simplequestion Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 My girlfriend is going to a divorce mediator today with her soon to be ex-husband. We leave near him and I have a feeling that she is going to end up giving him a ride home. The train is right there to take him back. Is it stupid for me to feel weird about her driving him home? Thanks in advance.
pteromom Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 I don't think it is stupid that you feel that way, but I don't think her driving him home is a big deal. Look at it this way - if they are friendly enough with each other that her giving him a ride is a possibility, that shows something about her character. She is able to put everything behind her and be kind to him. Good for her. I wouldn't worry about it too much. It is their DIVORCE meeting, after all. Worst case scenario, if they somehow reconnect on this drive home, it was gonna happen anyway, so there would be nothing you could do about it.
Author simplequestion Posted August 16, 2012 Author Posted August 16, 2012 Yes, which is why I said "soon to be ex-husband".So technically she is still married if she is going to a divorce mediator. Right?
road Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 My girlfriend is going to a divorce mediator today with her soon to be ex-husband. We leave near him and I have a feeling that she is going to end up giving him a ride home. The train is right there to take him back. Is it stupid for me to feel weird about her driving him home? Thanks in advance. A bigger worry is why are you dating a married woman? Could it be that you are worried that they cheat with you they will cheat on you?
Author simplequestion Posted August 16, 2012 Author Posted August 16, 2012 A bigger worry is why are you dating a married woman? Could it be that you are worried that they cheat with you they will cheat on you? She is separated...they had no interest in being together. Legally married but agreed on divorce. How is that wrong?
veggirl Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 I would be more concerned about being her rebound than her giving him a ride.
Madman81 Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 She is still legally married and hence cheating. Going through divorce proceedings or not. The paperwork has not been signed. Although they probably hate eachother these are the cold hard facts. She will not married when the divorce is official. She's not cheating in any realistic sense. No judge on this continent is going to fault her for getting on with her life. A marriage requires a mutual commitment to fidelity, comingling of resources, etc. They're no longer living together and are in the process of divorcing. Their marriage is nothing more than a piece of paper in a dusty registry filing cabinet. I'm sure the OP would much rather hear serious thoughts on his question, rather than silly points that are meaningless and of no substance. Sheesh. 1
donniedarko711 Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 I think you absolutely entitled to feel that way and you should let her know. She is with you now and she needs to consider your feelings and understand that boundaries that you have with her.
road Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 She's not cheating in any realistic sense. No judge on this continent is going to fault her for getting on with her life. A marriage requires a mutual commitment to fidelity, comingling of resources, etc. They're no longer living together and are in the process of divorcing. Their marriage is nothing more than a piece of paper in a dusty registry filing cabinet. I'm sure the OP would much rather hear serious thoughts on his question, rather than silly points that are meaningless and of no substance. Sheesh. She is married and banging someone else. Yes the courts don't care if see is getting a train run on her every night in a van behind a bar. But she is still married. Many marriages appeared to be over but they wound up being recovered. When a married spouse has an affair the state of their marriage does not justify sleeping around. This is why the OP doesn't want this WW spending time alone with her BH. The chance that she may end her affair and go back to her BH. Also both spouses should not even date for a year to process the loss of their long term relationship. They need the time to heal and get their old love out of their system. Healing does not start until the divorce is final. Is the OP that horny, desparate or both to be jumping on a married women? Are there no un attached woman were he lives? There is a connection why 2nd, 3rd, etc marriages fail. The connection is that the grieving process when a relationship fails is skipped and the work to is not done to learn how to have a healthy relationship. So the mistakes of the past are repeated again with the same results. First mistake usually is to be drawn to the again to the same type of person that was not a good match for them.
road Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 Well, I'm not going to make a big stink about her still being legally married and "cheating." For God's sakes, that's a bit extreme. She wouldn't be "cheating" if the legal system was FASTER and she'd had her divorce a while ago, now would she? The problem is not the speed of the legal system. Many divorces now can be done in months. The problem is that this WW and OM dropped their pants faster then the courts. The problem is that this WW has decided to skip the healing process, learn how to select a better mate, and how to have and maintain a healthy relationship. The OP is worried because he knows that they cheat with you they will cheat on you is true.
GLDheart Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 OP, Unless you started nailing her while she still lived with this guy I don't see the "cheating" thing either. As to your original question: You are feeling some insecurity in regards to her feelings for her soon to be Ex Husband. To that all I can say is that "they" didn't work out for a reason... even if she forgets that here and there that reason will still exist. On the flip side of that coin she is with you for a reason too. If you know that your relationship is strong with her, let her close out that past chapter and get closure. If your relationship is weak, well then you've got bigger problems than her ex husband.
Silly_Girl Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 Also both spouses should not even date for a year to process the loss of their long term relationship. They need the time to heal and get their old love out of their system. Healing does not start until the divorce is final. Is the OP that horny, desparate or both to be jumping on a married women? Are there no un attached woman were he lives? That's baloney about the 1 year rule. It all depends on the circumstances. I did most of my mourning during the marriage. I spent a year coming to terms with things before we formally split. As for the OP being 'desperate' - being with someone who's married on paper doesn't denote desperation. Again, all depends on the circs. 1
karnak Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 That's baloney about the 1 year rule. It all depends on the circumstances. Yep. Been there, done that.
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