confusedx10 Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 my ex boyfriend leaves monday and i have decided to text him saturday. we ended last tuesday but he was thinking for two weeks prior. we ended because i couldnt commit and distance. i havent decided what i am going to say yet, i am organizing my thoughts and i dont want to make it too long. i want to say good luck and i will wait for him. i dont want to get over him. yes this pain hurts and i cry but i love him. if he is happy with another girl then i am happy because he is happy. i am angry sad and everything and then i look at a picture of him smiling and it calms me down. i dont know whats going to happen to us. he may not respond to the text and maybe it was for nothing. i know it will mean something if he responds or not though, he said he loved me when we ended. our situation is complicated. after this i am doing no contact for two months and then i am going to talk to him again. this time it wont be my feelings or about us, i just want to know how he is doing. being his friend, as much as it hurts, is what i want if i cannot be with him
Sameold Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 Oh really? So what about when he undoes the next girls bra, slides his hand up her skirt and then bends her over and cums inside her. And you want to be his friend? You only want to be his friend cus you think it will help to get him back.....more pain coming your way.
youngnlove89 Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 my ex boyfriend leaves monday and i have decided to text him saturday. we ended last tuesday but he was thinking for two weeks prior. we ended because i couldnt commit and distance. i havent decided what i am going to say yet, i am organizing my thoughts and i dont want to make it too long. i want to say good luck and i will wait for him. i dont want to get over him. yes this pain hurts and i cry but i love him. if he is happy with another girl then i am happy because he is happy. i am angry sad and everything and then i look at a picture of him smiling and it calms me down. i dont know whats going to happen to us. he may not respond to the text and maybe it was for nothing. i know it will mean something if he responds or not though, he said he loved me when we ended. our situation is complicated. after this i am doing no contact for two months and then i am going to talk to him again. this time it wont be my feelings or about us, i just want to know how he is doing. being his friend, as much as it hurts, is what i want if i cannot be with him This seems to happen a lot on here, someone in the relationship can't commit to the other person for various reasons and they break up because of that. But then Mr./Ms. Unavailable wants to come back all of a sudden. This is what happened to my bf. This is the third time he has left me because he can't commit to me. He says he isn't sure I'm the one so we break up, but then he wants me back because he thinks I might be the one. Then it's just a vicious cycle. Why can't you commit? What is the deal? Why do you think you miss them when they are gone?
youngnlove89 Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 Oh really? So what about when he undoes the next girls bra, slides his hand up her skirt and then bends her over and cums inside her. And you want to be his friend? You only want to be his friend cus you think it will help to get him back.....more pain coming your way. WOW! That was definitely the vision I did not need at this moment. MAde me think of my ex and has now made me upset
Matt145 Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 You really dont want to be his friend, it will literally destroy you. My ex begged me to be friends and then even asked to be FWB. Trust me i said no and it hurt to say no, and it still hurts me now. But in the long run it will benefit you, please dont be friends with him. Whatever you do dont tell him you will wait for him, because he will more than likely take you for granted. If your going to say anything just tell him goodluck and see it as that. You can always be friends when you have no feelings for him remember. 1
Author confusedx10 Posted August 17, 2012 Author Posted August 17, 2012 (edited) i see where you are all coming from but i think i still might? i am waiting until saturday and making sure i want to do this. i couldnt commit not because i didnt think he was the one but because i was scared. i have never understood my emotions and after a lot of thought, i am in love and i cant deny it. up until now i denied it. when i was uncertain he told me this so yeah its be being desperate but he needs to know. yeah being friends will kill but when we see each other things change. maybe they wont this time but we tried FWB and got back together... this guy is different. we cant stay a part no matter how hard we try. this distance has given us and excuse to break up and has scared us ****less. if he wants to hook up with other girls ya itll kill me but i know he loves me and they are just a phase. he said it to me and i truly believe it.. i will hook up with other guys to but i will love him through it all. you cant deny true love. any break up will hurt and you have to decide whats best for you. i think i have figured out that i want to see him happy again and he put in so much for me. he always supported me and said hed let me go if he had to. now its my turn to step up. the difference between other break ups is that i want them to be over with and make the pain go away.. this one, i am hurting but i dont care and it can last as long as it has to. ex's always come back eventually and the pain wont be easy to disappear but i know it had to happen. sometimes there is doubt in a relationship and hooking up with other people and experiencing the world clears that doubt. (sometimes its the other way but im confident) Edited August 17, 2012 by confusedx10
lovehurts82 Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 i see where you are all coming from but i think i still might? i am waiting until saturday and making sure i want to do this. i couldnt commit not because i didnt think he was the one but because i was scared. i have never understood my emotions and after a lot of thought, i am in love and i cant deny it. up until now i denied it. when i was uncertain he told me this so yeah its be being desperate but he needs to know. yeah being friends will kill but when we see each other things change. maybe they wont this time but we tried FWB and got back together... this guy is different. we cant stay a part no matter how hard we try. this distance has given us and excuse to break up and has scared us ****less. if he wants to hook up with other girls ya itll kill me but i know he loves me and they are just a phase. he said it to me and i truly believe it.. i will hook up with other guys to but i will love him through it all. you cant deny true love. any break up will hurt and you have to decide whats best for you. i think i have figured out that i want to see him happy again and he put in so much for me. he always supported me and said hed let me go if he had to. now its my turn to step up. the difference between other break ups is that i want them to be over with and make the pain go away.. this one, i am hurting but i dont care and it can last as long as it has to. ex's always come back eventually and the pain wont be easy to disappear but i know it had to happen. sometimes there is doubt in a relationship and hooking up with other people and experiencing the world clears that doubt. (sometimes its the other way but im confident) I'm not trying to be a troll or be mean or anything else, but I feel like I need to voice a few concerns at least. I have seen in several of your posts that you need advice, you don't know what to do, and people give it, yet you post later "I'll probably do what I want to anyhow". I have to ask what's the point of putting up several posts asking for advice when you have already seemingly made up your mind what you want to do and that you'll just do what you want regardless? Again, it's an honest question. I'm not trying to be mean. As for the actual issue at hand, you say "he's not like any other guy" and that may be true. But, I believe according to your description of the circumstances, you met him when you were 16? I would have to ask how many other relationships have you been in that that's a very fair comparison? I would challenge you to go out and meet some other guys, hang out and get to know them. I would hate to see you waiting around for this guy and wasting years that you'll never get back on something that may very well NEVER happen. It's NOT worth it! I waited for 7 years on mine.. cause he promised/I thought we were soulmates, we'd get married, have children.. and now he's off and engaged to someone else a week later. I thought he was different too. In my honest opinion, and I know it hurts.. I had to be told the same thing. Regardless of circumstances, distance, or anything else in the world, if he really wanted to be with you, he would be with you. You'd be trying to figure out different schools.. a way to make the distance work.. SOMETHING instead of calling it quits. From experience, it feels like he's stringing you along because it's comfortable. You're going along with it because it's comfortable. You don't really know much else. Don't fall into the same hole I did, cause after the future faking, it hurts even worse. Don't let yourself settle for second best with this guy. Don't let him sit you on a shelf until he decides he wants to play again.. or that he's tired of his other new toys. You deserve someone to be there with you and FOR you 100% of the time. It seems to me you have spun yourself the fantasy of living happily ever after.. that he'll finally see he was wrong. Maybe he will.. but quite possibly, and maybe more likely, he won't. He'll have a lot more options available to him now, being in a new country.. and then a different state. "Don't make someone your priority when to them you're an option!" If there's anything I've learned from my own BU it's this. I'd give anything to get those years back that I wasted. Another flag that popped up to me is that you say you'll hook up with other guys, but you'll love him through it all. Please.. please don't do that. If you're not going to get over your ex and move on the healthy way, then don't string other guys along so that they'll be hurt in this as well. That's not fair to either of you. You say he told you they're just a phase and you believe it, but really? It's such a bunch of BS. It's like saying when you're married and having a rough time, it's okay to take off, sleep with a bunch of other women, get your jollies, then come back and everything's okay because it was just a phase. At his age, yes, I understand that you'll go through the college phase of possibly being a bit more carefree and wanting to explore.. but seriously, hun. Don't wait around for him to get through his "phase". My ex is almost 30 and still going through his! Please don't bank on him coming back eventually and justify it saying that exes always come back, because they don't always. Do yourself a favor and get off this roller-coaster while you are still young and still can and explore.. be free. But let him go and let yourself heal first. If after everything's said and done the two of you still want to try things out, then that's fine. If it's meant to be, it will be. But you shouldn't sit around and wait for it.. or let yourself be drug along on such a hard and painful journey because maybe it's not! Again! Take it from me.. "Don't make someone else your priority when to them, you're an option." You deserve to be someone's main attraction.. not second in line. 4
Author confusedx10 Posted August 17, 2012 Author Posted August 17, 2012 (edited) i know. i do want people's help and advice and i listen to it for an hour and then go back to my own thoughts... i am just trying. i have thought long and hard and i still love him. most people here hate the pain and want it to be over with, thats why i am different, i think. maybe youre right and maybe i will find someone else but i just want him to know how i feel now? i see where youre coming from now though.. its hard though because you dont know the whole story. when i was thinking about leaving at the beginning of the summer, he said all this to me. we didnt end up breaking up and things were so good. he didnt say that right before the break up, meaning that i am his safety. he said he loved me but he didnt want to see me hurting. with the distance we wouldnt see each other very much and we will be busy and cant talk all day. i am giving myself til sunday and then i am going to stop moping around. i believe i will always love him. i will try to get over him but i think fate will bring us back together. thats where i am coming from. yes i am confused and maybe i shouldnt contact him and he doesnt love me. its just, i want him to know and if theres any chance i am going to try. if he comes back, no i am not going to jump right back on him, thatll take time too. if things are different then maybe we werent meant to be but as of now we are both really confused and trying to deny our love. i am not trying to convince him he loves me or making him come back but he needs to know that i support him. in time we will be back together yes i know if he wanted to be with me, wed make it happen. but sometimes life isnt perfect and you have to let the ones you love go because theyll come back. relationships take effort and arent black and white. thats why everyone is having so much trouble with them. some are worth the pain and others arent and we cant differentiate. its hard but if my relationship was two ways, i think i am going to follow my heart. i guess its just nice to write out my ideas and have others read them. it has helped me cope. i have been writing too. sometimes i am content and other times i am a mess but never have i regretted my relationship with him or not loved him. its hard and if he gets married to someone else, no i wont come between them and ya ill find someone else. i can love another guy and he can make me happy but i am saying there wont be the same passion and love that we had Edited August 17, 2012 by confusedx10
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