Lonely Ronin Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 Small Rant... A new group of women have entered my social circle. They are all attractive, all very nice, single, and all looking for boyfriends. I'm interested in one of them, and we've meet up a couple times and been on a lunch date. Something that's a slight concern to me, is that she always seems to have a million things going on. I was about ready to right her off as having not shown enough interest, until I talked with a mutual friend last night. She is interested in me, so that's a good thing. However she is worried I'll disappear after a few weeks. Apparently, her and several of her close friends all have this problem. When I asked my friend if she (the woman I like) realized, that setting up a date with her is worse than scheduling a dentist appointment, the answer was a giggling yes. Worse yet her friends realize they are that way to. I don't get this at all. Do people not understand that if you want to date successively you actually have to make time to do it, and that might mean you might spend some nights home alone. I mean I go out with friends 2 or 3 times a week, but these women it's more like 5 or 6 times a week, and they have stuff planed out weeks/months in advance. This isn't just a woman thing, as I know a few men like this as well, but I know a lot more women who have this problem. Is it just me, or do some people not get that compromises in their social life need to be made if they want to date?
phineas Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 What does she say? I've tried to date women like this & ultimately they just wern't all that into me or into me enough to schedule time with me. I always wound up getting calls last min. asking what I was doing because her plans fell through.
yongyong Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 This is what you should do. So she likes you but can't see you often. Just meet her when she is available then. Obviously, you are not a dog and can't sit around till the owner comes home. Just keep her casual, go out with other women and bang them on the side. I don't think it's bad to have a weekly or bi weekly pussy IMHO.
grkBoy Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 I think they all have plenty of free time. They just want to find men they believe are worth giving said free time to. Frankly, try setting up a date first. If she makes is a misery, walk away. 4
zanesfan Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 Wow, this almost sounds like the position I am in now... but I am a girl. I get bored very easily. So if Im not communicating with you everyday or if Im the one initiating the phone calls or text then Im going to automatically write you off as not interested and pursue other people. If they are like this now... how are they going to be a month from now? The same or different based on your connection.. Im not sure but Im not waiting around to find out. That's me personally.
Author Lonely Ronin Posted August 17, 2012 Author Posted August 17, 2012 What does she say? I haven't talked to her about it, and don't think I will. I'm struggling to figure out how she hasn't connected the dots. Lot's of men have vanished on her, & even her best friends have to schedule get togethers a week or more in advance. To me the problem seems blatantly obvious.
eleanorhurting Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 I think they all have plenty of free time. They just want to find men they believe are worth giving said free time to. Frankly, try setting up a date first. If she makes is a misery, walk away. even the busiest person will make time for someone they care about. make her notice you enough so that she will make time for you. If not, move on. 1
oaks Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 I think they all have plenty of free time. They just want to find men they believe are worth giving said free time to. Frankly, try setting up a date first. If she makes is a misery, walk away. Agreed. For the right guy she'll free up her schedule, and her friends will understand.
Author Lonely Ronin Posted August 17, 2012 Author Posted August 17, 2012 even the busiest person will make time for someone they care about. See that's the thing, from what my friend tells me she thinks she is making herself available. Hence the reason she gets disappointed when guys vanish on her. If she was just like o well, they I would agree she didn't care. The fact that guys vanishing bothers her suggests otherwise.
rocketman122 Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 I went through this a few times but 3 weeks ago went on a date with this woman. On the date I asked about her lifestyle and found out she was this type. tons of things going on. how do you have time to date with all the things going in your life is what I ask. she says "well, you try to find time" and I told her no thank you. they all try to convince me. sending me tons of texts trying convince me. lets start and see how things go is what they all say. I dont believe in that. I believe you need to put time and effort to build a relationship, especially in the beginning. so the ones I had experience with are basically looking for someone to entertain them. something casual and not too serious and I want no part of that. they try to fit you in their schedule where they can but are not looking to put in their part. they say there looking for something serious but that could mean theyre not looking for a multidater who knows. one specific woman who was a gorgeous tall blonde. she called me 3 times in a row asking if were going out that night. I got dressed and ready to go and every time she cancelled. I ignored her and went back to OLD. she clicked on my profile, sent me tons of texts but no thank you.
Ninjainpajamas Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 See that's the thing, from what my friend tells me she thinks she is making herself available. Hence the reason she gets disappointed when guys vanish on her. If she was just like o well, they I would agree she didn't care. The fact that guys vanishing bothers her suggests otherwise. I've dated some extremely busy/heavy career-oriented women and I've never had a problem with them making time for me..they did whatever it took to spend time with me. You just haven't expressed enough interest or sparked enough chemistry with this women for her to want to make time with you. You've got to also be somewhat independent and not so clingy, however anyone who likes you will want to spend time with you...that's the number one people will actually make time for over a lot of other things. So to be honest with you I think her interest is limited with you, and so is the situation with her friends. Does that mean they don't have these crazy high expectations? Does that mean they're entitled b!tches looking for a man who has everything under the sun? Of course this could be their situation, but this is nothing that has to concern you...that's their own world and If you feel like you've got to be good enough to make the mark then personally I wouldn't even try, I have no interest in that myself. So don't rely or concern yourself too heavily with what they want...If they're interested they are interested and will make time...but you should be more aggressive/assertive, peak their interest and connect with whoever you feel the most chemistry with...I wouldn't wait around like a puppy getting to know them and waiting for them to come to you and throw the ball..you've got to make it or beak it, don't just linger in the friendzone and act like their buddy mr nice guy. 3
Emilia Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 See that's the thing, from what my friend tells me she thinks she is making herself available. Hence the reason she gets disappointed when guys vanish on her. If she was just like o well, they I would agree she didn't care. The fact that guys vanishing bothers her suggests otherwise. I would add a woman's perspective from what I have seen regarding the social life of other girls. She is dating from an insecure point of view. I don't know why those men disappeared on her, maybe they did get fed up with waiting for 'appointments' but she thinks she comes across confident by not being available and being seen as 'having a life'. She sees that as being a challenge. A lot of women are like this, I know tons who will never accept last minute dates or changes to plans for this reason. This girl might feel she is being available because she shuffled some plans around to fit you in. A lot of girls also place value on looking popular - and some men too! especially the less confident ones - they have a diary, you have to book an appointment a week in advance, they go to any social event under the sun and they are bored a lot of the time but they want to feel that their company is wanted. It's up to you OP whether you want to date women who don't feel secure in themselves and feel they have to pretend to be a certain way. Personally I like people who are spontaneous and don't feel they have something to prove all the time. 2
EasyHeart Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 A lot depends on what she's doing to make herself so busy. Is she working 14 hours a day? Or is she working and going to school at night? Does she have small kids at home or some other significant family commitments? Some people truly are just really busy. Or is she leaving work at 5:00 to meet friends for drinks, go to pilates, stop by a wine tasting, go to a party, meet up with her running club, etc. These people are just filling their time with busy work in order to (1) try to meet people to date or (2) just avoid spending time with themselves. If she's the former kind of person, be patient if you really like her. If she's the latter, move on because she's not interested (and would probably be incredibly boring if you ever dated). 1
Author Lonely Ronin Posted August 17, 2012 Author Posted August 17, 2012 A lot of girls also place value on looking popular - and some men too! especially the less confident ones - they have a diary, you have to book an appointment a week in advance, they go to any social event under the sun and they are bored a lot of the time but they want to feel that their company is wanted. Or is she leaving work at 5:00 to meet friends for drinks, go to pilates, stop by a wine tasting, go to a party, meet up with her running club, etc. These people are just filling their time with busy work in order to (1) try to meet people to date or (2) just avoid spending time with themselves. From what I know of her, what you two have said is spot on. She and her friends are constantly doing stuff, so they are never alone.
Emilia Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 From what I know of her, what you two have said is spot on. She and her friends are constantly doing stuff, so they are never alone. Don't misunderstand, I'm busy a lot of the time too, I don't have a telly and I'm out and about. Partly because I'm single and creating opportunities to meet men. However, I'm very flexible, don't have a diary and happy to do stuff last minute. That's the difference perhaps.
phineas Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 See that's the thing, from what my friend tells me she thinks she is making herself available. Hence the reason she gets disappointed when guys vanish on her. If she was just like o well, they I would agree she didn't care. The fact that guys vanishing bothers her suggests otherwise. If a guy that meets everything on her checklist appeared on her horizon she'd be in a relationship & blowing her friends off. I think it's easier to pretend to be the social butterfly than openly admit her & her friends are super picky & dealing with the peer pressure of everyone wondering why she keeps turning down perfectly good men.
Emilia Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 If a guy that meets everything on her checklist appeared on her horizon she'd be in a relationship & blowing her friends off. It would be the kind of guy who didn't care how often he saw her because he would have someone on the side therefore would be 'playing it cool'. I've seen this so many times. Some guys are more patient than the OP with this behaviour because they don't give a f***
phineas Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 It would be the kind of guy who didn't care how often he saw her because he would have someone on the side therefore would be 'playing it cool'. I've seen this so many times. Some guys are more patient than the OP with this behaviour because they don't give a f*** The op is looking for 1 woman to date I think. Not many. When i'm looking for one woman to date I usually write off the party girls because their just annoying. I agree though, the guys with a FWB can take their time because their getting it.
Author Lonely Ronin Posted August 17, 2012 Author Posted August 17, 2012 It would be the kind of guy who didn't care how often he saw her because he would have someone on the side therefore would be 'playing it cool'. I've seen this so many times. Some guys are more patient than the OP with this behaviour because they don't give a f*** I know for a fact, I meet a lot of the requirements on her check list. I'be be more inclined to believe the insecurity theory than the only slightly interested one. I know she's had some bad break up in the past and that could be part of it. I'm pretty patient when it comes to relationships. I don't multi date (don't believe in it), My only real requirement when dating is progression, and mutual attraction. The mutual attraction is defiantly is there, ans so is the progression. My issue is the progression is very stop and go. When we've hung out in a social setting I get her undivided attention, to the exclusion of her friends. In between interactions it's tumble weeds. This is kind of new territory for me, as I'm used to women either being very interested, or not at all.
Author Lonely Ronin Posted August 17, 2012 Author Posted August 17, 2012 The op is looking for 1 woman to date I think. You are correct Sir.
8mia8 Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 I'm a planner so I generally have things in my calendar weeks/months in advance as well as a busy life in general. Even if I'm head over heels about someone, I will not cancel on my planned out activities; I think it's very rude to cancel on people for a non-emergency. For someone I just met, regardless of my level of interest in them, I will not be rearranging my schedule. Over the course of knowing them and if it becomes more serious, my schedule may gradually open up a bit more. However, I will not give up my interests for anyone. I fully expect the other person to have their own life and hope they can attend to that while I continue with my personal interests.
8mia8 Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 My issue is the progression is very stop and go. When we've hung out in a social setting I get her undivided attention, to the exclusion of her friends. In between interactions it's tumble weeds. This is kind of new territory for me, as I'm used to women either being very interested, or not at all. I'm very much like this. When I'm with someone, they have all my attention. Yet in between our interactions, I don't think of the other person at all, even if I am very much interested in them. That is...till I have the rug pulled out from under me.
rocketman122 Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 the relationship will advance only if one puts effort in it. If I was a guy who casually dated then what do I care. I would multidate and do many woman at once. because im loyal and believe in monogamy I want someone who can put in the effort like me that one needs to have a serious relationship, otherwise I walk away. casual relationships are not my thing. I even hate woman like this. I hope they single for a very long time. the comments "if she likes you, she'll find time for you" is bullkaka. I had a 9 month relationship who was busy as hell. she was not willing to give more so I walked away. fkck her!
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