Bazamu Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 I decided to write a new thread, since this is something different then what I wrote last time. I was dating a girl for a month or so, we broke up about a week ago and she is pregnant. I have an appointment with her here in one week for the prenatal. I have no idea how to act when I get there. I believe it will be an awkward silence. She says she doesn't want to talk to me and needs her space and respect that. I have done all the above. Now, she has only text me about when the appointment is and I haven't talked to her in about 3 days. I will see her around the 23rd of this month. Any suggestions? I plan on trying to keep it cool, but I want to say something to her.... it already seems like she has made up her mind though.
Tree_Salmon Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 Any suggestions Is she pregnant with your kid?
Balzac Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 It's likely to be emotional if there is an ultrasound, showing the fetus and you hear the heartbeat via Doppler. There may be a "photo". Be a gentleman. She may want privacy during disrobing but it's not likely that will be necessary. Face it, you do what you can and hope for the best. Offer verbal emotional support, she's facing many physical body changes and guaranteed psychological ones as well. If she's fearful offer to hold her hand or your shoulder. Take a nice handkerchief to hand her. Ha! One you'll not see again. Hard to say dude. Small baby style stuffed animal? It all depends on how much anxiety she has. Remember that anxiety=fight or flight. Don't get sucked into a fight.
Drseussgrrl Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 This kind of reminds me of the movie "Knocked Up" lol.
Balzac Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 If only IRL was Hollywood and crazy girls could normalize in 39 weeks. Yeah, he'd be on Happyville but that scenario is unlikely. As for now~wasted sexual free zone as she is all pissy with him. We all feel his pain and support his massively upstanding efforts to man up for this.
Author Bazamu Posted August 17, 2012 Author Posted August 17, 2012 yeah, I was planning on watching knocked up today, it does depict my life a little lol. Trying to put on a face smile is going to be hard as ****. I am a sperm donor for this matter and its really hard to try and not call her everyday. I havent talked to her in 4 days and counting. =(
veggirl Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 You need to use that opportunity to tell her that you guys need to set up a time to face to face discuss the future plans regarding the baby. That should be your #1 priority. She has been totally unresponsive to you as far as other conversation so I wouldn't worry about holding her hand and all that stuff. Not your responsibility.
Author Bazamu Posted August 17, 2012 Author Posted August 17, 2012 When should I talk to her about this? I was thinking maybe a month, few weeks maybe or even now?
Author Bazamu Posted August 17, 2012 Author Posted August 17, 2012 Oh and now she took me off fb :/. I was never think that she would try that. I'm ****ing lost!!!
Balzac Posted August 18, 2012 Posted August 18, 2012 You can't seem to catch a break! All I can say is~hormonal hurricane? The only thing you can do for yourself, your child and the optimum outcome is reduce your expectations, remain calm and hope for her to gain equilibrium. As her pregnancy develops, she trusts that you are still around for her and your baby, I think she'll open up to you. I feel your disappointment & pain. Your fears of another man entering the dynamic. Remain confident, make your move to ensure access to your child and hunker down for the king game. Trust me, the newness of this pregnancy will wear out. You'll be there. Hang in there.
Author Bazamu Posted August 18, 2012 Author Posted August 18, 2012 (edited) Thank you Balzac. I really need that right now in was doing great and still am, just little less great now. I really hope it is hormones. there are a million things running through my head right now, like, is she seeing someone already, is she that angry that she has to de friend me, when all her other exes are friends with her on FB, did she lose the baby and not want to tell me, or is she looking for attention or me to call her? just so much ****. I am still going to that appointment and every other one she gives to me. Its hard thinking you're going to be a single dad already. Edited August 18, 2012 by Bazamu
Balzac Posted August 18, 2012 Posted August 18, 2012 Here's the thing....anger? She was offering up her 100% of the bunnyfest you two shared. What was in her mind every time you took her to the moon? How many other guys trod that same pathway and walked away free and clear? Her body isn't her own right now. She works in a social culture focused in liquor. That sells well, right? Unless she's guaranteed financial support in adequate supply from her folks, the reality of single motherhood is harsh reality. How long will it take her to admit this? Maybe never. I'd be freaked but I'm a guy. You WILL hear if she miscarried. Trust me. She's angry but likely at much more than you. FB is just one manifestation of something she does control. Who cares really? It's click you're in and click you're out. Women are wacky, pregnant women are a mess. Steady n Ready is your motto. Simmering on the sidelines, waiting for lesser men to fold, for her to get a grip on motherhood.
Author Bazamu Posted August 18, 2012 Author Posted August 18, 2012 Damn Balzac, you got some good advise. I also got someone to tell me, take it in stride and ride the wave. Hard to try and do, but ill have to manage. I plan on talking to her soon about me changing my life, even if she doesnt want to hear it. Being cordial that is of course.
biogirl05 Posted August 18, 2012 Posted August 18, 2012 wow, this sucks! are you sure it's your child? how are you feeling about having a child? remember it's your baby, too, and how do you want your child to view you? even in this awful situation.. ALWAYS take the high road. ALWAYS do what's right for the child, as much as you can. and maybe request a paternity test.... (of course, i don't know the full situation..)
Balzac Posted August 18, 2012 Posted August 18, 2012 Thanks btw. Walk the walk, she'll be untrusting at first. Don't allow her to get you angry. Big picture::baby is a lifetime. You can outwait every other guy, you can grow into this parent role. You may actually be the ONLY parent. She's gotta grow up and she's way behind you on that task. Be thankful she cannot get pregnant while she's pregnant!! Soon after delivery you can only hope she embraces contraceptives or your baby will be cast from the spotlight very quickly.
Author Bazamu Posted August 19, 2012 Author Posted August 19, 2012 i wish she knew how to grow up by herself, sucks that this is happening. I was at least hoping we would try to get to know each other and work something out.
Balzac Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 Thanks btw. Walk the walk, she'll be untrusting at first. Don't allow her to get you angry. Big picture::baby is a lifetime. You can outwait every other guy, you can grow into this parent role. You may actually be the ONLY parent. She's gotta grow up and she's way behind you on that task. Be thankful she cannot get pregnant while she's pregnant!! Soon after delivery you can only hope she embraces contraceptives or your baby will be cast from the spotlight very quickly. BAZ....dude....it has been a very short time in her world. Give this some time. I know it's hella hard. She turned you on and turned your life upside down. Think of it like a concussion....time takes on a new dimension. Hang on. The 23rd will get here. How are your life changes holding out? That's your focus.
Author Bazamu Posted August 20, 2012 Author Posted August 20, 2012 My changes in life are great. One week sober and my mind is way clearer than ever. Just a pain I can't show her the changes. Yes, I know it's only been a week and only time will tell. Patience is a virtue on this one. I don't like the fact that I only see her every 2-3 weeks. It is what it is.
Balzac Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 (edited) Big kudos on your week sober. Please give thought to ONE meeting. The comraderie will help with the feelings. One day at a time. Let the word get around and it will. We're all here to listen and vent away to us. Meanwhile her breasts are sore, she's tired, nauseous and moody. So much for that sperm you sent her way. It's all your fault she's freaked and sickly. Seven days of her life is no picnic. Try to see that. Pregnancy is a drive at high speed onto the off ramp into oncoming traffic. You Baz get to watch n wait. You are amazing to do what you are. People will notice. Edited August 20, 2012 by Balzac As she told you---->the impossible happened.
Author Bazamu Posted August 21, 2012 Author Posted August 21, 2012 Yeah, I am definitely doing a paternity test for sure. It sucks waiting this all out and trying to be responsible with all of this going on in life.
Author Bazamu Posted August 25, 2012 Author Posted August 25, 2012 UPDATE: Before the appointment, she called and told me I don't need to show up, because they are just doing blood work done. I insisted on coming and she said it was fine. I went to the appointment and she brought her mom and brothers with her. We all sat in the same room and nothing was spoke about. She did tell me what she wanted to name our kid if it was a girl (I pretty much have no say so, even though I'm the father), anyways she didn't say anything unless I asked her a question. It was kind of agitating, but hey, what else could I do? It feels as if it was I was an infatuation to me and visa versa. We got what we wanted out of each other, but also got a kid to go along with it. Now, we go our own ways and basically see each other every month for the baby. It's hard to do this, it is what it is. I will post more when something's else comes to mind. N
Author Bazamu Posted August 29, 2012 Author Posted August 29, 2012 New update: Got a few animal items for the nursery and told my ex about it. She responded with: My mom and I have decided that it will be a rainbow fish theme if its a boy and a candy theme if its a girl. You don't need to worry about decorating. I then asked here, "we need to sit down and talk, ya?" Her reply was, " I dont feel comfortable with talking to you in person" Me: " Am I that bad of a person to talk to in person?" Her: "no, I just feel more comfortable talking to you over the phone." I see her September 17th for the 13 week ultrasound, shell probably bring her mom. I'm a little agitated and frustrated on how to go about that. All I can really do is move on and think about the baby, but seriously why is she acting crazy like that?
Author Bazamu Posted August 29, 2012 Author Posted August 29, 2012 Starts to make me wonder, since she is so distant, the kid might not be mine.
Balzac Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 Interesting to hear this comment. Prior to this your confidence in the math was solid. I think most prudent folks here would encourage you to validate the DNA. Weird as she may be, awkward as this is, if your child has ongoing contact with you, his/her life will be better than absent you. You will have visitation, your own nickname for this kid and you can have whatever "theme" you choose for buying fun baby things. Kids require TWO elemental parents for a reason. Hang tough.
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