Is he playing games or what?

[Celleste]

Maybe he isn’t the average guy…so he says.

 

I just don’t understand…or maybe I do and just won’t accept it. At one point I felt we had a deep connection. It was intense and it was wonderful. He said he felt the same way. Then one day it all stopped.

Maybe you can give me some insight?

 

We initiated contact between each other and then he stopped. He said he will call and doesn’t. Or I will call him back once, twice or text and he wouldn’t return contact.

 

I’m not the type to keep calling when I get no response. I will assume lost of interest and move on.

Here is the confusing part. This disappearing act happened twice since we’ve known each other for three months.

Both times I haven’t’ heard from him in over a week.

This is part of our convo when he finally calls back.

 

Him: What happened? Why haven’t’ you called?

Me: Umm. I did call and text back. You never responded. (WTF?)

Him: Well you still should have kept calling! And I did call you several times. I even texted you. You know how I have low signal at home and so...

 

We never had phone problems before then but now all the sudden we did.

Yea. Whatever

 

He then asks if he did something wrong. Says how much he misses me. He thinks about me a lot. I should have kept calling even when he didn’tcall (???). Mentions how he has beenwaiting for my calls. He then would ask again…so why didn’t you call?

 

Am I missing something here?

 

In the beginning, he used to boast about how pretty women would always approach him. How picky he is and how he rarely approaches women like hedid with me. I think he said this to make me feel so fortunate to be chosen by him. He claims women always come on to him, blah blah bullsh*t. Does he expect me to chase him and be aggressive? I never behaved in that way because I never had to before. Why should I? I shouldn’t have to chase down a man who is genuinely interested in me right?

The second time I told him to stop playing games. That he was either interested in me or not and don’t waste my time.

 

He got really offended and accused me of playing the mindgames.

This was his response to why. To me, this is all very petty butlet me know if I’m wrong.

 

He said I never called enough. We spoke once or twice every day...that’s more enough for me. I explained to him that I’m not the type of person who likes to talk often on the phone. He hated that I didn’t pick up his call every single time. (I’m a student/working single mom…hello?) He was really turned off one late Friday night when I didn’t pick up his call. Instead I called the next morning. So I was accused of having sex/hanging out with another guy when I wasn’t. I was also accused of texting multiple men on my cell when I wasn’t. He then asked, ‘can’t you see where I’m coming from? See how you look?’

 

This guy does have a ton of baggage from the past. He always talked about his ex-wives and long list of ex-gilrfriends. How much pain he went though. How he was afraid of me hurting him.

I dealt with it all because I thought that intense feeling meant something great could happened between us.

 

Here I am, in the third round of no contact on day nine. When or if he calls again I’m not returning his call. Why should I?

 

So… what do you think? Inflated ego who wants me to chase him? Mind games? Or is this the behavior of a damaged good man? Is this behavior from a man who is genuinely interested in me but pushes me away? Maybe it’s all above. Idk.

 

I would love for your opinion on the matter.

Edited August 17, 2012 by Celleste

[eMGunslinger]

Well for starters from a mans perspective playing "chase" is give and take. I dated someone who did the fall off the face of the planet things for days. Put my mind in a spin but she didn't get weird about it just had stress problems.

If you haven't had a long sit down conversation about how communication is give and take I would start there. I mean either way both parties should attempt communication. It also sounds like he has trust issues, If you cannot give someone trust until they prove to you otherwise then you set yourself up for failure.

I would not put up with the accusations for starters "So I was accused of having sex/hanging out with another guy when I wasn’t" ! Or the non-contact thats flat out disrespectful on any level especially someone your trying to build something with.

Hope this helps

[Ninjainpajamas]

The guy sounds like an immature douchebag to me and he screams of insecurity. Telling you how he has beautiful women chasing him and how he rarely approaches women because they essentially wall want him...what a turd. And now that you're not swinging from his balls because you have a life and aren't as insecure as him and clinging onto him like a drowning little girl he doesn't know how to act and respond. He wants you all over him so that he knows that you are interested without a doubt and clear as day because he's not secure with himself.

 

I think this guy will definitely play games with you, this is what he does with women. For one it helps him keep distance from getting into something serious, he gets to tell you all his little sad stories about his ex's (another pathetic move to grab easy trust and sympathy from you) all to leave you completely confused he starts to distance himself from you once again. This is extremely typical behavior from insecure man who wants to pretend he's got a bigger ego and more confidence than he really has....so he has to say one thing then act in another way.

 

We all have issues from the past that we carry today, things that have hurt us and made us afraid to engage in another relationship that might not end the way we desire...but there's a difference between a person who carries that past with knowledge instead of continuously and impulsively reacts in the same demeanor that got them into that kind of situation in the first place.

 

What I don't like about this guy is he wants you to just bend to his will, lay on your back and beg him for attention every waking moment just so he feels comfortable in the relationship only to decide that..maybe you don't belong together, maybe he's not ready for a relationship.

 

Don't fall for this crap...connection or not, or you have yourself to blame for getting into relationships with dysfunctional people. The writing is on the wall right now, If you want to live in some hopeful future or realize what's in front of your face now and what reality is...is up to you...you've likely already been down the road though and no where it goes, so you can't say you didn't know any better.

[truth_seeker]

I agree with Ninja 100%.

[Celleste]

The guy sounds like an immature douchebag to me and he screams of insecurity. Telling you how he has beautiful women chasing him and how he rarely approaches women because they essentially wall want him...what a turd. And now that you're not swinging from his balls because you have a life and aren't as insecure as him and clinging onto him like a drowning little girl he doesn't know how to act and respond. He wants you all over him so that he knows that you are interested without a doubt and clear as day because he's not secure with himself.

 

I think this guy will definitely play games with you, this is what he does with women. For one it helps him keep distance from getting into something serious, he gets to tell you all his little sad stories about his ex's (another pathetic move to grab easy trust and sympathy from you) all to leave you completely confused he starts to distance himself from you once again. This is extremely typical behavior from insecure man who wants to pretend he's got a bigger ego and more confidence than he really has....so he has to say one thing then act in another way.

 

We all have issues from the past that we carry today, things that have hurt us and made us afraid to engage in another relationship that might not end the way we desire...but there's a difference between a person who carries that past with knowledge instead of continuously and impulsively reacts in the same demeanor that got them into that kind of situation in the first place.

 

What I don't like about this guy is he wants you to just bend to his will, lay on your back and beg him for attention every waking moment just so he feels comfortable in the relationship only to decide that..maybe you don't belong together, maybe he's not ready for a relationship.

 

Don't fall for this crap...connection or not, or you have yourself to blame for getting into relationships with dysfunctional people. The writing is on the wall right now, If you want to live in some hopeful future or realize what's in front of your face now and what reality is...is up to you...you've likely already been down the road though and no where it goes, so you can't say you didn't know any better.

 

thank you for you're response. You're right.

[2sunny]

Maybe he figures a good defense is to hit you hard by a strong offense.

 

Being accusatory isn't nice. Putting the blame on you is also unkind.

 

He seems like a totalflakeand then wants to blame you for his bad behavior.

 

Watch out - this guy will be a pain as long as you participate.

 

Run!

 

Tell himt to lose your number.

[Celleste]

Maybe he figures a good defense is to hit you hard by a strong offense.

 

Being accusatory isn't nice. Putting the blame on you is also unkind.

 

He seems like a totalflakeand then wants to blame you for his bad behavior.

 

Watch out - this guy will be a pain as long as you participate.

 

Run!

 

Tell himt to lose your number.

 

You're right. I am moving on. We recently connected and the last time we were together he kept asking, "So, why didn't you call...really?" He always put the blame on me like I'M the reason there is always a disconnection between us. He says I'm so mysterious. I must have a man, etc. I'm done. He's a headache.