Anela Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 Why would you let these threads get you down? They get me down, too, on bad days.
Anela Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 Well if thats the case its a total contradiction of her series of events. Just my opinion maam Ay-yi-yi, a ma'am. I think I need to go to bed now. If she thought that he didn't like her (wasn't attracted to her enough to ask her out), and the friend asked her out, so she went out with him... I don't see the confusion. They got to know each other, shyness lessened, and now they're dating. Did I miss another post in which she stated that she thought he was gross? I've experienced an instant attraction to someone, only to be put off by their personality, and to wonder why I ever liked them in the first place. On the other hand, that slow boil that she described, can be a good thing.
Anela Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 Sorry about the maam thing, didnt mean to offend. I never said he was gross. I am merely saying that he is playing second fiddle to his friend, and if she was so shy, I dont see how after the breakup his personality all of a sudden played a factor. So if she was put off by his personality, where did this ephiphany transpire and why? They got to know each other over time. And no offense taken. I realize you were just being polite, I just wasn't expecting it. Would a woman who finds a man truly attractive pass up on him just because any ol guy asks her out? She found his friend more attractive. Probably found out the guy wasn't compatible way later. Any man with dignity would not give a chance to a woman that meets him first, then gets with his friend, then gets with him after. The consolation prize in that situation isn't a cool, shiney, proud Silver medal. It's your best friends leftovers. I wouldn't, but I've also let my attraction to someone cloud my judgement, and waited around for them to get over their own issues - but I don't want to get into that (and I do need to get some sleep). If I were to wait around for them, I would expect an expression of interest, and to know that they weren't hooking up with someone else - or just taking my interest for granted until they found someone they really wanted to date. I don't see where she states that he expressed interest in her, and she turned him down. I guess she can clear this up, if she wants to. I have to disagree. I met a man at work that interested me 2 yrs ago. I was shy and so was he. We slowly got to know one another. I dated his best friend for awhile and this man remained my friend. No flirting during this time, just talking. When his friend broke up with me 8 months ago he stayed out of it. He remained friends with both of us. We continued to talk and get to know one another and eventually made it clear to one another that we desired one another intensely. He won me over with his personality. The sexual chemistry was always there, but he offers more as a great person. Just because a woman does not show her interest initially does not mean that we are not interested. Sometimes circumstances get in the way. He and I both chase one another... the natural progression of a relationship. It is not one-sided, but mutual. If he didn't flirt with her, or let her know that he liked her in that way, then how was she supposed to know that he was interested? I'm not good with with flirtation, until I know someone pretty well. I froze when this guy stopped to talk to me in the doorway of a grocery store. I'd smiled at him, we laughed over something, and then he surprised me by staying there, instead of going inside. He was cute, he seemed nice, but I'm very shy; I don't blame this guy for not asking me out, after I just went quiet on him: either he thought I was a moron (which can sometimes be true), or he thought that I had no interest in him.
Later82012 Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 .... Granted, she is an extreme example, but I think guys are used to women chasing after them. They say that they like it when women ask them out or when they pursue them, but I don't think that's true. If you call them or act like you're interested in them, it's as good as over. Act hungry and they get scared off or treat you badly. And all that talk show nonsense we have been fed for the last 30 years - to tell others how you feel, to be honest, show your heart to others - it's so bogus. ...................Turn the tables on them by being elusive and mysterious, they still don't know how to respond to it. If you ask to be treated nicer (have them pay for meals, pull your chair out, etc.) than they would a buddy, then they are kind of blown away by it. They act like "What is this?!" and move onto someone else. I feel like I can't win either way. As far as I am concerned you can't be more wrong here. If a woman chased me I'd treat her like a princess and if she is not chasing me just for sex and if she is a genuinely good person and wants me for life I'd give a serious shot at making her my partner for life. If I am chasing you and you act pricey I am done with you and I am not wasting any more time on you. - This is my current situation. First she was chasing me, I fell for her and started chasing her and she started acting pricey and started frustrating me. Now I lost interest in her and started looking for others. She is stalking me and chasing me again. Why can't adults behave like adults?
Author mortensorchid Posted August 27, 2012 Author Posted August 27, 2012 I honestly didn't mean for this to turn into such a long thread! I guess my experiences with men have been bad then, because some of them are just complete and utter jerks/losers. But hey, it's good to know the bad from the good if nothing else. I do not expect a man to do all the work, but I would like to see ones that make some kind of effort rather than just sitting back and taking a very laissez-faire kind of attitude about it. But then again, this will be applied to just about every aspect of their lives, won't it?
Feelsgoodman Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 I was having a chat with someone not too long ago, I made mention of a former friend of mine who was one of the most relentless chasers I had ever met. She ended up moving twice within six months for guys, one was a former bf who she was convinced would come back to her. THen she rebounded and more or less demanded that the rebound man marry her. They did, and it's 15 years later and they are divorced. Granted, she is an extreme example, but I think guys are used to women chasing after them. They say that they like it when women ask them out or when they pursue them, but I don't think that's true. If you call them or act like you're interested in them, it's as good as over. Act hungry and they get scared off or treat you badly. And all that talk show nonsense we have been fed for the last 30 years - to tell others how you feel, to be honest, show your heart to others - it's so bogus. People will take that information (as well as the most trivial things like saying "My favorite color is blue") and just rip you to shreds with it. Turn the tables on them by being elusive and mysterious, they still don't know how to respond to it. If you ask to be treated nicer (have them pay for meals, pull your chair out, etc.) than they would a buddy, then they are kind of blown away by it. They act like "What is this?!" and move onto someone else. I feel like I can't win either way. Why don't men chase women anymore? I don't know...why don't women strive to be good housewives anymore? Different times call for different behavior codes. If you don't like how things are these days, you can thank your fellow feminists for screwing with the old ways. On a somewhat related note...why do women find it so difficult to accept the fact that you can't have your cake and east it too??
Feelsgoodman Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 No, the quality men don't need to chase women as much anymore because they are able to select the women who prove their worth to be chased/pursued. No longer does mere entitlement granted solely from being a woman work. If a woman doesn't somehow show they are worth the man's time and effort, then why would the man spend time and effort on her? Hence the perception that women "chase" men. This. Men are finally starting to catch on to the fact that "female privilege" is a social construct...and one that has absolutely no reason for existence in this age of "equality".
StillReigning Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 I honestly didn't mean for this to turn into such a long thread! I guess my experiences with men have been bad then, because some of them are just complete and utter jerks/losers. But hey, it's good to know the bad from the good if nothing else. I do not expect a man to do all the work, but I would like to see ones that make some kind of effort rather than just sitting back and taking a very laissez-faire kind of attitude about it. But then again, this will be applied to just about every aspect of their lives, won't it? Why aren't you the one approaching men? Don't give me that nonsense about how men are turned off by women who approach them. That's complete bullsh*t. I know plenty of guys who love it when a woman approaches them You just want men to do everything for you in the dating world an you're terribly afraid of rejection and try to justify it with that nonsense about "men don't want to be approached"
Mme. Chaucer Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 I guess my experiences with men have been bad then, because some of them are just complete and utter jerks/losers. But hey, it's good to know the bad from the good if nothing else. I'm not sure whether this will make you feel better, or worse, but plenty of women can be losers just as well. I do not expect a man to do all the work, but I would like to see ones that make some kind of effort rather than just sitting back and taking a very laissez-faire kind of attitude about it. But then again, this will be applied to just about every aspect of their lives, won't it? Honestly, you are extrapolating your own experience onto the world. There are men who are chasing; women who are being chased.
StillReigning Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 Honestly, you are extrapolating your own experience onto the world. There are men who are chasing; women who are being chased. Why is it all the male responsibility to always approach anyways? (note: I am conceding that it is but it shouldn't be) I swear, some women seem to think that men are just complete robots with 1000% confidence who can approach 500 women a day and not care about getting rejected left and right. Why doesn't the OP put in the work to at least engage some guys in conversation? It's not that hard. Often times the nice guys who don't approach you are the best catch because they're afraid of making you feel uncomfortable. Meanwhile, the guy who does approach you is often times the womanizing ******* who has no value as a human being but has plenty of confidence
Mme. Chaucer Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 Why is it all the male responsibility to always approach anyways? (note: I am conceding that it is but it shouldn't be) It is NOT all the male responsibility! Obviously, the OP has been encountering men who feel like the women should be taking the lead. I think that society has more balance in this way than it ever has before. Sure, there are men "chasing" and women waiting to be "caught," but there are plenty of women asking men out and making first moves.
joystickd Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 Why don't women start chasing men?To the ones who hate gender roles. We live in a time where men and women are equal. You have women on here that talk about hating traditional gender roles. Isn't requesting a man to chase a traditional gender role? I can understand the perspective of the guys on here. It gives off the vibe that women want to pick and choose what traditional roles they want to get rid off. What good reasons do you not want to chase? What reasons do you not choose to accept full equality? 2
Mme. Chaucer Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 Why don't women start chasing men?To the ones who hate gender roles. We live in a time where men and women are equal. You have women on here that talk about hating traditional gender roles. Isn't requesting a man to chase a traditional gender role? I can understand the perspective of the guys on here. It gives off the vibe that women want to pick and choose what traditional roles they want to get rid off. What good reasons do you not want to chase? What reasons do you not choose to accept full equality? My personal position is this: I do NOT hate traditional gender roles; I hate people feeling forced to conform to them. I like very much that I can, in fact, choose which gender roles I want to embrace and those I want to reject. Sometimes, we are talking about personality traits rather than gender roles in these discussions, as well. IMO, it's not about equality or the lack of it. If I prefer a man to do the chasing, then I might miss out on a wonderful man who won't chase. That's fair, right? If I like to have a high income and be the captain of my own financial ship, I am probably selecting against men who want to be the breadwinner and financial leader in the household, right? And, it's possible and not even difficult to be like that and to wear make up, cook and bee all femme at the same time, too. It all can equal out - not as in everything being perfectly equal for every man and every woman, but in the sense that an individual can be true to him or herself and live the life that being so affords them.
GirlontheLam Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 There is also a stigma these days around heterosexual men who are flirty. Every day 100 men chat up that 20 year old supermarket cashier, every day 100 men are categorized as creeps or sex-fiends unless this woman is single and these men meet her narrowly defined standards for what she is physically attracted to. I see no evidence of this. Most women don't want the overly aggressive flirts who are invading your personal space in an empty subway car. Innocent banter is A-OK. I think many men just don't know how to flirt successfully.
Greznog Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 Why don't women start chasing men?To the ones who hate gender roles. We live in a time where men and women are equal. You have women on here that talk about hating traditional gender roles. Isn't requesting a man to chase a traditional gender role? I can understand the perspective of the guys on here. It gives off the vibe that women want to pick and choose what traditional roles they want to get rid off. What good reasons do you not want to chase? What reasons do you not choose to accept full equality? Women only hate the traditional gender roles that involve them in an undesirable way. For example she wants to be able to work and make the same as a man, but he has to pay for dates because this benefits her. She wants to be free to do whatever she wants, but she expects men to help women and children leave the sinking ship before they do. They want to be strong and independent, but then demand the state forcibly funnel assets from former partners into their bank accounts. 1
EasyHeart Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 I always chase women. Usually I tell them that I saw them on their bike and then went home to beat off. Works every time. 2
Hopeful30 Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 Why is it all the male responsibility to always approach anyways? if a girl approaches she will never get rejected because to a man its free sex if a man approaches, he wont be accepted unless the girl truly likes him less problems if the guy approaches
fortyninethousand322 Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 if a girl approaches she will never get rejected because to a man its free sex if a man approaches, he wont be accepted unless the girl truly likes him less problems if the guy approaches Exactly. It also tends to weed out the beta males which makes the process a whole lot smoother for everyone.
joystickd Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 if a girl approaches she will never get rejected because to a man its free sex if a man approaches, he wont be accepted unless the girl truly likes him less problems if the guy approaches I love the rationale for women not to approach. Women complain a good man is hard to find but they are not even looking because they wait for one to come to them. Newsflash!! Times have changed and women have to accept the possibility that they will have to approach if they want to actually find a good man
joystickd Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 Exactly. It also tends to weed out the beta males which makes the process a whole lot smoother for everyone. Not really.
Feelsgoodman Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 if a girl approaches she will never get rejected because to a man its free sex I have no interest in "free sex" with a fat/ugly/old chick. Neither does any other man who is not desperate. Stop spreading stupid stereotypes about men being horny dogs who would f*ck anything that moves. It's offensive and not true.
Disenchantedly Yours Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 I have no interest in "free sex" with a fat/ugly/old chick. Neither does any other man who is not desperate. Stop spreading stupid stereotypes about men being horny dogs who would f*ck anything that moves. It's offensive and not true. Yeah...that's what is offensive..not characterizing women as fat/ugly or old. I agree that a lot of men don't chase anymore. Which is unfortunate because they are probably missing oppurtunities to get to know themselves and women better. Even if sometimes their chasing is not as successful as they would hope. I understand why they have a hard time chasing but if they learned to care less about what woman thought and just went after what they wanted, I think they would see only growing success even if they didn't get all teh women they may have wanted. Right now there is someone "chasing" me. But I am recepitive to it and I think he knows that. Men in general tend to be more competitive then women. I don't think it's bad that men may like a little bit of a challenege and have to work for it. As long as she isn't making him "chase" just for the sake of it and is more having him "chase" to give him the oppurtunity to get to know her and culture some intimacy. Relationships should be a cresendo if you ask me. Something you build on. When a man taps into that, it can be a pretty cool thing. When a woman is interested in you, she likes when a guy is bold like that. 1
joystickd Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 Yeah...that's what is offensive..not characterizing women as fat/ugly or old. I agree that a lot of men don't chase anymore. Which is unfortunate because they are probably missing oppurtunities to get to know themselves and women better. Even if sometimes their chasing is not as successful as they would hope. I understand why they have a hard time chasing but if they learned to care less about what woman thought and just went after what they wanted, I think they would see only growing success even if they didn't get all teh women they may have wanted. Right now there is someone "chasing" me. But I am recepitive to it and I think he knows that. Men in general tend to be more competitive then women. I don't think it's bad that men may like a little bit of a challenege and have to work for it. As long as she isn't making him "chase" just for the sake of it and is more having him "chase" to give him the oppurtunity to get to know her and culture some intimacy. Relationships should be a cresendo if you ask me. Something you build on. When a man taps into that, it can be a pretty cool thing. When a woman is interested in you, she likes when a guy is bold like that. What's the reason you don't chase sometimes?
fortyninethousand322 Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 Yeah...that's what is offensive..not characterizing women as fat/ugly or old. I agree that a lot of men don't chase anymore. Which is unfortunate because they are probably missing oppurtunities to get to know themselves and women better. Even if sometimes their chasing is not as successful as they would hope. I understand why they have a hard time chasing but if they learned to care less about what woman thought and just went after what they wanted, I think they would see only growing success even if they didn't get all teh women they may have wanted. Right now there is someone "chasing" me. But I am recepitive to it and I think he knows that. Men in general tend to be more competitive then women. I don't think it's bad that men may like a little bit of a challenege and have to work for it. As long as she isn't making him "chase" just for the sake of it and is more having him "chase" to give him the oppurtunity to get to know her and culture some intimacy. Relationships should be a cresendo if you ask me. Something you build on. When a man taps into that, it can be a pretty cool thing. When a woman is interested in you, she likes when a guy is bold like that. Indeed. A lot of men don't chase anymore because they've given up. That's why I don't.
joystickd Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 Women only hate the traditional gender roles that involve them in an undesirable way. For example she wants to be able to work and make the same as a man, but he has to pay for dates because this benefits her. She wants to be free to do whatever she wants, but she expects men to help women and children leave the sinking ship before they do. They want to be strong and independent, but then demand the state forcibly funnel assets from former partners into their bank accounts. I wouldn't say all that. I am just saying sometimes not all the time a woman should do the chasing. I get chased sometimes and I really enjoy it. We are all taught to go after what we want but how come in the realm of dating that advice doesn't seem to apply to women. I prefer to say interact because chase sounds weird to me.
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