ptp Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 There is this girl that I really like. She is what I would say very very pretty, 5'6" slim, long brown hair, beautiful eyes, probably a 8-9/10. She is smart (going to be a sophomore at college), funny and generally what I like in a woman. She is kind, thoughtful and I love that she is always smiling or laughing; she is very friendly. There are a couple of snags though. She is the younger sister of a friend of mine. I have known her for a long time, like years. I have also spent a decent amount timer with her, but never one on one. Its always been in a group setting like a house party or going out. I asked another mutual friend what he thought and he told me it was a bad idea. He said if something was going to happen with her, it would have already happened. He also said it was a bad idea because she is our friend's younger sister. I can see his point, because she has never shown any interest in me outside of just being friendly. Also, if I pursue her and she doesn't like me then it could make things very awkward. She is also significantly younger (23) than me and maybe she is looking for someone more her age? I am going to be hanging out with her and her brother in a small group this weekend. Should I pursue this or let it go?
cerridwen Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 I think someone a little closer to your age would be a better idea, Ptp. And someone without the complication of being a friend's younger sister. 1
writergal Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 There is this girl that I really like. She is what I would say very very pretty, 5'6" slim, long brown hair, beautiful eyes, probably a 8-9/10. She is smart (going to be a sophomore at college), funny and generally what I like in a woman. She is kind, thoughtful and I love that she is always smiling or laughing; she is very friendly. There are a couple of snags though. She is the younger sister of a friend of mine. I have known her for a long time, like years. I have also spent a decent amount timer with her, but never one on one. Its always been in a group setting like a house party or going out. I asked another mutual friend what he thought and he told me it was a bad idea. He said if something was going to happen with her, it would have already happened. He also said it was a bad idea because she is our friend's younger sister. I can see his point, because she has never shown any interest in me outside of just being friendly. Also, if I pursue her and she doesn't like me then it could make things very awkward. She is also significantly younger (23) than me and maybe she is looking for someone more her age? I am going to be hanging out with her and her brother in a small group this weekend. Should I pursue this or let it go? Just take her out to coffee one-on-one and see if any sparks fly. That's really the only way you'll know, by spending alone time with her. Doesn't matter what your friends or anyone else thinks. It's really up to you to decide what to do, based on how you feel. If you like her, then why not. If it becomes awkward, then it becomes awkward for a while. I doubt her older sister will hunt you down like the Huntsman character from the Snow White film, if things don't go well. Besides, if you date her younger sister, it's none of her business. That's like parents who interfere in a son or daughter's relationship because they disprove of the person. Who you date is no one else's business but yours and the person you've involved with. Pursue it casually one-on-one and see what happens. What have you got to lose if you don't take a chance? Age is just a number anyway, as history has proven for many couples. Who cares if she's 23. If she's someone you like and get along well with, why wouldn't you want to be with her? It's your decision. That's what it boils down to. 1
ChatroomHero Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 I'd say one way to approach it might be to up the ante and flirt with her a bit and see what happens. Get the convo to a point where you can say something like, "i can't believe we're not dating already" and it can be written off as a joke. You should be able to get to a point where you can quasi-joke/ask her out and get a response and if she rejects you make it seem like you weren't 100% serious and that would help alleviate any future awkwardness. If she responds with a positive-type answer you can push it further.
truth_seeker Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 I changed my mind on this: I was with ChatroomHero here but Writergal makes a great point. Nut up and just ask her out. 1
Kamille Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 Just out of curiosity, how old are you? Don't over-think this ptp. This weekend, when you see her, do your best to see if you two "jive" together on a flirtation front. I like CRH idea of throwing something like "why aren't we dating already" in there. Don't forget to try and touch her arms, back if possible. And, more importantly: have fun with everyone this weekend. And don't forget, humor isn't gender specific. Everyone likes to laugh. As I said in another thread, you have a great sense of humor and you know how to amp up someone else's joke. That's a great tool for flirtation. Make her feel like she's funny by playing off her sense of humor. 1
xxoo Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 There are a couple of snags though. She is the younger sister of a friend of mine. I have known her for a long time, like years. I have also spent a decent amount timer with her, but never one on one. Its always been in a group setting like a house party or going out. That's not a snag. That's a great answer for the "so, how did you two lovebirds meet?" question 1
stillafool Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 Is she 23 or are you 23 years older than her? I'm confused on that part. If you are significantly older than her your friend (her brother) may not like you going out with his little sister.
writergal Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 I disagree with CRH and Kamille's advice telling you to joke with her about why you two aren't already dating. Noooooooo. Worst advice ever! That's the CHEESIEST LINE and will make you look like an idiot. Only characters in romantic comedy movies say dumb lines like that. Do you want to be Ben Stiller? Or do you want to be PTP? Saying something that dumb is totally insincere and may turn her off. Just be yourself. This weekend. And always. Don't do anything that isn't true to your own nature for goodness sake. Just have fun this weekend and if you get a chance, ask her to get together one-on-one and then go from there.
Kamille Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 I disagree with CRH and Kamille's advice telling you to joke with her about why you two aren't already dating. Noooooooo. Worst advice ever! Oh no, I'm pretty sure I have given advice that is way more awful than this a few times .
kiss_andmakeup Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 The only issue I see re: her age is that she's still very much in school. When I read she was a sophomore I assumed she was around 19. It would help a lot to know your age. If you're already established in your career and she still has years of schooling to go, that could be a bit of an incompatibility. She might not have the time or flexibility with money to do the things you want to do, or to be independent. But if you're not concerned about that, then go for it! I met my boyfriend when I was 23 and he was 30, and we have had a great relationship for over a year. :]
writergal Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 Oh no, I'm pretty sure I have given advice that is way more awful than this a few times . Hah! Sorry I didn't mean to be such a snipe. I just imagine PTP looking like a dirty ol man to this 23 year old if he were to say something like that. You crack me up Kamille. No harm, no foul, eh?
Kamille Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 Hah! Sorry I didn't mean to be such a snipe. I just imagine PTP looking like a dirty ol man to this 23 year old if he were to say something like that. You crack me up Kamille. No harm, no foul, eh? Of course not! Aren't we here to offer ptp a variety of views? I know he's centered enough to take the advice that is best suited to his own style. I have, in the past, used the cheesy: "So why haven't you asked me out on a date?" line. It worked. The guy asked me out on a date. But, yeah, I don't mind looking like a cheesy dweeb. I know not everyone's the same.
ThaWholigan Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 Personally, I'm not sure if it's a good idea. In my circle, sisters are off limits. It can create a host of potentially awkward situations. I'd let it go, to be honest. Up to you though, if you think she's worth the risk, then go for it.
Kamille Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 Personally, I'm not sure if it's a good idea. In my circle, sisters are off limits. It can create a host of potentially awkward situations. I'd let it go, to be honest. Up to you though, if you think she's worth the risk, then go for it. Shouldn't sisters get a say in this?
ThaWholigan Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 Shouldn't sisters get a say in this? It's not the sisters that are the problem mostly, it's the friends. It's like an amended part of the bro-code: no exes, no sisters. It must be bad if the sister really likes the guy obviously, but I would think that some friends wouldn't think much of it - but my circle at this current point is still a rather primitive one, and it's not favorable. Most of my circle don't have available sisters anyway, most of them are older, or younger.
writergal Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 Of course not! Aren't we here to offer ptp a variety of views? I know he's centered enough to take the advice that is best suited to his own style. I have, in the past, used the cheesy: "So why haven't you asked me out on a date?" line. It worked. The guy asked me out on a date. But, yeah, I don't mind looking like a cheesy dweeb. I know not everyone's the same. Ok thanks! I think that's awesome that the line worked for you. But I know if I were to say that now (at 41) to a guy in my age group, I'd come across as demanding...ha ha.
cerridwen Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 The only issue I see re: her age is that she's still very much in school. When I read she was a sophomore I assumed she was around 19. It would help a lot to know your age. If you're already established in your career and she still has years of schooling to go, that could be a bit of an incompatibility. She might not have the time or flexibility with money to do the things you want to do, or to be independent. But if you're not concerned about that, then go for it! I met my boyfriend when I was 23 and he was 30, and we have had a great relationship for over a year. :] I agree with you, Kiss that it's less a biological issue as it is a life stage issue. That she's a sophmore and living the college lifestyle presumably, seems problematic. But perhaps she lives off-campus, works and supports herself, and is mature and looking for something serious. Ptp?
kiss_andmakeup Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 I agree with you, Kiss that it's less a biological issue as it is a life stage issue. That she's a sophmore and living the college lifestyle presumably, seems problematic. But perhaps she lives off-campus, works and supports herself, and is mature and looking for something serious. Ptp? Definitely a possibility! Just need a little more info from the OP.
ChatroomHero Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 Hah! Sorry I didn't mean to be such a snipe. I just imagine PTP looking like a dirty ol man to this 23 year old if he were to say something like that. You crack me up Kamille. No harm, no foul, eh? I still disagree. It's not a cheesy pick up line it's just an example of something that can be said in a long conversation with someone you already know and hang out with to show interest without committing. I have had the same thing with friends in my group where you have flirty conversations and at some point one of us would say something like, "We would have fun dating"...where it is not a pickup line being used on a complete stranger trying to seal the deal, but instead a feeler to judge the reaction that can easily be brushed off and save the awkwardness of the girl rejecting and then not wanting to be around him to avoid leading him on. Just going for it entails just what the OP said, if she says no, there will be awkwardness. If she sees him as not in her league, she might even be creeped out about thinking back on the times they have hung out before. His friend might also be seriously pissed about it too, some people are like that with younger sisters, very protective. On top of that if his friend knows details of his dating history and past conquests and they are less than gentlemanly, he might get kicked in the nuts. Just my opinion, but if the OP just goes for it, it could get very ugly. If he is tactful and gets a little recon so he can take a calculated risk I think he would up the chances that he avoids disaster.
writergal Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 I agree with you, Kiss that it's less a biological issue as it is a life stage issue. That she's a sophmore and living the college lifestyle presumably, seems problematic. But perhaps she lives off-campus, works and supports herself, and is mature and looking for something serious. Ptp? I wholeheartedly disagree with this statement because it's so ridiculous. So you're thumbing your nose at May-December romances? Why? Haven't you ever dated an older or younger man? Essentially what you're saying is that every college sophomore who "lives the college life style" isn't fit to date older men like PTP because why exactly? I'll say it again. Age is just a number. If PTP and this gal like each other, I see no reason why he shouldn't ask her out on a proper date and go from there. 1
writergal Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 I still disagree. It's not a cheesy pick up line it's just an example of something that can be said in a long conversation with someone you already know and hang out with to show interest without committing. I have had the same thing with friends in my group where you have flirty conversations and at some point one of us would say something like, "We would have fun dating"...where it is not a pickup line being used on a complete stranger trying to seal the deal, but instead a feeler to judge the reaction that can easily be brushed off and save the awkwardness of the girl rejecting and then not wanting to be around him to avoid leading him on. Just going for it entails just what the OP said, if she says no, there will be awkwardness. If she sees him as not in her league, she might even be creeped out about thinking back on the times they have hung out before. His friend might also be seriously pissed about it too, some people are like that with younger sisters, very protective. On top of that if his friend knows details of his dating history and past conquests and they are less than gentlemanly, he might get kicked in the nuts. Just my opinion, but if the OP just goes for it, it could get very ugly. If he is tactful and gets a little recon so he can take a calculated risk I think he would up the chances that he avoids disaster Sounds like you're comparing PTP's situation to an episode of 'Survivor.' It's just a date for god sake. Not like he's Colin Farrell in Total Recall, being chased by assassins for important information stored in his head. Let's get back down to earth here, shall we? Look, it doesn't matter what PTP's friends think or what this gal's sister thinks. If PTP wants to ask this gal out, then he should. And this isn't the 18th century where younger sisters were treated like property by their family members. If her older sister is over-protective, I'm sure PTP can deal with that if he really likes this young gal. PTP hasn't even asked her out yet. First, he needs to do that. If she says 'yes,' great. If she says 'no,' then there's nothing lost, nothing gained for PTP. His dignity, friendships and friendship with her older sister will remain intact. We have no idea of the sister's relationship with each other, either. We can agree to disagree. I have no problem with that.
cerridwen Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 I still disagree. It's not a cheesy pick up line it's just an example of something that can be said in a long conversation with someone you already know and hang out with to show interest without committing. I have had the same thing with friends in my group where you have flirty conversations and at some point one of us would say something like, "We would have fun dating"...where it is not a pickup line being used on a complete stranger trying to seal the deal, but instead a feeler to judge the reaction that can easily be brushed off and save the awkwardness of the girl rejecting and then not wanting to be around him to avoid leading him on. Just going for it entails just what the OP said, if she says no, there will be awkwardness. If she sees him as not in her league, she might even be creeped out about thinking back on the times they have hung out before. His friend might also be seriously pissed about it too, some people are like that with younger sisters, very protective. On top of that if his friend knows details of his dating history and past conquests and they are less than gentlemanly, he might get kicked in the nuts. Just my opinion, but if the OP just goes for it, it could get very ugly. If he is tactful and gets a little recon so he can take a calculated risk I think he would up the chances that he avoids disaster. I agree the dynamics can be sticky in certain groups of friends. In other groups, dating exes and/or younger siblings aren't issues. But PTP's friend and PTP himself seem suggest it's a problem in his particular peer group and he seems hesitant to risk drama. Is that right, Ptp? Or are we misreading this? Is this a close friend you're concerned about losing? Kiss and I need more details!
Author ptp Posted August 16, 2012 Author Posted August 16, 2012 (edited) She is 23 going to be 24 this year, I am six years older than her NOT 23 years older. She is mature, I am not sure what her exact living conditions since I have never visited her on campus, nor have I asked her. She worked for a little bit before starting college and I know she was dating someone prior to starting school. I have not heard of her dating anybody since starting school, I am not sure if school is the reason. I imagine she isn't meeting too many people in classes that she is interested in. The friend of a sister thing is definitely a problem. However the friend is a friend, but not a close friend. In the sense I don't spend time with him one on one either. He likes to throw parties for New Years or 4th of July and since I am part of his broder friend circle I often get invited to them. Also, Kam is right, I do want a variety of opinions. I have only asked a good friend of mine what he thinks because I don't want a lot of people in my friends circle to know. His advice was not to purse as I mentioned in the OP. What do people think of the fact that if it was meant to happen it would have already? Does that hold merit? If she was attracted to me she would have let me know at some point? So it is fair to say she isn't attracted to me? Edited August 16, 2012 by ptp
ChatroomHero Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 First, he needs to do that. If she says 'yes,' great. If she says 'no,' then there's nothing lost, nothing gained for PTP. From PTP - "The friend of a sister thing is definitely a problem... I have only asked a good friend of mine what he thinks because I don't want a lot of people in my friends circle to know." PTP keeps posting that there is something to lose. He's pointed it out in a couple of posts ... I am saying I think using tact and going about it carefully is the best approach. I am not sure how that is like Survivor because you are the only person I have ever heard of that apparently actually watches that garbage. Not sure how how giving an opinion on going about a tricky situation carefully warrants planet earth comments.
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