Emotional Rollercoaster

[kindest]

We've been broken up for 6 months and I am still in pain. We've been on NC the first month then went LC when I thought I had already healed, and when I realized I wasn't healed, I told him we should stop talking 'for now'. It was him initiating contact all the time and when I asked him why he was doing it couldn't even give me a straight answer. I couldn't understand, how could he enjoy talking to me when I always responded with a little bitterness and there was an obvious awkwardness in our conversations? Anyway, I don't know when I'll be healed, I don't even know if I will ever speak to him again. Maybe when I start dating someone else I'd be okay for us to be friends. Ughh I hate this.

 

I've been feeling all sorts of emotions from sadness to anger to feeling liberated to missing him to wishing he misses me too. I know this is normal but I feel like I'm going insane. I don't have money to pay a therapist so this is what I do -- I surf the net looking for all sorts of answers and that's how I ended up here on LS.

 

Been thinking if he feels sad about losing me and if he does, well I'd feel some sort of satisfaction -- is that weird?

 

I've been scared of logging in my IM because I might find a message from him there. If I don't find a message though, I'll still feel sad. Doubly weird.

 

In our last conversation, my last word to him, I sent him a picture of us and told him to keep it so he has a memory of me. I was in good spirits and that was me sort of saying 'goodbye' on a positive note. That was about a week ago and he did not respond, and again it made me cry.

 

I cry almost all the time now. In random public places too: when walking the street, when in public transportation, when in the restroom, basically every chance I get. I'm like a teardrop machine.

 

I just want my happy, contented self back.

Edited August 17, 2012 by kindest

[soccerrprp]

kindest,

 

I am very sorry that you are feeling so sad. IT WILL GET BETTER AS TIME GOES ON...I know, not much solace in that right now, but it will.

 

You need to do for yourself and keep yourself occupied with friends, activities that help you from thinking about him...very difficult, but that's how people make it through these types of things, break-ups. Remember that there are many others who have and are going through what you are going through now. You are not alone.

 

I feel for you and know that there are people here on LS that are listening... stay strong.

[kindest]

I've been doing yoga for the past 6 months and even when I'm in class I think about him. Oh how I wish I could just shut my brain off.

 

He has probably dated other girls, liked other girls, and forgot about everything he felt for me. I force that thinking in my head to dissolve any feeling I have for him but all I feel is pain.

 

I go out with friends sometimes but I feel empty.

 

I am angry at him because I couldn't believe he is this person now, he used to be someone who made me feel like I'm on top of the world. Now he makes me feel like I'm worthless.

 

I'd have to admit that each time he reached out to me I felt some sort of satisfaction and I thought, 'See? You can't forget me just like that.' And the fact that he was always the one who initiated contact, I felt sort of vindicated.

 

But I had to ask him to stop. He's been torturing me and I was trying my best to seem calm and collected but I just can't pretend anymore.

 

I just hope he learned his lesson. I, on the other hand, don't know what lesson I should have learned from this experience.

[kindest]

In one of our last conversations, he apologized: 'I'm sorry for everything. I wish you all the best.'

 

I asked why he's saying sorry... and he said, 'I'm just in that mood.'

 

How arrogant. Like he was doing it as a favor to me? It didn't make me feel any better. What an a**hole. I'm imagining his pride eating him up alive.

 

I feel so angry I want him to be miserable all his life.

 

I never used to be this way. I used to be a happy, positive person, even amidst heartbreak. But this guy just turned me inside out. What a deceitful prick.

Edited August 17, 2012 by kindest

[WinnerInChrist]

Aaaah... I must be proud then because I won't give anyone that satisfaction. It's too much energy too... getting angry and all.

 

Perhaps it'll help if you can list all the things you did not like about him. I tried that a day or two after my ex first broke up with me and I was not happy at all. I couldn't find anything. Then after a week, I searched again and I found a lot wrong with everything I once loved about him. Talk about sour grapes but who cares so far as it helps to get over him!

[kindest]

I found out he's having sex now. I found out online. He knows I'd see it. He's that cruel.

 

My heart is sinking. I feel like bawling my eyes out but I only managed a few tears. I'm dying of sadness.

[The Tallest One]

Kindest, I know I'm just a random guy on the internet that you will never meet in real life, but I feel your pain and I can totally relate! My ex gf broke up with me two months ago. I spent five long hard weeks trying my best to get over her and two weeks ago she texted me out of nowhere.

 

I honestly never expected to hear from her again and it took me back a bit. She wanted to know how I was doing and wanted to know if she can text me. I was very guarded with her and her numerous questions. She has broken my heart many times over the fifteen months we saw each other.

 

Her texts are so random! It gives me false hope and keeps me hurting! I know I need to do what you did and tell her to stop! I like yourself, like knowing that she still thinks of me, but it still hurts!

 

Please be strong today and know your not alone, there are so many of us going through this! I hope you have a good day and that both of us can heal and find happiness in both our lives! Take care!