Should I send this to my ex?

[Aloisia]

It's a long story but basically my bf broke up with me 3 weeks ago out of the blue after 3 years. He dumped me with a text message cos he said he couldn't face me. He was not from my country but was living here with me but had already booked his flight home and left when I was out for the day. We were so in love and reason he said he left is that he is confused in life and depressed (couldn't get work here) and he said I deserve better then him. I was so shocked and am devastated. I have texted him, called him and everything but he has disappeared completely and is ignoring me. So that hurt me even more and I was wondering maybe he is angry with me too for fights we had before he left.

 

Anyway yesterday I remembered a song that he kept playing on youtube over and over again in my apartment a couple of weeks b4 he left. But I never knew what it meant cos it was in his language which I do not understand. But at the time I remember wondering why he kept playing it but I never asked cos think we were not talking or something. So yest I looked on his youtube channel for this song and found that he saved 5 versions of the song and some were with the lyrics on screen, so I thought obviously the words of this song are important to him, but again I did not understand then cos they in his language, all I could make from it is that it is a love song. So I searched the internet for a translation of the lyrics and eventually found it, and when I read them they really broke my heart so much, more then it is already broken. These are the words:-

 

After all this love, oh precious one, tell me how can I leave and forget you

And why should I leave when my heart and mind and everything in me wish for you

I cant, no matter what happens, agree to live with anyone but you

 

You are the love I desired, and found meaning to the world with

My life’s dream which I have been waiting for, for I have not lived before you

Come closer to me and you’ll know that I melt in your love and die in you

Come closer and only you will know that I have no more dreams after you

 

The first love I knew that called out to me, that took me and melted me in its nights

The love which I found my place within its eyes, and I live to satisfy it

If it was up to me to live again id chose your love and melt in it

 

It upset me so much cos I feel now maybe he not angry that actually his decision to leave was very hard and maybe his heart is broken too?

 

So my question is this, I was thinking to email him this english translation, nothing else, just these lyrics. He will recognise them instantly I am sure. But should I? I feel I want to do it to show him that I noticed it at all. That I know he is in pain too? I know he will be very shocked to see I even noticed this song at all nevermind that I got the english translation. Or will he just think it is a coincidence? Will he think it's a ploy to get him back and that I am sad and desperate? I really just want to send it as a hug to him. Cos at the end I feel like I had been neglecting him some. And cos of how he left I never got a chance to say so many things to him. Please help! I don't want to send it if it will hurt him but I want so much for him to know how much he meant to me without me just telling him that direct cos I have already done that but he has ignored all :-( I would really appreciate some advice from anyone at all, Thanks

[Drseussgrrl]

No don't send it.

 

Men don't respond to words, they respond to distance and no contact.

 

Not saying anything will speak volumes more than sending sappy lyrics that will just make him feel guilty. You don't want him to associate you with guilt.

 

Let him feel the consequences of his decision.

[Aloisia]

Thanks I was thinking yes that it would be a bit sappy, I'm just so emotional right now, and I thought also cos it was him that had listened to the song over and over that maybe he wouldn't view it as sappy? Cos he saved the lyrics himself? Why do you think he did that? Thanks

[Drseussgrrl]

It doesn't matter why anymore because at this point you are broken up and you need to act as such. " I have texted him, called him and everything but he has disappeared completely and is ignoring me." - why do you think sending him this will warrant a different response? He wants to be left alone.

 

I know this is blunt, but you won't get the reaction from him that you're hoping for, and you'll just feel worse. You'll end up in a vicious cycle of contacting him and feeling badly, then contacting him again hoping for a different outcome.

 

Just don't do it. Hunker down and strap oven mits on your hands if you have to to keep you from texting/emailing/sending smoke signals.

 

The most important thing right now is you and your dignity. He has already made his decision so let him live with it.

[youngnlove89]

No don't send it.

 

Men don't respond to words, they respond to distance and no contact.

 

Not saying anything will speak volumes more than sending sappy lyrics that will just make him feel guilty. You don't want him to associate you with guilt.

 

Let him feel the consequences of his decision.

 

 

I'm "liking" this again. NO CONTACT

[KatZee]

Don't do it.

 

You're going to feel extremely foolish weeks or months down the line. Listen, after three years, he couldn't even break up with you to your face. He's a coward. And after three years he walked away as if you were nothing.

 

I've seen it so many times before, there is probably someone you are not aware of. Not saying he cheated on you, but there could very well be someone he wanted to explore with. Hence all the, "you deserve better than me" "I'm confused in life.." nonsense.

 

If he was in love with you, he wouldn't have left. He would have given you some sort of closure. He gave you nothing. He just ended it, and gave you excuses. No real reasons as to why, or what you did wrong, if anything.

 

Keep NC.

[Aloisia]

Thanks, I know you are right. I will not send it. part of what hurt me so much is exactly what you said, I can't believe he just walked away without any discussion, like I meant nothing to him. I don't know why he felt leaving was the only solution, why he did not try talk with me first. I feel so abandoned. he asked me only couple months ago if things don't work out here in my country (job wise and stuff) would I come with him to his country instead. How he go from that to just run away and leave me I can never understand.

 

In the 3 years we together not one day went by that we were not in contact in someway. I don't know how he can think one text message in the end is all I deserved, and then disappear forever. But I also know that he was depressed and so when I saw this song I felt oh maybe he is upset too bout the break up and just can't handle any contact with me cos he knows how emotional I would be now. I am everyday switching tween feeling sorry for him that he had to go to such extreme measures, to hating him for making me feel like I am just a piece of garbage that he is finished with and threw in the bin.

[fun2bewith]

I feel your pain girl, 3 years ago my x did it as a joke and that hurt like hell...

The seeds of your words will fall on rock and it will not grow... He chose an easy way out... Left you without closure and that is very hard to understand and digest... All I can say is : "fix the holes in the boat first before you try to scoop out the water" Meaning: "heal first before making attempts to contact him" Let the relationship sleep and have NC for a few months , then decide if you really want to contact him again.... Nothing is lost forever it is only misplaced or in another form.... We are here for you.....

[KatZee]

Thanks, I know you are right. I will not send it. part of what hurt me so much is exactly what you said, I can't believe he just walked away without any discussion, like I meant nothing to him. I don't know why he felt leaving was the only solution, why he did not try talk with me first. I feel so abandoned. he asked me only couple months ago if things don't work out here in my country (job wise and stuff) would I come with him to his country instead. How he go from that to just run away and leave me I can never understand.

 

In the 3 years we together not one day went by that we were not in contact in someway. I don't know how he can think one text message in the end is all I deserved, and then disappear forever. But I also know that he was depressed and so when I saw this song I felt oh maybe he is upset too bout the break up and just can't handle any contact with me cos he knows how emotional I would be now. I am everyday switching tween feeling sorry for him that he had to go to such extreme measures, to hating him for making me feel like I am just a piece of garbage that he is finished with and threw in the bin.

 

My ex did the exact same thing. Sent the official "this is it, we're done" through a freaking text message. It's SO cowardly. And after I text-laughed in his face he tried to back track and say he didn't want to do it over the phone but I had asked. I was like really? So you couldn't wait to see me and do it to my face? Idiot.

 

Almost three years together and three months ago was the last time I ever saw him. We too never went more than a day without speaking, we saw each other so often. He just felt he'd rather walk away and start with someone new rather than put in the effort to make the relationship work. He actually said these words to me, "I don't know how to make it work."

 

Oh I don't know... communication? Honesty? A little thing called integrity?

 

All of these little boys that pull this stunt are just that. Little boys. They are not men, because men do not act this way. Be glad you're free of this child.