BooBoo1982 Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 You get dumped but the dumper says you forced him into it with your behaviour, they love you more than anything but just can't be with you anymore. I'm not sure it's just them trying to push the blame or whether they are being honest, surely if they loved you and you were prepared to work on the relationship and your behaviour they would want to try and make it work? Opinions welcome.
hopelessromantic29 Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 Yes that happened to me too. I was in a year long relationship n he broke up with me over a month ago saying that he's unsure of where our relationship was going and if it was going to last bc he doesn't like the way I handle our fights. I gave him the silent treatment for 5 days. If I could go back, I wouldn't have behaved like that, but I think like you too. If he really cared for me n I'm willing to work on my flaws, why'd he leave? We were awesome together. We had great times n I totally got him. Maybe he's afraid? I don't know n I don't think I'll ever really know....
Gaprofitt Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 You get dumped but the dumper says you forced him into it with your behaviour, they love you more than anything but just can't be with you anymore. I'm not sure it's just them trying to push the blame or whether they are being honest, surely if they loved you and you were prepared to work on the relationship and your behaviour they would want to try and make it work? Opinions welcome. I know how you feel. My wife who left said the same thing, she was convinced I wouldn't change, she couldn't be more wrong. I think it's her way of dealing with it instead of accepting my passion for what it truly is. I think it's more her being afraid to try again than anything, boy I want that chance though, it would be beautiful. Greg
Author BooBoo1982 Posted August 17, 2012 Author Posted August 17, 2012 I know how you feel. My wife who left said the same thing, she was convinced I wouldn't change, she couldn't be more wrong. I think it's her way of dealing with it instead of accepting my passion for what it truly is. I think it's more her being afraid to try again than anything, boy I want that chance though, it would be beautiful. Greg Does she tell you she still loves you?
Gaprofitt Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 Does she tell you she still loves you? She did when she left, a week later she said she loves me, but she's not in love with me anymore. Now she's trying to destroy me, it makes no sense at all.
jdids247 Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 Absolutely! She started to resent me because I didn't buy a house that she wanted. She blaimed her behavior on the fact that we didn't get married right away (we were engaged for one year and she wanted to just go and elope after about two months of the engagement.) I was between jobs the year we were engaged and she wanted to get out of our apartment as did I. She blamed the demise of the relationship on us not getting married right away and not buying a house. Her word "Things might have been different if we got married and we bought a house". I didn't buy a house with her because she didn't want to contribute to saving money for a down payment and I'd take care of everything. I was already paying all of the bills and she was out partying most nights. I didn't want to buy a house just so she'd stay home with me. She needed to WANT to stay home with me to begin with. If we were married and bought a house, things wouldn't have been any different and we would have been divorced a year later.
Tyler. Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 Absolutely! She started to resent me because I didn't buy a house that she wanted. She blaimed her behavior on the fact that we didn't get married right away (we were engaged for one year and she wanted to just go and elope after about two months of the engagement.) I was between jobs the year we were engaged and she wanted to get out of our apartment as did I. She blamed the demise of the relationship on us not getting married right away and not buying a house. Her word "Things might have been different if we got married and we bought a house". I didn't buy a house with her because she didn't want to contribute to saving money for a down payment and I'd take care of everything. I was already paying all of the bills and she was out partying most nights. I didn't want to buy a house just so she'd stay home with me. She needed to WANT to stay home with me to begin with. If we were married and bought a house, things wouldn't have been any different and we would have been divorced a year later. Exactly dude, you dodged a bullet. She was a gold-digger and lazy, expecting you to pay for everything so whatever, it's not your loss. Simple gestures are okay when dating (picking up the tab or buying a gift) but once you're married, you're equal partners. I'm happy for you that you didn't go through with the marriage. 1
NoMagicBullet Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 Can't say I've ever been in that situation before. I can say that I dumped someone because they wouldn't work on the relationship at all. Actually, he didn't want to work, period -- as in, he refused to hold a steady job and contribute to rent, bills, etc. Gave this guy a lot of chances to make it work, and he wouldn't. Had to dump him. So in answer to you question, I could see several different scenarios: - dumpee won't make an effort or ignores dumper's attempts to discuss the problems, thinks they are being wrongfully blamed (my situation) - dumpee never gets a chance to make an effort, dumper won't discuss the problems - the communication between the two is so mutually bad, it doesn't really matter who is to blame If any relationship is going to survive and thrive, there needs to be good communication. And if there are problems, both parties need to make an effort to work them out.
Gaprofitt Posted August 18, 2012 Posted August 18, 2012 Can't say I've ever been in that situation before. I can say that I dumped someone because they wouldn't work on the relationship at all. Actually, he didn't want to work, period -- as in, he refused to hold a steady job and contribute to rent, bills, etc. Gave this guy a lot of chances to make it work, and he wouldn't. Had to dump him. So in answer to you question, I could see several different scenarios: - dumpee won't make an effort or ignores dumper's attempts to discuss the problems, thinks they are being wrongfully blamed (my situation) - dumpee never gets a chance to make an effort, dumper won't discuss the problems - the communication between the two is so mutually bad, it doesn't really matter who is to blame If any relationship is going to survive and thrive, there needs to be good communication. And if there are problems, both parties need to make an effort to work them out. I've learned since she left communication was a huge deal with our relationship, if she would have communicated things would have been so much better. I rarely knew her feelings as she felt like she had to keep things inside, I was much easier to talk to than she gave me credit for. Greg
Renard99 Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 I've learned since she left communication was a huge deal with our relationship, if she would have communicated things would have been so much better. I rarely knew her feelings as she felt like she had to keep things inside, I was much easier to talk to than she gave me credit for. Greg I've come to the exact same realisation. My ex felt it was easier to keep things inside rather than communicate. Then, as always happened, I'd inevitably do or say something wrong, not being able to judge how she was feeling, and she'd just withdrawn further into herself stating that I 'just don't get' her causing the cycle to begin again. Then, when I got frustrated with the whole situation enough to bring it up, she just felt I was being demanding, stubborn and awkward, leading to her withdrawing from me even further. It was all down hill from there.
InAFog Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 I had to be the dumper. I had gone to my ex several times and told him how i felt and that things needed to change. he would sometimes agree and we would talk and cry all night about how we never wanted to lose each other and would work our problems out. Other times he would tell me to leave if i didn't like it. Eventually, i had to leave. I love him with all my heart. I would give anything to have him tell me that he wanted to fix things. but i now that he will never do the work it would take to make us right again. Only one person can't want to make things work.
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