writergal Posted August 18, 2012 Posted August 18, 2012 If you just didn't show up? Or if you assumed that there wasn't going to be a date is what I meant. She didn't cancel...you didn't cancel.. so to me (as a woman) I'd assume we still had a date as planned. Why would it be a big deal to ask if you were still on or not if you weren't sure? This is a huge communication failure I see a lot between men and women. Women aren't clear, men don't ask for clarification. Here's what I see happening. You don't ask and are assuming you don't have a date, that she just basically made a lame excuse and blew you off so you don't mention it at all. She was thinking you do in fact have a date, but then you didn't mention it and she thinks it's because she was busy all week and you are annoyed about it. Now she either is in a mood over it or her feelings are hurt and she thinks you don't like her. No one mentions the date, it never happens and you both might have been looking forward to it. Now, if she really was trying to blow you off, what's the worst that happens, you text back and say "Hey, sorry to hear your week is so crappy, hope you still feel up to it tonight?" or "Hey, sorry to hear your week was so crazy, are we still on for tonight?" and if she says "no there's no way I'm so tired, or whatever excuse" then you know... and what real effort did it take? You aren't any worse off than you were when you assumed she was blowing you off. Does no one use the phone anymore? Geesh! Think of how many dating concerns could be cleared up within seconds if people used the phone to communicate like they did in my day (I'm 41). I don't even have a text plan on my cellphone anymore for this reason. So any men that I meet, I tell them right away that they'll have to call me to stay in touch (I don't give out my email address either). If she was still going to go on the date with the OP, she would have referenced the date in the text. But she didn't, so I think it's obvious why the OP can assume she's blown off the date. 1
Greznog Posted August 18, 2012 Posted August 18, 2012 Dude what if she shows up and your not there. Seriously. Maybe she'll learn a valuable lesson about not sending these kinds of texts. 1
AlexCross Posted August 18, 2012 Posted August 18, 2012 Maybe she'll learn a valuable lesson about not sending these kinds of texts. Texts can get lost in translation. As can emails and Loveshack posts. PhillyDude is being a sissy. I would call her and shee how she reacts. Maybe she didnt mention the date in the text because in her mind it was still on ? I dont know only she does. If he really wants to know instead of speculating, call and find out. 3
The Way I Am Posted August 18, 2012 Posted August 18, 2012 So she would think I'm bent out of shape because I make no reference to the date? It's likely. Or she'll think you're not interested anymore. Women can be insecure, too. What if she's got girlfriends on her side jumping to conclusions about you? "He didn't mention the date? You totally scared him off. I told you not to mention your sick dad. Guys don't like baggage. You should back off and let him come to you." If you don't know what somebody means, don't go ask a bunch of other people. Have the confidence to ask that person and not be afraid to hear their answer. 2
Author PhillyDude Posted August 18, 2012 Author Posted August 18, 2012 Dude what if she shows up and your not there. Seriously. If she shows up at the spot I said we were meeting after not making any reference to the date at all then that is on her. It will also mean she is on medication
The Way I Am Posted August 18, 2012 Posted August 18, 2012 Maybe she'll learn a valuable lesson about not sending these kinds of texts. Yeah. Who the f*ck is she to apologize for having a sick dad. B*tch better learn!!
AlexCross Posted August 18, 2012 Posted August 18, 2012 If she shows up at the spot I said we were meeting after not making any reference to the date at all then that is on her. It will also mean she is on medication The text was not about the date, it was about lack of communication. Are you scared to call her ? Or just too proud. You just want to one up her dont you. 1
curlygirl40 Posted August 18, 2012 Posted August 18, 2012 This is how I would handle this, FWIW. Send a quick text to say something like 'Sorry you had such a crazy week, I hope your dad is feeling better. I would understand if you'd like to reschedule our date for another time, hope all is o.k'. Something like that, in your own words. I think even though she didn't say it, that the date is definitely off. She's trying to give you excuses I think. Answer the text. Say you're sorry to hear it. Give her an automatic out on the date (even if you feel she's already given you a canned excuse and wouldn't show anyway) Be the bigger person. Keep your pride and dignity. Let her know it's o.k. But don't chase her to reschedule, she doesn't seem very interested. If you were interested in this person, then you would be interested in how her dad's doing, even if it's an obvious blow off. If you don't answer this text, then it makes it look like you don't care about her. AND maybe she's being honest. Give her the benefit of the doubt. That's my advice. Even though yes I believe she's blowing you off, it will only take a second to answer and it makes you out to be a good guy. 3
AlexCross Posted August 18, 2012 Posted August 18, 2012 There is a 50/50 chance her father is really sick, and that was why there was a disconnect in communication. Then there is the chance she is taking the easy way out. But I have learned not to treat each Online Dating experience the same, not every woman is the same. Sure there are certain read flags to look for, but this is a slippery slope, so I wouldn't assume anything. The mere fact that she texted you means something. What I don't know and apparently you dont want too either. 1
Author PhillyDude Posted August 18, 2012 Author Posted August 18, 2012 There is a 50/50 chance her father is really sick, and that was why there was a disconnect in communication. Then there is the chance she is taking the easy way out. But I have learned not to treat each Online Dating experience the same, not every woman is the same. Sure there are certain read flags to look for, but this is a slippery slope, so I wouldn't assume anything. The mere fact that she texted you means something. What I don't know and apparently you dont want too either. The text meant "She is interested enough to keep me around so we could still meet but wants to see someone else she has already met or someone she wants to meet more. I;m not as high on the list right now which is understandable since I'm NEW and climbing up a few spots takes time
AlexCross Posted August 18, 2012 Posted August 18, 2012 The text meant "She is interested enough to keep me around so we could still meet but wants to see someone else she has already met or someone she wants to meet more. I;m not as high on the list right now which is understandable since I'm NEW and climbing up a few spots takes time Yeah if you assume that and take on that woe is me piss poor attitude, you might be losing out on a great girl because you ASSUMED that is what the text meant. Be a man and respond, you have nothing to lose.
The Way I Am Posted August 18, 2012 Posted August 18, 2012 The text meant "She is interested enough to keep me around so we could still meet but wants to see someone else she has already met or someone she wants to meet more. I;m not as high on the list right now which is understandable since I'm NEW and climbing up a few spots takes time You need to work on your social skills and self confidence. That's a pretty negative paranoid picture to put together from one single sentence. Why would you rather assume such bad things about a person than just ask them a simple question? 1
Greznog Posted August 18, 2012 Posted August 18, 2012 The text meant "She is interested enough to keep me around so we could still meet but wants to see someone else she has already met or someone she wants to meet more. I;m not as high on the list right now which is understandable since I'm NEW and climbing up a few spots takes time This, no need to ask because this is exactly what it means.
AlexCross Posted August 18, 2012 Posted August 18, 2012 This, no need to ask because this is exactly what it means. You noobs need to learn the difference between self confidence and common sense.
johan Posted August 18, 2012 Posted August 18, 2012 The text meant "She is interested enough to keep me around so we could still meet but wants to see someone else she has already met or someone she wants to meet more. I;m not as high on the list right now which is understandable since I'm NEW and climbing up a few spots takes time You don't know that. The text meant that she just wasn't interested. I wouldn't speculate on the reasons, except that it's better to take her at her word: she's been busy and distracted with her dad's illness. That's the only information you have, and it's enough to go on. You can either try to pursue her and see if there is still some interest, or just move on to the next one. As always, it's your attitude and outlook that are getting in your way. Fix those and succeed. 2
chphan Posted August 18, 2012 Posted August 18, 2012 You keep getting dates -_- Well at least he's getting dates which I ain't. What does that say about me. But I don't have that kind of self pity attitude or hate. Obviously she's just blowing him off but if it bothers him that much he should just have send a direct text back asking about the status of the date and have it known once and for all instead of coming here and making an issue out of it.
LFH Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 I really am amazed at the number of guys that kept saying that they thought she was blowing him off. At least 2 women told you chances are she wasn't... No wonder men and women can't seem to get together these days.
johan Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 I really am amazed at the number of guys that kept saying that they thought she was blowing him off. If she was interested in rescheduling the date, she would have offered an alternative time or at least said she hoped they could find another time. And "call me". She said none of that. If she was interested, she wouldn't risk giving the impression she's not interested, so she would try to make it clear. She didn't. I'd give it a 90% likelihood of being a blow-off. The other 10% is the likelihood that she's short on dating skills and probably social skills.
Author PhillyDude Posted August 19, 2012 Author Posted August 19, 2012 Well her number has been deleted so if she texts back she will get this response "WHO IS THIS?"
Author PhillyDude Posted August 19, 2012 Author Posted August 19, 2012 I read through this whole thread and some of your others. Your gonna be single for a very long time with your attitude. I see no reason why she would text you again. You werent man enough to text her back to see if her father was indeed ok, that speaks alot about your character. If I had got the text on Tue or Wed I would have taken it seriously. Not a text on a friday night at 1am which was complete bullshet. She is probably somewhere naked right now
Author PhillyDude Posted August 19, 2012 Author Posted August 19, 2012 Well since this is the second time she has disappeared for 4 days or more, I may just send her a "safe adult fun" request instead of going on a date. She confirmed tonight she is not dating material and if I'm going to spend money on her i rather be in my apt playing then out in public talking
Author PhillyDude Posted August 19, 2012 Author Posted August 19, 2012 Oh and you are dating material LMAO ? You are going to be in your apt playing for a long time my friend unless you lighten up and remove that stick from your hind parts. I will be my apt playing with somebody very soon.
rocketman122 Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 I will be my apt playing with somebody very soon. you pussied out and made up your mind so quickly instead of confronting the situation. you play too many mind games. you have much to learn young skywalker. you should have wrote "playing with something very soon" 1
Author PhillyDude Posted August 19, 2012 Author Posted August 19, 2012 you pussied out and made up your mind so quickly instead of confronting the situation. you play too many mind games. you have much to learn young skywalker. you should have wrote "playing with something very soon" If it was the 1st time she disappeared then her text would have credibility. But I was already able to see how things would be if we met so why even bother? But she is welcomed to be play cuddle buddy but nothing more than that
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