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I finally got asked the question....


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Posted

My ex finally told me what we have is really special and that we deserve to give it another go and asked if I still wanted to give it a go.

 

The next day we meet up went cinema and it was a great night, she ended it by telling me she loves me.

 

Problems

 

- we've only been broke up two months, so it's questionable how much you can learn and change in that time.

- we've only been back together 5 days but she is very reluctant to let anyone know about us, my friends say it's way to early for me to even worry about stuff like that.

- I'm so anxious about it ending again so much so that it's putting a slight downer on the reconciliation so far, hopefully that passes as we spend more time together.

- you spend months hoping for reconciliation then how you work at it becomes completely unnatural and alien.

 

Anyone got any advice on how to approach this.

 

We both understand we have lots of talking and understanding of each others needs to do and that we have to take this very very slowly.

 

This is a new relationship and I understand what we had before will never come back and good because it was broken anyways but you just feel the urge to fly back into things at 100mph.

 

I'm happy and reconciliation can happen, whether it can be successful is the road I'm now on, thank you for all your help because I wouldn't of every got another chance with her bait hour you, I wouldve driven her away long ago.

Posted

In my opinion, her reluctance to let on that you guys are (supposedly) back together is a massive red flag. To me it says she is either ncomfortable about people knowing or she wants to keep her options open in case something better comes along. Think about it, if you really love someone, you want everyone to know, right? Its your one night stands and **** buddies that you kinda keep on the downlow. So which one do you think you are?

  • Author
Posted

It raises a red flag for me but....

 

I'm more than willing to wait a bit before she informs people.

 

My theory is that for the last two months she's probably told her friends how over me she is, she's moving on, deserves better etc... Now she'd have to perform a u-turn.

 

But I have reservations about how this first week has progressed but we're in a position to communicate these issues now, early days.

Posted

i would say she just wants to be sure she is making a good decision..she knows her friends are going to ask her why in a way she isnt taking there advice..n she will want to have some time under her belt to help her when they do..if it last a long time..talk more about it..but if u love her..work on it dont worry bout the crap..it will only test you both..n maybe u dont need more of that right now...just my two cents.

Posted

OP- I agree that it COULD be a red flag..but it could also be that she wants to make sure things are going to work before going public again. She probably vented to a lot of friends and family members after the break up and she may have to do some fighting for you. Break ups are painful and the other people in her life probably had to help her get through it..they may be reluctant to support her until things are firmer.

 

My ex and I may end up reconciling and I will have the same problem. He never told anyone about the break up, so it won't matter for him..but my friends and family had to listen to me cry over this guy for months..they don't have the highest opinion of him at the moment.

 

For the record..he didn't actually do anything all that bad to me (except for the break up, haha)..but I was hurt and depressed.

Posted
My ex finally told me what we have is really special and that we deserve to give it another go and asked if I still wanted to give it a go.

 

The next day we meet up went cinema and it was a great night, she ended it by telling me she loves me.

 

Problems

 

- we've only been broke up two months, so it's questionable how much you can learn and change in that time.

- we've only been back together 5 days but she is very reluctant to let anyone know about us, my friends say it's way to early for me to even worry about stuff like that.

- I'm so anxious about it ending again so much so that it's putting a slight downer on the reconciliation so far, hopefully that passes as we spend more time together.

- you spend months hoping for reconciliation then how you work at it becomes completely unnatural and alien.

 

Anyone got any advice on how to approach this.

 

We both understand we have lots of talking and understanding of each others needs to do and that we have to take this very very slowly.

 

This is a new relationship and I understand what we had before will never come back and good because it was broken anyways but you just feel the urge to fly back into things at 100mph.

 

I'm happy and reconciliation can happen, whether it can be successful is the road I'm now on, thank you for all your help because I wouldn't of every got another chance with her bait hour you, I wouldve driven her away long ago.

 

Your suspicions about this being too soon are probably true.

 

I've done this enough to know it doesnt work. Especially so short a period of time.

 

I had to deny my ex several times because i realized nothing has changed. They may give you a good song and dance at first but im sure you can see right through.

 

Problem is you are now "back together" or whatever you want to call it. So it's either a ticking time bomb waiting to blow up again or you do some massive fixing.

 

Honestly, it's way too soon and second chances never work from what i've seen.

 

But you do what you feel you have to.

  • Author
Posted

At present things are going incredibly slow.

 

We are in good contact everyday and there's a real good mix of who initiates the contact.

 

We've spoke about future plans a lot and we have each other in mind in all of them which is a good sign

 

But......

 

Things are going extremely slow, she is extremely scared of commiting fully again and we've only seen each other once in the first 8 days (was mesnt to be twice but circumstances meant we couldn't).

 

I dreamed of reconciliation every single night for our two months apart but in reality its a lot harder than I thought but alsonot how I envisiged.

 

I won't wait forever for this to progress, I'm currently giving her all the space and freedom she needs but that can't last forever.

 

Also shes slowly started telling her friends about us.

 

I'll keep you updated.

Posted
At present things are going incredibly slow.

 

We are in good contact everyday and there's a real good mix of who initiates the contact.

 

We've spoke about future plans a lot and we have each other in mind in all of them which is a good sign

 

But......

 

Things are going extremely slow, she is extremely scared of commiting fully again and we've only seen each other once in the first 8 days (was mesnt to be twice but circumstances meant we couldn't).

 

I dreamed of reconciliation every single night for our two months apart but in reality its a lot harder than I thought but alsonot how I envisiged.

 

I won't wait forever for this to progress, I'm currently giving her all the space and freedom she needs but that can't last forever.

 

Also shes slowly started telling her friends about us.

 

I'll keep you updated.

 

Taking it slowly may not be a bad thing. It's a good sign that she's telling her friends. I really hope all goes well. Keep us posted.

 

And I am sincerely happy for you :). I'd like my moment of reconciliation, but if it doesn't happen for me, I hope it will happen for others.

Posted

Hey Im almost on the same trip you are Skalabanan. about 2 1/2 months broken up, not sure what can have changed in that time so a little worried about it. kind of looking down on the chance of working it out with my nervous about the whole thing. The only difference is that we've officially been back about 3 weeks.

 

Though before the 3 weeks of being back together, it was a rocky 2 attempts. She wasn't trying at all to make it work so we were about to end it, until she realize I was really going to walk away and not chase after her.

 

I can tell you I am in feeling the same. I thought and dreamt about getting back together for those months broken up. And it is still quite new and alien in this new us. I'm trying and she is too so I'm hoping for the best. As long as you feel she is really trying, then things are positive and keep the positivity up. Don't let her associate you with down feelings. Just make sure when you guys hang out, you have fun and a good time so whenever she does think of you, she thinks of happy thoughts.

Posted
My ex finally told me what we have is really special and that we deserve to give it another go and asked if I still wanted to give it a go.

 

The next day we meet up went cinema and it was a great night, she ended it by telling me she loves me.

 

Problems

 

- we've only been broke up two months, so it's questionable how much you can learn and change in that time.

- we've only been back together 5 days but she is very reluctant to let anyone know about us, my friends say it's way to early for me to even worry about stuff like that.

- I'm so anxious about it ending again so much so that it's putting a slight downer on the reconciliation so far, hopefully that passes as we spend more time together.

- you spend months hoping for reconciliation then how you work at it becomes completely unnatural and alien.

 

Anyone got any advice on how to approach this.

 

We both understand we have lots of talking and understanding of each others needs to do and that we have to take this very very slowly.

 

This is a new relationship and I understand what we had before will never come back and good because it was broken anyways but you just feel the urge to fly back into things at 100mph.

 

I'm happy and reconciliation can happen, whether it can be successful is the road I'm now on, thank you for all your help because I wouldn't of every got another chance with her bait hour you, I wouldve driven her away long ago.

 

 

Congrats! Good luck and take it slow, and work on everything that was bad in the past as hard as you can to not make the same mistakes. I'd love to get that call or email but I have to tell myself it will never come. Also if you love her make sure you tell her daily and hug her often. The small things mean so much.

 

Greg

  • Author
Posted

Just a small update.

 

Things are progressing nicely, seeing each other twice this week (we live over an hours drive apart now) and she told me she loved seeing me midweek.

 

We got a chance to discuss further what we want and a few expectations, still waiting on the night we have a big ole clear the air chat.

 

We're still miles away from being a tight knit and confident couple again and it may never come but we've got to try and at the very least enjoy each others company because we are each others best friend.

 

I do believe happy endings exist if there not with your ex they'll be with someone new or maybe you'll become so happy in your own company you'll never need another partner.

  • Author
Posted

We had the big clear the air chat.

 

There was a lot of tears and emotion as we bought up the past for the last time, we was both in agreement we can make it work but we still both have huge worries it may not work.

 

There is a huge amount of hurt on both sides to repair and it's going to take time but I feel if we get this right we could be in for a seriously good relationship.

 

Our understanding of each others wants and needs has already improved ten fold on what it was in our relationship.

 

Communication will be the foundation of our second chance, if we keep it at good level it can work but it won't be the easiest of roads to success.

 

I'll keep you informed of our progress.

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