veggirl Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 As someone else said people aren't rational when it comes to relationships. I can think of two examples from my dating past. One woman showed bunny boiler potential after a few dates. When I called her on it, she said she wanted to make sure I knew she was interested. Another woman never initiated, so after like 5 or 6 dates I stooped contacting her. I ran into her a month or two later and she chewed me out and said I hurt her feelings because she really liked me. When I asked her why she never contacted me first, she said she didn't want to seem to interested. Well, and I'd say that sucks for those women. I feel bad for any guy or girl who gets so wrapped up in the "games" that they lose the ability to ya know, communiciate like a regular person. I mean really...sounds exhausting to play all those chasing games and whatnot. I mean really, with both of your examples, those women are probably like that even in the R. The first will want to know where you are/who you're with at all times even when she "has" you and the second will be sitting back while you do all the work the whole time. I wouldn't be interested in either. There's a middle ground and when it is "right", it flows. I really believe that. If someone is so worked up about when to contact and all that, they probably aren't mentally ready for a healthy R anyway... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Anela Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 I generally feel that if someone doesn't chase, then they aren't interested, but one guy who used to be in my life, was extremely insecure, and bitter. I'm not going to get into him again, though. I know a young woman, who is married to a man who admitted that it would have taken him a long time to ask her out (she finally asked him out). They're very happy, one of those couples that seem to be made for each other. Link to post Share on other sites
Lonely Ronin Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 I feel bad for any guy or girl who gets so wrapped up in the "games" that they lose the ability to ya know, communicate like a regular person. The women in my examples weren't playing games, they just had specific insecurities, or as you put it they had problems communicating normally. To me "game playing", is intentionally doing something in an attempt to manipulate the other party. I have zero tolerance for game playing, I'm a lot more understanding of insecurities. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 I don't believe in chasing anyway. Either you are interested or not. Both genders can get bored and wonder if they can do better. When I was young and dating, men LOVED the chase--and would sometimes miss it when in a relationship. What changed? It's supposed to be fun! Link to post Share on other sites
Mithel Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 When I was young and dating, men LOVED the chase--and would sometimes miss it when in a relationship. What changed? It's supposed to be fun! Nonsense, I never chased. If a woman is interested she can let me know. Heck, in some cases she may need to club me over the head as I've been known to be dense or clueless in the past and have failed to realize when a woman was interested. Love isn't a sport, no chasing should be involved. Clearly communicate your interest and if the interest is returned then all is good, proceed ahead at full speed. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lonely Ronin Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 When I was young and dating, men LOVED the chase--and would sometimes miss it when in a relationship. What changed? It's supposed to be fun! what do you consider "the chase"? Link to post Share on other sites
kaylan Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 geez if two grown, mature people are interested in one another, there shouldn't be chasing. I don't make a guy I like chase me. And I sure as hell don't chase men. Chasing to me just indicates that the other person is not interested. I have honestly only seen women in my life chase...they call / text guys who are not interested. That's what I think is chasing. I don't think initiating contact is chasing if it is reciprocated. I don't make the guy call me the first X amount of times, but I also don't call more than I am called. TOO MUCH thought goes into this. Bottomline is, if two people are genuinely interested in one another, IT FLOWS. There is not this huge guessing game, there is not "chasing"...it just IS and it is natural and honestly if you have to worry about who is calling who and whatnot, it ain't working out. If you notice yourself doing all the calling, it ain't working out. It's easy! I would feel bad if I made a guy do all the legwork, cause I sure as heck don't want to have to do it all. How are you showing interest in someone if you make them CHASE you? I agree with Phineas for the most part--give one call and if it's not returned, move on. Ask out once--if they flake, move on. I understand people's need to try again if they like the person, so I guess a 2nd call isn't so terrible but bottomline is, if someone is interested in you they won't make you call them multiple times, they won't flake, they won't take 2 days to respond to you. As per usual, when a peace sign appears, you know VG will follow, and thus provide us with a spot on post from the female perspective. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
GoodOnPaper Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 When I was young and dating, men LOVED the chase--and would sometimes miss it when in a relationship. What changed? It's supposed to be fun! I think the degree of fun correlates to how easily one attracts potential partners. I remember being single as a lot of hard work. Even back in the '80s/'90s, the relationship and attraction playing fields were becoming very separate -- the optimum skill sets for each seem to play against each other. Personal qualities like stability and loyalty that are great for relationships can be perceived as "boring" during the attraction stage. It seems that you have to become a totally different person to attract someone than what you want to be in a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Hopeful30 Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 Men don't chase women? I think they do, but maybe as the book title says, "he's just not that into you". I have been dating for many years and a number of men have showed interest, but they were too scared to ask for my number or ask me out. Later they tell me "i liked you alot but didnt know if you liked me back" and now its too late the opportunity is not there anymore Why not just find better quality men. Gee what a great idea i never thought of that Ah, so either approach and risk failure/rejection, or don't approach and be labeled a wuss That one time you dont approach a girl you like could be the one time you will ever get the chance to meet your would-be dreamgirl and wife. No, the quality men don't need to chase women as much anymore because they are able to select the women who prove their worth to be chased/pursued. How is a woman supposed to prove her worth when she is just out with friends or reading at the park? Are we supposed to have a certificate stappled on our foreheads that says "worthy of a good man"? A man finds this out by chatting her up or asking questions. By dating her. Men cant even get to that step and already are making it the womans fault that he cant approach her. Link to post Share on other sites
AD1980 Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 I have been dating for many years and a number of men have showed interest, but they were too scared to ask for my number or ask me out. Later they tell me "i liked you alot but didnt know if you liked me back" and now its too late the opportunity is not there anymore Gee what a great idea i never thought of that That one time you dont approach a girl you like could be the one time you will ever get the chance to meet your would-be dreamgirl and wife. How is a woman supposed to prove her worth when she is just out with friends or reading at the park? Are we supposed to have a certificate stappled on our foreheads that says "worthy of a good man"? A man finds this out by chatting her up or asking questions. By dating her. Men cant even get to that step and already are making it the womans fault that he cant approach her. Why cant you ever approach then? Link to post Share on other sites
kaylan Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 No bs. Interested women respond very well to being chased. Men, otoh, tend to grow bored when chased. Generally speaking, of course. This was never ever true. Men grow bored of women they arent that into. Just like women do. Men dont bore of women they like a lot and welcome her putting half the work into chasing. Your reasoning is the typical reasoning used by insecure women as to make excuses to preserve their ego. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Hopeful30 Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 Why cant you ever approach then? i have, but they get more scared its weird because i will smile and be friendly, and when it comes to the time when i ask for their number, they freeze up and get shy its so weird even when i get the number i dont call because its a turn off how they respond like that Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 I think the degree of fun correlates to how easily one attracts potential partners. I remember being single as a lot of hard work. Even back in the '80s/'90s, the relationship and attraction playing fields were becoming very separate -- the optimum skill sets for each seem to play against each other. Personal qualities like stability and loyalty that are great for relationships can be perceived as "boring" during the attraction stage. It seems that you have to become a totally different person to attract someone than what you want to be in a relationship. That may be true. I've known men who loved the chase (my H was one of them), but they were all successful daters and considered it fun to flirt and pursue. What do I consider the chase? Flirting, creating interest, perceiving interest, acting on that interest.....getting the girl! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 These threads are classic examples of closed environments. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Lonely Ronin Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 What do I consider the chase? Flirting, creating interest, perceiving interest, acting on that interest.....getting the girl! I'd call that dating, not chasing. To me, and I think a lot of guys, chasing is what the guys feels is happening when the woman is playing games. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PJKino Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 Im too insecure and shy to chase..besides i cant even get enough interest to get a number to be able to "chase" even if i wanted to Link to post Share on other sites
GoodOnPaper Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 i have, but they get more scared its weird because i will smile and be friendly, and when it comes to the time when i ask for their number, they freeze up and get shy its so weird I stand by one of my previous posts -- for a guy who's not used to it, being approached out of the blue can feel strange and kind of disarming. I think most guys instinctively want to be the approacher and I think we do it mentally even when we don't do it physically. Meaning . . . I don't think those guys would have frozen up so badly if they had first noticed you and decided that they might be interested -- even if they were too nervous or scared to actually approach. Link to post Share on other sites
Mithel Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 I stand by one of my previous posts -- for a guy who's not used to it, being approached out of the blue can feel strange and kind of disarming. I think most guys instinctively want to be the approacher and I think we do it mentally even when we don't do it physically. Meaning . . . I don't think those guys would have frozen up so badly if they had first noticed you and decided that they might be interested -- even if they were too nervous or scared to actually approach. I completely disagree. Men do not instinctively want to be the approacher. The only reason a guy would "freeze up" is because he might be afraid that if he says something stupid he is going to blow it. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 I'd call that dating, not chasing. To me, and I think a lot of guys, chasing is what the guys feels is happening when the woman is playing games. I wonder what the OP meant by chasing? Link to post Share on other sites
LittleTiger Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 In my experience men still chase - provided they are given enough encouragement! Link to post Share on other sites
espec10001 Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 This was never ever true. Men grow bored of women they arent that into. Just like women do. Men dont bore of women they like a lot and welcome her putting half the work into chasing. Your reasoning is the typical reasoning used by insecure women as to make excuses to preserve their ego. Correction: men grow bored of women after they've done a bit of the in and out with them. Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 *duct tapes hands to seat and then firmly sits on them to ensure there isn't a chance they might be burnt since there's a fire 4000 miles away* One can never be safe enough... Link to post Share on other sites
espec10001 Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 *duct tapes hands to seat and then firmly sits on them to ensure there isn't a chance they might be burnt since there's a fire 4000 miles away* One can never be safe enough... And you wonder why men won't chase you Link to post Share on other sites
Anela Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 And you wonder why men won't chase you Some of the women commenting here, have not only been chased a lot, they've also been "caught". I wonder why you guys won't listen to them? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sweetheart5381 Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 Well OP, my experience is women are either way too subtle or way to clingy. I've had women who say "hi" to me at work (just like everyone else) and i'm supposed to know out of the 50 people a day who say "hi" that she is the one interested in me? Then I get women who quite frankly give off the bunny boiler vibe or bug the living hell out of me daily asking what i'm doing, who i'm with, ect even before our scheduled first date. Well if she's like this now, I assume she's going to try & keep me on a short leash when we are together. Very few women can keep it moderate when showing interest in a guy. They take it to one extreme or another. And they don't realize it either or their good actors because they genuinely seem surprised when I tell them they need to chill. As for chasing? You get one phone call out of me, you don't call back you are forgotten. I ask you out once. You give me an excuse & don't offer an alternative you are forgotten. Women who are interested call me back & offer up alternative date nights. As for paying for dinner? Why would I treat a stranger to dinner? "treat" is the operative word here. You treat people who deserve it. A woman who isn't my GF really hasn't done anything to deserve it. Just like a guy I just met. Why would I cover some guy I just met's tab? doesn't make sense really. You have an excellent point. Equality. You both take risks, you both take responsibility for initiating and responding in a mature way. **** the games, not worth the effort to have a power struggle with someone you date. Imagine if you tried to have a LTR with them!!! Doesn't seem like a happy ending is bound to occur. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts