jw32802 Posted July 15, 2004 Posted July 15, 2004 Is it bad to do this its been 2 weeks since me and my ex have had contact. I hate the way we left things and i hate that we hate each other and i just want him to know that im happy and have moved on. is it bad to send a letter telling him that it was all a learning experience and that im doing great, have moved on , have a new guy in my life, etc.? im not looking for contact back, i changed my cell number and im changing my email, i told him i dont want him to respond, that i just wanted him to know that i had a great time when we were together and that i needed closure and needed to just say im happy now and i wish him luck with his new girl. Is this a bad idea?
YellowLioness Posted July 15, 2004 Posted July 15, 2004 Eh, well, if you hate him, and he hates you, why do you want to contact him, again? (Not trying to be hard on you, girlie. Just trying to understand why you'd want to talk to someone that you hate). I'm friends with my exes, but it takes a long time to get there, sometimes. I mean, they know you better then anyone, and they've hurt you more then anyone. Sometimes, it just takes some time before the hurt dulls enough for you to appreciate why you first started going out with them in the first place (from a platonic angle, of course). So, what I'm TRYING to say is that if you're ready, and you want to be friends with him and send him a note saying, "no hard feelings, bub!" And you REALLY mean it, and you REALLY don't want him back again, or to start stuff with him and his new girlfriend, go for it. (run-on sentence!) My exes are some of the best friends that I have. :-)
gobain Posted July 15, 2004 Posted July 15, 2004 I don't think it's a bad idea. You're doing it for you, right? I can understand that. Whether he does or not is irrelevant - this is about what you need to do to give yourself a sense of completion without any animosity attached. IMO, f your comfortable with it then you should do it.
tanbark813 Posted July 15, 2004 Posted July 15, 2004 Yes and no. I can definitely relate to wanting to write a closure letter. I've done this before and my experience has been that at the time it can definitely help relieve some of the pain and help you move on. So in that sense, writing a letter like this can definitely be a good thing. However, I usually save things like this on my computer and one particular letter I read through about 6 months later, after I had moved on, and I thought I sounded like a whiny little bitch. At the time I wrote it, it seemed honest and well-written, but after reading it months later and getting some distance from the failed relationship, I kind of wish I had written it differently. So my advice would be: Writing the letter can help, and if you decide to go ahead and do it, be sure to take your time. Write it out and then just save it without sending it, and then read it days or maybe even weeks later to be sure it's what you want to say.
sweetadeline Posted July 15, 2004 Posted July 15, 2004 I second what Tanbark said about taking your time. I recently sent a closure letter and am glad I did--it gave me the sense of completion that my ex was unwilling or unable to provide. However, while I started the letter the day after I was dumped, I didn't send it until over a month later--after I had gained more perspective, worked through some of the hurt, and, most importantly, done a *lot* of editing. That editing (and the time it required) was the key in changing a letter I might have regretted sending later into one that I feel relatively good about. Good luck to you.
jmargel Posted July 15, 2004 Posted July 15, 2004 Write a letter to him, but instead of sending it, throw it away or send it to another address (don't put your return address on it). Otherwise he'll get the warped signal that you still want him in some way. That or you'll enrage him about you moving on, etc.. Don't give him the opportunity to get his foot in the door. Besides if you are with someone else, I'm sure they would be upset with you doing this.
tiki Posted July 15, 2004 Posted July 15, 2004 I would NOT write a closure letter. It's over. You're on with your life. I personally feel like it's a drama outlet. Most closrue letters are wildly DRAMATIC and over the top. Let it go, he's OBVIOUSLY not worth your time. Don't give him the privilege of hearing from you. If you were that great, he knows what he lost, there's no need to remind him. You will just end up making an ass of yourself. Good luck.
Author jw32802 Posted July 15, 2004 Author Posted July 15, 2004 Thank god you guys wrote , i dont know why i felt like writing it, it was like if i wrote it then he would see all the great things about me. lol isnt that awful that i think like that? you are right! the more he DOESNT hear from me, the more he will think about how great i was and i hope he comes crawling back so i can SLAM the door in his face
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