razz90 Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 I've had an experience recently, and wanted to know if anyone can relate? Long story short, I met this guy at a festival - it was late and we bumped into each other. He was fairly forward (said he wanted to kiss me within minutes of meeting), and when i said no, asked for a hug which i gave but felt more intimate than i would've liked. Anyway, I was not attracted to him, plus he was older (i'm 21 he was 35), so i stood my ground, even when he suggested I was havign a conflict, where i wanted to kiss him but didn't because of age etc. So the next day i bumped into him again, and we hung out with his friend the whole day (because honestly, i enjoyed his company and he had an amazing sense of humor). Anyway as I got to know him better I got more and more attracted to him. At the party the next night I remember him saying he wouldn't kiss me as i had my chance etc, and he was respecting my wishes the previous night, thinking that if I kissed him I'd regret it (though i'm sure if I pushed for it he would've). We hung out the rest of the weekend, i was less resistant to his hugs ^^, but never kissed him. But after we said our goodbyes, I've been fantasizing about him. It's a complete 360 from how I felt the first night, where I didn't even like him hugging me. So I'm wondering if others know what I'm talking about (I imagine women will moreso than men). I have no issues with kissing someone I barely know, I do it if in a moment I feel a strong sexual attraction. But this wasn't there at the time, hence I didn't kiss him, knowing I wouldn't enjoy it. There wasn't a point where I had a strong desire for him, but now I do. It's not like I have feelings for him, I'm ok with the fact I may never see him again. What is bothering me though, is i feel I missed out on something that would've been fun, and I'm also bothered by my conflict at the time and now.. thoughts?
Hopeful30 Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 even if you are okay with it i think you should be wondering what a guy would think of you and your intentions if you just kiss a stranger
utterer of lies Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 even if you are okay with it i think you should be wondering what a guy would think of you and your intentions if you just kiss a stranger What? No. You are wrong.
Author razz90 Posted August 16, 2012 Author Posted August 16, 2012 I'm not going to worry about what a guy thinks of me, if he is going to kiss a stranger too. And yes, some people will take kissing to mean you want sex or something, but in this case everyone was clear that no sex was going to happen. Nowww back to the question in hand?...
rocketman122 Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 I had this situation with this woman ive been dating for a whole and forever 10 days now. physical attraction was very powerful from the first date and I kissed her within 5 minutes. kissing and non stop hugging all night which lasted for 5 hours. I looked at her and I just had to kiss those perfect lips of hers..mmm yummy. and what a great kisser. to me though kissing doesnt mean sex but more love, affection and caring for the person. I think kissing is more intimate than intercourse itself. but you should go with your instincts. youre still young. I dont think your over reacted by not wanting to kiss so early. he used his maturity to persuade you but it didnt work. he has experience and knows what he's doing. 35 and 21..hmm..not sure about that. what are his intentions..
sweetheart5381 Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 I'm not going to worry about what a guy thinks of me, if he is going to kiss a stranger too. And yes, some people will take kissing to mean you want sex or something, but in this case everyone was clear that no sex was going to happen. Nowww back to the question in hand?... Seems to me that you are both testing one another. He tested the water asking for a kiss, very likely knowing you would turn him down. He tested your self-respect and perception of self-worth because that is important to him in a woman. You passed his test by refusing. He then continued to spend time with you at your discretion, disarming you by passing all of your little tests (oh yes, women test the water too). He passed your test of his respect for you by refusing to kiss you and putting you first, rather than his own potentially selfish desires. These are the things that mutual desire and attraction are based on. Not much wonder he is on your mind
Author razz90 Posted August 16, 2012 Author Posted August 16, 2012 hey I appreciate the replies, but there seems to be a misunderstanding. In this case it was not dating, me and him have no potential together, it was simply a weekend festival we were both at, enjoying each other's company for 2 days. period. If it WAS dating, i wouldn't mind because there's a second chance. But in this case, I have a massive desire for this guy, and feel like I missed my chance. I know it';s in the past and I should get over it, which I will, but right now this is how I'm feeling, and I feel like I need to sort this out in my head to prevent similar situations in the future.
mesmerized Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 I think this happens to women often. We women have learned to control our desires if we think something is not right. We don't always just go for anything intimate/sexual without any thought. I would say you should not regret it. Trust your instinct, if you're not feeling it, you're not feeling it. If you did it at the time, later you'd be beating yourself for kissing a much older guy you didn't even like. You'll find many guys you can kiss or more that you are actually attracted to them right away, don't worry.
sweetheart5381 Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 hey I appreciate the replies, but there seems to be a misunderstanding. In this case it was not dating, me and him have no potential together, it was simply a weekend festival we were both at, enjoying each other's company for 2 days. period. If it WAS dating, i wouldn't mind because there's a second chance. But in this case, I have a massive desire for this guy, and feel like I missed my chance. I know it';s in the past and I should get over it, which I will, but right now this is how I'm feeling, and I feel like I need to sort this out in my head to prevent similar situations in the future. Well, truth is you cannot prevent desire for another. It happens.. sometimes on purpose, sometimes by accident. Sometimes you can know someone for a long time and then suddenly see qualities in a person that you really seek out in order to be fulfilled. Sometimes that same thing happens within 24 hrs. Either way, it is infatuation.. the precursor to any romantic relationship. Don't fret, you didn't miss out, there will be another gent right around the corner
Author razz90 Posted August 17, 2012 Author Posted August 17, 2012 Thanks for the replies It's definitely good to know I'm not the only one out there that this happens to. I see it from a better perspective now - I didn';t want to at the time, so there is absolutely nothing to regret. And in fact, on the same weekend, I did briefly kiss someone I regretted kissing...it was the massive conflict in me that made me do it..a moment of weakness...I needed to see if my issue with kissing was to do with a guy I've recently been with but wouldn't be with because of distance, (i.e was I not moving on?), or if I would enjoy it...and then after a second or two, I realized that nope, this was not what I wanted, and immediately regretted it. So I guess what this whole experience has taught me is I should always trust my gut instincts, even when part of me is telling myself I should just let go and be a free spirit. Also, to forgive myself when I do screw up, like I did..
GirlontheLam Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 Hmm, I had a sort of similar experience a few weeks ago. I was out walking to do some errands. A cute guy came up (probably my age) with a total obvious line "hi, you look beautiful, how are you" or similar. I replied "how are you?" He followed with I am not doing anything right now, what about you. I said I was doing errands. Talked to him for maybe a minute. We did intros. He went for the euro kiss on the cheek greeting. What happened when I was about to leave, since we were getting no where was a little strange. He says, "I want to kiss you before you go." And leaned in to kiss me on the lips. I thought that was weird, gave him my cheek and left. So it was weird. Also kinda hot. But that was just way too soon. I talked to him for 5 minutes max.
mesmerized Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 Thanks for the replies It's definitely good to know I'm not the only one out there that this happens to. I see it from a better perspective now - I didn';t want to at the time, so there is absolutely nothing to regret. And in fact, on the same weekend, I did briefly kiss someone I regretted kissing...it was the massive conflict in me that made me do it..a moment of weakness...I needed to see if my issue with kissing was to do with a guy I've recently been with but wouldn't be with because of distance, (i.e was I not moving on?), or if I would enjoy it...and then after a second or two, I realized that nope, this was not what I wanted, and immediately regretted it. So I guess what this whole experience has taught me is I should always trust my gut instincts, even when part of me is telling myself I should just let go and be a free spirit. Also, to forgive myself when I do screw up, like I did.. except you DIDN'T screw up. Because at the time it would feel wrong...
Recommended Posts