it from your mandatory mediation meeting to a finalized divorce? Please also indicate if/when you reached a settlement agreement. And perhaps to what extent you considered your divorce amiable. It appears to me that our attorneys are retreating to their corners. Thanks much.
Author BetrayedH Posted August 18, 2012 Author Posted August 18, 2012 Much appreciated, Abe, especially your level of detail. Everything you described is pretty well right on the money. Fortunately I have been making decisions with my head rather than my heart. I also seem to have one of the few attorneys that isn't out for every penny. I won't blindly trust him by any means but he's been good about weighing atty cost vs the end benefit, advising against making decisions on principle, and generally not charging me for every phone call, email, etc.. I got pretty damn lucky. I've had the kids half the time since I moved out, paid my fair share of support, done more than my fair share of their curriculum/homework and extracurriculars so I'll be amazed if it doesn't land at 50/50. My legal concerns from December have long ago been permanently dismissed since I completed all requirements of a pre-trial intervention (which included 10 weeks of anger management). She really has nothing to discourage 50/50 so it's just a tactic at this point (someting to concede in hopes of getting a concession from me). I am pursuing alimony because she does make about a third more than me in terms of income. She also has more of our marital assets in her name and I'm just not going to get screwed just to get this over with. I just have to be smart not to spend $100 to get $50. Mediation may be successful but not if she keeps on with her custody business and refuses alimony. Whatever I get won't go towards expensive stuff for me as I've never been that way. I just want a decent living for my kids and I'm not staying broke and living in an apartment forever. So far I think she is hoping I either give in easier than I should as so many others do (not happening) or that I step on my dick somehow (that's not happening either). It's really not going to go well for her. These are just the only cards she has to play. And if she wants to do battle over custody, so be it because that will go even worse for her as all of the details of her affair are brought to bear. Typically Florida doesn't care but they can make alimony and custody decisions based on infidelity. Her detailed internet blog about ****ing the OM in the living room with my kids in their bedrooms ain't gonna show such great judgment on her part. I'm just trying to determine how long it may take for all of this to play out because my life is on hold in the meantime and I have to make decisions about my apartment lease, job, etc.. Pain in the butt. Anyway, thanks.
Steen719 Posted August 18, 2012 Posted August 18, 2012 Typically Florida doesn't care but they can make alimony and custody decisions based on infidelity. Her detailed internet blog about ****ing the OM in the living room with my kids in their bedrooms ain't gonna show such great judgment on her part. This is what I was told by an attorney here in Florida, also. I had no custody issues as my son is grown, but I was very worried about having to pay alimony to my XH for life. The attorney I talked to said the circumstances surrounding his infidelity (I have told it ad nauseum, so I won't here..but you may remember that he was ill and had a transplant & I cared for him) made it a fairly good possibility that I would not have to pay it to him (forever, anyway). But, it was a non-issue at the time of the divorce because I got the divorce as fast as I could, knowing that he would decide later that he wanted every single thing he could get from me and I was right. He did, but it was too freaking late. :lmao::lmao:
Steen719 Posted August 18, 2012 Posted August 18, 2012 This is what I was told by an attorney here in Florida, also. I had no custody issues as my son is grown, but I was very worried about having to pay alimony to my XH for life. The attorney I talked to said the circumstances surrounding his infidelity (I have told it ad nauseum, so I won't here..but you may remember that he was ill and had a transplant & I cared for him) made it a fairly good possibility that I would not have to pay it to him (forever, anyway). But, it was a non-issue at the time of the divorce because I got the divorce as fast as I could, knowing that he would decide later that he wanted every single thing he could get from me and I was right. He did, but it was too freaking late. :lmao::lmao: Ha ha....I guess I did tell it, but I meant in detail!
Author BetrayedH Posted August 19, 2012 Author Posted August 19, 2012 Ha ha....I guess I did tell it, but I meant in detail! Actually Steen, a while back I became very interested in your story as your posts resonated with me. I meant to write to let you know I felt you did the right thing leaving (he was a douchebag). I think you were more vindicated over time on that decision. And he gave you quite a run with his BS with the house. Ultimately I think your concerns over your son ended up the biggest hurdle. Anyway, I had meant to say that I thought you did what you could and that you did well. Not sure if I ever sent that message. I get caught up in my own drama. So, no nauseum here. And yeah, you played your cards well. I assume his threats about alimony (after he had signed) got nowhere. Right now my wife's formula has the kids with her 70% of the time and me paying her like $600 a month. That is simply insane. I assume it's an attorney driven negotiating position. The reality will be 50/50 and she'll be paying me. Clearly it's just going to take forever to get there. I signed a 7 month lease thinking I would surely be done by then. Now I have to sign another. Oh well. If she had just agreed to the 50/50 custody at the beginning, I would have been. very flexible about money. She should have known this since I never cared about it anyway. But if she's going to be an idiot and persist with nonsense, why should I be gracious now? Anyway, thanks for some insight. I hope things are well with you (emotionally and financially) and better for your son (although he's plenty entitled to be pissed, too).
Steen719 Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 Actually Steen, a while back I became very interested in your story as your posts resonated with me. I meant to write to let you know I felt you did the right thing leaving (he was a douchebag). I think you were more vindicated over time on that decision. And he gave you quite a run with his BS with the house. Ultimately I think your concerns over your son ended up the biggest hurdle. Anyway, I had meant to say that I thought you did what you could and that you did well. Not sure if I ever sent that message. I get caught up in my own drama. So, no nauseum here. And yeah, you played your cards well. I assume his threats about alimony (after he had signed) got nowhere. Right now my wife's formula has the kids with her 70% of the time and me paying her like $600 a month. That is simply insane. I assume it's an attorney driven negotiating position. The reality will be 50/50 and she'll be paying me. Clearly it's just going to take forever to get there. I signed a 7 month lease thinking I would surely be done by then. Now I have to sign another. Oh well. If she had just agreed to the 50/50 custody at the beginning, I would have been. very flexible about money. She should have known this since I never cared about it anyway. But if she's going to be an idiot and persist with nonsense, why should I be gracious now? Anyway, thanks for some insight. I hope things are well with you (emotionally and financially) and better for your son (although he's plenty entitled to be pissed, too). Thank you, BH. It is amazing how fast time goes when it is going so slow! I am doing pretty well. The house is now 8 months delinquent and you live in Florida, so you know, it could take a long time to foreclose. In the meantime, the XH and his gf use it as their beach getaway home a couple of times a month. My son is awesome. He left today going back to college after a summer here. He sees his dad very infrequently and does not have much for him. Actually, after I found out how he really feels about him, I think his dad ought to be glad he sees him at all. He texted me from the gas station on his way out and told me he loves me & is proud to be my son. I could have cried. So, I am working 2 jobs and live in an apartment instead of my home, but I feel lucky. I am happier than a year ago, have wonderful friends and family and am healthy enough to work 2 jobs. That is more than a lot of people have, really. No pollyanna here; I know, I have worked with homeless veterans. So, I imagine your wife's humiliation at what she did only lasted so long and now she has decided to go for the most she can. I'm not sure if you said, but does she keep the house? I do know from what the attorney told me, if my Xh had asked for alimony, it was sure a possibility, so I see no reason for you not to get it to help care for the kids when you have them 50%. I'm sure you are right that the reason she wants to claim 70% is not to have to pay you as much. I believe that attorneys make divorces more contentious than they need to be and like you, people end up pissed and then are not as apt to be cooperative about things like money. Also, I know realtors tell you that you can only rent 7 months and annually here, but since I rented, I have discovered you can actually rent monthly here. BTW, did you ever tell anyone (family, friends, etc.) what she did? She doesn't know how lucky she is that you didn't shout it from the rooftops. Can she feel it was Ok or "not so bad" after time has gone by? This is a crazy world.
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