Mary Oak Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 SO, me and my gf of seven years have been broken up for six weeks. The break up was done by her but it was my fault, and I have been a wreck since. My ex and I work together and talk everyday, with "hopes" someday we will reconcil. Neither of us are seeing anyone or plan to. SHe needs to be able to completely let go of the pain I caused her and she does not know if she will be able to do that. I don't blame her and she is so conflicted. I know she loves me and is still in love with me but she can't give me her heart fully right now, and doesn't know if she ever will be able to. SHe says she wants to, but doesn't know if she will ever get there, and love is not about reservations. My dad took a turn for the worse yesterday. I immediately called her on my way to see him. SHe was very comforting and loving. When I left seeing my dad, all I wanted was to run into her arms. THen it hit me like a steam roller, she is not my support anymore. SHe texted to ask how he was and then texted a heart felt text. It was nice and really all she can do for me. Even if it was a call, still not the same. I am alone. I am alone in this huge house and I just need to be held. Not by just anyone, but by her. It was a huge slap in the face. I can't believe I have caused this to be my life now. Say her this morning and just hugged and cried. Felt good to let it out, but it is not the same. SHe is still the same compassionate person she always is, and wants to be there for me. She said she will help me through this. BUt, it isn't the same. Plus I don't want to put anymore stress on her. SHe is having a hard time with this breakup too, and I don't want to add the pressure of my heartache over my dad and the heartache over losing her. SHe doesn't deserve that. I am having so many emotions and hurting so much. I feel like I am spinning out of control. I have never wavered in wanting her back and I have never wavered in letting her know. But now, it is so different because I actually NEED her back. I need her to hold me. My mom is of the belief that when my dad goes it will be for the best, so she just gets mad at me for my selfish tears. I have no one. I have never had a problem being alone, I have never really felt lonely, until she left. Do I go to her for comfort? Or do I just realize this is my journey and she is not in my life anymore in that capacity? SO lost and scared....
mickleb Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 Really sorry to hear this MO. A very sad situation. You need to stop leaning on your ex, though. She is not, and cannot just be, a friend to you now. You need to put all your energy into the time you have left with your father now. Your mum is obviously struggling herself - sorry to hear that - but, if you don't have any other friends or family members to help you through this very difficult time, I suggest you find a counsellor who can be there for you. Take care of yourself. 1
ThatJustHappened Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 I'm so sorry Mary. I lost my mom a few years ago so I completely understand what you're going through. But as far as your ex goes..leaning on her is not going to help you in the long run. Do you really want her back just because you badgered her into it? It won't last..if she even comes back at all, eventually she'll start to resent you for guilt tripping her into coming back and she'll walk away again. It's like putting a band aid on a gushing wound..it'll help a little bit for a little while but when it comes off, you'll be worse off than when you started. Like Mickleb said, you should try to find a counselor to help you through this. Again, I'm so, so sorry.
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