McQuade Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 This is my first post and I'll try and make this simple and easy to follow. * Beth and I had been together for 13 years and broke up this January. She was getting restless with her life and was spending more time visiting her family out of state. On these trips she started seeing other guys. I find out and ultimately this leads us to the end. She then moves back to her family out of state, leaving me here alone. * This was not the first time Beth had cheated over the years. Maybe three other times that I knew about. Silly me for putting up with it so long.... * When Beth and I were together she had a co-worker, Heather, who had become a close friend to us. Heather had moved here from out of state and worked with Beth for four years. Heather eventually moved back home and had been there the last four years. Beth and Heather kept in touch over this time and Heather has even come back to visit a few times over the years. * Back to January of this year. Beth leaves and now Heather returns. She got a decent temp job for six months and came back just a week after Beth left. Heather and I reconnect as old friends. * Heather's status coming back was that she had a boyfriend back home that she had been dating for about 6 months. They agreed that it was a good opportunity for her to work and he would come visit and 6 months would be over soon. He was supportive of her temporary move. Within a week, her turns on her and wants to break up. He doesn't want a long distance relationship and is hurt that she left him. This breaks Heather's heart. * As Heather and I reconnect, we're both bonding over break ups now. She obviously knew Beth really well and was a great listener to my story, since she knew much of the context already. * FFWD a bit... Beth comes back to town for a few days and wants to see her friend Heather. They spend time together, but now it becomes apparent to Beth that Heather and I are now spending a lot of time together. She's pissed and feels that I'm trying to take her friend away to get back at her for leaving me and cheating. * At this point, nothing has really happened between Heather and me... but Beth thinks it's inevitable and tells us both to go pound sand. * Heather and I bond over this even more so. Beth is still mad, and ultimately reveals that she wants a second chance with me. Not doing it... * Heather takes a trip back home, sees her ex and realizes there's nothing there. It's over with him. * I start to date again. Now, Heather gets jealous. So far it's been friend zone... * Now Heather and I discuss that we may have developed feelings for each other. But it's very awkward for her because I am her friend's ex boyfriend, plus she's just getting over her ex. * Ultimately Heather and I start up a physical relationship. But she's still feeling guilt thinking that I was "untouchable" to her for so long (8 years) and that it's odd that we're connecting in this way, yet she still likes it and wants to keep going. * So not dating Heather, but potential. Beth is out of the picture now, leaving us both alone, but still upset. * There's a legit connection with Heather and me, and she acknowledges it. * Now the temp gig is over for Heather. She's got to decide now if she wants to stay here or move back home. She decide to delay the decision, so she flew home for a while to see how it feels to be back, but will be back to either get her car and stuff or back to stay. * As Heather has been back home, we talk or text each day. She definitely expresses that she misses me. * I'd like to have a relationship with Heather. I don't want to pressure her, but what can I do, or maybe not do, to help her get over this hump of dealing with Beth? Is "girl code" that strong? * Heather is also feeling vulnerable because her ex led her down a path and then changed on her quickly. Any thoughts on how to get Heather to not feel awkward about Beth?
InJest Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 Keep sleeping with her casually and seeing other women, until you find another woman you like, or until Heather decides she wants a relationship. She'll probably come around, and if she doesn't, then you're already ahead in finding another.
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