clemson1 Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 I had been dating my Girlfriend for 8 months, and we had some trouble at the beginning of the summer. We worked through it, and things had been steadily getting better since July. She's been sick for awhile, and I found out that she's been feeling like she isn't happy with herself. She feels like she has been losing her close friends because they haven't been able to see each other much. We both deeply care for each other, and put the other ahead of ourselves a lot of the time. We are both in different Colleges, but live in the same town over the Summer. This weekend is our last weekend before we leave, and we planned to spend it together. The plans changed without me knowing until the last second, and the end result was that we weren't going to have any alone time. I made it clear I didn't like this, and that I was going to miss her. But I let her know I understood where she was coming from, and I wasn't mad, just disappointed. She told me she would try to change things around some, and I told her not to, and to do what would make her happy. We started out debating for ourselves, but ended up debating for the other person. The next day, she told me that was falling through as well and we had a few tense texts. Mostly I was unhappy because I was already missing her, and we both understood each other. Either way, it turned into an argument. I came by to pick up that stuff that night and she broke up with me. She told me she was completely in love with me, and knew I was an awesome person, but just needed this for herself. She said she felt she had stuff to work on, on her own to make her happy, and that we just aren't working right now. I told her I couldn't keep in touch, because I would never move on and she was devastated. She told me she was going to miss me an unbelievable amount, and that one of her biggest fears was that she was going to regret this. She said she knew she would be thinking about getting back together, but that she just couldn't change her mind right now, and that this was what was best for her at this time. She kept telling me that she would let me come to her on my terms, and she would always be there to talk. I ended up making the decision that we wouldn't talk for 3 weeks, and then we would meet in person to talk about getting back together. I've made it clear to her that I can't just be friends and she said as much as it kills her, she'll respect that. She reiterated this entire time that she loves me and wants me to be happy. She also said she can't commit to getting back together, and has to sort herself out first, and doesn't want to get my hopes up but she admitted she was definitely going to be thinking about getting back together and never threw out the idea. I told her if it wasn't going to happen, to tell me ahead of time and we wouldn't see each other. Did I play this right? What do you think my chances are? She is a great girl, and we both still love and care for each other. We both still respect each other. She says she hasn't been happy in general, but that she was with me. I told her I've heard this before. I told her she is overwhelmed, and not liking where her life is. I told her she thinks if she wasn't in a relationship it would simplify things so she could focus on her other problems. I told her she is going to miss me, and is going to end up wanting to get back together. She said I'm right, she knows she will miss me a crazy amount and she will obviously be thinking about getting back together. I posted some stuff below that she said the past few days: "Im sorry I haven't been 100% myself and haven't had any patience. I really think this whole not feeling good for months is taking a toll on me. I haven't been able to have the summer I've wanted, like seeing my friends as much as I want to bc I just don't feel good and when I don't feel good I just want to be at home with my family. I know that's made me not enjoy my time with you as much as I normally would I just don't get why I feel like crap consistently. I know that it effects you too and I'm sorry if it comes off like I don't enjoy our time or want to see you bc that's not the case. I just feel like I'm losing alot of the people closest to me and it's not a good feeling. I'm not trying to make excuses, im just trying to make you understand where I've been coming from and where this weekend is coming from too. I'm sorry if I've made it seem like I blame how I'm feeling on you bc I don't and I know your just trying to be there for me. I'm sorry I haven't been able to give you the attention you want and deserve and I see and appreciate all you do for me even though i know im bad at showing it. (I told you I'm no good at showing I like gifts, well I'm bad at showing I'm thankful even though I really am too apparently. I guess relationships make you learn things about yourself) Hopefully I start feeling better soon or learn how to deal with this better so things can go back to normal. I am trying to work through things it's just not easy and taking longer than I thought it would. I'm sorry I jut want you to know I'm working on it" "Depending on the Lord for guidance! Making some change hopefully to better myself! #TheLordAlwaysHasMyBack" "I wish I could take my own advise sometimes #sadtweet" "hurting for others is one thing, but hurting for yourself takes true strength. #TrueTrial but I believe good things from hard trials #faith" "I really don't understand my luck. What the hell am I doing wrong to where nothing goes right for me?" She was up all night after we broke up
confusedx10 Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 im sorry, i am in the same situation. my boyfriend say he loved me but cant be with me. i wasnt happy for a while and he said he hated seeing me like that and things happened and we ended. now i am even more miserable. we broke up tuesday and i am going to text him saturday and he leaves monday for college. i am going to say good luck and that i will always love him and wait for him. i cant change his mind and i have to let him go. in two months i want to talk again as friends and hear how youre doing. after this, i wont talk about us anymore, i just wanted you to know. i think my ex and i will get back together even though he says this is the end. but he wants to stay friends. everyone says dont stay friends but i cant lose him completely. in time our friendship will lead to more or i will see him happy. thats all i want. it sounds like you want her to be happy too. you have to accept the possibility that someone else can make her happier. i cant grasp it either because my ex said he loves me still so we just have to wait and see. tell her you love her too and if she still cant commit then give it two months. dont talk to her unless if she is positive she wants you back. then take it slowly as friends and see what happens. do that if the pain is worth it. to me i love my ex and i will take any pain to see him happy.
Author clemson1 Posted August 16, 2012 Author Posted August 16, 2012 Well the thing of it is, I am her first real relationship. She desperately wants me in her life, and says she loves me very much. More than that, that she is in love with me and can't imagine not having me but that this hurt is something she has to go through for her. Just, that she needs time to figure herself out in order to be happy on her own. I know she won't get in another relationship, but I do want to save ours. I've initiated No Contact, it may be helpful if you did the same. That way, they can see what life is like without you. They won't see you as a safety net and know that they can fall back on you whenever they want. Playing the waiting game is rough, but if you let them go and they come back, you know that they were always yours.
confusedx10 Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 ya ugh this is so hard. we are actually in the same position.. i already said this but.. for me we broke up tuesday. i was going to contact him saturday and say i love him and will wait. he leaves monday. after that i was going to initiate no contact after this for two months. is that okay? i just want him to know how i feel. he has said all this to me before and its hard that he needs space now. i think he needs to see other people adn then will come back but it hurts so much. also for mine, he lives in illinois and i live in ct. he is going to school in switzerland/california and i am going to maine. our paths arent crossing anytime soon... whatre you doing.
confusedx10 Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 these are my first thoughts.. this is not the final but i was going to send him something like this. its only been four days and it has already been four days. i have contemplated whether or not to send this and what to say and i really hope this doesn't make you angrier. i know this is your decision and i respect you for it. i am willing to let you go because i love you so much. i am not good at dealing with/understanding my emotions but i am positive about this. i will wait an hour, month, year, or ten years for you. if i am able to date someone else eventually then i will never love him the way i love you. our paths may tear us a part now but they will cross. the only uncertainty is when. i have regrets about how i treated you and i am truly sorry. we cannot live in the past though. i am so grateful for all that you gave me and it will help me continue on. i know you love me too and thats why it is so hard to let you go. You leave monday and i know youll have a blast. just be yourself. if you are sticking to your decision i just ask you to make sure you want this for now. i always said yes but didnt mean it. we would have to figure out what our relationship would entail and figure things out. love isnt dictated on geography or academic choices. ill always be here if you want to talk too. i sent this because i wanted to tell you how i feel after grappling with my emotions. please respond "ok" if you dont want to respond, i just want to know you read this. if i get that response i will wait two months to talk. i hope we can skype and hear about each other's lives then. i wont bring up how i feel or our relationship. i want you to be happy. if hooking up with other girls makes you happy then i want you to do that. for now i wont, i want you to be the only one. i know what i want now. we will find our way back to each other in time. and then i took a picture of me in my bra and underwear and was going to send it and say. this picture is long overdue. I didnt feel comfortable taking a naked one and i still respect myself. i trust you with this tho. its yours, you can delete it or do whatever you want with it. ugh. this is too needy... he said it to me though when i needed space and i took him back. i need to shorten it but i want to send something. would that be terrible? i want him to know i have thought about it long and hard and still love him. i didnt know if this is how i would feel... and i trust him completely. he broke up with me because he wouldnt always be able to talk adn that would hurt me. hes not a bad guy and hes looking out for me still. he loves me but its so hard sorry i am venting a lot. your advice would be appreciated! ill help you too!
flitzanu Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 at least you understood the signs. regardless of her sugar coating her reasons, that was her leaving the relationship. kudos do you for saying that you wouldn't remain in contact because you'd never get over it. now be sure and stick to that because you're right.
Author clemson1 Posted August 16, 2012 Author Posted August 16, 2012 confusedx10: I'm in a rush, but I'll read what you wrote later and reply flitzanu: So you think this can't be fixed? I can't get her back even though she loves me and is just as devastated as I am?
Author clemson1 Posted August 17, 2012 Author Posted August 17, 2012 Update: I found out that she has been crying non-stop, and did not think she would be this devastated. She found out that she cares more than she thought she did, and is extremely sad. Her and her Mom talked, and she told her that we were going to be meeting in three weeks to talk and spend the weekend together. I'm feeling more hopeful now.
Author clemson1 Posted August 18, 2012 Author Posted August 18, 2012 Confused: If I were you, I would try to initiate NC. Let them know what life is like without you, make them want you back. Just make sure not to act desperately. Can anyone else give me any advice? She seems to be struggling, and late last night she liked a picture of us on Facebook. I can only assume she wanted me to see that.
flitzanu Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 confusedx10: I'm in a rush, but I'll read what you wrote later and reply flitzanu: So you think this can't be fixed? I can't get her back even though she loves me and is just as devastated as I am? well, no one can know for sure. thing is, there's not a chance of YOU getting her back. this is a matter of HER deciding to allow it. just bc she's upset doesn't mean she regrets her choice. be hopeful, but stay guarded. just bc she's meeting you doesn't mean anything has changed, so don't let yourself believe it has yet.
Crila16 Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 Ok. I've never in my entire life ever heard of anyone breaking up with someone who they were madly in love with. Never ever ever. I'm a little older than some of you...and it just doesn't happen. I've never broken up with someone I was madly in love with. Are you insane? Why would I break up with someone I was madly in love with? And chance losing them to someone else? Who does that? Think about it. "I'm madly in love with you, but I'm breaking up with you to work on me." When you're in love...one of the reasons you usually are in love is because that person makes you feel on top of the world. You actually are lost when you lose the person you're madly in love with. Life is so much better when you're in love...that's why everyone wants love so badly. Everyone on this earth is searching for that love. No one would ever throw that away...not for anything, unless you weren't really in love.
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