thoughtdump Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 I've been a lurker on this forum since my relationship died, but I think it's finally time to tell my story and hopefully get it out of my head and heart. I think it's unique in its circumstances in ways that google hasn't been able to find results for. Yall seem to be good listening ears. So I was dumped at the end of June. I've been no contact since, and it really is much easier than it was back then, but of course, like the rest of the broken hearted, some days are better than others. We were long distance for almost a year. We flew out to see eachother every month/ month 1/2 for long weekends. He ALWAYS tried to talk me in to moving in with him, but for the longest time, I refused. Eventually though, I decided to make the move. We talked about it, we used to have such good communication. Seriously, whenever there was any issue, we talked it out and it was resolved. It was SO EASY. We talked about moving in together, the dynamics, that it would have its hard times, that we were both sure and ready for it, that it wasn't a rush and we could take our time. He told me everything I wanted to hear. He made me believe it too. I still wonder if he ever really wanted it. So I moved across the country to be with him. It was the month of our 1 year anniversary and I thought it would be extra special to spend that day together instead of over the phone. Anyway, long story short, after I moved in, the relationship changed. I don't think I ever stopped being myself, or doing the things that made him love me. In my opinion, he stopped trying. He got really busy with work and other things, and I understood. I was busy too, finding a job, working said job, making friends, doing my thing. I gave him plenty of space because I didn't want to be needy or suffocating. At the same time though, I'm the kind of person who always says how I feel. I always had good manners, saying things like please and thank you. Always expressing appreciation. Always getting him tokens of my love. Cooked, cleaned, swallowed. You know, the works. It was all really unreciprocated though. But I wasn't in it for the presents, I was in it because I loved him. Anyway, things were mostly good, but also sometimes bad. In my opinion, for no reason, really. I remember, there was this one time...it was a weekend and he just finished up one of his huge time commitments and he had a LOT more free time available. I wanted to spend some time together. He decided to hang out with his work friends without me. I texted him that I missed him and felt like he didn't want to spend time with me anymore. He flipped out and gave me the silent treatment for a WEEK. We LIVED together and he completely pretended I didn't exist. FOR A WEEK! All because I said I missed him and wanted to spend more time with him. Bonkers, right? Eventually he said he knew he was in the wrong after the first day, but didn't want to admit it. So he started looking for reasons to justify his behavior. He concluded I didn't take out the trash enough. Silly, right? Like I said, before I moved in, we talked about everything really easily. After I moved in, the wall went up. Eventually, a week before our year and 6 month anniversary, he broke up with me. He actually just changed his facebook relationship status to single. We LIVED together, and he couldn't even break up with me to my face. He's 29, by the way. So after he dumped me, I was homeless for 2 weeks. I slept in my car (thankfully I drove when I moved in), on people's couches, and eventually got a cheap motel room before I could move back home. A week after he broke up with me, a week after no contact and no explanation, he finally told me the reason why we broke up was that he just wasn't in love with me anymore. He said he didn't even know why. He just wasn't. No answers, no closure, no explanations, no nothing. Pathetic, right? Hurt like hell too. I felt like a real dumb b. It didn't help that a WEEK before he dumped me, he told me he wanted us to get married and start a family together. Then we got it on like freaky adults do. And then he didn't want to have sex again. He just "didn't feel like it anymore". And got REALLY defensive when I tried to talk to him about it. Weird, right? Any way, I moved back to my home state. He's contacted me a few times. Really dumb ways too. He deleted me off facebook, then tried to readd me (I declined), then he emailed me at 4 in the morning saying "I heard you got a new job. Congrats! Take care". I didn't respond. The next day, he blocked me. The day after that, he unblocked me and deleted all the pictures of me (noticed tagged ones were gone). The next day deleted all my friends. After that, I followed suit. Deleted his pictures, acquaintances, and blocked him. He's still blocked. He texted me a few times also. Once at 4 in the morning a few weeks after I was home. Just said "I miss you". That was obviously the liquor talking. I didn't respond. A few weeks later, he asked a mutual friend to tell me he says he misses me. Baffling. Other mutual friends have told me he's admitted to making a big mistake. Then on what would have been our 7 month anniversary texted me "I kind of wish I was spending the day with you". Didn't respond. Kind of insulting, really. I don't want someone to "kind of" want me. Well. Last week he texted me he's going to be in town, but he'll be too busy to see me. The eff? So my ex will be in my city this weekend. Yowza. There's a lot on my mind with that. For one thing, why text me he'll be in town but he's too busy to see me? That's just mean, really. Like, hey, I know I broke your heart, and I could have came and left without reminding you about me, but I just wanted to let you know, I'm here and you're not worth my time. Or something like that. Reverse psychology? Like, with me not contacting him, he thinks preemptively blowing me off will make me come running to him? I don't understand it one bit. Trying to push my buttons to get something out of me? And I'm really curious to see if he DOES try to contact me. I will be out of town because my sanity depends on it. He's unaware of that. I'm trying my hardest to move past all this. It's been challenging. This is CERTAINLY not what I wanted. But typing this all out reminds me that he's insane, broke my heart for no reason, and frankly emotionally abused me. I'm staying strong with no contact. This whole situation has thrown me for a loop though. My life has changed a lot in a short amount of time. Quit my job, moved across the country, new surroundings, new home, homesick, new job, new friends, heartbreak, homeless, quit job, moved back across the country, homesick for the friends I left, new job, and now I'm moving into my own place soon. Serious whiplash going on here. And I still don't understand at all what happened between us. Talk about stress! It's hard being betrayed by someone you really loved and depended on. I'm sick of still being in love with him. I'm still really mad at him for all this. I would like an apology, but I don't see that happening. I think he's a coward. That's all I guess. I guess this falls under break ups, long distance, no contact, gigs (?), coping...the whole ballpark. It's not fun, but I've been having fun in my life. So that's good. I've been doing the best I can. That's all I can do. I'm just ready for the feels to go away.
jennisfora Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 i feel i can relate to a lot of what you are going through. my ex just changed his mind as well, randomly, or so it seemed to me. he did apologize in the end, but, i can't say that helped because he still didn't want to try, and i am stil not over it completely, even though i initiated nc, and have stayed that way since may 30th, before that i was nc in april, and lc since late january after we had been a couple for a year. i want to give up on him but my brain isn't there yet. so, just wanted to say, i feel ya. hang in there. *hugs*
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