RonChalant Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 monday marks 9 months since my ex (gf of 7.5 years) and i broke up. in a MUCH better place than before but only due to the fact that i'm constantly trying to be better than her current bf. 9 months ago i was making maybe $9 an hour part time, living with my then gf rent free and no car. now, i'm making 40k a year, about to get my own apartment, could have a car but choose not to because i live in the city and there's no point (until winter at least), and in a new relationship. i've only done all of this in a constant effort to be better than who she is with now. i graduate college in 18 months and am on track to be making 60k out of school (yay IT field lol). am i happy, yeah for the most part...but i hate that i'm constantly competing with someone i've never met a day in my life. sure, its put me in a better position in life, but i cant help but think its not healthy. still "in love" with her, my current gf is paying the price because of that though i've tried MULTIPLE times to break up with her because of it but she won't let it happen and i REALLY don't want to hurt her. she's "in love" with me and my mind is 1000 other places. she THINKS she's moving in with me when i get my place...how much its going to suck to have to tell her i'm going it solo. input
eMGunslinger Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 Best thing you can do is be completely honest with her. You don't have to give all your details and pour your heart out. Just be straight with her and do the right thing because she deserves that at least for how she has cared for you. Never burn bridges! As far as your Ex-GF's BF your in competition with...you need to let that go. Honestly who cares how good either one of them are. If she can't realize how good you are and what not then she isn't worth worrying about anyway. If someone cant see the best in you and see it that your the best thing that can possibly be in their life. Then its your job to prove that your aren't best for them and let someone else find you and be happy. Never live your life to try and please someone who doesn't appreciate you back. You can never win or reach happiness!
AlexCross Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 Dude, let it go. This competition is in your mind. And it is inadvertenly hurting this girl you are dating. Let it go. Let it go. Be secure with yourself.
rocketman122 Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 your post is confusing. youre missing info.
RiverRunning Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 Frankly? I'm inclined to think that you're a jerk. She won't LET you break up with her? That's not how it works. You get the say: when one half of the relationship leaves, the relationship is done with. How very unfair and cruel to her to drag her into your competition with your ex-girlfriend's new boyfriend. Someone put me through that, and while I've recovered, I can say that it takes a LONG TIME to get over that emotional scar. Here you are, devoting yourself to a person you are happy about, no longer letting your own past partners obscure your vision. You've found someone you're happy with! And then you notice he's looking over his shoulder, he's talking about her constantly, showing pictures...maybe you're a little better at hiding your tracks than that, but I'm sure this woman knows that something is amiss. It's great that you have improved your life. But if you think that this is going to win your ex back, get that dream out of your head now. Your girlfriend dumped you because you were taking advantage of her. Your paths have now diverged. She has found someone more compatible (we'll assume). Meanwhile, you took a painful experience and made something positive out of it so that you can enjoy the rest of your life. I don't think that you should be seriously dating anyone. Going out on dates, getting some of your self-esteem back? Of course. Unfortunately, I think this means that you set your current girlfriend down and you say, "I moved on too quickly from my past relationship and that's not been fair to you. I know that I can't give you what you need from me. I don't think that we should see each other anymore." Then, you break contact and refuse to have anything else to do with her. It's painful, but less painful than having a guy work through his past relationship woes while he's with you. She deserves to be with someone who's ready to love and appreciate her fully. You will hurt her when you break up with her, but not nearly as much as you probably would if you drag this competition thing out for another year, two, or more.
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