I have no name Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 Hey, So I've been dating this girl for 6 months and things seem to be going well. We will even be going on a vacation next week. The only problem is she will not add me to facebook which I find very strange at this point. I couldn't care less about facebook. I mean I almost never use it and might delete it all together. But it still seems quite weird that she won't add me. She has her profile set to private so people can't add her. Whenever I mention facebook she says she has tried to add me but couldn't find me on it. That sounds like a complete lie to me as I know people have had no issues searching me on it. Other times when I mention FB, she just changes the subject. She has mentioned that she hardly uses facebook, but I have heard her friends mention pictures and other stuff that she has posted so clearly she is using it to some extent. So to me, I think there's 2 options. Either she is embarassed of me (which I highly doubt since I've met all her friends and family) or she is hiding something from me. Like I said before, I do not use facebook but this seems like a red flag to me. Am I overreacting or does this seem like an issue? Thanks
veggirl Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 Huge red flag. Huge. She is hiding something from you. Couldn't figure out how to find you on FB? Next time you are with her, tell her "it really bothers me that you won't add me on FB. It makes no sense. Let's just do it right now, I can show you how to find my profile"
abygirl1203 Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 that is super sketch!! there is no reason she should not add you. talk to her about it and make sure you get an answer why
monkey00 Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 Sounds really shady. I've dated girls who were into me enough to ask to add me on facebook or twitter. Next time she's at your place or you at hers, tell her to add you...that way she won't have excuses. Simple, if you type in the account's email address in search, the profile will come up. That's the best method for adding.
Author I have no name Posted August 17, 2012 Author Posted August 17, 2012 I guess I'm not the only one who finds this very strange! You guys are right, I should just straight up tell her to add me next time I have a chance. She will be over this weekend and I'm sure I'll have a good opportunity to put her on the spot. The only thing I'm worried about is if I do end up 'forcing' her to add me and I find some shady stuff about her, that will really ruin our trip next week lol I know that sounds silly but we are going on a pretty expensive vacation and I'd hate for it to be ruined. So I think I'll wait a bit since I'm kind of scared to find out the truth.
It's Just Me Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 It is strange, for sure - especially after six months. However, it has been six months. Presumably, the relationship is pretty solid if you're going on holiday together. Why don't you just ask her outright why she won't add you, but frame it in a relaxed way? Maybe her friends are idiots, and she doesn't want you to see that. Honestly, if she has something to hide (past relationships, etc.), she could delete anything she wanted before adding you, or limit what you can see. I think it's something else entirely that's holding her back.
phineas Posted August 18, 2012 Posted August 18, 2012 Are you sure you are her BF? Does her family know? Sounds like she has a BF somewhere else? 1
Flicka Posted August 18, 2012 Posted August 18, 2012 Hey, Whenever I mention facebook she says she has tried to add me but couldn't find me on it. That sounds like a complete lie to me as I know people have had no issues searching me on it. I agree. This is strange. Maybe you already addressed this, but couldn't you just send her a friend request and see what she does with it?
threebyfate Posted August 18, 2012 Posted August 18, 2012 The next time you're together, kicking back and relaxing somewhere with Internet access, offer to help her locate you by giving you access to her Fb page once she's signed on so her password remains private. If she reacts strongly in a negative way, oh yeah, she's hiding something. While she might not be cheating, there are tons of people both male and female who heavily flirt online and don't want their partners knowing about it. This to me would be a red flag, either way.
chphan Posted August 18, 2012 Posted August 18, 2012 (edited) So to me, I think there's 2 options. Either she is embarassed of me (which I highly doubt since I've met all her friends and family) or she is hiding something from me. You pretty spot on with the 2 options. Make no mistake about it, she's either don't want you to see something that she doesn't want you to know or she is in fact embarrass to let everyone know that you are with her that might effect her facebook status. Just because you met all her friends and family in real life doesn't include the people on her facebook status. I'm pretty much 100% sure that she got some guy or guys in there that she likes to flirt(sex talk) with but don't want them to know about you and you about them. I know from experience and this is why I hate Facebook. Edited August 18, 2012 by chphan
AlexCross Posted August 18, 2012 Posted August 18, 2012 Life and dating were so much easier w/o Facebook and social networking. 1
Author I have no name Posted August 18, 2012 Author Posted August 18, 2012 Are you sure you are her BF? Does her family know? Sounds like she has a BF somewhere else? Yes we are in an official relationship. She sometimes hints about our long term future by mentioning kids, marriage, etc. And yes her family knows. I see her parents all time time and I even visit her grandparents. There is no question that we are in a relationship. And I like to think it's pretty serious too.
Author I have no name Posted August 18, 2012 Author Posted August 18, 2012 I agree. This is strange. Maybe you already addressed this, but couldn't you just send her a friend request and see what she does with it? I can't send her a request. She has set her profile so that only she can add people.
truth_seeker Posted August 18, 2012 Posted August 18, 2012 OPTION 1 She has guys on her page she doesn't want you to know about, and doesn't want these guys to know about you. OPTION 2 Her Facebook is her online diary. Something for her and her girlfriends and she doesn't want you to see this side of her. 1
phineas Posted August 18, 2012 Posted August 18, 2012 Yes we are in an official relationship. She sometimes hints about our long term future by mentioning kids, marriage, etc. And yes her family knows. I see her parents all time time and I even visit her grandparents. There is no question that we are in a relationship. And I like to think it's pretty serious too. How old are you? I've had women I wasn't even sleeping with yet talking to me about how she wanted another kid & living together & all that jazz but like she wasn't ready to sleep with me, considered us exclusive & wouldn't make us official. I was kinda sad back then. LOL! I hope you are at least sleeping with her.
Author I have no name Posted August 18, 2012 Author Posted August 18, 2012 How old are you? I've had women I wasn't even sleeping with yet talking to me about how she wanted another kid & living together & all that jazz but like she wasn't ready to sleep with me, considered us exclusive & wouldn't make us official. I was kinda sad back then. LOL! I hope you are at least sleeping with her. I'm 26. And we have been sleeping together for several months now. It's just really confusing because besides this facebook situation, everything else is going really well. I was invited to her sister's birthday party tonight so maybe I will bring it up then (in a subtle manner of course).
Radu Posted August 18, 2012 Posted August 18, 2012 I'm 26. And we have been sleeping together for several months now. It's just really confusing because besides this facebook situation, everything else is going really well. I was invited to her sister's birthday party tonight so maybe I will bring it up then (in a subtle manner of course). You are such a wonderfull bf, i wish more bf's would give their gf's a chance to sanitize their online presence by issuing a warning. 3
veggirl Posted August 18, 2012 Posted August 18, 2012 I'm 26. And we have been sleeping together for several months now. It's just really confusing because besides this facebook situation, everything else is going really well. I was invited to her sister's birthday party tonight so maybe I will bring it up then (in a subtle manner of course). But you've already been subtle and it hasn't gotten you anywhere on this issue. Be direct and ask her wtf is going on. 1
Author I have no name Posted August 18, 2012 Author Posted August 18, 2012 You are such a wonderfull bf, i wish more bf's would give their gf's a chance to sanitize their online presence by issuing a warning. haha I know right! That's the other confusing thing. If it was as simple as deleting some photos or wall posts, she has had plenty of time to clean up her profile and make it look all innocent. So maybe it's something else.
AlexCross Posted August 18, 2012 Posted August 18, 2012 haha I know right! That's the other confusing thing. If it was as simple as deleting some photos or wall posts, she has had plenty of time to clean up her profile and make it look all innocent. So maybe it's something else. Maybe you should tell her you need a break. Don't tell her why. Just be blah about it. Make her wonder.
Author I have no name Posted August 18, 2012 Author Posted August 18, 2012 But you've already been subtle and it hasn't gotten you anywhere on this issue. Be direct and ask her wtf is going on. I guess you are right. I just don't want to create the impression that I care that much about facebook. It seems quite needy to ask her why she won't add me as a friend lol
colombiana28 Posted August 18, 2012 Posted August 18, 2012 Can you hide certain photos/statuses from people before you add them as a friend? maybe she thinks you'll see the incriminating things before she can hide them from you. or maybe there's ex boyfriends that she's wronged who are still her facebook friends and she doesn't want to flaunt her new relationship. or maybe there's an old flame that she's holding out hope for, and she doesn't want another guy (you) peeing all over her wall. definitely something to ask about.
veggirl Posted August 18, 2012 Posted August 18, 2012 I guess you are right. I just don't want to create the impression that I care that much about facebook. It seems quite needy to ask her why she won't add me as a friend lol It's not needy. It's shady as fk that she won't add you. Why would it be "needy" to want your GF to add you as a fb friend? She probably adds coworkers and old high school friends and people she meets at parties but won't add her boyfriend. It's not "caring about facebook", it's caring that she is clearly hiding something and purposely misleading you ("I can't find your profile")
Radu Posted August 18, 2012 Posted August 18, 2012 haha I know right! That's the other confusing thing. If it was as simple as deleting some photos or wall posts, she has had plenty of time to clean up her profile and make it look all innocent. So maybe it's something else. If she had sanitized her profile, you would be added as a friend. Needy is a bad word for us guys. Society has conditioned us males to fear that label. They know this, and use this label, and the label of 'opressive' to keep us in check. You are being kept in check, and the needy word is like a chain on a dog in your case. You tried finesse, good for you [i wouldn't], so now it's time to bring out the serious guns. Tell her you want to help her find your online profile right when you meet her. If she won't, well ... i doubt you have the balls to break up with her, so keep kissing that ass.
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