Coffee20 Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 (edited) Hello, any advice or input would be welcome . Me and my ex BU on April this year. Since that time I go out with one of my friend (boy). I did like him at first. I gave my ex first kiss after one month and he told me that I was too fast. So this time I decided to wait and let see what this boy would do. 4 months and nothing happened. We go out with each other, laugh and have usually good time, but no touching etc. We are going for holiday (a few days), I thought something would happen between us before, now I don't feel like going anymore. I don't know what are his intentions, whether we are friends or he thinks we are in relationship? I can't have sex with someone when there was no kissing and touching and holding hands. I am slow in this and I really thought we would be a couple but we are not. I would like some advice from boys, what does it mean? Or is it possible to go out with a girl every third day for 4 months and nothing? Thank you! ps - I am not even sure that I want a relationship right now, I don't want to have a rebound relationship, I thought last month that I was almost over my past relationship but now I feel worse again, that's maybe why I feel just weird around this friendship or how to call it Edited August 16, 2012 by Coffee20
eMGunslinger Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 Hey, this does seem a little bit odd honestly. Usually after a month of really getting to know a women is when (I, not speaking for other men) want and seek a physical connection. When you talk to him text, phone, w/e do you phrase it as to use the word date? Or use more generic terms "go out, hang out, spend time". I have had female friends, that I've been interested in that have done this. It can be mixed, we don't like playing guessing games either. Are you giving him any physical contact and not receiving any? Honestly next time you talk throw the word "date" around such as "our date was fun last night" or "I like going on dates with you". Also if you have a movie night at the house, get close and lean on him see if he initiates physical contact. He might just need a push in the right direction, could be skiddish or skeptical. He might also think your rebounding so he is distancing himself. Give it a try and let me know!
Author Coffee20 Posted August 17, 2012 Author Posted August 17, 2012 Hey, this does seem a little bit odd honestly. Usually after a month of really getting to know a women is when (I, not speaking for other men) want and seek a physical connection. When you talk to him text, phone, w/e do you phrase it as to use the word date? Or use more generic terms "go out, hang out, spend time". I have had female friends, that I've been interested in that have done this. It can be mixed, we don't like playing guessing games either. Are you giving him any physical contact and not receiving any? Honestly next time you talk throw the word "date" around such as "our date was fun last night" or "I like going on dates with you". Also if you have a movie night at the house, get close and lean on him see if he initiates physical contact. He might just need a push in the right direction, could be skiddish or skeptical. He might also think your rebounding so he is distancing himself. Give it a try and let me know! hello, so today we went for a trip, we met face to face my ex, he clearly saw us and this friend told me: "we have to run away, your ex is here" and I told: "I don't know why I should run away?? I want to go direction which is shorter." but because he didn't want to meet him we chose different way, of course we met him, he told him hi and he answered, but I decided to ignore my ex completely - he clearly told me, he hated me and he wanted to have different girls and fun, of course I begged later but he told me to f off, so I have no reason to talk to him anymore. I actually don't understand why would someone spent so much time with me and then nothing? I can't even imagine being with him now, my ex live very close and we will meet him very often. We even go to the same school. So are we then going to hide and run away all the time? I really can't imagine this. And this with contact, I touched him softly a few times, he didn't tell anything but did nothing back. thank you for your reply
carhill Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 Since you started up with the new guy immediately upon breaking up with ex, I could understand that he might be cautious but, after four months of no substantial physical/sexual affection, I'd opine caution or lack of attraction rules him and he's probably incompatible.
Author Coffee20 Posted August 17, 2012 Author Posted August 17, 2012 (edited) Since you started up with the new guy immediately upon breaking up with ex, I could understand that he might be cautious but, after four months of no substantial physical/sexual affection, I'd opine caution or lack of attraction rules him and he's probably incompatible. hello! thanks a lot, actually we have been friends for a long time, I knew him before my ex (we are classmates, but we didn't go out together and talked only at school), after my ex left, I thought he was just interested in because he started to go out with me (I didn't ask for it at all, he wrote me by himself, I just thought he was being nice and friendly to me at first) and then I thought same as you, he was just being patient and a little bit worried so I decided I would go out with him, just for fun and see what will happen. Edited August 17, 2012 by Coffee20
Author Coffee20 Posted August 17, 2012 Author Posted August 17, 2012 another points: - he is clearly on my ex side, I don't mind it at all, we don't talk about him at all, but his reaction today just made me sure about this - he pays for me a lot - he cares about my health sometimes - he brought me a small present for my name day - he was always there for me after BU when things got very hard for me - he helped me with school a lot - he wants to explore new things with me and plan what we are going to do in winter etc... DON'T UNDERSTAND TO IT AT ALL
carhill Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 This sounds normal for someone whom you've said has been your friend for a long time. Frankly, if I had a female friend like that I'd enjoy her love and generosity and not expect any romantic sparks to fly. If they did, cool, but it wouldn't be an expectation or desire. True friends are hard to find IME.
Author Coffee20 Posted August 17, 2012 Author Posted August 17, 2012 This sounds normal for someone whom you've said has been your friend for a long time. Frankly, if I had a female friend like that I'd enjoy her love and generosity and not expect any romantic sparks to fly. If they did, cool, but it wouldn't be an expectation or desire. True friends are hard to find IME. I know....maybe it's quite weird for me, because I have never really had a boy as a friend - all of them wanted something more but do you spend with you true friends 3 or 4 almost full days every week??
carhill Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 I know....maybe it's quite weird for me, because I have never really had a boy as a friend - all of them wanted something more but do you spend with you true friends 3 or 4 almost full days every week?? Generally, no, but that is because we all have families/friends, businesses and social obligations to attend to. However, over the last month, I spent a week each with my two closest friends, one of whom was traveling in a distant state and the other whom lives across the country. So, I would opine that, time and circumstances allowing, sure. I recall at a young age where work and adult responsibilities were not an issue, spending lots of time with female friends. Even after, we managed to fit things in, though not at the pace you're describing, maybe 2-3 days spread out over a whole week, hanging out after work and on the weekends. That could be going to a movie, doing some essential shopping, having a party and one or the other's home, etc, etc. IMO, just take his actions at face value. If he wanted to kiss you sexually, he would. If he wanted to touch you sexually, he would. If he wanted to flirt with you romantically, he would. If he wants to and doesn't, then he's incompatible for a healthy relationship. If he doesn't want to, then no romantic/sexual relationship is in the cards. It's really that simple. He can still be a great friend. I had many female friends like the latter over the years. Still valued their friendship greatly. Good luck.
Author Coffee20 Posted August 17, 2012 Author Posted August 17, 2012 Generally, no, but that is because we all have families/friends, businesses and social obligations to attend to. However, over the last month, I spent a week each with my two closest friends, one of whom was traveling in a distant state and the other whom lives across the country. So, I would opine that, time and circumstances allowing, sure. I recall at a young age where work and adult responsibilities were not an issue, spending lots of time with female friends. Even after, we managed to fit things in, though not at the pace you're describing, maybe 2-3 days spread out over a whole week, hanging out after work and on the weekends. That could be going to a movie, doing some essential shopping, having a party and one or the other's home, etc, etc. IMO, just take his actions at face value. If he wanted to kiss you sexually, he would. If he wanted to touch you sexually, he would. If he wanted to flirt with you romantically, he would. If he wants to and doesn't, then he's incompatible for a healthy relationship. If he doesn't want to, then no romantic/sexual relationship is in the cards. It's really that simple. He can still be a great friend. I had many female friends like the latter over the years. Still valued their friendship greatly. Good luck. thanks a lot for your input I truly believed that friendship between man and woman could exist and so if I see you then I really believe to it hm I think I am ready to date again, so I will because I waited for him actually but you are right, if he wanted he would...so I will simply take him as my friend
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