I now know we're not right for each other but still idolise her

[sam2012]

OK so I've come to terms with the fact that the ex and me won't ever get back together and she is in fact not what I'm looking for, or at least that realistically we won't be happy together.

 

However, I still have the image of her in my brain of her through the rose tinted specs, ignoring her "flaws" and the reasons why we aren't good together and the anguish this caused me.

 

I still see her as perfect. Still flawless, still my ideal woman. Still desperate to be with her. Even though, I know it won't work.

 

Any ideas on what can I do to stop this?

 

thanks

[Garfish]

Kick her off of that pedestal that you've built for her. She was never that good anyway. Think of all the crap she put you through and all the times she yelled, b******, and nagged about stupid stuff. Think of the mountains of drama and stress she built up out of microscopic little errors you might have made. The times she let you down and disappointed you. Rewrite the history of the relationship in your mind to see the things that were wrong all along. Turn the narrative from a positive one to a negative one. Think of her as a disgusting and repulsive creature.

[soccerrprp]

Kick her off of that pedestal that you've built for her. She was never that good anyway. Think of all the crap she put you through and all the times she yelled, b******, and nagged about stupid stuff. Think of the mountains of drama and stress she built up out of microscopic little errors you might have made. The times she let you down and disappointed you. Rewrite the history of the relationship in your mind to see the things that were wrong all along. Turn the narrative from a positive one to a negative one. Think of her as a disgusting and repulsive creature.

 

Do this and/or move on by establishing another friendship, taking time for yourself and preparing yourself for the next wonderful woman. I've been where you are and a couple months of ME time, re-evaluation of the past relationship and establishing new friends helped me get over her 99%. Yeah, there's still a 1% of me that thinks about her, but i'm in a position where I do not need to...just once in a while, thoughts come up. She's now contacting me and wanting to be friends. We'll see, but, emotionally, I AM FREE!

 

Seriously though, I do have high regard for my ex. Just a few things that didn't pan out in terms of timing, differences in personality, etc.

 

Good luck.

[cheekysmiles]

we're in the same boat, friend. although i too believe my ex and i shouldn't be together, she is still perfect in my eyes and rightfully so. i do not believe it's a pedestal spawned from intense emotions but rather earned

 

what helped me accept the situation most was utilizing different phases of the break up to improve and love myself. i have come so far in the past 1.5 months than i have in a long time that i no longer have regrets or crippling desire for her

 

NC if you haven't already and focus on you. full reset is about the best thing you can do for yourself after a BU. get healthy, get fit, get educated, get new experiences. improve, improve, improve!

[Regrets58]

Thinking along same lines myself.Lots of analyzing the relationship.

She sometimes wasn't good for me.Am thin skinned and a bit sensitive,

she confrontational and said first thing that occurred to her!

Not a match made in heaven and realistically couldn't be sustained.

However when it was good it was amazing.

Know we are done(she's with someone else)but can't help liking and

missing her.

No easy answer I'm afraid,keep NC and try to remember the things

you hated about her.Good luck with it!

[youngnlove89]

I Just had my boyfriend leave me because I wasn't the one for him. I was everything else and he said he loved me but I just didn't give him "those" feelings.

 

It's very hard for me to accept and realize that the person I'm in love with doesn't feel the same.

 

This is the third time he left me for this reason. My advice to you, let her go. don't come back because you're feelings won't change. You will miss her, but you need to let her go so she can find someone who can love her the way she wants.

[Tree_Salmon]

I Just had my boyfriend leave me because I wasn't the one for him. I was everything else and he said he loved me but I just didn't give him "those" feelings.

 

It's very hard for me to accept and realize that the person I'm in love with doesn't feel the same.

 

This is the third time he left me for this reason. My advice to you, let her go. don't come back because you're feelings won't change. You will miss her, but you need to let her go so she can find someone who can love her the way she wants.

 

Listen to this girl.