El Brujo Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 I was having a chat with someone not too long ago, I made mention of a former friend of mine who was one of the most relentless chasers I had ever met. She ended up moving twice within six months for guys, one was a former bf who she was convinced would come back to her. THen she rebounded and more or less demanded that the rebound man marry her. They did, and it's 15 years later and they are divorced. Granted, she is an extreme example, but I think guys are used to women chasing after them. They say that they like it when women ask them out or when they pursue them, but I don't think that's true. If you call them or act like you're interested in them, it's as good as over. Act hungry and they get scared off or treat you badly. And all that talk show nonsense we have been fed for the last 30 years - to tell others how you feel, to be honest, show your heart to others - it's so bogus. People will take that information (as well as the most trivial things like saying "My favorite color is blue") and just rip you to shreds with it. Turn the tables on them by being elusive and mysterious, they still don't know how to respond to it. If you ask to be treated nicer (have them pay for meals, pull your chair out, etc.) than they would a buddy, then they are kind of blown away by it. They act like "What is this?!" and move onto someone else. I feel like I can't win either way. You CAN win, but you probably don't want to hear what the next option is: women need to turn the tables and start chasing guys (at least half the time anyway). I'm currently working 3 jobs, am about to bring out my 3rd book, and I have a house and property which need maintaining... and what, I'm supposed to drop what I'm doing and start chasing women? Ain't gonna happen, sister. Link to post Share on other sites
udolipixie Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 It could likely be a combination of: - guys are only chasing certain gals - guys fear of sexual harassment, being called creepy, or rejection - guys don't need to chase as gals often chase guys and guys have the option of a prostitute, escort, p*rn, and mail order brider - guys don't consider gals worthy enough to chase Link to post Share on other sites
soccerrprp Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 I hate to admit this, but the dating world has changed for the worse. Society expectations have changed dramatically within the relationship realm and the expectation and practice of certain traditional behaviors have gone to the waist-side or is looked upon with suspicious or unflattering eyes at times. There are SO many options, not always good, of course, that both men and women find themselves spending more time struggling with commitment. So many single men and women to view as potential mates that both sexes are often paralyzed from making a commitment to any single person, always looking for the next best thing (person), etc. Why chase? There are tons of options looking for a relationship and many find themselves tasting the options like a plate of some restaurant sampler. People are TOO busy, too tired, too jaded and too underwhelmed with chivalry, courtesy, and have become more cynical. Personally, tried the chivalrous route and get bitten too often, so I have become a bit more closed off and have far less expectations...sad, but true. Dating has become a game...sad. Link to post Share on other sites
bac Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 Lol. It is personal, by definition. She's saying I would love to go out for ice cream with a guy I like, but you're not one of them. How much more personal can you get? The reason she says no is because she doesn't like how you look, how you act, or both. In other words, something about your person. How do you know her reasons? Her way of thinking is different than man's way of thinking is. As a girl, I think it is mostly about her. She is probably a kind of a girl who does it to most guys unless they present themselves in a certain way she expects the right guy to present himself. Her expectations might be very different from what you think. For example, she might want to be hard to get and expect a man to do some chasing. Link to post Share on other sites
joystickd Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 I was having a chat with someone not too long ago, I made mention of a former friend of mine who was one of the most relentless chasers I had ever met. She ended up moving twice within six months for guys, one was a former bf who she was convinced would come back to her. THen she rebounded and more or less demanded that the rebound man marry her. They did, and it's 15 years later and they are divorced. Granted, she is an extreme example, but I think guys are used to women chasing after them. They say that they like it when women ask them out or when they pursue them, but I don't think that's true. If you call them or act like you're interested in them, it's as good as over. Act hungry and they get scared off or treat you badly. And all that talk show nonsense we have been fed for the last 30 years - to tell others how you feel, to be honest, show your heart to others - it's so bogus. People will take that information (as well as the most trivial things like saying "My favorite color is blue") and just rip you to shreds with it. Turn the tables on them by being elusive and mysterious, they still don't know how to respond to it. If you ask to be treated nicer (have them pay for meals, pull your chair out, etc.) than they would a buddy, then they are kind of blown away by it. They act like "What is this?!" and move onto someone else. I feel like I can't win either way. The bold statement is the same for men. Men can say how they feel and get "I just like you as a friend", but if men decide to not really say how we feel and be mysterious, women love that s**t. The traditional ways of doing things have changed. It is evolve or die. It's either you adjust and deal with the times or you get left out in the cold. You want to be equal to men and to a lot of men that includes equality in dating too. Also men don't want to waste time on someone just being subtle. If someone is chasing you and you like them say it. When you choose to date you choose to take a chance. I remember recently I was talking to a woman older than me and I liked her and there was a weird vibe when we had conversations. One day I just came out and said I liked her. After that it changed. We never got to take it further because I got another job, but we still communicate. She even told me I always thought you were cute but never really thought of you that way until you said that you liked me. Why live in fear of being honest about how you feel about someone? Honestly there are people in both genders that like the game and so talking about feelings and whatever will turn them off. Dating is a weeding out process in a way. If this person doesn't like you then its cool and at the same time you recognize certain things that let you know the next person isn't as into you or not into you at all. Then another thing is you have women that make it easy so at some point you may have to chase. Dating is taking chances not matter what. Are you honestly willing to take the chance Link to post Share on other sites
joystickd Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 How do you know her reasons? Her way of thinking is different than man's way of thinking is. As a girl, I think it is mostly about her. She is probably a kind of a girl who does it to most guys unless they present themselves in a certain way she expects the right guy to present himself. Her expectations might be very different from what you think. For example, she might want to be hard to get and expect a man to do some chasing. Sometimes being hard to get will easily keep you alone. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bac Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 Sometimes being hard to get will easily keep you alone. That is true. But, having a lot of random sex with the wrong guys feels even worse. Link to post Share on other sites
joystickd Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 That is true. But, having a lot of random sex with the wrong guys feels even worse. I don't think anyone here is saying go out and have sex. When it comes to something like that women need to check their own gender for making it easy. Just like men need to check men for the golddiggers of the world 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lonely Ronin Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 We do still chase, but as we get older the intensity of the chase wanes. I chased like a rabid dog when I was younger, and it did lead to several relationships including a few very long ones. issues in the relationships varied from the party girl you got bored because i didn't want to go out 4+ times a week, to the princess who made me feel like I was never good enough and always needed to impress her. I still chase, but if I don't see signs of mutual interest early on, I'll move on to greener pastures. Link to post Share on other sites
AD1980 Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 Well, that's a pessimistic outlook. What about approach and get the girl? Yes, there is risk--but risk is part of success. Chasing has the power to make a woman who is attracted to you more attracted to you. It makes you stand out. It makes her crush on you. Men would be well advised to chase! See i hate when women try to rationalize why its better or easier to chase when some are scared to death to do it themselves.. The reason you dont want to chase is because you dont want to put your ego and self esteem on the line just like some Men dont.. AS a women you want to keep that power early on of not having to put yourself out there and choosing from the people who choose you.. Which is fine but be honest about it and say the real reason dont try to bs and spin thigns on why its easier to chase otherwise you'd do it.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
musemaj11 Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 Why don't women stay in the kitChen and obey their men anymore? Why only focus on what the others no longer do? Time has changed and so do certain behaviors of both men and women. Today for example men take better care of their physical appearance more than anytime in the past. There are more good looking men than before and at the same time women these days have their own money so physical attractiveness matters more to them and many have started doing the pursuing because they have to compete with other women for these men. If you don't want to chase and join the competition, then don't. Its your choice. But you are not entitled to have anyone pursuing you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 See i hate when women try to rationalize why its better or easier to chase when some are scared to death to do it themselves.. The reason you dont want to chase is because you dont want to put your ego and self esteem on the line just like some Men dont.. AS a women you want to keep that power early on of not having to put yourself out there and choosing from the people who choose you.. Which is fine but be honest about it and say the real reason dont try to bs and spin thigns on why its easier to chase otherwise you'd do it.. No bs. Interested women respond very well to being chased. Men, otoh, tend to grow bored when chased. Generally speaking, of course. Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 geez if two grown, mature people are interested in one another, there shouldn't be chasing. I don't make a guy I like chase me. And I sure as hell don't chase men. Chasing to me just indicates that the other person is not interested. I have honestly only seen women in my life chase...they call / text guys who are not interested. That's what I think is chasing. I don't think initiating contact is chasing if it is reciprocated. I don't make the guy call me the first X amount of times, but I also don't call more than I am called. TOO MUCH thought goes into this. Bottomline is, if two people are genuinely interested in one another, IT FLOWS. There is not this huge guessing game, there is not "chasing"...it just IS and it is natural and honestly if you have to worry about who is calling who and whatnot, it ain't working out. If you notice yourself doing all the calling, it ain't working out. It's easy! I would feel bad if I made a guy do all the legwork, cause I sure as heck don't want to have to do it all. How are you showing interest in someone if you make them CHASE you? I agree with Phineas for the most part--give one call and if it's not returned, move on. Ask out once--if they flake, move on. I understand people's need to try again if they like the person, so I guess a 2nd call isn't so terrible but bottomline is, if someone is interested in you they won't make you call them multiple times, they won't flake, they won't take 2 days to respond to you. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 No bs. Interested women respond very well to being chased. Men, otoh, tend to grow bored when chased. Generally speaking, of course. Guys don't like girls who chase them cause the gals who do chase are the ones who come off as bunny boilers--like Phineas said in his post they are the ones who will want to know where he is, who he is with, so on and so forth. Link to post Share on other sites
musemaj11 Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 No bs. Interested women respond very well to being chased. Men, otoh, tend to grow bored when chased. Generally speaking, of course. When women chase, they tend to be extreme about it. Even interested women grow bored of men who go way overboard pursuing them. No one can respect someone who is kissing our feet. Telling whether a man is interested is actually easier. Unlike women, men aren't too excited with keeping orbiters or having women as their emotional tampons. Men prefer to be in the company of other men when it comes to non-romantic matters. Also if a man isn't attracted by the first impression, its unlikely his attraction will grow much later on. So with men there isn't much guessing needed. If you initiate contact or ask out a man ONCE and he doest respond positively the first time, move on. No need to keep trying. With men its either he likes you or he doest. Very simple. Link to post Share on other sites
MrCastle Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 How do you know her reasons? Her way of thinking is different than man's way of thinking is. As a girl, I think it is mostly about her. She is probably a kind of a girl who does it to most guys unless they present themselves in a certain way she expects the right guy to present himself. Her expectations might be very different from what you think. For example, she might want to be hard to get and expect a man to do some chasing. In my experience, the girls who "play hard to get" don't lead to anything. When a girl is truly interested, she doesn't want to risk me straying or going for a different girl. They make it known they're into me. I fully believe a lot of people's problems in dating stem from chasing people that are not all that interested in them. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
MrCastle Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 That's an assumption on your part. You're interpreting rejection the way you want to, deciding it's automatically about you. Very narcissistic. Even if it is about you, looks and how you act are fluid. They're not part of your true self. Women who wouldn't date me when I was fat dated me when I was thin. My person, how I see it, was irrelevant in the decision making process. So it would seem ridiculous to start taking rejection personally. That doesn't make any sense. A woman rejects you for who you are. When you were fat, women were rejecting you because of it, and going for skinnier guys, you just said girls who turned you down started going after you when you lost weight. You were rejected for YOUR appearance. How much more personal do you want it to be? It is by nature always personal. Now, it's up to you to decide how hard you're going to take it, but the fact still remains, she wasn't buying what you were selling. That's personal. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
truth_seeker Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 A woman who is interested will respond to your chase positively. It should be obvious that she is interested. Yes and no. Some women will openly embrace it. Some women will keep their guard up depending on the guy. If they get the feel he's a nice, sweet guy, then they will respond right away, but if the guy has that "player" look too him, then they might hold off to keep testing his motives, ie, wants to hook up or wants something serious. Link to post Share on other sites
joystickd Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 No bs. Interested women respond very well to being chased. Men, otoh, tend to grow bored when chased. Generally speaking, of course. Interested men also respond well to being chased. Link to post Share on other sites
joystickd Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 In my experience, the girls who "play hard to get" don't lead to anything. When a girl is truly interested, she doesn't want to risk me straying or going for a different girl. They make it known they're into me. I fully believe a lot of people's problems in dating stem from chasing people that are not all that interested in them. Another problems is a lack of respect for the dating game Link to post Share on other sites
truth_seeker Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 geez if two grown, mature people are interested in one another, there shouldn't be chasing. I don't make a guy I like chase me. And I sure as hell don't chase men. Chasing to me just indicates that the other person is not interested. I have honestly only seen women in my life chase...they call / text guys who are not interested. That's what I think is chasing. I don't think initiating contact is chasing if it is reciprocated. I don't make the guy call me the first X amount of times, but I also don't call more than I am called. TOO MUCH thought goes into this. Bottomline is, if two people are genuinely interested in one another, IT FLOWS. There is not this huge guessing game, there is not "chasing"...it just IS and it is natural and honestly if you have to worry about who is calling who and whatnot, it ain't working out. If you notice yourself doing all the calling, it ain't working out. It's easy! I would feel bad if I made a guy do all the legwork, cause I sure as heck don't want to have to do it all. How are you showing interest in someone if you make them CHASE you? I agree with Phineas for the most part--give one call and if it's not returned, move on. Ask out once--if they flake, move on. I understand people's need to try again if they like the person, so I guess a 2nd call isn't so terrible but bottomline is, if someone is interested in you they won't make you call them multiple times, they won't flake, they won't take 2 days to respond to you. What you say makes sense, but lots of men and women do not think logically. They think doing the opposite of what you say IS the way to go about dating. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 Interested men also respond well to being chased. Until they get bored. IMO, the man should be attracted enough to risk pursuing. Anything less, and he'll grow bored in time and wonder if he can do better. I've seen this play out with male friends more than once. Maybe we should clarify "chase". Her response should be encouraging. Playing hard to get doesn't need to be a factor. Link to post Share on other sites
joystickd Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 Until they get bored. IMO, the man should be attracted enough to risk pursuing. Anything less, and he'll grow bored in time and wonder if he can do better. I've seen this play out with male friends more than once. Maybe we should clarify "chase". Her response should be encouraging. Playing hard to get doesn't need to be a factor. I don't believe in chasing anyway. Either you are interested or not. Both genders can get bored and wonder if they can do better. Link to post Share on other sites
Lonely Ronin Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 TOO MUCH thought goes into this. Bottomline is, if two people are genuinely interested in one another, IT FLOWS. There is not this huge guessing game, there is not "chasing"...it just IS and it is natural and honestly if you have to worry about who is calling who and whatnot, it ain't working out. If you notice yourself doing all the calling, it ain't working out. It's easy! As someone else said people aren't rational when it comes to relationships. I can think of two examples from my dating past. One woman showed bunny boiler potential after a few dates. When I called her on it, she said she wanted to make sure I knew she was interested. Another woman never initiated, so after like 5 or 6 dates I stooped contacting her. I ran into her a month or two later and she chewed me out and said I hurt her feelings because she really liked me. When I asked her why she never contacted me first, she said she didn't want to seem to interested. Link to post Share on other sites
AD1980 Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 No bs. Interested women respond very well to being chased. Men, otoh, tend to grow bored when chased. Generally speaking, of course. I dont buy it..men dont get bored because of the chase they just arent inersted in the person chasing..if they were they would not get "bored" trust me As a guy who has problems attracting women id do cartwheels if one initiated and showed interest in me for once.. Link to post Share on other sites
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