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GF of 4 years breaks up after finding out she has lost love for me

tcast5000

By tcast5000
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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tcast5000 New Member

tcast5000

Posted
Posted (edited)

Hi, I just want people's opinion on my situation. I've been with my girlfriend for 4 years known her 5. Good relationship, no fighting, compatible, dont go out as much due to money, some religious difference. 2 weeks ago I give her a kiss goodnight to which she responded under her breath "like a brother." I ask her if she loves me and she doesnt respond, I ask her if she's seeing someone and I figure out its an old family friend she's been talking to online since july. We were just talking about marriage in June. Next morning I ask her if she's breaking up with me, doesnt answer. She gives off all these reasons that seem fixable in our relationship if she had just brought it up to me. I told her to remember that spark we had when we locked eyes with each other. She tells me she needed time. Didnt breakup with me there I only found out later from her friend. I never got a good reason as to why we broke up, she just left me with a lot of questions. I suspect though that her reason for breaking up with me is so she can talk to this guy guilt free not a reason she would admit to, hence the confusion. She says that she lost my love for me over time but there was nothing to indicate that in her behavior, we were talking about marriage in June. Her affection probably drifted to this guy after talking to him in July.Prior to all this she felt lost about her life, was unsure where it was going, with depression. Is she just caught up in infactuation? Is this a case of "Grass is Greener Syndrome", if it is what can I expect in the future? This guy she likes lives in washington, she lives in san diego, they skype, he is a known cheater, millitary guy in the navy. What are the chances of their relationship succeeding? Is this a rebound relationship for her? Thanks

Edited by tcast5000
LostOne1 Established Member

LostOne1

Posted
Posted

I think you and I are in the same boat. My gf told me the same stuff how she has lost the love and all. Only difference is I didnt talk to her as much when she went out of town... and that made her feel this way. We were going to marry soon too and start a future together.. Now it's all about what happens when she gets back.

 

I don't know what to say.. but that maybe you have to let it play out now? I mean we cant force the ones we love to love us back if they don't want to or can't.

 

My guess is she is looking or imaging a future with that guy vs you and is deciding... Shes probably double minded and maybe wants to see what this other guy can bring to the table?

lil hoodlum Established Member

lil hoodlum

Posted
Posted

Tcast5000,

 

Sadly your story, word-for-word, is the same one repeated often on this forum. The story is allways the same but with different actors involved.

 

Do a little reading on this forum and you will find out.

 

I wish you luck!

  • 4 weeks later...
Freshstart637 Member

Freshstart637

Posted
Posted

Another same story here. Left one day, got to talk to her after 2 weeks because we have a house together and she said she doesn't love me anymore.

 

Sucks. Almost 5 years and couple of months ago she wanted to get married and have a baby.

Awarth Member

Awarth

Posted
Posted

happened to me too..

 

just like you, my ex-gf of 5 yrs dumped me for another guy..and we talked about marriage too...and when she break up with me, i tell almost exactly that same thing as what you have told your ex...AND she reply almost along the same line too..and now, we have been broken up for almost a year now...

 

funny thing is, my ex recently told me that she was unhappy with that guy and that i am the greatest guy in the world..lol...i don't know what she is playing at..so just trying hard to ignore her..

 

i know its hard, just hope that you will get better soon! ^^

ForeverHopeful1 Established Member

ForeverHopeful1

Posted
Posted (edited)
Another same story here. Left one day, got to talk to her after 2 weeks because we have a house together and she said she doesn't love me anymore.

 

Sucks. Almost 5 years and couple of months ago she wanted to get married and have a baby.

 

I feel like the woman in your situation. My partner just changed his mind about trying for a baby and said he wants to try again in 6-12 months and not try anymore for now. We have been trying for almost a year already. Thats the kicker. He has been so into it and comes to all my appts (which is apparently not the norm.) He has done this in the past with our home. We were about 4 months from our wedding day and he decided he wanted to buy a home. That was great and all but it meant we were paying 800+ more a month on a mortgage. He now lives in his house by himself because of his decision. I have a condition called PCOS. I am skinny so things like losing weight arent possible so drugs are the only thing that will help. About a month ago, he told me he was 100% on board, there was no backing out and reassured me everything was awesome and he wouldnt do this.................. well, he did. I feel lost, depressed, I feel like leaving him and never looking back. I have spent 9 years with this selfish man and I am finally starting to a feel a little selfish myself. I feel like after all the things I have stood by, tried to work through and tried to fix, there is no fixing this.

 

I have told him before there is nothing I can do anymore to trust him. It is all about telling me how he will be there and since I have never been able to trust his word, how do I trust his word now? I cant. I feel bad for you gentlemen who dont have a reason for the women in your lives to feel the way they do. My partner knows very well the things he has done and how badly this has hurt me. I have spoken to him daily to let him know i love him, but I have not seen him for fear of ending our relationship. I do not want to make any rash decisions, but I feel like I am so broken by this, there is no recovery to be made anymore. I give up and feel like hate has overpowered love here. I dont want this and Im sure a lot of women dont, but there is also only so much one can handle before they have finally reached their last straw. I dont know if I love my partner anymore...

 

I see a lot of men wondering about whether their partners are with other people or interested in other people. i am not. I have always wanted him and loved him. I have always done everything for him happily. Leaving wouldnt be about being with someone else or having children with someone else. There is no one else. I would rather be alone than be miserable and be hurt like this. I feel like the only way for him not to hurt me or give me hope is to move on and just be alone for now until I am willing to accept that love does not feel like this. I dont love my partner like I always have and this really does feel like the end. I dont want to feel this way. i was happy. We were growing and extremely happy. He has a track record of being selfish though.

 

My best advice to men who have hurt someone before... do not create what you fear the very most. My partner has. His biggest fear in life is being alone and because of his fear of commitment, he has pushed the only girl he has ever loved away from him and now she doesnt care like she used to. Its upsetting. I am broken, deflated, defeated, tired, counselled-out, just feel like I have done my job and done the work and its still not enough. I give up and I never wanted this. I wanted him to do what he said he was going to.

Edited by ForeverHopeful1
Freshstart637 Member

Freshstart637

Posted
Posted
I feel like the woman in your situation. My partner just changed his mind about trying for a baby and said he wants to try again in 6-12 months and not try anymore for now. We have been trying for almost a year already. Thats the kicker. He has been so into it and comes to all my appts (which is apparently not the norm.) He has done this in the past with our home. We were about 4 months from our wedding day and he decided he wanted to buy a home. That was great and all but it meant we were paying 800+ more a month on a mortgage. He now lives in his house by himself because of his decision. I have a condition called PCOS. I am skinny so things like losing weight arent possible so drugs are the only thing that will help. About a month ago, he told me he was 100% on board, there was no backing out and reassured me everything was awesome and he wouldnt do this.................. well, he did. I feel lost, depressed, I feel like leaving him and never looking back. I have spent 9 years with this selfish man and I am finally starting to a feel a little selfish myself. I feel like after all the things I have stood by, tried to work through and tried to fix, there is no fixing this.

 

I have told him before there is nothing I can do anymore to trust him. It is all about telling me how he will be there and since I have never been able to trust his word, how do I trust his word now? I cant. I feel bad for you gentlemen who dont have a reason for the women in your lives to feel the way they do. My partner knows very well the things he has done and how badly this has hurt me. I have spoken to him daily to let him know i love him, but I have not seen him for fear of ending our relationship. I do not want to make any rash decisions, but I feel like I am so broken by this, there is no recovery to be made anymore. I give up and feel like hate has overpowered love here. I dont want this and Im sure a lot of women dont, but there is also only so much one can handle before they have finally reached their last straw. I dont know if I love my partner anymore...

 

I see a lot of men wondering about whether their partners are with other people or interested in other people. i am not. I have always wanted him and loved him. I have always done everything for him happily. Leaving wouldnt be about being with someone else or having children with someone else. There is no one else. I would rather be alone than be miserable and be hurt like this. I feel like the only way for him not to hurt me or give me hope is to move on and just be alone for now until I am willing to accept that love does not feel like this. I dont love my partner like I always have and this really does feel like the end. I dont want to feel this way. i was happy. We were growing and extremely happy. He has a track record of being selfish though.

 

My best advice to men who have hurt someone before... do not create what you fear the very most. My partner has. His biggest fear in life is being alone and because of his fear of commitment, he has pushed the only girl he has ever loved away from him and now she doesnt care like she used to. Its upsetting. I am broken, deflated, defeated, tired, counselled-out, just feel like I have done my job and done the work and its still not enough. I give up and I never wanted this. I wanted him to do what he said he was going to.

 

Omg, crap this really sounds like what happened to me. Down to the T. How can I chat more with you about this? I am still kinda new to this forum thing. I have work in 5 hours and I still have a hard time sleeping.

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