ThatJustHappened Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 I really want my ex back. Been broken up for 10 months but never stopped talking or seeing each other. We dated on/off after the break up but I always pushed for more and it made him crazy so we stopped. Now we're friends but he still acts like my bf and he hasn't made any effort to date anyone else since the break up. I have (he knows about it). He still says he loves me but he's not ready for a relationship. He's not a young kid either..late 30's (9 years older than me). Break up was not because either of us stopped loving each other, or the spark died, or because there were other people involved. He lost his job and freaked out about the future..he's working now at a great new job (just started about 2 months ago) and he's warmed up considerably since then. We act like a couple when we're together. But he hasn't said anything about dating me again even though we basically are. I can't believe it..I'm scared of getting too attached and getting my hopes up if he really does just think of me as a friend. He's also said that he thinks it's weird for exes to be friends..when I asked him about us he didn't answer and changed the subject. I wanted to ask more about that but I didn't want to push it. How do I do this without him thinking I'm being pushy?
JasonRules Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 "He still says he loves me but he's not ready for a relationship" My ex used the same line on me for 8 months. She wasn't "ready" for a relationship for 8 months she was with me, but conveniently was ready once she broke up with me and was in a relationship with the next guy in less than 3 weeks. Don't believe the bull...anyone who says they aren't ready for a relationship (especially at age 39) is simply telling you they aren't ready for a relationship with YOU. My advice? Stop wasting your time with a boy in man's body and go find yourself someone that DESERVES YOU. Don't be like me who wasted almost a year hoping for this woman to "see the light" or "turn around". It's not going to happen.
Author ThatJustHappened Posted August 16, 2012 Author Posted August 16, 2012 We're already broken up. We've been broken up for 10 months and he hasn't even tried to find anyone else. Can I confirm this? Of course not. But I have no reason not to believe him so I do. Maybe that's naive, and maybe I'm going to get hurt..but I believe that much at least. Before the break up we were living together and ring shopping. It wasn't about me, and it wasn't about finding someone else. We broke up for purely circumstantial reasons..he lost his job, he felt ashamed and depressed, he got into debt, and he didn't think he'd be able to take care of a wife and child (not that I asked him to, but that's his prerogative). I'm not waiting around for him, and I'm not pining either. I have a life of my own, I'm dating other people (and yes, I am giving them a real shot..the one guy I clicked with went back to his ex when she announced her pregnancy, and I don't blame him for that!). I'm not a pathetic puppy dog and I really don't want to be portrayed that way. But we do still love each other (yes, I truly believe that he still loves me and misses me, for many reasons that would take forever for me to type out, but it's not just because he says so), and I want him back. He's just now getting back on his feet financially and as I said, he is warming up considerably in regards to getting closer to me. I'm just hoping he will pull the trigger, and I'm looking to maximize my chances that he will do that. I'm certainly not putting my life on hold for him.
Author ThatJustHappened Posted August 19, 2012 Author Posted August 19, 2012 My ex told me last night that he wants to date me again, and he thinks we will end up together. Is this for real or am I being stupid? I'm happy but I'm also nervous about getting sucked back in and then spat out again. I'm honestly mostly ok at this point but if I get back into it with him, I'm scared of getting hurt again. But on the other hand, I love him like crazy and I really do think we're great together. He just started a new job and he's doing SO much better than he was before..he's not depressed or feeling bad about himself anymore, and he's getting himself out of the unemployment debt hole he was in before the break up. Am I being stupid?
Stanza Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 It sounds like maybe it needs a massive talk out of all the things you want and all the things he wants to make it work. If he can't do that then maybe you do have to make a break from him and cut him off for a while and see if he reacts to it? I don't normally like that kind of 'play' but it sounds like someone needs to give him a massive shake up before he loses you for good.
Author ThatJustHappened Posted August 19, 2012 Author Posted August 19, 2012 I don't think I'm ready for that talk yet. If we're going to date, it needs to go slowly..he needs to earn my trust back. I'm nervous but I love him.
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