HeartStompedOn Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 Ok, I'd like to warn you this post will probably be long. My ex and I were together for 3 and a half years. We had known each other since I was 15 and she had just turned 17. We actually met online, it wasn't even expected. She is from a different state but we hit it off over the phone and text messages. We stopped talking after awhile because her parents forbidded her to talk to me and my parents was mad at me as well when we both ran up the phone bill. So, about 3-4 months passed and I went on the site to see that she was going to be attending college in my city. So, we started back talking and actually got together that summer and finally met face to face. I was senior in high school and she was a college freshmen, we had lots of fun together. We took each other's virginity, cried together, laughed together, and more. I thought she loved me but back in November of last year she broke up with me after a bad argument. I admit months leading up to it, I was kind of an ****** because I knew she was getting ready to graduate college in May and I was acting out because I thought she would move back to GA (childish, I know). I've since grown up after months of thinking. After the breakup, I begged, I pleaded, I did everything to keep her. She told me there was a guy who was just a friend. The guy is near 30 with a kid. The guy doesn't live in the same city but they work at the same job which is about 30-40 miles away. I actually contacted him and he's like we're just friends. I'm 21 and she is 22. I kind of thought maybe she was telling the truth because after the breakup we still acted as though we were together for months after just without the title, we would hang out, have sex, and kiss. It's like she changed though, after the breakup friends I never knew she had started to come out the woodworks. She would hang out with them, go out with them and everything. It's this one girl in particular who I can't really stand. I just don't get it, she knows I love her, will do anything for her, but she just left me sobbing nonstop. When I finally got the guts to say forget it after I hooked her iphone up and saw a picture that this "friend" sent her (which was much smaller than mines) and she had it saved she was like "you're not going anywhere, you're my heart.. always remember that." And so I was hurt but I was like ok. She was like she went to sleep and when she woke up it was on her phone. A few days later after ignoring me all day she comes over and is like I was in lab all day and I knew you didn't want anything. So she comes over and gives me a kiss and we have sex that night, she came on to me by the way. Fast forward to June, she's like we been together for so long maybe we should have some time apart because if it's meant, it'll be and we don't want to get together and end up splitting because we feel as though we missed out on something. So, I was like ok. She was convinced I was seeing someone else ( I wish I was but I'm not). And she was like she wasn't and said her and the guy no longer talked. So, we get back to my place she's feelng sick so she lays down and when she gets up she's texting someone so I'm like who is that and she just looks at me. So, I ask is it a guy because I heard her say in a annoyed voice, "Why is he texting me." So I just grabbed her by both arms and was like "Why, are you doing this to me!" And she was got pissed and slapped and started punching me so I backed off and she was like, "It's my ***** cousin." Then got mad and left. Tried texting her but no response. This went on for days until I just got tired of it and was like forget it. So that is when NC started. I didn't contact her until I saw she had added the "friend" she supposedly no longer talked to on facebook and she was like yea we're back talking but he's like a big brother I get advice from. I was like so there's no one else and she's like no. So I was like whatever and she was like I missed you and was going to contact you but didn't. And was like I'm really going to miss you as a friend because you're really cool. I had to go to work so I called back later only to be ignored and when I called back there was noise in the background and she's saying as though she was smiling on the other end, "I'll call you back." So I called again and same answer and then I got pissed and jumped totally out of character and was like ," B*** are you F******." I really messed up, I couldn't control it. I was so hurt while driving I was near tears. So she has this instagram app where she writes stuff and she was like "I deserve this <3:o" And then the friend I really don't like was like "AWWWWW look at you lol." So I texted and called and was like is there someone else but there was no answer. Then after a while, she's like "leave me alone I don't have to tell you ***." I contacted the "friend" and he's like I'm on date and was like I have a girl. We just cool we don't talk like that. So, I called from another number the next day and she picked right up and I called her name and in a confused tone she was like "yeaaaa." I mean she didn't even recognize my voice, I did call from another number though but as soon I said we need to talk she knew who I was and hung up. Just a week earlier though she wrote on instagram, "I love when people keep you on your toes and guessing :)." So I asked was that about a guy making a move and she was like "no, now will you leave me alone." And I was like is there someone else and is the reason you're busy is because you're with a guy and she was like "no and no." I had been trying to contact her that entire week but each time she was "busy." Couldn't even answer my phone calls to see what it was I had to say. So I was on there again today and she had wrote about attending a boxing class and about learning to swim, which hurt me because boxing courses are usually given by men not women. Also, the swimming lessons hurt because she has a nice body and I'm sure a guy taught her how to swim because she isn't fat but she is kind of like shapely (thick). So, it really hurt. especially after all we been through. I want to know what should I do. Continue NC until she decides she wants to stop it or what? My bday is coming up and I wonder if she will text me or not (probably not, it's like she no longer loves me). Also, to add on to my story, she still stays here. I know the area but not where she lives because she refused to tell me all of that because she says I'm crazy and I'm still acting like I was when we broke up. I guess overly emotional, but I'm not. I just wear my heart on my sleeve. I really want to meet new women but I'm shy and I have low self esteem since she left me.
Imajerk17 Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 (edited) Ok, I'd like to warn you this post will probably be long. My ex and I were together for 3 and a half years. We had known each other since I was 15 and she had just turned 17. We actually met online, it wasn't even expected. She is from a different state but we hit it off over the phone and text messages. We stopped talking after awhile because her parents forbidded her to talk to me and my parents was mad at me as well when we both ran up the phone bill. So, about 3-4 months passed and I went on the site to see that she was going to be attending college in my city. So, we started back talking and actually got together that summer and finally met face to face. I was senior in high school and she was a college freshmen, we had lots of fun together. We took each other's virginity, cried together, laughed together, and more. I thought she loved me but back in November of last year she broke up with me after a bad argument. I admit months leading up to it, I was kind of an ****** because I knew she was getting ready to graduate college in May and I was acting out because I thought she would move back to GA (childish, I know). I've since grown up after months of thinking. After the breakup, I begged, I pleaded, I did everything to keep her. She told me there was a guy who was just a friend. The guy is near 30 with a kid. The guy doesn't live in the same city but they work at the same job which is about 30-40 miles away. I actually contacted him and he's like we're just friends. I'm 21 and she is 22. I kind of thought maybe she was telling the truth because after the breakup we still acted as though we were together for months after just without the title, we would hang out, have sex, and kiss. It's like she changed though, after the breakup friends I never knew she had started to come out the woodworks. She would hang out with them, go out with them and everything. It's this one girl in particular who I can't really stand. I just don't get it, she knows I love her, will do anything for her, but she just left me sobbing nonstop. When I finally got the guts to say forget it after I hooked her iphone up and saw a picture that this "friend" sent her (which was much smaller than mines) and she had it saved she was like "you're not going anywhere, you're my heart.. always remember that." And so I was hurt but I was like ok. She was like she went to sleep and when she woke up it was on her phone. A few days later after ignoring me all day she comes over and is like I was in lab all day and I knew you didn't want anything. So she comes over and gives me a kiss and we have sex that night, she came on to me by the way. Fast forward to June, she's like we been together for so long maybe we should have some time apart because if it's meant, it'll be and we don't want to get together and end up splitting because we feel as though we missed out on something. So, I was like ok. She was convinced I was seeing someone else ( I wish I was but I'm not). And she was like she wasn't and said her and the guy no longer talked. So, we get back to my place she's feelng sick so she lays down and when she gets up she's texting someone so I'm like who is that and she just looks at me. So, I ask is it a guy because I heard her say in a annoyed voice, "Why is he texting me." So I just grabbed her by both arms and was like "Why, are you doing this to me!" And she was got pissed and slapped and started punching me so I backed off and she was like, "It's my ***** cousin." Then got mad and left. Tried texting her but no response. This went on for days until I just got tired of it and was like forget it. So that is when NC started. I didn't contact her until I saw she had added the "friend" she supposedly no longer talked to on facebook and she was like yea we're back talking but he's like a big brother I get advice from. I was like so there's no one else and she's like no. So I was like whatever and she was like I missed you and was going to contact you but didn't. And was like I'm really going to miss you as a friend because you're really cool. I had to go to work so I called back later only to be ignored and when I called back there was noise in the background and she's saying as though she was smiling on the other end, "I'll call you back." So I called again and same answer and then I got pissed and jumped totally out of character and was like ," B*** are you F******." I really messed up, I couldn't control it. I was so hurt while driving I was near tears. So she has this instagram app where she writes stuff and she was like "I deserve this <3:o" And then the friend I really don't like was like "AWWWWW look at you lol." So I texted and called and was like is there someone else but there was no answer. Then after a while, she's like "leave me alone I don't have to tell you ***." I contacted the "friend" and he's like I'm on date and was like I have a girl. We just cool we don't talk like that. So, I called from another number the next day and she picked right up and I called her name and in a confused tone she was like "yeaaaa." I mean she didn't even recognize my voice, I did call from another number though but as soon I said we need to talk she knew who I was and hung up. Just a week earlier though she wrote on instagram, "I love when people keep you on your toes and guessing :)." So I asked was that about a guy making a move and she was like "no, now will you leave me alone." And I was like is there someone else and is the reason you're busy is because you're with a guy and she was like "no and no." I had been trying to contact her that entire week but each time she was "busy." Couldn't even answer my phone calls to see what it was I had to say. So I was on there again today and she had wrote about attending a boxing class and about learning to swim, which hurt me because boxing courses are usually given by men not women. Also, the swimming lessons hurt because she has a nice body and I'm sure a guy taught her how to swim because she isn't fat but she is kind of like shapely (thick). So, it really hurt. especially after all we been through. I want to know what should I do. Continue NC until she decides she wants to stop it or what? My bday is coming up and I wonder if she will text me or not (probably not, it's like she no longer loves me). Also, to add on to my story, she still stays here. I know the area but not where she lives because she refused to tell me all of that because she says I'm crazy and I'm still acting like I was when we broke up. I guess overly emotional, but I'm not. I just wear my heart on my sleeve. I really want to meet new women but I'm shy and I have low self esteem since she left me. You're getting your first adult lesson of how to handle a breakup. It's something almost everyone goes through, and those who don't, it is because they got extremely lucky and married their high school sweetheart and grew old together. Feelings of rage are normal, but taking it too far acting out on those feelings could land you in serious trouble. I bolded what I did for a reason. You are at the point of being a stalker. You need to cut this shiat out before she gets law enforcement involved. Thing is, I get the feeling that if you back off and get on with your life, she will be back to contacting you again. Which would probably be the worst thing, as you BOTH sound immature. Edited August 17, 2012 by Imajerk17 1
Ami1uwant Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 This is a learning experience for you...everyone has gone through it. It sounds to me she realized she didnt want to get married now and wants to see what else is out there and learn more about herslef. The college age years of 18-25 is when peole do alot of growing and discover who they really are so change is not unusual a all. So I was on there again today and she had wrote about attending a boxing class and about learning to swim, which hurt me because boxing courses are usually given by men not women. Also, the swimming lessons hurt because she has a nice body and I'm sure a guy taught her how to swim because she isn't fat but she is kind of like shapely (thick). So, it really hurt. especially after all we been through. I want to know what should I do. Continue NC until she decides she wants to stop it or what? My bday is coming up and I wonder if she will text me or not (probably not, it's like she no longer loves me). Also, to add on to my story, she still stays here. I know the area but not where she lives because she refused to tell me all of that because she says I'm crazy and I'm still acting like I was when we broke up. I guess overly emotional, but I'm not. I just wear my heart on my sleeve. I really want to meet new women but I'm shy and I have low self esteem since she left me. As for this piec here...it sounds to me you are very jealous and controling if you question her taking lessons from a man? So she takes swiming lessons or other lessons...so what....why does it matter who is teaching her that. Swimiing is actually a very good activity to so as you get older to stay in shape because you can get a work out but its low impact on your joints that something like running is not.
Author HeartStompedOn Posted August 18, 2012 Author Posted August 18, 2012 You're getting your first adult lesson of how to handle a breakup. It's something almost everyone goes through, and those who don't, it is because they got extremely lucky and married their high school sweetheart and grew old together. Feelings of rage are normal, but taking it too far acting out on those feelings could land you in serious trouble. I bolded what I did for a reason. You are at the point of being a stalker. You need to cut this shiat out before she gets law enforcement involved. Thing is, I get the feeling that if you back off and get on with your life, she will be back to contacting you again. Which would probably be the worst thing, as you BOTH sound immature. Ok, so since I'm new to this and very heartbroken because I feel like I may not find anyone else because I'm so shy and my self esteem has been lowered because of the breakup, can you tell me things to do to really get over her. Honestly, I want her back. She is my first love, when we met it was a feeling I never felt before when I met any girl. But in the mean time, because you're experience and you say you believe she will contact me if I give it time, how can I talk to those pretty girls that I like without getting tongue tied? Just give me advice period, I need it. I want her back but she doesn't want me so I have to move on like she seemingly has. Also, to add to the story, I told her to get her stuff by September. She hasn't came or made any arrangements to do so yet. And it's a lot of stuff.
mortensorchid Posted August 18, 2012 Posted August 18, 2012 Wow, that's a tale! But take comfort in this fact : You are 21, you made a mistake. We have all made them. And truth be told, reviewing some of these facts, I think it's best if you both go your seperate ways. You sound like you are/were each others' first loves, and that's a great thing. But you have a lot of growing and changing to do. It doesn't feel like you do, but you do. And you will both be different people after several years, chances are it will not work out. How many people marry their first loves? Not many. And those who do? Well, I wish them luck. Think of this as a learning experience, and take it with you. Life goes on.
FryFish Posted August 18, 2012 Posted August 18, 2012 block her... block every form of contact... Get in the gym... daily. Dress well and take care of your appearance, grooming and such, and just start talking to girls again.
Author HeartStompedOn Posted August 19, 2012 Author Posted August 19, 2012 Well, I guess it's all over folks. She tells me she has no animosity towards me but definitely don't want me back. Also, says there is another guy in the picture wooing her. Says he's an awesome person. Says I was a bad bf and treated her like ****. But every relationships has it's problems. Knew the girl since I was 15 and she tells me it just isn't meant. And hopes this new guy asks her out because she will surely say yes.
Author HeartStompedOn Posted August 19, 2012 Author Posted August 19, 2012 Good! ****ing forget about her! It's tough man. She is all I've ever known since I was 15, I'm 20 now but I will be 21 next Thursday. We took each other's virginity and everything but she has moved on 2 months after we cut contact. We broke up 9 months ago though. She wouldn't even get out the car to hug or kiss me. She was mean to me, she was being just terrible. And when a love type song would come on, she would turn it up and be like ,"yea" as if she wanted to hurt me worse. I cried and everything for her. Asked for one last chance and she shook her head and was like no.We're done. We're not meant to be together. Trying to be Mr. Smart guy and doing the NC bs I lost a really good girl. I admit, I wasn't the best bf but I was young. It was my first real relationship, the others don't count. Like, I really loved her and she knows it, whether I messed up or not, I really loved her. She was being so mean in her voice and her body language. She would say hurtful things to me, wouldn't look at me and everything. I thought after not seeing her for almost 2 months she would be happy to see me but I guess not. She has an "awesome" guy making a move on her. Says he makes her feel really good. Tells me I'm nothing but drama and she now wakes up with a smile everyday. She even says she hasn't talked bad (cursed) since the last time she saw me, which is definitely a lie. I just wish I had the self esteem and the lack of shyness to attract a very pretty girl but I don't. My confidence has been shaken and she knows it. My life sucks, I just want it to be over. I hate this life. I really and truly do. Why do we have to go thru so much BS. My first love will now be ****** someone else. She used to make me feel so good. I never cheated or anything but I did put my hands on her (but I am changed now so please leave the "Good it's over" talk at the door). I have read books for months and when we were talking these last 8 months when she would come over and sometimes make me mad, I never once laid a finger on her. I was young and dumb. I was a kid. Still am. I feel like crap. I really want to die. I feel ugly and like I will die alone. Might as well die. My life sucks.
Imajerk17 Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 Everyone's first love is now ****ing someone else. That is how life goes. You might have made some mistakes but so did she. People just don't get this right on first try. Allow yourself time to grieve, which may include coming on here and venting, and which WILL include feeling some pretty intense rage towards her. (Don't hurt anyone in the process.) At some point though, you need to get pissed that she can meet someone else and that right now, you can't. Not pissed at her, but pissed at yourself. The best thing you could do for yourself is to pull it together and kick ass in your studies this year.
Recommended Posts