fanou22 Posted July 27, 2004 Posted July 27, 2004 Blue, I agree that the key is definitely education. A lot of times these info are blown out of proportion. Can you imagine someone's horror when they see pictures online about it? These pictures are enlarged so many times that it even made me sick looking at them when in reality this is not the case. I used to think that I will never be able to date or find my significant other. But I came to realize that having Herpes helps you eliminate shallow people. How many times do we start dating someone to find out later that that they don't care about us and only want to use us for their sheer pleasure? Telling someone that you have herpes eliminates those who don't really care about you. When someone cares about you they will do so regardless of what you have. If something like this is to stand in the way then you know that you are not meant to be with them. I don't see my family loving me any less for having herpes and I know that there is someone out there who will one day see past this into the person that I am and love me for that reason. I would also like to point out how many times do you people walking on the street who have a cold sore? What do they say about it? they brush it off to a flu or an upset stomach or too cold of a winter or too hot of a summer.
thecake Posted July 27, 2004 Posted July 27, 2004 It amazes me that a person is considered "shallow" if they don't want to knowingly jump into bed with someone who has herpes. And, I'm not judging anyone who has it but if you do and you are nice enough to tell your future sexual partners you have this then aren't you basically giving that person the "option" of having sex with you? If they decide against it why does that make them shallow? I worked with a guy who always had sores around his mouth and when he asked me out on a date I politely declined for that very reason - not that I told him that. And, quite frankly, I don't think that makes me a bitch. I've never had a cold sore, or any STD for that matter, and if I can avoid catching anything isn't that a good thing? Isn't that what were supposed to do?
dudesomewhere Posted July 27, 2004 Posted July 27, 2004 what she said...I agree Now let me say I should get myself checked...but I don't know. I have no symptons of anything like that...but who knows right? Even sexually inactive ppl like me should I guess...just to be safe. Cuz we could get it from doorknobs right? I wouldn't mind being a friend to someone with such a thing, no big deal. It would creep me out as it has in the past if someone very obviously has an STD like herpes, and all they want to do is hook up. A few years ago working in the mall, there was this one female who always hung out at the shops...trying to pick up some guy...mouth covered in sores. She didn't shop...just wanted to hook up with some guys...it scared me and absolutely horrified some of the younger guys who knew what she had. I think it would be a part of behavior that would make you acceptable or not. If you have it and don't mind just being a friend to someone it's ok. If you do and think they are bad because they don't want to bang you...to me that's odd. What do you think? If I wanted you as a friend and we just cuddled on the couch while watching a movie with nothing happening, is that bad? I'm really curious.
thecake Posted July 27, 2004 Posted July 27, 2004 "If I wanted you as a friend and we just cuddled on the couch while watching a movie with nothing happening, is that bad? I'm really curious." Of course that's not bad...there is nothing wrong with that....but what if you fell in love with this girl over time? Would that change your viewpoint?
dudesomewhere Posted July 27, 2004 Posted July 27, 2004 if anyone remembers(which nobody will of course, it's a silly wandering thought ), I made a comment somewhere...where if someone I loved could not have sex for some reason and I loved them...I would love them eternally. Sex doesn't mean a thing to me without love...and love is of the heart...nothing else. Yes, I'm that weird. That's how I see things in my odd way of looking at the world. If 2 ppl fall in love but physically could not copulate...that does not negate any love. But getting back to the essence of the thread, to do the deed...I don't know. I'd have to really know about it, precautions, safeguards, probabilities, etc., to feel comfortable. I guess I look at things too practically...like if someone has it they can find someone else who has it, so that it's not an issue. If I had one I'd either look for those that have it, only expect relationships from those that have it and I wouldn't think negatively if someone didn't accept me because of it. I oftentimes am too understanding if you can fathom...it's weird
gd1039 Posted July 27, 2004 Posted July 27, 2004 I wouldn't date someone that had herpes. I don't think the gamble of contracting it and having it for the rest of your life too is worth the risk. Maybe the person got it because their one and only partner they ever had never told them that they had it. Well, thats how the cards are dealt sometimes. Sad but true and I feel sorry for people in situations like that. If I respected the person in the first place, I would not think any less of them because what they have. It would not be an easy decision to just say "Sorry, but we can't go out anymore". I think that the best thing you can do is get tested before you start sleeping with someone. This way there shouldn't be any suprises.
fanou22 Posted July 27, 2004 Posted July 27, 2004 thecake, "shallow" is a person who is only interested in a physical relationship. Please don't misinterpret my words. I am currently in a relationship with someone who had a totally different reaction. He simply said "well we have to be careful". Wouldn't that mean something? It is the reaction that you get from other people when you tell that kinda gives you an indication to what type of people you are dealing with. I do not advocate having sex with someone having herpes. I know no one would want to live with it. People like me have to deal with misinformations and rejections. To top it all off, once we meet someone we are torn as to when is the appropriate time to tell that other person.
shamen Posted July 28, 2004 Posted July 28, 2004 Again, it's about education. If I remember correctly, about 80% of people in the USA have herpes (cold sores are herpes) on the mouth (also called HSV-1). So, just something to think about. I'm sure that someone out there has the exact figure. I checked Deranged Angel's link (2nd response to this post); this particular information wasn't there. You can get HSV-1 from kissing someone. So, for those of you who are afraid to date someone with herpes, you should be PRETTY selective.
snilljente Posted August 10, 2004 Posted August 10, 2004 There is so much ignorance in some of these posts....i.e. the girl at the mall with herpes who just wanted to hook up with everyone...you don't have to sleep with alot of people to get herpes.....some of you really need to get educated about this issue before you make such strong statements...and I did not hear anyone mention suppressive medication......
overseas2004 Posted August 10, 2004 Posted August 10, 2004 I have to admit that I wouldn't. The reason being is that I just dont want to get the disease. If it was something less like HPV that you guys have mentioned I think that I could deal with because it is so common. I know that while you are in remission the chances are slim of passing herpes but still I don't even want the small chances of getting it. It is painful and problematic disease and it can cause cervical cancer in the end (particular strains of it). So while I understand some of you with the disease and your lonliness. That must be awful and I sympathize with you. Why would I want to put myself in your shoes knowingly? I just don't find anything wrong with my natural ideas towards self preservation. Regards, Overseas2004
snilljente Posted August 10, 2004 Posted August 10, 2004 about 1 in 4 adults in the US are carrying the Herpes virus...so, it is common...and I have never heard about it causing cervical cancer.....I think it is all about finding the right person...then these things can be dealt with....I mean, you wouldn't want to risk losing the love of your life because of something so manageable as Herpes...I sure wouldn't.
Pocky Posted August 10, 2004 Posted August 10, 2004 I wouldn't let it stop me. It's hard enough to find love in this world.
snilljente Posted August 10, 2004 Posted August 10, 2004 I agree....it's about love....ironically, you can have less of a chance of getting it by dating/being with someone who has it and knows it and can take the precautions needed than dating people who may be carrying it, but are asymtomatic and spreading it without knowing they have it. I am suppressive medication and my doctor said that short of me having sex with someone during a break out (which shouldn't occur on suppressive meds), the chance of someone getting it from me while I am on daily meds is remote. It's still hard to deal with emotionally, it feels so foreign...I mean, I am not a slut...but obviously, someone I was with in the past was not honest with me.
Guest Posted August 11, 2004 Posted August 11, 2004 I am a 35 yr female. When I was 18 I was diagnosed with Herpes, because I had sores on my genitals. I had only ONE sexual partner (and got "blessed" with this within 6 months!). He accused me of cheating etc. Eventually, he understood that it was his doing and accepted the situation. We ended up married. Part of me wonders if I married him ( knowing/ignoring some of our differences) because it was "safe". My self esteem was crushed. When I was diagnosed, I felt disgusting and dirty. Someone asked what "outbreaks" are like. The first several are more intense, longer and more often. They include burning, INTENSE itching and painful urination (more so because you are so sore and raw). As said before, the emotional pain is actually worse. VERY few people know I have this. I am still ashamed. As the years went by I may have a minor outbreak every few years. Unfortunately, they seem to be brought on by STRESS ( and sometimes, sweaty tight clothing). Stress is something very difficult to avoid in life and when things are already tough, this is Not what you had in mind Anyhow, I recently got divorced. I was reluctant for many reasons ( a whole other post..haha), but I know this issue has scared me for years. I intend to share this information with my future partners, when the time is right and to use condoms. When I find someone to settle down with, I intend to have a family. If he is still uncomfortable not using condoms (although , I BELIEVE it is not transmitted when there is no out break..but how would you know if one is coming on?), we will get pregnant "some other way" My final cross to bear is that if you have an outbreak during the birth (possibly a stressful situation? ), the baby can be born blind. For this reason a C-section will probably be a necessary precaution. This scares and saddens me, but I try to look at the positive in my life and NOT dwell on the negative. Like someone else said. As time goes on, you live with it. It is not so bad. But I would not wish the EMOTIONAL or physical pain on anyone, especially to knowingly expose someone. Wish me luck and if anyone has a GOOD link I could use or print out for "Mr Right", I would be eternally grateful. Thanks for listening.
Moon in Taurus Posted August 11, 2004 Posted August 11, 2004 Dear Guest --- You lovely darling lady - how you have suffered. I pray that you will meet someone good - you deserve the best. I know from reading all these postings that there are decent men around. So don't despair. And remember, like you say, the outbreaks get less severe and less frequent. The worst thing about herpes is the damage is does to our self esteem. But that we can cure! Simply do not let yourself feel ashamed. Herpes is a virus that makes our bodies sick. That's all it is. The symptoms may seem loathsome, but they are just little sores that go away. That's all. Don't hurt yourself anymore -- sometimes it takes a superhuman effort to be nice to ourselves. But you are good to other people, so be fair-- be good to yourself as well! Optimism and cheerfulness become a habit after awhile. It's hard work at first, but boy does it pay off. I know because not too long ago I felt awful -- about my herpes -- but there are too many good things about life to let a crummy little virus spoil it for me. There are good people. I know there are. For example -- you. ---Moon in Taurus
snilljente Posted August 11, 2004 Posted August 11, 2004 I was just diagnosed a couple of months ago....obviously, I still feel strange about it...like how did I get this....I am not the kind of person who I picture with an STD...but like GUEST mentioned, it doesn't take a ton of partners, just the wrong one. GUEST you should REALLY talk to your doctor...it sounds like it has been a while since you were diagnosed......As I mentioned in my previous post....the chance of getting herpes while taking suppressive meds (i.e. Valtrex) while not using a condom is remote....there are warning signs of an outbreak call Prodome...a tingling feeling that precedes an outbreak....so you know when to avoid sex if you are not on meds.....ALSO, only if you are having an active outbreak and give birth vaginally do you risk anything to your baby...my Dr. is very up on the lastest info and he said that Valtrex is safe enough that they are starting to give it to women in the last three months of pregnancy to avoid any chance of problems. I think if you got some up to date info you would have alot more information about this virus and see that it is very manageable. Hang in there and stay positive.
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