ls32ssibm Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 Even if the guy is "gross"? Too old? Too young? Too fat? Assuming you DON'T say yes; where do you draw the line of being flattered and being offended?
pteromom Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 Yes, always flattered. The line is in not accepting no for an answer. If they become pushy, it crosses over from flattering to offensive. 4
rocketman122 Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 Since I date woman 45+ (im 40) I always get the "im flattered" comment from them because im younger and look like I do and are wondering why I want an older woman when I should prefer young girls in their 20's. young girls dont do it for me though. 1
Hopeful30 Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 i dont feel flattered when nasty men ask me out because its not a compliment but to be honest i rarely get asked out in general
StillReigning Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 I'm offended when they are people I don't know. Even if it's a good looking guy?
mortensorchid Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 A majority of the time, I am. I can say no or I can say yes, but in general when some guy does the asking (and REAL asking, not just some cheesy pick up line in a bar or something), I am flattered. Have you not had experiences like this? Do women react with some kind of anger or something to you when you ask? 1
Mycteria Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 I don't get angry but unless I find them attractive, I don't like it. I don't like turning people down. 2
The Way I Am Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 I'm flattered unless they do it in an objectifying or otherwise offensive way. The act of asking me out itself is never offensive no matter what the guy looks like. If he grabs his crotch and says "wanna go?" I'm not flattered. Edit: That's never happened. Just an example. 1
VodkaShots Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 If I'm honest, it depends who by. I was approached by a black guy at the bus stop who was about two years older than me who happened to me at my college, he claimed to have seen me around and stuff, I didn't know him from Adam but I felt kinda flattered and felt bad for turning him down. Then there was a much older black guy (about 25 years older) who used to speak to me in the library, and while he was very nice, he creeped me out. That may have been because he wanted my number and stuff. Anyway, I ran 100 miles after that. And there was also this white guy around my age whom I met online through another forum.. he clinged on to me from the day we started speaking and showed me a shirtless pic of himself which honestly made me nearly throw up, he was morbidly obese (no joke, he must've been close to 400lbs) even though he had a nice face, anyway I knew he was interested in me, because he'd text me all the time telling me how he missed me. I purposely "drifted" from him. He figured out after a month I deliberately was avoiding him so he sent a hateful text saying he hopes how I'll regret it. He just annoyed me. I don't believe that just because the opposite sex shows you interest and asks you out doesn't mean you're obliged to be flattered by it. I don't feel insulted either, but I can't help it if I'm creeped or annoyed.
Anela Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 It's flattering. My only problem is with the older guys who are hitting on me, and ignoring my specified age range on okcupid - as well as avoiding women their own age. I'm supposed to give them a chance, but god forbid they do the same thing for those women. 2
Emilia Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 So the consensus is your only flattered if they are good looking. That unattractive person probably mustered up the courage to ask someone out, now that shows balls and character and in my opinion shouldnt be met with pity or disgust. I'd say it's more nuanced like that. I'm hoping I'm attracting the men I find attractive, I hope they ask me out. When someone I haven't been flirting with (because I don't fancy him) asks me out, I start wondering what signals I gave out that he thought he should ask me. A 50+ married guy I used to work with asked me out during an office christmas party. It was awkward and no I was not flattered. I was being friendly with him the same way I'm friendly with everyone I breath the same air with in the office. It was extremely bizarre to me that he read so much into it.
AD1980 Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 I'd say it's more nuanced like that. I'm hoping I'm attracting the men I find attractive, I hope they ask me out. When someone I haven't been flirting with (because I don't fancy him) asks me out, I start wondering what signals I gave out that he thought he should ask me. A 50+ married guy I used to work with asked me out during an office christmas party. It was awkward and no I was not flattered. I was being friendly with him the same way I'm friendly with everyone I breath the same air with in the office. It was extremely bizarre to me that he read so much into it. Some of us never get signs so we have to take chances or well never get anywhere.. This is why i dont even approach women because i know theyre annoyed by me even approaching
Emilia Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 This is why i dont even approach women because i know theyre annoyed by me even approaching In my particular case the guy was about 15 years older AND married. I'd say most men would know that's not a good way to approach a much younger single woman. 1
Disenchantedly Yours Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 It's flattering. My only problem is with the older guys who are hitting on me, and ignoring my specified age range on okcupid - as well as avoiding women their own age. I'm supposed to give them a chance, but god forbid they do the same thing for those women. That was a common problem I encountered when I did internet dating. Then you get the email messages that say things like this: "I'm young at heart and really active....I don't look my age" (err yeah you do) and a host of other things along those lines. In general, I avoided those guys. LIke you said, why should I give them a shot? Especially because some of them had the nerve to have age ranges that were younger then their own ages. I gave this one older guy a shot because his emails were so articulate. He was recently divorced and a lawyer and older than me. On our first conversation he would talk about how men can take younger women more easily and blah blah blah...I was so turned off. OP, it depends on the guy and situation. Sometimes it's flattering, even if I am not interested in that person and I respect that they were brave enough to ask and other times not flattering at all. Like one time this guy asked me out from my gym. I had never seen him before but he was around my age and I liked his proactive attitude so I gave him my number. We went out but it was obvious to me that we weren't compatiable. I was very honest with him and told him I was flattered he asked me out but we really didn't have tht much in common. Then there was this other time when this really old guy asked me out in the grocery store and I was not flattered at all. I was kind of offended that someone that age would think he would have a chance with someone my age. I know it sounds petty but men can be harsh on women regarding their age and I don't want to promote that in men even more by encouraging men of a certain age to ask me out. I figure since men can be harsh on women and their age, that I should dish it out a little. This doesn't mean I think all age different relationships are bad, but there are two different kinds of men women should look at for. Those that make a woman's age the bench mark of her worth and those that may happen to just date someone younger because there was something there but isn't down, and even likes, women his own age as well. 1
oaks Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 Outside of a dating site I'm rubbish at telling how old someone is. On a dating site I see such a wide variety appearances claiming to be the same age (ignoring that some may lie or be fake), and such a wide range of age preferences, that I don't let it bother me too much how old someone I meet in the flesh might be. (but I think I can tell which ones are still teenagers, so I don't ask them out! )
Almond_Joy Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 Good question. Yeah I've gotten offended when homeless, old, and/or stinking guys have come up to me waiting at the bus stop asking if they can "spend some time" with me. -__- I've also said no to guys not in those categories, only to have them retort with things like: -What's your boyfriend got to do with me? () -You sure? (<---wtf?) -C'mon girl/pretty lady/sweetheart -Reaching to touch me, like hold my hand or stop me from walking away (!!! hands OFF) I wasn't offended by them asking, but when they don't take the no and go on their way, yeah I get offended. Also, a dude can compliment a girl without asking her out. I get guys saying or implying i'm pretty very often and I'm always flattered by that regardless of who's saying it.
8mia8 Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 Even if it's a good looking guy? Yes, it doesn't flatter me that someone finds me attractive based on how I look. In OLD, I delete all messages that mentions anything about my looks.
Cracker Jack Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 How do you prefer to be approached, then? I can understand not wanting to read about your looks in an OLD message, but how would someone be able to approach you in person? Or is it simply something you're not very open to?
Shaun-Dro Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 Since I date woman 45+ (im 40) I always get the "im flattered" comment from them because im younger and look like I do and are wondering why I want an older woman when I should prefer young girls in their 20's. young girls dont do it for me though. I assume it's the immaturity that throws you off with younger women, since they're naturally far more attractive than their older counterparts.
8mia8 Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 How do you prefer to be approached, then? I can understand not wanting to read about your looks in an OLD message, but how would someone be able to approach you in person? Or is it simply something you're not very open to? It'd be easier for me if someone asked me on a non-date activity though it would still be strange. If that person had seen me more than once, mention that. Random example, if someone saw me checking out pasta at the grocery store frequently, I'd be open to them saying that and asking me a pasta making class (preferably with friends). If they had simply asked me to lunch, I'd likely give them a dirty look and run away.
CarrieT Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 I was rarely flattered because guys were asking me out because they were looking at my large chest - not my eyes. I could always tell the PUA and for them, it was a numbers game for them and not remotely interesting to me. Especially if the guy was attractive, it was though he was looking to conquer and add a notch to the bed-post. It was those who TALKED to me and found a point of common interest whom I found flattering. 1
sally4sara Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 If a guy I didn't find attractive simply asked me out politely, yes I would consider it a compliment. Not one that would leave me obligated to date them but all it really boils down to is someone found you attractive and or interesting. If a guy, even one I found exceedingly attractive, propositioned me crassly or in a patronizing manner it would not be a compliment and he would become even less attractive than the ugly polite guy IMO. 1
VodkaShots Posted August 18, 2012 Posted August 18, 2012 So the consensus is your only flattered if they are good looking. That unattractive person probably mustered up the courage to ask someone out, now that shows balls and character and in my opinion shouldnt be met with pity or disgust. A lot of it is to do with how they approach you, though. If a much older man out of the blue starts asking for your number after two lines of conversation and suggesting that you should come back to his place, it's a lot more creepy than flattering. It's different to someone approaching you and is nice, respectful and level headed about it. I know how hard it is to ask someone out and be rejected as well, though. I had a wild crush for ages on this guy (we were 16, this was a few years ago) and never had the guts to speak to him on anything except MySpace/Facebook, I made a silly mistake by thinking if we got speaking online, we'd speak in person, but it never happened so I tried to ask him out on there, he predictably rejected me and I was expecting he'd be flattered but he gently told me he didn't give a fluff when I asked. My point is I guess is if someone is absolutely 0% interested, they will most likely not feel flattered. It's not just a female thing, but a male thing too.
eleanorhurting Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 i am usually flattered I only get offended if they do it expecting something in return (like you complimented me so that means that I owe you something? LIke a dance, or like its OK to grope me or something because you said something nice first).
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